Featured In12

More Stories1

  • T Fall of Deathwing

    Purged of the Old God's corruption, Neltharion get's a second chance at life.
    21,647 words · 2,575 views  ·  170  ·  3
  • ...
 1,433
 13,669

Reading an epic tale of one of the Third Hokage's missions, a 6 year old Naruto sets himself on getting some awesome summons of his own. Unable to find a contract on short notice, and not understanding why a contract is required, he goes through the necessary motions anyways and winds up in Equestria. Can Naruto convince the locals to let him be their summoner? Is the ninja world ready for the likes of Pinky Pie? Just how much will a young Naruto benefit from the Magic of Friendship?

First Published
30th Apr 2012
Last Modified
27th Jul 2012
#1 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

Ok, I like this story. I can not wait for more.

#2 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

Very interesting.:trixieshiftright: I look forward to reading more of this.:pinkiesmile:

#3 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

do go on

#4 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

Let's see where this goes forward to, eh?

#5 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

Ohhhh please do go on :heart: :pinkiehappy:

#6 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

wow i was just thinking about a 'what if' story about naruto getting his hands on a pony summon contract and then i find this! :pinkiehappy:

i look forward to reading more, and seeing the reactions of the Naruto universe to ponies! :yay:

#7 · 129w, 1d ago · 2 · · Not What Was Wanted ·

The story-line is childish, the premise is excessively cute, and the actions and interactions between the characters are somewhat silly...

And, god help me, I really like it so far.

It's entertaining, well paced, and flows smoothly. Some of the dialogue comes across as a bit awkward... but Naruto always did come across that way in the show and the comics. His thought processes are believably those of a six year old boy, and his attitude shows through, well.

You'll want to italicize his thoughts, by the way. Or do something to visually set them apart from the narration, since this is done in third person. Other than that and the occasional typo/formatting error, neither of which are common enough to detract from immersion, the story is fairly well written.

While it's too early to truly judge the quality of the plot, there's a lot of potential in this idea, and I'm very curious to see where it goes. Good on you! Keep at it and I hope to see more from you soon.

#8 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Seeking Summons ·

THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!:pinkiehappy:

#9 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

A Twilight Sparkle Summon? Canon!Naruto would be jealous.:rainbowlaugh:

#10 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

SO you have a good start to this story and I'm interested to see where it goes. One thing that you should probably think of doing is to rough out a general timeline as Naruto is a ridiculously long and convoluted storyline, if you already haven't. Even if it only goes to the chunin exam or even the wave mission it will help you keep the pacing steady and consistent. You also will have less of a chance of getting yourself off on a tangent that you didn't intend to go on. Don't be afraid to do some character development as while it might slow the plot it will help in the long run by investing readers in your characters and their fates.

Invictus is right you should do something to help readers understand what are thoughts and what aren't.

OK you get me tracking it and I want the next update. So you did a good job and the story is showing promise. Just make sure to take the time you need to make each chapter the best you can, don't feel like you need to stamp them out at some insane pace. Even if we are all waiting eagerly for the next chapter.:facehoof:

#11 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Seeking Summons ·

Hilarious

#12 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

Okay i normally hate Naruto, but im really digging this. You earned a star and a book from a naruto-hater, congratulations

#13 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

:twilightsmile:Hello greetings from Peru, sorry if my English is somewhat crude, but I do not speak English.

Well this would be my first croos over I read, from the day I joined the ranks of MLP: Fim, and well I must admit that for the first two chapters is quite interesting (although I say I hate Naruto-_-no me wrong, what I hate is that it is stupidly long the series). But I must admit what you did in your introduction, I like, and was one of the main reasons I'm writing this comment, the big question is if naruto-_-acceptance, our beloved ponies.

Almost forgot, do not put much filling you like maybe some but not others. :twilightangry2:

Hola saludos de Perú, perdona si mi ingles es algo tosco pero, no hablo ingles.

Bien este vendría ser mi primer croos over que leo, desde del día que me uní a las filas de MLP: Fim, y bueno debo admitir que para estos dos primeros capítulos es bastante interesante, (aunque te digo odio a naruto -_- no me mal interpretes, lo que odio es que es estúpidamente larga la serie). Pero debo admitirlo lo que has hecho en tu introducción me agrado, y fue una de las principales razones que estoy escribiendo este comentario, la pregunta del millón es si naruto -_- aceptara, a nuestras amadas ponis.

A casi olvido, no pongas tanto relleno quizás algunos les guste pero a otros no.

#14 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Not What Was Wanted ·

When I saw this idea, I admit that I didn't have high hopes for it. But having given it a chance I confess that you're done a good job so far.

Something that I no doubt foresee coming as a nasty shock to both Naruto and our favorite ponies is the reality to being a Shinobi. Killing someone is going to be something of an issue all round.

Keep up the good work.

#15 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

another good chapter

#16 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

i wonder if all the storys are played in Equestria or if some are also played in Konoha, but never the less, i like your story till now

#17 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

Great crossover! I also like how you made Naruto a mere child in this fic, it opens up so many possibilities.

#18 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

Wow, I subbed to this for about 2 hours and BAM!, new chapter already? Lucky me! :pinkiehappy:

Just one gripe: when you're expressing a character's thoughts in a third person narrative, you isolate the thoughts themselves with single quotes and (not necessary, but common and in good taste) italic font.

Also, nice to see somepony that remembered that Naruto would sure go gaga over an orange pony! :rainbowlaugh:

#19 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

Wow. Really well-written. The idea of a 6 year old Naruto going to Equestria is fairly original, and quite fun to read, honestly.

Anyway, keep up the great work.

#20 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Just What Was Needed ·

HHHHHHNNNNNNG~

#21 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

All right, now the real story starts. I can't wait! BUT!, no pressure. Take as long as you need, because I know it takes time to write a good fanfic, which this obviously is.

On a side note, this thumb count is crazy awesome! Are people really looking past the anti-hype Naruto has? Because if they are, I'm really happy!

#22 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

Gah! of course you end the chapter at one of the more interesting parts. I hope you can get the next one up soon.

#23 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

he is going to get made fun of

#24 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

Well... when I first saw this I was thinking it was when he tried summing the Boss Toad... and ended up summoning the Boss Pony, Her Serene Majesty in all her badass glory. Still even being wrong about that you have done a good job so far at merging the worlds.

#25 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

Gotta say best start of all the crossovers that i have read so far, as for the boss summon wouldn't it be both Clest and Luna? Twin boss summon who can control Heavenly bodies? Yeah I'd fear that.

#26 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

So long as he doesn't blabber around "I've got pony friends!", I think he's going to be fine.

It can't be worse than it was before, right? At least, this time, he won't feel the need to go about trying to make friends out of people who sneer at him.

...Then again, this is Naruto we're talking about. Who knows, maybe they'll think it's cool that he has a summon already.

All in all, ponies aren't exactly the worst thing to have as a summon. They're certainly above "Slugs".

#27 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

This is far better than I could have even  hoped for. You genuinely surprised me, good job. I'm also impressed with the speed of your updates. Just don't feel that you need to push yourself, we will wait for  updates if you need us to.

Oh and you get my thumb.:twilightsmile:

#28 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

>>525285

Of course people look past the anti-hype of the Naruto series, due to the fact that this is an awesome crossover!:rainbowwild: I mean the Naruto series has gotten so stale that a crossover with anything like another Anime, Book, Cartoon, Game, Movie, or TV show can bring its true potential to light as long as the authors know what they are doing and have enough knowledge of both types of genre in order to use it correctly while following the canon story-line of both sources and combining them at a specific point to make a truly amazing story.:twilightsmile:

#29 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

I don't read many crossovers, but this one is really quite interesting. I will certainly track it. :pinkiehappy:

#30 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

Screw the "real" story the beginning was awesome.... This Naruto is going to astound the teachers at the ninja school. Two solid years of pony training will have turned him into a very solid, strong, smart, and skilled 8 year old. None of his year mates will be able to handle him let alone pick on him. Can't wait to see their reactions when he apple bucks a wooden training dummy right out of the ground. :rainbowlaugh:

#31 · 129w, 1d ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

I just want to see side stoires later on of said incidents with the CMCs/

Oh my Celestia, he bucked Sasuke! :rainbowlaugh:

Not that I'm complaining, but damn you write fast. And still manage to keep the chapters easy to read and entertaining.

lol the ponies are a good influence on him

You sir are a machine of awesome.

I'm liking this very much. Oh yes.... Very much.

Okay that incident sounds hilarous.  I can't wait to read more.  Also I hope sooner or later Pinkie and Dash can help him pull some prank in Konoha.

Ponies are a good influence on everyone. What we are seeing is the side of Naruto that could have been if he had been nurtured early on. This is a great look at character development and you are an incredible speed writer.

#39 · 129w, 23h ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

Am I the only one who caught the 'Death Battle!- Starscream VS Rainbow Dash' tribute?

I like it. I like it a lot. I can't wait until he summons his ponies to fight. The inevitable underestimation, and the following beat down will be priceless. I think, though, Twilight may need to learn some offensive and defensive Magic.

Five Twilights for your collection

:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

:twilightsheepish: the dwarf hey -_- is superior, in a series super menso fill it up where it is beaten by Sasuke, u_u, bufeado peer to be the boss over the matter ... if the series would have persentado, a Naruto as that relates in his fiction today would be in my favorites, jijiji reaqlmente now if I like the peak of naruto head. the advantages are incredible

applejak aver force:ajsmug:

Dash speed rainbow:rainbowlaugh:

5 senses of pinkiepie:pinkiehappy:

obsessive mania details rarity.:raritywink:

the look (a super weapon effectively) fluttershy.:yay:

and intelligence of the beautiful twilight:twilightsmile:

what else can ask


hey el enano -_- se supero, de una serie super rellenera donde el menso, es apaleado por sasuke, u_u, bufeado por compañeros a ser el mas capo en la materia... si la serie nos hubiera persentado , a un naruto como el que nos relata en su fic hoy en dia estaria en mis favoritas, jijiji reaqlmente ahora si me cae bien el cabeza de pico de naruto. las ventajas que tiene son increibles

aver la fuerza de applejak

la velocidad de rainbow Dash

los 5 sentidos de pinkiepie

la mania obsesiva de los detalles de rarity.

la mirada ( una arma super efectiva) de fluttershy.

y la inteligencia de la bella twilight

que mas puede pedir

Hmm, I've looked for a naruto/mlp fic like this, and none existed on ff.net, but now theres one here on fimfic, happy days! :pinkiehappy:

Well written, and from what i can tell, done so in a very timely manner. I'm impressed! :pinkiesmile:

Fluttershy's stare genjutsu? :fluttershysad:

Twilight and Shining Armor have the bubble shield taijutsu. That was my first thought seeing him cast the spell in the finale. :twilightsmile:

#44 · 129w, 21h ago · · · Getting Into A Groove ·

fantastic

#45 · 129w, 20h ago · 1 · · Horsing Around in School ·

>>526637

That could be taken wrong in so many ways.:twilightoops: Just saying.:trixieshiftright:

Also, great chapter dude, but you gotta pace yourself. You don't want to burn out all your ideas at once, do you? My advice is to write out all your inspiration in either outline or chapter format and when you have no more inspiration coming to you, that is when you post the next couple of chapters. Any true fan of this story, like myself, will appreciate all the hard work that you put into it no matter how long it takes between chapters. I look forward to the excitement of the next chapter.

This is great work here. The story feels like both Naruto and MLP without it detracting from either world. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

#47 · 129w, 16h ago · 1 · · Horsing Around in School ·

>>526637

You disgust me sir, your yaoi mind shalt be banished to the moon.

>>Demeristraz

Where's Celestia? For 8 years? True ninja!

>>528191

:twilightoops: Yaoi!? That sir, is the worst thing any one has ever said to me! *slaps you with a white glove and walks away*

>>528213

You request a duel? Then by the gods I shalt behold it, for I love honour, more than I fear death!

I place one card face down and end my turn.

damn this fic just keeps getting better and better

keep up the good work :twilightsmile:

0 23662 128178
Login or register to comment