This story is a sequel to Apologetic Notes in G Flat
Raven* is one of The Princesses most trusted personal aids and Equestria's best formal event planner. As such the Princess has trusted her with this task.
Applejack has committed several crimes by taking that apple cart into the Gala.
Raven is here to make her understand why she should have been more thorough in her preparations.
*yes she is canon
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Yay! A story with this character has appeared at last!
She's canon, not cannon.
"You're a loose cannon, Raven! But a damn fine aide!"
--Celestia, CSI Canterlot
Joking aside, good show. Nice to see a bit of consequences to this. As I commented on Pinkie Pie's treatment, the ending of the Gala has a disturbing amount of Protagonist-Centered Morality.
If you're going to share the Consequence Cake (like Humble Pie, but slightly different filling) with the others, don't forget to save a serving for Celestia. After all, she okayed what they did. "Princess, if you thought the Gala was so dull, why didn't you just ask them to change it into something more fun? Why did you have to sabotage it for everypony else?"
Next, of course, are Fluttershy (disturbing the peace), Rarity (assault) and Rainbow Dash (stalking.)
5401069
Something like that, but not quite.... Also a Story for Twilight and one for Celestia (although Twilight's is going to be a parallel story not squeal, seeing as she didn't actually do anything. Just got disappointed when she should have expected something like what happened)
5400753
You have no idea how long I looked for a named character to fit this role.
5401258
Yeah!
Sign the forms, AJ. Food service is no joke. You could have been sued if anyone got sick.
Before I even read this story! THANK YOU! I've BEEN WAITING FOR RAVEN TO SHOW UP IN THE FANDOM!
Dumping lots of petty bureaucracy into Equestria, just to "teach the bearers a lesson" or maybe to make things more like the sour underbelly of the "real world"? Yeah, not my bag. (The allergy thing I could maybe buy, although honestly I'm inclined to think there's no real reason to assume griffons, ponies, giraffes, and so on would have more than a tiny fraction of allergic inhabitants, but most of the rest are pretty micromanaging.)
And, like the previous one, there's not exactly enough resolution, it's just "you've done some seriously illegal stuff (and also your sister picked a terrible time to play that)".
5401069
.
Little fuzzy in the memory department; did Rarity assault Blueblood? I remember her yelling at him and using him as a shield, but I'm pretty sure Applejack was the one that threw the baked goods out of misplaced anger for not being able to sell anything. As for Fluttershy; trying to force animals to love her sounds kind of like a freaky form of rape. Imagine seeing this in a back alley
Bloom acted like she was full of cocaine-fueled paranoia in this, by the way.
5402193
These are meant to be windows into possible consequences. And, as short one shots, not meant to chase after to the far flung reaches of where lessons might be learned. (in the case of Octavia and Pinkie, she still hasn't really learned said lesson in season 4 ) These are brief windows into possible consequences. In your review on Apologies you said that a story just saying the main characters are horrible is cheap? I'm not saying that they're horrible. Just addressing something the show left unsaid.
As far as resolutions go... these aren't stories about the ends of consequences. They're about the beginnings of them.
I don't consider Food Safety laws to be petty bureaucracy? Because they involve the possibility of harm coming to others and peoples health is important? AJ is my favorite of the main characters but that was kind of thoughtless of her. Characters can have flaws and thoughtless moments without being horrible and pointing out those moments doesn't equate to saying they are.
You are free, of course, to dislike these stories. I just think that maybe your missing the point a little.
5402416
I don't think she did. Closest she gets to assault is shaking some cake on the guy.
I know what you mean about Apple Bloom, but i always figure the Crusaders take everything they do to those little kid extremes. And She's good at over reactions.
5402614 Food safety laws in the sense of "you must fill in forms (in triplicate) and be routinely inspected and label in thus-and-such a way and guarantee to our satisfaction that you used such-and-such a type of food storage and..." definitely is petty bureaucracy, however well meant.
In the sense of making individuals liable for whatever foreseeable consequences their (lack of) proper precautions might have on customers? That would be fine, but that's clearly not actually what we see here. This is punishment, not because something bad happened, but because something bad might have happened. Or, more precisely, because the laws intended to insure that such bad outcomes would be as rare as possible (but not non-existent) were not followed, which is even worse.
5402704
How, precisely, is this punishment? I don't see how a request to sign her name a few time constitutes a punishment for Applejack, it isn't even strenuous and it's being done to make sure AJ doesn't get punished.
The issue you have is that it was forms in triplicate? Two copies for two different offices and one to be sent to records.
*Also, the food storage thing refers to taking a long journey with unrefrigerated perishables (stuff wasn't baked on site) which is another possible health code violation.
5402748 The triplicate mention was rhetorical, to make the connection between the story title and the sorts of requirements I was listing. I got what the refrigeration requirement was for, but I'm not at all satisfied that that should be a law.
And, of course, the fact that these forms are to prevent punishment doesn't change the fact that normally (for anyone who doesn't happen to have saved the world already, say), there would be such punishment. Or does Equestria just write up all those who violate its health codes and send them a polite note to please not do that again?
Anyway, the downvote is for the incompleteness of the story more than the irritating politics. "Somebody ran into a problem, the end!" is not a story. It's an aborted story premise.
5402818
Not generally no. But celebrities DO get away with things all the time. And not just the world saving type. And in this case Celestia has a big part in getting her off. Being on excellent terms with the Absolute Ruler who found the situation funny does have it's benefits. It has also come with the stipulation that this can't happen again.
Again. your free to down vote it. I don't much care. Just trying to figure out what precisely you had a problem with.
5402838 So my two main points stand: first, that Equestria in this story routinely punishes those who do not take precautions the Crowns think appropriate to avoid bad food (whether or not anyone actually suffers food poisoning or allergic reactions); second, that the story is written to be thoroughly incomplete.
5402988
First. That's a "real world" thing to.
Second. Open ended stories are a thing. Even if they aren't a thing you like. That doesn't make them incomplete.
And now I'm done.
5402416 Of course she did. She's somewhat aggressively stupid.
Rarity is the only one for whom any charges would be trumped up. Maybe that's why Blueblood is more cordial the next time they meet. He knows not to mess with her.
Personally, I think there should have also been a complaint about how Applejack tripped a guy.
Also, "barley on the map"?
Unless this is some Equestrian metaphor, that should be "barely"
5869427
That was actually a typo but it would have made a cool equestrian pun wouldn't it? :)
And yeah. Applejack tripping the guy was bad, but I'm not convinced that anyone both knows and can prove that she did that. All of the things I covered would have been clear, on-the-record, violations. I played with the idea of bringing up the tripping but decided not to in the end. Anyways the topic at hand was more along the lines of business practices, which is why I skipped that.
I do hope you enjoyed the story tho.
Its nice to see that you arent going easy on AJ. then again season one was crap season two was good season three was crap season four was awesome and so far season five is good.
5884829
Well thank you
AJ is my favorite of the Mane 6 but pretty much everyone at the gala was being... bad. I'm working on fics for everyone else, although my class work for my BA is taking up to much time to get much done right now. Fluttershy is next if I ever manage to finish it.
5886352
you're welcome. I thought was everyone was being OOC and fluttershy was really bad I mean she flipped out over the animals not liking her. How exactly do you rank the mane six by favorites anyway?
5886556
AppleJack first, the Twilight, then Rarity, followed by Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash last. Pinkie Pie's place on this scale fluctuates wildly.
I appreciate AJ's 'only sane pony' role in most situations, She's down to earth and practical for the most part which i like.
I see myself as a kid in Twilight. I was very isolated and bookish so I get where sh;e coming from a lot of the time.
Rarity is just plain entertaining.
I like Fluttershy, and social anxiety I get, but her apparent tamped down hidden rage scares me a little.
Rainbow Dash annoys me. Just... annoys me. The arrogant boasting, and thoughtless behavior she shows so often just rubs me the wrong way.
As for Pinkie... She's funny, and generally speaking a very good friend. But she's also very overwhelming as a character, so I tend to like her more in episodes where she's written a little more calmly. But I do think she has one of the best written characters. her background and character motivations are some of the best explored in the show.
5887196
I agree with all of this. Pinkie was how I liked her in the season five premier. She was being eccentric and serious and Dash Um her character is hit or miss you either like that personalty of hers or you don't. I don't like how insensitive dash is and how she is loud and in your face I am sorry she just rubs me the wrong way. I only like dash when she's bring sensitive and is showing her soft side more. I almost shut an episode off once because her voice was grating my ear drums dash is too overwhelming she should probably have less lines. Her cider obsession isn't funny at all. Rarity is funny twilight is twilight I like her and AJ is the straight man so she's cool and fluttershy is um I have no opinion on her let's say I would pick her over dash any day. Of course pinkie is my most favorite.
5400969
This this this THIS!
Okay, I've always felt Applejack did the 'least' amount of wrong with the Gala bullcrap, but she did contribute, at least indirectly. But I never even thought of all this! Damn, girl! And she's my favorite of the Mane Six, too!
Okay, you get a Follow from me with these. And I really hope you do more of these, too.
6340987
AJ is my favorite of the Mane 6 as well.
I actually thought Twilight did the least wrong myself. If only because she didn't actually DO anything. She was disappointed and that was a little silly of her but that isn't actually wrongdoing.
I am working on more of these although between work and Grad School it's been slow going. Fluttershy should be next. Followed by Rarity, then Rainbow Dash. then Twilight and Celestia to wrap things up.
I'm glad you like What I've written so far
6343954 Well, okay. I worded that wrong. You're right. Twilight didn't really do anything wrong. I meant among those who directly contributed to the disaster, Applejack was the 'least' in the wrong.
And hey, no problem. Good luck on work/grad school. That's a lot more important.
stomped a hood
a hoof
Saw this fic recc'd, glad I checked it out. I'll have to see about incorporating Raven into my own fics in the future, though I do prefer when a pony had a two-component )at least) type name. Good work!
6357867
I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
And thanks for pointing out the typo. Fixed it now
planning
Any chance of the ponies being written about any times soon?
6511044
As I've said before. It's a process. I have one for fluttershy 2/3's written sitting on my hard drive. Unfortunately Gradschool and work dont leave me a lot of time for writing. Not to mention AJ and Pinkie were the easiest to write about. I know what I want to do for Rarity and FLuttershy and sort of a Twilight/Celestia combo chapter. I have no idea how im gonna handle Rainbow Dash. They'll show up. just give it time. :) I'm glad you like the two I have out tho
Are you going to make an accusation to Celestia for organizing two ruinations of the Grand Galloping Gala?
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kind of. but thats going to be a while in coming.
Raven got to have her own big role in a recent two parter in the comics
You read it?
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I have not, but thats neat
8870484
She has her own tag too.
9136637
I dont think she did at the time i wrote this. neat!
This is a good story, but there are many places that need commas, as well as other small spelling errors. Find a proofreader or at least put it through grammarly. It's a good story, as I said, but the punctuation errors really hurt it.
9270951
maybe. but im not in the habit of sharing these amongst people i know. so i do my best and edit when people point things out
I really enjoyed this a nice bit of reality ensues
Nice job
Check this out: https://www.deviantart.com/princessbry/art/Twilight-In-The-Labyrinth-349564202