• Member Since 30th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 25th, 2012

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Rainbow Dash. A pony of many talents. She enjoys much of the tales of adventurer-professor Daring Do. When she is dragged to a lecture about the pots of ancient Roam, she realizes that the newest, most awesome Daring Do manuscript yet is hidden in Daring's hotel room! A heist ensues! Also: Iron Will has thievery seminars! Who knew?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

This needs more paragraph breaks. Some other stuff, too. But definitely more paragraph breaks. :unsuresweetie:

Once again, it is assumed that Dash is there to steal slippers.

Is that just a thing in Equestria?

>>Blaze317

Don't you know? If a Pegasus wearing a full-body suit breaks into your living quarters in the dead of night, she is always there to steal reading material. Due to the fact that it is considered impolite to know an opponent's evil scheme ahead of time, proper etiquette dictates that one must assume all thieves are stealing slippers. However, if a unicorn wearing a false mustache, sunglasses, and a hoodie breaks into your living quarters, she really is there to steal your slippers, in which case you should assume she is intending to steal your bathtub. Once her intentions are made clear, you are legally justified to use lethal force if necessary to prevent the theft, a slipper stealing is an offense punishable by death in Equestria. Seriously, you need an update on common larceny etiquette.:derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh:

525055

Ah, I didn't know that. Also, after doing some checking, are you sure it's the bathtub that you're supposed to assume? I could have sworn you were supposed to assume the target is the blender.

Thanks guys for your hearty criticism of my first fanfiction. You have been so helpful, and not gone off on any tangents.:twilightsheepish::duck::

All slipper heists aside, I like this story.

Yes, it needs some compositional work - paragraph breaks, rearranging the dialog to be less confusing to read, and just a tick more fleshing out to improve the overall pacing and continuity. Other than that, this is a fun, quick to read story. I enjoyed the fast pace of the plot, and it's lighthearted tone.

Not bad at all for one's first fanfic. It beats the tar out of anything I have tried to write (lots of crud), let alone publish on here (nothing, and that is a service to all Bronies and Pegasisters).

Kudos to you, Gligarman2. I hope you haven't soured on writing your stories...... especially if they are about Daring Do.

:rainbowlaugh: :rainbowhuh:

Thanks. It's the "author" here again. Thanks for the positive feedback (and the negative). As I am currently working on a webcomic, I felt I should look at my previous work to learn. Your criticism is highly appreciated!

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