SEQUEL?! BRILLIANT!

And on top of that, the culprit may be a mare? This is going to get interesting.

Oh dear Celestia, YES!

Lunar ponies are best ponies

great way to start the sequel

Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!

A great start!

Fantastic start!

Hmn, 10 bucks says the Moon Champion isn't actually the murderer.

Instantly faved, so dont let me down.

>>521054521054 My dear gilded unicorn, have I ever let you down before?

>>521084521084 your words ring true. You have yet to let me down.

Just know, im watching you. In your nightmares, and in your dreams. Im the pony that you fear, the one sitting in the corner of your eye. The one you do not want to see.

*pinkie pie voice*

Anyway, good luck and have fun with it.

>>521040521040

If i was a betting pony it would kind of be an abuse of me being a time traveler.

Yay Luna fic!

Hmmmm a sequel, and it's pretty good so far. Oh and please god no more castration talk... it hurts.

this is great more more MORE !!!

HOLY SHIT something bout to happen and one thing I got to say BRING IT ON!!!!!!!

>>521200521200 *squeak!*

Well, well, well.  I have to say, this is a bang-up job opening the sequel.  I'll admit I had wondered if there was a female counterpart to the Lunar Guard out there, since it seemed illogical that Luna would have completely ignored the more deadly portion of the species when it came to creating her personal forces.  Although, if that is indeed a singular set of armor, it would seem that tracing down the family tree of the last known owner of the armor wouldn't be too hard to do, providing that Luna remembers the name of the last mare appointed to the position.  And I have to agree with djthomp on their point, I'm more inclined at the moment to regard the Moon's Champion as the Internal Affairs division of the Lunar Guard, though I'm afraid that with an intro like that I keep hearing the Sailor Moon theme music playing in the background instead of the Hymn to the New Lunar Republic.  

I'll go out on a limb here and speculate that in the "vigilante" we're seeing the bad results of an unchaperoned Lunar Stallion transformation.  I'll be looking forward to the next installment to see where this leads our band of stalwarts and their Goddess of the Night Sky.

Edit:  I did notice one questionable grammar point, though:

“Presenting to her majesty, the entire lunar stallion core.

I'm mostly certain that "core" should have been "corps", there.

This is looking good.

It is nice to have a story evolving a military unit without a full blown war. My complements to your story line. I look forward to reading more of your work

Also, thanks for making a lunar guard able to pass inspection

this story is going well so far.

stalwart hide x moon champion?

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr9j1bhjL61qafrh6.png

oh and for the record

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

This is awesome! I love the quick updates as well.

Well, so much for my theory from last chapter's comments.

WHOA!!! that was a nice battle though I approve of this and one more thing BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!

>>523863523863 *squeak!*

Ok, my thoughts on the nature of the duties for the Moon Champion were way off base, but it's looking more like my idea on the vigilante being the result of a faulty lunar metamorphosis still could have some merit.  You're doing a great job keeping the pace of this story rocketing along (and not just with the quick turnaround on chapter postings, either.)  Looks like M.C.'s got a handle on using the feminine wiles portion of her armor in battle for an advantage, and it just goes to show that Kipling was right all along.  

On the other hoof, Stalwart put up a pretty decent showing, ending notwithstanding, so I imagine that ought to win him style points when they cross hooves the next time.  And it does seem odd that none of this squad noticed what was going on soon enough to rally at least for the end of the fight.  Makes one wonder if either the robber or the Champion has access to a stealth magic that suppresses sound in an area.  If I had to place bits on it, I'd put it as another facet of the Lunar Champion Armor, maybe right along with the teleportation.  After all, if the lunar stallion armor can give an earth pony wings, why couldn't the champion armor give its wearer a horn?  (Just to muddy the waters so the guys don't automatically discount two thirds of the female populace as possible suspects. )

Looking forward to the next installment.  

Edit:  Ok, now I'll admit to shooting for the moon on this, but allowing for cutie marks having some bearing towards one's destiny in life, who do we know in canon ponies who bear a lunar crescent in their cutie mark?  Just saying.

dropped into my read later. gotta go to work T_T

This is brilliant.

>>523959523959 I don't recall the armor giving anypony wings. As for giving a pony a working horn, that would be a bit much.

>>526136526136

Think back to the chapter in the first story, "Muster Thy Brothers".  There are some unicorns and earth ponies wearing the armor, but I don't see any mention of their "on-duty" form being any different from their brothers in arms.  It would seem to me that implies the lunar stallion overlay is standardized.  Now, it doesn't say that any of the normally non-fliers can make use of those wings, but I'd argue that it's at least likely that the image of the wings is maintained across all species of pony wearing the armor.

>>526136526136>>523959523959

Malcinar is correct. Thus far the armor has augmented what is already there, turning feathered wings into batlike wings. The original lunar stallions were all pegasi. But after a thousand years the bloodlines have crossed into all three pony breeds, so they're a mix now. I like the diversity better, personally. Now we have lunar stallions that are earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns in their transformed states.

That'll be something to explore later, huh? We know how strong and agile the armor makes a pegasi.... what will it do to the other two breeds?

>>527634527634

(chuckles)  Ok, that's the definitive answer for that issue from the Author's keyboard, then.  I kinda liked the idea of earth ponies and unicorns getting ready to go on duty, reciting their oath of office and then *schnickt!* instant disguise form, but your way is intriguing as well.  It's obvious that a unicorn's augmented form would give their horns a more alicorn-like length and sharpness, just as the Moon Champion armor does (and if that is a similar augmentation of the form underneath, then I retract my earlier conjecture about the field of suspects, but not about a possible cutie mark connections.)  Earth ponies.... probably when they're on-duty are the most massive of the lunar stallions, and you wouldn't want to try and tackle one if they were set and expecting attack.  Likely it would be an earth pony that could give a run to the transformation vault door being bucked off its hinges during the initial change.

Making love in front of the mirror? This calls for a certain kind of music...

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m24f08TddM1r19504o1_250.gif

Sooooooooooooooo lets get this party started, lets get this part started, Part hard party hard

Combat aftermath, and Luna laying on punishment detail for faulty squad tactics.  Very much a logical extension of the actions from last chapter, and totally in character from everyone.   (And why isn't there at least one Luna emote?)

Ouch, I suppose we should have expected something like what happened to Hammershot, considering the repeated references to the pegasus wing bow.

Time for another guess that will probably be shot down, I am thinking that the Moon Champion will be either Trixie or the unseen Moondancer mentioned at the beginning of the first episode.

Great story I love it and BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!

Great development. Keep up the good work.

I don't think they'll be disobeying orders again any time soon.

>>530105530105 No comment on yourself being in the story? None? Aww...

>> Cleff Scratches I already thanked you for that. I didn't want to seem egotistical on this great honor.

Oh my damn I have a feeling he found out what she really is a porn model lawlSO BRING ON SOME MORE!!!!!!!

who is she ?(this is my opinion) and for the love of god please dont make it be her ---------> or

Excellent chapter.

>>532571532571

I doubt its Twilight because she didn't give Rarity a second glance or any thought at all. It could still be Trixie but that's also unlikely for the same reason. I also see no reason for them to be in Canterlot at all or kiss a lunar stallion and act flirty with them. Neither have that personality and this writer seems to keep ponies in character.

Another good chapter, I really enjoy reading this.

Your Muse is just rocketing along on this, I approve!  We got a glimpse under the armor of the Champion, and I see that you're definitely taking Kipling to heart.  And it still has the feel of a case of the armor bearer not having quite gotten out of the original transformation shock feral state, especially when you take the altered Oath into account.  Nice touch with the anti-theft enchantment on the swords, and that's a truly excellent burn comment she scored when recovering her property.

Yeah, based on her internal dialog with her set of ancestors and the mention of training I doubt she will end up being Trixie.

I imagine the Lunar Champion is an OC. Her being Trixie would make no sense and I can't see Twilight killing ponies so she's out too.

>>532549532549 That'd be funny, haha.

>>532964532964 What's "Kipling?"

>>532980532980

I'll agree, it does look less likely, though I could argue that said training is all in learning how to accommodate dealing with the ancestors' voices after the first time the armor is activated.  I'll grant you, though, that with Trixie's canon personality, if she had access to the medallion in the first place, she would likely not have been traveling and making a living as a stageshow magician... unless she was simply rebelling against family duty for personal reasons in the first place.  Her trigger to accepting family duty and taking up the armor could have been the disgrace she received in Ponyville at the hooves of Twilight Sparkle; after all, one thing that she would know that she'd automatically be better at than Miss Element of Magic would be her position as Moon Champion.  

Am I jumping to a concussion on this one?  (shrugs)  Could be.  But as Adam and Jamie would say, "condition plausible with the known data," at least for now.

Edit:  Hmmm, just went back and looked at the timeline in the first story for the Lunar Stallions.  It's hard to pinpoint individual episodes, but I'd also say that it could very well be that Luna's collapse was tied to the first time that the Moon Champion donned the armor.  I would imagine that the deeper link it engages could have been a system shock that put the Moon Princess down in the first place.

>>533310533310

Rudyard Kipling, author of the lovely little poem, "The Female of the Species."  It's a cautionary tale about why males need to be wary when dealing with females.  Made a lovely filksong when put to music by Leslie Fish a bunch of years ago now.

Check here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05MImdJIrLo

>>533648533648 You do make some good points about the MC possibly being Trixie. One more connection might be there if we accept Lulamoon as Trixie's last name.

I really like your idea about Luna's collapse.

>>533267533267That would though, but mostly unexpected to find a porn model turning into a blood thirsty pony.

Donut Joe, nooo!

Okay, so she isn't normally white and her eyes aren't gold. So I guess that rules out Lyra and Sweetie Belle? Heh.

Perhaps it's not even an already existing mare, and created for the sake of the story, perhaps?

Wow, Donut Joe dealt in weaponized sugar?  I don't suppose that weaponized sugar could be combined with high caffeine tea or coffee for a non-violent purpose, then?  No, but there's no reason to put that much sugar in the center of a filled donut, either, I guess.  I'd like to think that this is the first time a Moon Champion got it wrong, but only time will tell.  On the other hoof, if weaponized sugar is that potent, there ought to be a licensing process if there are legitimate uses outside of baked weapons.  I wonder if we're going to find out that Joe had such a license?  After all, he was the go-to pony for the late-night study crowd, and there's nothing like a sugar buzz to keep you running when the midnight oil's getting low.

Keep up the good work.

I wonder how weaponized sugar would affect humans.

Considering that most of the world's workforce gets through every day on caffeinated beverages, accentuated with sugar, I have a feeling that most people would barely feel a rush with weaponized sugar. I'm betting it must taste great, though.

>>534357534357

well, not really, just because the armor makes you that way doesn't mean that you didn't have one or both of the traits to begin with.

>>535574535574 Naw, from the text of chapter 5:

"Her golden eyes flickered a few times before returning to their normal color, and her white pelt shaded itself darker."

>>535029535029 Eh, I just thought mentioning Sweetie Belle would be funny, she was the second white unicorn that came to mind (the first was Rarity, but I think we can safely assume chapter 4 ruled her out).

>>535666535666 She used time travel to save herself

Good chapter.

>>535778535778 Ooo, maybe she came back in time from the epic pony war!

>>535778535778

no, she couldn't, its physically impossible to cross one's own time stream. if you did the whole of reality would collapse

I was thinking that the Moon Champion was Fleur, but now that it's revealed that she isn't a white unicorn, she's out.

>>536807536807 I was joking

Oh damn so the armor was really hers that came from her mom and her mom as well epicness

I don't normally make it my business to point out the occasional typo and such, but here's an oddity that kind of stood out:

"This won’t be the first time we displease her, either."

I think that what Aegis Shield meant here was more that it won't be the last time. After all, as far as I can remember it does in fact seem to be the first.

On another point, I like the idea for the clock tower hideout, but if Captain Hide gets into a clandestine tryst with the Champion and they take to meeting at sunrise there, I'm going to sic Goliath on you.  

>>545146545146 Gets into a what?

your last one was good ill try this one

>>545270545270

Clandestine tryst = meeting on the sly, dating on the downunder, nuzzling in the shadows away from prying eyes.

Oh, yeah, I like where this is going. Take one for the team, Stalwart. You know you want to.

Poor Stalwart Hide.  He can't catch much of a break, can he.  First he gets disciplined by Celestia for making inappropriate comments while guarding a comatose Luna, then, after getting selected as the second new Lunar Stallion, he gets taken down facing off against an out-of-control Moon Champion, and when he is just getting back on his hooves after recovering from that attack, he ends up getting vamped by said Champion at another attack scene, finding out that he sort of enjoys the thrill of the dangerous mare, and now he's been outed as fraternizing with the Champion and gets to bait her out.  Talk about conflicted feelings for the poor gelding.  He's going to really have to show something astounding to get back in Luna's good graces after this, I think.

I did notice a coupe of typos, though.

Then she’d become exhausted and decided to on the throne in the middle of the Midnight Court.

You left out a word there.  I'm not sure whether you want to use "nap" or "doze" or possibly something a little stronger.

Luna shook her head. “And no, I would need to disenchant the armor direction to sever the connection.”

I'm pretty sure you meant "directly" in that instance.

So, the Moon Champion has directly saved two of the Mane 6 now, if those cutie marks bear out.  I'm a little surprised to find Pinkie in Canterlot hosting a party, but then she had to have a reason to create the party cannon in the first place, so I suppose she's the mobile catering side of the business at Sugarcube Corner.  Overall it was a good episode, and kudos for the stronger link with her avatar giving us some blackmail-worthy moments with Aegis and Luna.

Looking forward to the next installment.  

>>546160546160

Stalwart (Adj): Strongly or stoutly built. Sturdy and Robust.

The poor stallion has suffered a lot of abuse, its true, but he can take it. He's made of tougher stuff than just anypony. He'll be rewarded eventually, let's hope.

Good eye on the typos, thank you! I'll fix them as soon as FIMfiction lets me. Sometimes it takes a day before it lets me do any edits for some reason.

...and I just couldn't resist the belly rub, haha. Its Aegis' secreeeet.

Great chapter as always, and seriously funny in parts as well.

“Are you pregnant?”

Ok, I've been worrying at the whole Moon Champion transformation since it came up, and something just occurred to me.  We found out in the latest chapter that this armor has not only been passed down in a single matriarchal line, it's been worn by every generation long enough for a nearly full bonding with the armor to occur!  That means for the last thousand years worth of the armor's ancestors, their guiding force was Nightmare Moon!  No wonder the poor Champions stuck on a no-mercy policy, that's at least fifty generations of ancestors' voices in the armor who were joined with one of the most merciless, severe personalities that one could imagine.  Frankly, the whole Champion armor needs to get a massive dose of the magical equivalent of Thorazine or something similar before it'd be really safe to be used again, by anyone.

Edit:

And continuing on my personal thoughts as to the owner of the armor, with that sort of background as a shaping influence for your personality, I personally think that could explain a lot of Trixie's quirks as deriving from Nightmare Moon.  

A need to be seen as the most powerful being?  Check.  

A tendency to put any challenger down as hard and as humiliatingly as possible?  Check

A preference for misdirection and a talent for illusions?  Check

Looks like a halfway decent case to me, at least on circumstantial evidence.

“Are you pregnant?” hidden foreshadow?

>>546380546380 Makes sense to me, now I feel bad for Luna as she will likely blame herself when she finds out.

>>546380546380 Ooooh, you're good. I thought I'd snuck that past you guys...

>>547299547299

I like digging into character backgrounds to see if I can suss out what the author's using as the underpinning for their personalities.  It makes the whole story more real for me if I can work out the logistics for myself and they are internally consistent with the storyline.  With a major character like this I'd be worrying at it until I figured her out.  So far, I like what I've seen a great deal.  Every pony is well-woven and internally consistent so far.  Keep up the good work!

Fucking cliffhangers

I'm guessing that with that cutie mark, Stalwart Hide is a descendant of Cinder Block the Immovable.

FUUUUUUU CLIFFHANGERS.

sees chapters name my face : 0_____0

>>550113550113 Hahhhh!

Damn you cliffhanger!

>>550118550118 Do you prewrite your stories? Because you have one of the fastest update speeds I've seen.

Oh, another great chapter. Confound you and your cliffhanger.

>>550226550226 Oh no, no. If I pre-wrote I would want to post them all at once. I truly enjoy writing, and am a literature major in college. So, writing is fun to me and I do it every day. Pony fanfics get updated fast because I ballpark for between 3 and 5k words per chapter, which doesn't take too long to do.

...I also hate waiting for a long time when a talented writer pauses between updates for ages. (In addition, one tends to get more followers with a constant stream of content. Not much different than running my youtube account, really, haha!)

>>550260550260That's awesome. I wish I could write that fast....

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. It is some of the better stuff on this site.

FUCKING NUT SUCKING CLIFFHARNGERS YOU BASTARD, but BRING ON SOME MORE!!!!!!!!

Well, things are warming up, aren't they?  It's nice to see that Stalwart's getting to put his long studies in Ancient Equestrian to use, though I suspect that Luna's still not quite forgiven him yet.  Still, she's at least acknowledged that he's trying.  (I see you borrowed a turn of phrase there.  Glad you appreciated it, and I guess given the normal pony language, something that complicated would fit better into Ancient Equestrian. )

I did spot one point that you might want to edit, though.  In the bath house scene, you established that the Champion was wearing her medallion-form armor while she was soaking in the pool, and that she needed her cloak to help conceal the slight glow.  If that's the case, you need to establish a reason that Stalwart, a supposedly keen-witted, reasonably observant member of the Lunar Stallions, missed the medallion's presence the entire time he was conversing with the mare.  Even if the medallion didn't have a slight glow, I would still think that Hide would by this point be somewhat extra sensitive to noticing any female in his vicinity who was wearing an odd jewelery piece, especially if it was worn into an area where normally everything is left off.  He might not comment directy, but if he spotted it or it's supporting chain, I would imagine he'd keep that in mind for later.

Overall, though, I like the way things are going.  Obviously, all sides are coming into the meeting expecting a trap, so it will be interesting to see who has the best Xanatos Speed Chess game.  Looking forward to the next installment.  

Edit:

It occurs to me that the link with the Champion probably explained why when Nightmare Moon broke free of her lunar prison, she didn't show up speaking Ancient Equestrian dialect in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Yes! I've finally caught up to where i can comment. I read this story and its prequel in the past week, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. Brilliant story! Honestly, I don't know what Luna was thinking with this plan though, that's the most obvious trap ever But if it works, it works. I guess we'll see Keep up the good work plox

>>551097551097

Well, Luna's mostly looking for a way to draw the Champion to a known location in a known time frame so she can confront her, so sometimes simpler is better. Less for Murphy to get a grip on, that way.

Tossing her silvery mane, she splashed a little to come closer to him.

I'm liking this even more.  Yet another tick for my Trixie checklist.  

Edit:  Hmmm... goes back to "Boast Busters", more checking.  Purple cloak, interesting cloak broach.  Now I'm thinking that Trixie was already wearing her medallion, even if she hadn't activated it yet.  I guess she snuck back into town and collected the medallion from the wreckage of her show wagon.

I think I found an artist who probably captured exactly the point where Trixie decided that taking up the mantle of Moon Champion was her only choice.  Trixie:  A lost reflection.

But it hide should be but it hid Otherwise, Spectacular.

God Damn Cliffhanger's Here Have This Sacrifice *Throw Into Volcano* Please More

BTW

Image: http://cdn2.mamapop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dis_gonna_b_gud.gif

I knew it wasn't about the fight, Luna isn't so foolish to try and muscle through a situation. I was just curious what the actual trap was until he brought out the food.

ITS A TRAP!

You know that massage ended...happily.

Great chapter and I LOVE this story.

first

Inb4 sex

I think she's finally growing on me! Still hope she loses her powers or something though, also

Hook, line, and sinker.