How is Trixie? When she ran out of Ponyville, word spread around Equestria about her. Now, she is just the laughing stock of whatever city she visits.
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Foggy_Skie
Joined 17th Mar, 2012 ·
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I didn't make the story long in case it was terrible towards the public. I wanted to see how it does first. Well thanks for reading. Even if you did hate it.
It's been done a few times before, but I'll give it a shot when I have some free time
I can't comment on story since I'm heavily biased toward Trixie fics, but I'll see where this goes. Nothing noted grammatically, but I'm dyslexic and a trained speed reader, so don't trust my eyes.
Nothing bad grammatically, but this is a tad overdone, the subject of Trixie being a has-been. Not saying you should stop though, I would love to see more of this.
Just, be sure to change it up from others. Lol
Wow.... I hate to sound like I am being mean, but you should seriously consider finding a writing coach.
One of the main things that interrupts continuity for me, at least near the beginning, is when you are talking about her looking through the window. You say "She watched the glowing moon out the close-by window." You should be very careful to say "out OF the close-by window." The "of" is very, very important here because without it your sentence feels like you cut out a small peice, then just kind of left it like that.
"*Sigh* Another beautiful day for Trixie. Trixie do hopes that this time Trixie is at least treated more fairly."
In this particular part, you have used "Trixie," literally one too many times, also the wording could be better. It should be worded more like
"*Sigh* Another beautiful day for Trixie. Trixie does hope that she is at least given a fair chance this time."
(never more than one "Trixie" per sentence, is usually a good rule of thumb. Though there are a few exceptions.)
I'll stop picking apart your story now, and leave you with 2 links. One is to a group where you can find a writing coach. The other is to a writing guide, which I myself found extremely helpful.
writing guide
group (look to the left and you will find a list called "Group links" underneath that you will find "members." Click the "members," and it will bring up a list of available editors whom you can ask to be your writing coach)
Best of luck with any future endeavors. =3
Actually, it's the shortness of it that seems cliche. Had it be longer, it might have shown more promise (and the general idea still does), but it would need to be fleshed out more to give a better picture.
A good effort. I must agree with werewolf435, you do need some assistance with your writing. As for the topic of Trixie as a washed-up has-been, I must agree it is overdone. I'm not usually one to read Trixie fics, so I'm not going to criticize that. As for the depression of Trixie. It seems a tad over-done, as if you're saying "FEEL SORRY FOR ME!" I'd call her a Sympathy Sue if not for the fact that she's canon.
That is all for criticism, on to the good aspects. You had a reasonably well-paced plot, and more-or-less good all around writing skills. Very few spelling errors, and a few minor grammar errors.
Overall, it needs some improvement. Fix the problems that have been brought up, and maybe then you'll have a good story.
Good day, and good luck.
I think you should definitely continue, yes, the idea might be used a lot of times before but every writer makes it different.
So, please continue, amuse me!
Sorry for the late response, my computer crashes a few times.
525819
I don't read much Trixie fics so I'm sorry if I am being repetitive. I'll try to change it up so it will differ from the rest.
525597
I really do suck at my grammar, so thanks for correcting it.
525815
I didn't want to to make it longer just in case it did terrible. There wouldn't be a point for me to add on to it.
Interesting.... i wonder what will happen next!
Continue please!
this story was good.
That's it? No more?
Awww, come on, you could've done a lot of things....
Oh well...
738352
Sorry.
I didn't really notice it being overdone, but I don't usually read much involving Trixie. It seemed like a very well done story, and I don't honestly know what to do to improve it. This seemed like a very fluid, and short, but sweet fic.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
Sincerely,
Brosparkles.
1243624
Thanks for the watch too 
Thanks, and I didn't expect to see someone read this after a while