• Member Since 23rd Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen February 29th

Cool writer


Jesus christ, this stuff is SO MUCH WORSE than I remember.

Sequels1

E

Jason, an orphan, sits around, dreaming of having a family. He mostly wants to do Christmas. But, his dreams finally come true! And, he gets adopted by a princess! And three cute sisters, who could literally make you faint with their cuteness. Life couldn't be better for Jason!
Wrong.
He actually had no say in the matter. The next thing Jason knew, he was taken to another world, ruled by ponies! He also had no say in the matter of his name. They changed it to Harmony. If she wasn't the ruler of the land (and not to mention they had phones... and CPS) he would call the Child Protection Agency and have her locked up.
... If they had it...

Chapters (26)
Comments ( 249 )

The entire rime I read this I was increasingly confused and ended up just getting lost in the area that centered around the summary implying that he was somehow angry at the fact that he was kidnapped. I can see that this is well written with only a few spelling errors here and there but damn dude, this could have been better. I mean, the whole time i was reading this I just kept expecting a shitstorm like midwestsportsfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tom-haverford-gif.gif

So is he mad about being kidnapped or not? Is there a plot to this story, or will it just be shorts like this? Maybe something like a escape plan or similar of that sort.

5521726
Yeah... I should have addressed that a bit more... I'll get to that.

waw I didn't expect that this soon in to the story.

Comment posted by Articulus deleted Jan 22nd, 2015

minor correction: board -> bored, they sound the same so there is no point in going with the bad spelling if 'ya were trying to demonstrate immaturity of the speaker.

A couple of minor corrections (I'm on phone so i cant copy-paste the errors)

Erlier: should be Earlier
Board: should be bored

And harmony should a colt, not a filly. A filly is a young, female horse, a colt is young, male horse

So he's a pony now, and my interest is lost

5539023
Hey hey! This is in progress, these events aren't set in stone! Also, haven't you heard of retcon? I can change anything I want in my story, no matter what happened!!! But I won't do that, Retcon is kinda stupid. But anyways... this can be fixed!

5539595 You know you could change it to colt, at least h'll keep his gender.

5540513
Wait.... :rainbowderp: ...there's a difference?!?

5549450 Well....yeah. Foal = baby horse/pony/.....other ungulates. Colt=male young baby horse/pony/.....other ungulates. Filly=female young baby horse/pony/.....other ungulates. Mare=adult female; Stallion=adult male

The day of family and love of family is the day his parents die...Well...

I've always heard the poem go, 'Do not go gentle into that dark night'

It'd have been cuter for Luna to introduce herself as Woona.

Wow. You need to slow down tiger. You just blew about 4 loads in two minutes, tossed me some cab fare and told me to call you later.

Wow:rainbowderp:......starting it of dark as hell, don't ya think?

Yeah, if someone named me Harmony, I'd straight-up ignore them unless they called me my real name.

"I'm Luna!"

Don't you mean Woona? Remember, you are writing her with a lisp, so consistency is everything.

Also:

(more like... *put's on sunglasses* angel of darkness *YAAAAAAAEEEEEH!!!*)

We are now friends.

So weeping angels are now grinning adorable fillies? I am okay with this.

I fav because it makes me laugh (on the inside)

5571865
As opposed to Discord, who can. You know. Decide that your blood is totally caramel now.

I will just put this here.

5571404
Yeah... I did start this off a little dark. Also weeping angels are way worse... they cheat a poker!

5571878
Then Forced Adoption is serving its function. :pinkiehappy:

I will keep reading but the poniefication kind of ruined it for me.

5581881 for some reason forced poniefication really gets on my nerves, but I don't know why.

Sadly I just cant sympathize with any of these characters. All powerful Alicorn ruler wants a child, so she rips a hole in space time to get one... an orphan child is abducted by a demigod and forced to endure a life with godlike beings that treat him like a toy... A pair of Alicorn children get a mortal human as an older brother and they look to stave off boredom by any means necessary, even at his expense...
The main character does not earn any sympathy from me because this fits within the Harem genera. MC goes through a series of trials and tribulations because of the whims of several females who have over run his life. And karma dictates that he deserves every bit because through no effort at all he has gained their love (romantic, friendly or familial). I don't sympathize with Any of the females because they perpetrate the roles they serve, dominating over powered females that control the life of the main character. And Amy plays the role of the outsider who is most deserving but is kept from the MC through fate, circumstance or malice of the other females.
Truthfully I love this genera if done well enough, but due to the authors annoying comments constantly trying to inject humor where there isn't really any, or put forth information that might be relevant but the author is to lazy to incorporated into the story, I just feel sad. This story could be good if more thought and effort was put into the presentation.
BTW I don't mind that he was transformed, in fact I thought that was a good story element. I have a suspicion as to why he was chosen specifically instead of a pony orphan (I mean why go across space and time to abduct a human child then change him into a pony). It must be related to his parents and their death, possibly as to why they died. But there is no need to reveal this until the end, again not knowing is part of the package. Also the dream element was a nice touch, but its kind of bad that the randomness of the dream was almost indistinguishable from the rest of the story, I recommend making better use of establishing scenes, I was under the impression that they were in a house, but Starswirl appearance left me with the impression that its more like a summer palace. That whole scene left me with the feeling of WTF is going on, one hour Tia and Luna are plotting teasing Harmony the next hour the cant find him. And then Muthafaking Starswirl appears. Maybe a scene where he gets caught that describes the place, or explaining what the sisters were doing it was a chapter cliffhanger after all which means it should have been important. But ended up, nah they couldn't find him.

Cute! Very cute!

So... new sister?

Also; Celaria is very spur of the moment.

Ok, so this chapter was better. A few things i want to point out.
Celaria: for an OP Dues Ex Machina I rather like her charecter. my personal head cannon for her is that she was given the powers of a god to rule the world of Equestria but not the wisdom to use it properly. and she continues to use her power like a toy until one day as a result she creates Discord. world is thrown into chaos, Yada Yada yada, lesson learned with great power comes great responsibility.
Amy: okay I kind of saw this coming but I wasn't expecting it to be the very next chapter, this is both good and bad. By adding another female character it potential conflict to the story, but by being an alien along with Jason she becomes his ally against the strange and otherworldly conflicts thus weakening it's impact on the story.
story over all: good, just needs more conflict. While forced pony cuddles is fun and all it offers very little substance, what this story could use is a decent villian. Maybe a political rival that establishes world building and offers direct conflict for Jason. Or a bully that adds conflict that isn't tied to the females charecters. Or a Devil to Celaria's godhood. If done correctly, hints, teases, in the shadows type stuff that affects the charecter, leading up to an epic reveal... that could be awsome.

5586109
Yeah, thanks for that. I'm stumbling into a bit of writers block. I'll DIFFINATLY take the tips into consideration.
PS thanks for constructive criticism BTW.

5587380
oh your welcome, your story has alot of potential and I know what it is like to suffering in writers purgatory. it's always nice to get and give help and advice.

5586109 It just hit me. Maybe "Harmony" should've really be named "Discord."

5602819
I can't really agree, while he may one day become Discord he can't assume the identity before he gains the power. Also without great loss such a transformation would not be realistic. A dark turn like him becomeing Discord is not suited for a lighthearted fic like this. More likely Discord would be born from Harmony maybe a shedding of his human spirit, or unknowningly brought from the human world and using him as a source of chaos to gain power. Would be kinda cute a minor imp or will o the wisp going all Hexxus.

three square meals a day and semi-ruler of the entire land. You literally get whatever you want, whenever you want. I'd put up with a name change and a different species for that. Hell, would he complain if they were african or something instead of ponies? Sure seems that way. Plus, they're fucking adorable (the little ones, not the big ugly one).

She was furiouse!

furious

This question seemed to "erk" Her

irk her

Hmmm, a bit quick short chapter. Not bad as a guiding chapter, you've established Amy as a rival and Celaria's eyes are being opened. This would be a good point to switch gears and either focus on the slice of life or ramp up the adventure. I look forward to seeing where it goes.

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