Chapter 3: Do as Twi Say, Not as Pie Do
Fluttershy quietly glided into her kitchen, careful not to awaken the sleeping draconequus on her living room couch. He had been crashing on her couch since he had shown up a week ago, and told her about the absurd bet with Princess Luna.
While the Pegasus put on a pot of coffee she mused silently over the current situation. On one hoof, it was comforting to have Discord hanging around so much, because it meant that they were returning to their normal, easy friendship. On the other, she could see that his holding back on using chaos was making him miserable. He used his magic, here and there, for small things but he was being very careful with where and how he was using it. It was just not natural to be with him and not have him give the bunnies six-legs for a laugh, or make sour gummy roses for a treat to pluck in her garden.
While she went about feeding her animals, and performing her normal morning chores she seriously began to consider encouraging him to quit. Of course, if I do that then Discord might think I don’t believe in him. So maybe, I should encourage him to use his magic a little when we’re alone at the end of the day?
Having finished with her chores the pony went to rouse her tired friend.
“Discord,” she called softly to him pulling off his blanket. “Its time to get up.”
He didn’t move. Fluttershy flew over, and gently shook his shoulder with her hoof. He responded by grabbing the pony, and pulling her into an embrace. The pegasus went beet-red.
“I just want a few more minutes,” he chuckled opening an eye to observe her embarrassment. “You make a very nice warm pillow.”
“Discord!”
“You’re so easy to frazzle, Darling.”
She jumped back the moment he released her. She was unable to meet his eyes as he sat up and stretched.
“So what’s on the agenda today?” Discord glanced over at the pony, and was surprised that she still was reacting to his playful morning greeting. He almost apologized, but there was something satisfying about how much of a reaction he had received. In fact, he enjoyed making her blush so he chose to ignore her obvious discomfort.
Fluttershy rubbed one hoof with the other staring at the ground as she spoke, her cheeks still aflame. “Um-well, I think Twilight said something about going over to Pinkie Pie’s.”
Discord walked over to the coffee pot. “Well, that should be interesting. Pinkie Pie always manages to liven things up. All of Twilight’s lessons on where and how to stand, what and what not to say and how to address nobles and dignitaries are really starting to get tiresome.”
“Y-yes,” she answered while trotting over to the pot. “You’ve really surprised me with how serious you’ve been about this.”
“Well, I will get more freedom again if I succeed. Also, seeing Luna’s smug act get blown out of the water will be fun too.”
Fluttershy filled her own mug, her heart rate having returned to normal, and was finally able to meet his eyes. “I know it’s important to you. I would really like you to succeed, but you really don’t seem to be enjoying it.”
“Don’t worry about me, dear Fluttershy.” He grinned at her and she smiled back.
The two sat at her kitchen table in silence for a few moments.
“Discord, maybe when we get back today you could help me with my garden. I was thinking about how nice it would be to have a patch of candy flowers like you made that one time. Maybe a cotton candy tree would be nice too.”
The draconequus eyed her suspiciously. “Last time you told me the animals ate them all up, and tore everything up in a hyperactive frenzy. You made me promise never to do it again. Why the change of heart now?”
“Oh, you see, I just thought it would be nice for you to have a little chaos garden. We could put a fence, or a dome over it. Then you’d always have sweets when you visit.”
His face softened, as he understood her intent. “It’s very sweet of you to encourage me to use my magic, Fluttershy. The whole point of this bet is to get me used to not relying on chaos so much, so that I can fit in here in Ponyville.”
“Its not who you are though. Its not the same having you here, and not having you turning everything upside down.” Fluttershy reached out, and placed a hoof on his paw with an earnest but sad expression.
Discord smiled as he took her hoof and pressed it between his mismatched hands. “I’ll tell you what. Once this is all over we’ll make that garden and then I’ll have my own little patch of chaos, right here in Equestria.”
“You promise?”
“Yes,” Discord answered. He simply let her go and picked up his mug once more. “Until then, I think its better I be in a less chaotic state of mind. It’s very hard for me to wind down once I get going.”
Fluttershy sighed happy to know that Discord didn’t intend to keep suppressing his need for chaotic expression. However, there were two more weeks to go before the New Era Gala. She just hoped he could hang on without loosing his sanity until then.
***
Celestia sighed, as she looked over the report Mayor Mare had sent in the morning. It contained several complaints about Discord’s behavior in Ponyville. Several ponies were accusing him of causing all manner of accidents in town, and around their homes. The one that really concerned her the most was the claim by Filthy Rich that Discord had nearly suffocated his daughter Diamond Tiara in a pile of taffy.
“What is wrong?”
Celestia looked over at her sister who was still with her at the breakfast table. “There are some complaints about Discord, though I’m not sure what to make of them. Most of these things seem rather too pedestrian for Discord.”
“May I see?”
Celestia nodded to Luna letting her levitate the scroll over to look it over. She smiled as she watched her sister read the document. Luna had been dropping the Royal We a lot less often lately, which made Celestia very happy. It had been a long, hard struggle for her to acclimate after being cut-off from the world for a thousand years.
The monarch summoned her courier.
“How may I serve you, Princess Celestia?”
“Did all of these scrolls arrive at the same time as the report from Ponyville’s mayor?”
“Yes, Princess.”
“Come back in three hours. I will have a reply prepared for the Mayor by then.”
“As you command.” The pegsus pony bowed and exited.
“Well, what do you make of the situation, Luna? None of it really sounds like Discord, does it?”
“He likes playing pranks and games. How are these incidents any different?”
“Pony’s tripping over things, falling paint cans and a sudden cloud burst of normal rain seem far too normal for it to be Discord. It is also, suspicious that all of these reports have come in at one time.”
“I suppose you have a point, Sister. This Filthy Rich’s letter though is quite compelling. He even asks for an audience claiming Twilight was ignoring him, and siding with Discord.”
“I agree that there might be a glimmer of truth in his claims, but I just can’t believe that of Twilight. She wouldn’t let Discord harm anypony. I will be writing Twilight and Mayor Mare and see if I can get a better picture of what’s going on.”
“Perhaps, speaking to this Filthy Rich will shed some light upon the circumstances. I shall deal with this, so that it doesn’t take up anymore of your precious time.”
Celestia leveled a suspicious gaze at her sibling. “How is it that you want to handle an issue with Discord? You’ve made it perfectly clear you feel he is irredeemable.”
“That is precisely why I wish to speak with this pony. This might be evidence of your folly Celestia.”
The white alicorn smiled mysteriously. “Very well, sister mine. I shall leave this in your hooves. I shall warn you that this may not turn out as you wish it to.”
Princess Luna stared after Celestia unsure how to take the comment. She then snatched up a scroll and a quill, and wrote a letter to Filthy Rich.
***
Twilight let out a frustrated growl, as she perused the scroll that she was levitating before her eyes.
“What is it?” Spike asked.
“Discord! We trusted him, but apparently he’s been messing around with ponies behind our backs.”
“What?”
“I knew it!”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Twilight. He’s been with somepony every minute of the day. How could he do anything without somepony knowing?”
Twilight stopped pacing and paused. “Well he did drop taffy on that filly.”
“That’s the only thing we know he’s done though.”
Twilight’s ears and wings drooped. “You’re right Spike. I guess I’m just so on edge that I’m jumping at shadows. I think I have a permanent dent in my forehead from face-hoofing at Discord’s disregard about everything I’ve done trying to help.”
“You’re worrying about this too much.”
“If I can’t get everyone to accept Discord though, Princess Celestia will be so disappointed. Maybe the Tree of Harmony will take away my wings and everything.”
Spike went over to Twilight and hugged her. “That will never happen. I think you’re trying to hard.”
Twilight smiled at her assistant, and returned his hug.
“I guess maybe I am over thinking things a little bit.” The alicorn sighed. “I really should talk to Discord about it though.”
Spike stepped back and pointed to the clock. “We should hurry. The others will be waiting for us.
***
Discord’s eyes darted over to Twilight. Once again, she adverted her eyes and commenced to pretending Applejack had her full and complete attention. It was really starting to annoy him.
“If you have something to say to me Twilight Sparkle, then just say it.”
“Huh?” Twilight looked up at the draconequus.
“You have been looking at me contemplating something since we all met. I’m sure its something you don’t want to say, so it can’t be that you’ve just noticed how extraordinarily handsome I am. Just spit it out.” Discord spat out a small copy of himself, that reached over and tugged on the alicorn’s cheek playfully.
Twilight swatted at the mini-Discord, who suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke. “I suppose now is as good a time as any,” Twilight said pausing with a serious air. “You see, I received a communication from Princess Celestia this morning saying she received a lot of complaints about mischief you’ve caused with Mayor Mare’s report from Ponyville.”
“Mischief? When would I have had time to cause chaos? You’ve had me busy practically from sunrise to sunset.”
“He does have a point Twi.” Applejack agreed.
“Well, I don’t know what Discord does when he leaves us,” Twilight told the Applejack. She then pointed at Discord. “Maybe you set up time-delayed pranks so that we won’t realize it’s your doing.”
“Twilight!” Fluttershy said sternly. “I will have you know, that Discord has been holding himself back even at my house. I can personally guarantee that he’s done nothing to anypony. He’s slept on my couch every night, and he’s there in the morning when I get up.”
“Unless you’ve been with him every second how are you so sure? You always give Discord the benefit of the doubt, no matter what.”
Fluttershy paused a moment, as if considering what Twilight had said, which annoyed Discord considerably. “That’s because she knows me. Fluttershy can instantly pick up when I’m lying ,and she never lets me get away with anything. Her accusations are never baseless like everypony else’s. The rest of you blame me the moment anything unusual happens. She’s taken the time to get to know me which is more than I can say about you.” The draconequus glared at Twilight.
“Hey ya two! Cool it right now!” Applejack stomped the ground with force capturing everypony’s attention. “This is no way for friends to behave! Twilight ya need to give Discord a chance to respond. As for ya Discord, insultin’ her ain’t goin’ to make her want to listen.”
“That’s right. You both owe each other apologies, right now!” Fluttershy said eyeing both of her friends sternly.
The alicorn and the draconequus both slumped abashed, but refused to look at each other.
“Princess Celestia said she and Princess Luna were investigating the claims so there’s no reason for anypony to get upset over this.” Spike added gesturing to Twilight.
“I’m sorry. I probably could have worded my concerns more sensitively,” Twilight said glancing over at the draconequus unsurely.
“I’m sorry that I insulted you, after you insulted Fluttershy and I.” Discord fliply responded rolling his eyes until they popped out of his head.
Applejack and Fluttershy exchanged an exasperated look.
“You two are going to have to learn to work together, and trust each other if you’re ever going to be good friends,” Fluttershy told them.
“Plus, if ya really want to win yer bet, Discord, ya got no better ally than Twilight.”
“Yes, yes, I get that. Why else would I have gone to ask for her help if I didn’t recognize that?” Discord stated petulantly.
“I want to help you, Discord. I really, do.” Twilight held out her foreleg. “Let’s shake on it.”
“Fine.” Discord took her hoof, and they briefly shared a hoof-talon-shake.
Fluttershy rubbed Discord’s back reassuringly. “I wouldn’t worry, Discord. The Princesses will be fair and figure out that what’s being said isn’t true. You should just continue concentrating on showing everypony at the New Era Gala that you really are reformed.”
Twilight, not wanting to continue the conversation, because it most likely would reopen the quarrel, turned everyone’s attention to the task at hand. “Let’s go everypony.”
The five set off through town toward Sugar Cube Corner trying to ignore the reactions of the ponies there. Discord’s presence wasn’t something they relished. Some ran the other way. Other’s whispered to each other with contemptuous glances. It wasn’t something Twilight was used to. Since she had become a Princess, everypony received her warmly. If I can change these ponies’ opinions of Discord then I’ll truly be a proper ruler. If I can get Discord to respect me then this will be well worth all of the trouble. Then, I know Celestia will be happy, and I’ll truly deserve my place as a Princess.
Applejack nudged Twilight, and pulled her aside as they approached Sugar Cube Corner. "Are ya sure this is a good idea? Ya know, I think Pinkie Pie is the worst to give Discord tips on fancy balls."
"While I do admit that she made a bad impression at the Grand Galloping Gala, I think her experience can help Discord."
"Her bad example can help?"
"Well, DUH!" Pinkie's upside down head suddenly said eyeball to eyeball with the country pony.
Applejack fell backwards and glared up at the pink pony who was dangling from a bunch of balloons tied around her hind leg
"I can tell Discord what to not expect and not do. Liiiiiike..." she slid out of the balloon knot, snatched them up, tied them to Discord's tail and pushed the unhappy draconequus through the front door. Inexplicably, the pink pony appeared in the center of the room setting off a thirty party popper salute. "Do not expect balloons, party poppers, party cannons or anypony jumping out and saying... SURPRIIISE!"
She unfurled a banner that said 'Congratulations Discord' on it. "Welcome to your Discord got through a week of really boring stuff without destroying Ponyvillie, totally not practice party!"
"At least somepony noticed how hard I've been trying to be completely and utterly, boring and forgettable." Discord eyed Twilight with as much distain as he could muster.
"There's just one tiny thing I have to get out of the way first..." Pinkie said her perky voice trailing off into a more menacing tone before she pounced on Spike. "You! Don't think that I don't know!"
"W-What are you talking about?"
"My right eye-twitched, my tummy did a flip-flop, my ears pricked and I flipped on-to-my-back! Only I am allowed to BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!"
Everyone stared at Pinkie as she hyperventilated.
"She does have a point, I'm the only one allowed to bring in visual gags and references from an entirely different universe. I think you're getting off easy kid." Discord produced a scroll, and let it fall open that said 'My Little Pony: FIM Contract' on it, and was signed by John de Lancie.
Pinkie leapt up throwing steamers into the air. "Now that is over its time to party! I mean to not party, sorry, Twilight." Pinkie giggled.
"Ya still think this was a good idea?" AJ asked crossing her hoofs as she leaned on the counter.
Twilight sighed. This is going to be a long day. “Alright, Discord. Let’s pretend that Applejack and Pinkie Pie are the Duke and Duchess of Maretonia. How would you greet them if they walked up to you?”
Pinkie grinned and pulled out a mustache and slapped it on her snout. “I got dibs on the Duke!”
“He doesn’t have a mustache Pinkie.” AJ said with a sigh trotting over.
“He has a beard, but I don’t have a beard and wearing the mustache on my chin would look so silly it would make Discord laugh. Then Twilight would be mad at Discord and say ‘You must never laugh at foreign rulers’ and then Fluttershy will be mad at Twilight for being upset. Discord will be insulted and you’ll start lecturing. That’s why I’m wearing it above my lip.”
“That’s fine, Pinkie,” Twilight said as everypony else stared at the pink mare.
AJ shook her head. “Alright, then.” The ‘Duke and Duchess’ trotted over before Discord.
The draconequus gave a tired glance over at Twilight before bowing from the waist and addressing the ‘Nobles’. “Your Highness and Your Grace, welcome to Canterlot.”
Twilight smiled and nodded. She gestured for them to keep going with the role-play.
“Thank you, and who might you be?” Pinkie responded in a deeper tone twirling the mustache.
“I am Discord, Lord of Chaos and servant to the crown,” he answered smoothly
AJ fidgeted a moment and thought about all of the things she’d seen Twilight go over. Suddenly, the mare got a glint in her eye.
“Might ya be the same Lord of Chaos that caused so much fuss in Ponyville all those years ago?”
“Yes, but I am a changed draconequus now, Your Grace.”
Twilight’s grin got bigger.
“I heard you can make it rain chocolate milk. I, the Duke, demand you make some for me right now!”
Twilight repressed the urge to face-hoof and instead turned her head toward Discord. She wondered how he would react.
“I cannot under orders of Princess Celestia.” The draconequus folded his arms and turned up his nose.
“-But-“
“I won’t make chocolate rain on this domain.”
Pinkie tore off the mustache. “Okay, I’m not the Duke anymore. I want chocolate rain, but don’t forget the whipped cream this time!”
“No don’t!” Twilight giddily clapped her hooves together, before clearing her throat and nonchalantly continuing. “So Discord, how will you respond if anypony at the New Era Gala asks you to create chocolate rain?”
“I won’t make chocolate rain on this domain.”
“Again…” Twilight prompted.
Pinkie Pie suddenly donned a gaucho hat, and pulled out a set of castanets holding them between her teeth. She accompanied the music that began to play. It had an Andalusian flavor, even though there really was no reason for it.
(Click this link to hear the music as you read the song)
Discord (singing):
I won’t make chocolate rain on this domain.
Fluttershy (singing):
I think he’s got it!
He’s really got it!
Discord (singing):
I won’t make chocolate rain on this domain.
Twilight (singing):
By Celestia, he’s got it!
He's finally got it!
Now, once again where won’t it rain?
Discord(singing):
On this domain!
On this domain!
Twilight(singing):
And why no chocolate rain?
Discord(singing):
So none complain!
Or me defame!
All(singing):
He won’t make chocolate rain on this domain.
So all those in Ponyville won’t complain!
Twilight(singing):
In Coltford, Cartford, and Clydeshire...?
Discord(singing):
Candy canes cannot crop up.
Twilight(singing):
Now what to say to Celestia?
Discord(singing):
How kind of you to let me come!
Twilight(singing):
Now once again, where won’t it rain?
Discord(singing):
On this domain!
On this domain!
Twilight(singing):
And why no chocolate rain?
Discord(singing):
So none complain!
Or me defame!
All(singing):
He won’t make chocolate rain in this domain.
So all the folks in Ponyville don’t complain!
With a snap, Discord and spike were now dressed as flamenco dancers, with black gaucho hats, shirts, pants and mustaches.
“Cool!” Spike cheered.
With a snap, all of girls were in full flamenco attire, lacy red-and-black dresses; lacy black veils were affixed to their manes with combs and red roses.
“Why the hay, am Ah in a frou-frou-“
Applejack was silenced as a rose appeared between her teeth, and she was swept off her feet in a dip by Discord. He brought her up, wide-eyed and blinking, to her feet before spinning her around. When he let her go she dropped to the ground with a thud, and watched the others wondering if they might have gone mad.
Discord glided across the ground with percussive steps, clapping his mismatched hands together with great flourish above his head.
Twilight, far too happy to worry about the weirdness, stomped rhymically in a circle with Fluttershy, and Spike while he clapped along to the beat.
Pinkie Pie rose to her hind legs, posing dramatically, making shapes in the air with her forelegs while turning in place.
Applejack with a shrug finally decided to join in with the entire group with a spinning flourish.
All (shouted):
Ole!
The all laughed, uproariously.
“That was sooo much fun!” Pinkie Pie said bouncing around.
“Yes, it was.” Twilight smiled at Discord and he grinned back.
“The only thing is, what was with all of these get-ups?” Applejack said dislodging the headdress.
Spike started to speak until Pinkie Pie grabbed him and clamped her hoof over his mouth. “That’s because this was a song parody of a song called the “Rain in Spain” so the music and the dresses were like the kind that the Andalusian ponies like.
Pinkie let Spike go narrowing her eyes at him. “I told you that you aren’t aloud to BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!”
“Okay, okay,” Spike sighed. He touched his lip, stroking the mustache. “At least, I look good.”
Discord mischievously grinned snapping his claws, and all of the attire vanished leaving Spike stroking the air. The dragon frowned at the draconequus.
“So now that I’ve passed with flying colors, I suppose this is the last lesson?”
“Are you kidding?” Twilight giggled in delight. “There’s two more weeks and that gives us plenty of time to practice everything until it’s absolutely perfect!”
“Um, Twi are ya okay?”
“Oh I have never been so excited. In fact, I think we ought to test Discord at a real event next!”
“A real event?” Discord asked.
“Spike, is there anything coming up that ponies of great influence will attend?”
“Well, there is that Canterlot Pegasi Race benefiting the orphans coming up in a week. Princess Celestia invited you remember?”
“Yes, I do now.”
“That must be the race Rainbow Dash was talkin’ about.”
“Wow that’s perfect! Dashie will race, we all get to watch and Discord gets to make a good impression on all of the Canterlot ponies.” Pinkie giggled.
“Right! We’ll double up on your lessons starting tonight!”
“Um, is that really necessary, Twilight?” Fluttershy timidly protested.
“If Discord wants to be perfect for the event, then yes,” Twilight declared stabbing the air with her left hoof.
Discord sighed.
Noticing her friend’s drooping ears, Fluttershy hugged him while nuzzling his cheek. “It will be alright.”
“Unless, Twilight Sparkle kills me with over-work,” he muttered.
This song was another parody of one of the songs from the Musical My Fair Lady. It was a celebratory song and dance because Eliza, the character that Discord is representing this story, finally gets her speech lessons and speaks without her cockney accent. It’s called the Rain in Spain and I’ve included it below.
Flamenco is a Spanish folk music and dance style from the Andalusian region of the country. Since there are famous horses from that same area called Andalusians as well I use that for the ponified name of Spain. Check out the video below to see some dancers performing flamenco.
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This is great!~ But poor Discord, he doesn't know just how boring the gala's going to be. He's not going to have fun being formal for 4 hours.
Well crazy cat mare has shown her head.
I was cracking up at Pinkie and the fourth wall!!!
Really, I was cracking up the whole time! Awesome job with the song! 
That's one of my favorites!
5567418
Yes. So the question is can he really hold out for that long after three weeks of this drilling?
5567469
Are you implying that Twilight's OCD tendencies are starting to get the best of her?
You might be right. 
5567716
Yes. I couldn't help but be a meta when playing in this wonderful sandbox with Pinkie and Discord in the mix.
I'm glad you are enjoying it and getting a good laugh. I'm very happy how this particular song parody worked out. I had a little trouble with the wording at first but once I remembered "Domain" rhymed with Spain it just flowed. Thanks.
For some strange reason, as i read all of that, it all happened in time with the music, the dipping, and the clapping, and the "Ole!".
Marvelous chapter. Keep up the good work!
5567938 you're welcome! Keep up the good work!
5568017
I am so pleased that happened for you! I actually read the song through while listening until that happens for me hoping that my readers will also have the same experience. You made my day!
5570410 You are very welcome! Helping my fellow man induces a happy-high in me.
Loving these songs, they're so much fun to 'sing along' with in my head. Another awesome chapter, I really feel like I'm watching the show when I read your stories. :D
Wonderful chapter, JLB, a tad to short for my tastes but very enjoyable nonetheless.
Also, I really liked how well you did Fluttershy's and Discord's relationship, how you show her to be the only one to truly understand him and his needs and not to want him to blindly assimilate and suppress his own nature but rather to adapt.
5571576
Thanks this song was a lot of fun to parody. I'm glad the formula of a musical story is working so well. I'm very glad it feels like the show to you.
5571670
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Yes some will be a little shorter than others. Unfortunately, I felt I needed to break this one before the race and other events. The next one will be longer.
Thanks. I really see Fluttershy as the only one of the Mane 6 to be able to completely be able to put herself in someone else's shoes. That's why I write she and Discord's relationship as I do. So far, in the show and comics, he really doesn't seem to connect with any others but for the CMC and their lack of accepting his chaos as something important to his make-up seems to be that common thread. The others are learning to accept him but I'm not sure they will ever be that close to him.
By jove, I think he's got it!
5659105
Discord is always grabbing and touching ponies he talks to so I imagine he's a hugger with those he knows the best. lol.
5675997
Yep he does.
So, Pinkie knew about Spike's "Launch a thousand ships' line. Figures she'd be territorial about the fourth wall. It sounds like somepony is framing Discord, unless his repressed magic is leaking out. I wonder when we'll see the next chapter.
5739532
Hi. Yep Pinky sense told her. lol
Yes these reports will be addressed in the next chapter.
It will be probably 1-2 weeks more because I had a bunch of things happen in real life that had to be addressed and took up all of my time. I'll know for sure if it will be the week of the 24th or the 31st when I'll be able to start on updates again by the end of this week. If I can get through the rest of my to do list that I originally took the break for (I had to put it all down and handle more important things) by the end of this week then I'll be able to work on these sooner.
I am adoring this story, looking forward to more! :D
5978762
Thanks!
I plan to have another chapter out next week.
I just ended up with way too much going on this month to get more than that out this month.
Please update as soon as you are able.
it just like my fair lady old my fave movie all time