• Published 29th Apr 2012
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A Ghost Story - Elemist



A human's insubstantial adventures in Equestria.

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Chapter 18 - Forced Friendship

All it took was a simple blink of the eyes and a few things happened. Firstly, I found that I suddenly had one of the best looking cupcakes I had ever seen resting in my upraised hoof. Secondly, Pinkie Pie had somehow traversed the width of the hospital room in the time it took me to blink Trixie’s eyelids and she was sitting right in front of me with a maniac grin on her face. Finally, there was the audible thump of Bon Bon fainting and falling to the floor.

Not entirely sure which of those three things I should be more worried about. I merely shrug and take a bite out of the pink frosted cupcake that I was holding.

“Oh sweet merciful lord…” I mumble through a mouthful of one of the most delicious cupcakes I had ever consumed.

Pinkies smile slowly disappears to be replaced by a look of concern. “Are you ok Spooky?”

“Huh?” I blink a few times and realize that I had been crying. “Yeah, Pinkie, I’m fine…”

I quickly pop the rest of the cupcake into my mouth and then wrap Pinkie in a gigantic hug. She immediately starts giggling and squeezes me back. After swallowing the delectable treat I push Pinkie back to arm’s length. “Thank you Pinkie.”

“No problem, you Silly Filly. Oh, wait that’s funny because you are a Filly now.” Pinkie’s giggles erupt into laughter and I immediately join her.

“Stop this at once, you are embarrassing Trixie!”

“Ahh, shut up Trixie, and enjoy the ride.” I let go of Pinkie and look around the room to be confronted with a group of slack-jawed, staring ponies. I try not to laugh at the fact that Lyra has done nothing about her unconscious mare-friend and is just gawking at me.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” I reached up and felt around Trixie’s face until I came upon her horn. “Oh, that’s just a horn don’t worry about it.”

Pinkie snorts and resumes giggling while numerous hooves around the room meet their respective faces.

“Alright, since we now have priority numero uno out of the way we can get onto the second most important thing.”

I turn to Fluttershy who looks like she can’t decide between laughing, crying or wetting herself and I immediately wrap her in a gigantic hug. She tenses immediately and her wings flare.

“Fluttershy, I am SOOO sorry that I scared you that night…”

Fluttershy relaxes and then returns my hug many times over and I find it hard to breath. “Oh, S-spooky, you don’t have to apologize for that, I already forgave you.”

We continue our hug until I hear Rainbow interject from behind me, “Hay, don’t I get an apology?!”

Without letting go of Fluttershy I say, “So you admit that I scared you?”

“W-what? No, of course not.”

“Well, as soon as you admit that you were frightened of me, then I will apologize for scaring you.”

Rainbow sputters at this and falls silent as I wear a smirk of triumph. I finally relent and release Fluttershy from my Kung Fu Grip and turn back to the group.

Twilight finally seems to have kicked started her brain and steps forward. “Wha…What in the name of Celestia’s Sun happened to you? Where did you go? Why are you in Trixie’s body of all things?”

Before I could begin my epic retelling of my grand adventures Pinkie says, “Silly Twilight, Spooky can’t tell us what happened.”

Twilight, obviously shocked, stares at Pinkie for a second. “What? Why?”

“Well I thought that was obvious…Dead men tell no tales.”

Due to the fact that Pinkie said this with a straight face made me fall to the floor laughing my new blue flank off and allows me to ignore the continued protests of Trixie stating that I was embarrassing her in front of her sworn nemesis.

After I compose myself, I pull Trixie back into a sitting position and motion everyone in the room to come closer. “Gather round my little ponies, this dead man does have a tale to tell.”

The ponies in the room immediately come closer and look at me expectantly. Pinkie had somehow acquired a bucket of popcorn and I wisely decided to ignore that.

“Alrighty then, let me start from the beginning. Well, to start off, little miss Wand-butt here.” I motion up and down to Trixie’s body. “Decided that it would be a good idea to summon an unknown, incorporeal shade in order to one up Twilight in the whole magic department.”

“Stop this at once, I will not allow you to reveal all of Trixie’s secrets to Twilight Sparkle, it is bad enough that you have embarrassed Trixie with your crazy antics already.”

“Shut up Trixie, the grown up’s are speaking right now…Where was I…Oh yeah, the whole ghost-napped thing. Well, after I had appeared in front of Trixie-stick we had a delightful exchange of pleasantries where we came to an agreement of her leading me back to Ponyville and me not holding an eternal grudge against her. We then set off on a grand adventure through the Everfree.”

As soon as I mentioned the forest almost all of them gasped and Fluttershy dived behind her mane.

I roll my eyes and continue my retelling. “Yes, the Everfree, the scariest place I have ever had the misfortune to enter…and I’ve been inside of Twilight’s head.” I purposely ignore the snort of amusement that Trixie gives off and continue.

“Yes, well, we had a lovely trip through the forest, in which I discovered that Trixie is a…wonderful…traveling companion. This morning, a little while after we had set out, we came to a small clearing. There we…ummm…well we had a run in with two little beasties which I bravely fought off.”

“O-oh my. W-what were they?” I try my hardest not to squeeze Fluttershy into another bone crushing hug at her adorableness.

“Not a clue. All I know is they were small, about the size small dog, green and incorporeal.”

“Incorp-awhat?” Rainbow pipes in after grabbing a hoof full of popcorn from Pinkie.

“Incorporeal, Dash, it means lacking matter or a material body, exactly like Spooky.” Thank you Twilight for explaining that…Wait where did she get that notepad and quill…You know what, I’m not going to question that either, it will save me from having to make a sanity check.

“Yes, well whatever they were, I was able to bravely fight them off in an epic battle of good versus evil.”

*Cough* Applejack looks me over and raises and eyebrow. “Y’all sure about that Sugarcube?”

“Gah…Fine, you win, I got my butt handed to me on a silver platter and I’m pretty sure something really bad would have happened if the Gatekeeper hadn’t of stepped in to save us.”

“The gatekeeper?” The scratching of Twilight’s quill stops as she looks quizzically at me.

“Oh, umm, I never told any of you about her, did I?” A chorus of nods tells me that I had indeed neglected to inform any of them about my mysterious lady in black.

“Well, she was the very first being I met after I died; she’s about six feet tall, covered in a black mist and has the loveliest set of glowing red eyes. In an ill-conceived joke when we first met I told her I was ‘The Keymaster’ and one thing led to another and I ended up here. I apparently left quite an impression on her because after she saved us she was dropping some major hints that she has the hots for me...which terrifies me.”

“Ha, Spooky’s afraid of his Marefriend.” Rainbow starts chuckling.

Hey, I’m not afraid of her, it’s just the fact that I have no clue what she is and that combined with the fact that she want to jump my non-existent bones is creeping me out.”

“Spooky is a Scardy-Ghost!” Oh, she is asking for it now, she is so getting pranked later.

“I’m sure you would be pretty creeped out if you got felt up by a spirit. In fact I can probably arrange that.” I raise my eyebrows and inch towards Rainbow who stops laughing and backs up a few feet.

“Ok, now where was I…Oh, yeah, creepy immaterial stalker. Well, The Gatekeeper left and Trixie was unconscious and there wasn’t any way I was going to leave her in the middle of the woods so I possessed her and then had a lovely stroll through the woods until we got back to Ponyville.”

The room falls silent as I come to the end of my epic tale which is only broken by the soft snore coming from the unconscious Bon Bon.

“Well, that was certainly an interesting story darling, and we are relieved that you are alright. We were terribly worried about you when Twilight told us you had disappeared. I can’t say I am…pleased to see Trixie again and I will be having words with her about taking our Spooky from us.” Rarity takes a few steps towards me and Trixie involuntarily flinches.

“Uhh, thanks for that Rarity, but I think you are scaring Trixie and while we are on the subject of Trixie I would like all of you to sit down and have a talk with her when I vacate her body. You know the whole magic of friendship thing.”

Rarity purses her lips, “But she was simply horrendous, and she was terribly annoying darling.”

“Well, I’m terribly annoying and that hasn’t stopped any of you from being my friend. I’m not saying you have to become best friends immediately, just talk out your problems and see if you can find some common ground somewhere.”

Rarity, Rainbow and Applejack put on some impressive frowns before Twilight speaks up. “He’s right girls; we should at least try to get along with Trixie.”

“This was not part of the deal; Trixie will have no part in this.”

I blatantly ignore Trixie’s objection and trot over to Lyra’s bed and pull myself up next to her. I glance down at Bon Bon’s still unconscious form that is now sprawled out on the linoleum. “So is anyone going to do anything about the unconscious Bon Bon on the floor?”

Fluttershy’s eyes shoot open and she immediately rushes to Bon Bon’s side and starts fussing over her. Seeing that Bon Bon is in good hooves I turn to Lyra, “You’ve been awfully quiet Lyra, are you feeling alright?”

Lyra remains silent and I see her eyes starting to water before she throws her hooves around Trixie’s neck into a tight hug. “Oh, Spooky, I was so worried about you. I thought I had lost you, I…I didn’t know what happened, you were here one second and then you just disappeared. I thought you were gone for good.”

I tune out Trixie’s continued protests and return Lyra’s hug. “Ah, Lyra, you don’t have to worry about me. It’s not like I can die or get hurt…” I push the thoughts of the pain from whatever the hell it was in the forest and just wipe the tears from Lyra’s eyes. She smiled faintly and sniffed back her tears.

I look up to see everyone had a smile on their face. “What? You lot never seen a touching moment between two friends?”

A groan from the floor alerts me to a slowly awakening Bon Bon, “Uhh, what the hay happened?”

“Ahh, Bon Bon my dear, finally decided to join us in the land of the living…Well, join everyone else in the land of the living.”

Bon Bon Squeaks as she looks up at me and begins tilting backwards before Fluttershy catches her. “Yo…You…You’re real? Oh Celestia, I was hoping that I had dreamed all of that and Lyra was just playing a prank on me.”

“Nope, I’m your friendly neighborhood ghost and I may have been haunting you and Lyra.”

“Wha? Oh my, that means you’ve been there when we were…oh my.” She clears her throat while looking around the room at the assembled ponies, who are looking on with interest. Somehow Pinkie has gotten a refill of popcorn and I just get an image of her sitting back watching a Soap Opera running through my head.

Bon Bon turns back to me, “So, umm, how long have you been, uh, staying, with us?”

“Oh, I’ve been hanging around ever since Vinyl and Octavia came over for that sleepover.”

“Oh, that long…you were the one moving things weren’t you, Lyra was lying when she said she had figured out how to conceal her magic aura.”

Uhh, yeah, that was me.”

“So you were the one cleaning up after Lyra.”

“Yep.”

“And you were the one packing me lunches when I went to work.”

“Yep-a-roonie.”

“And you were the one leaving those notes.”

“…umm maybe…look, I was just voicing what Lyra was too shy to say herself.”

“Then I guess I have you to thank for getting us together.” Bon Bon breaks into a smile before climbing up onto the bed and giving Lyra a quick peck on the cheek which immediately turns red as she blushes.

“Whoa, hot action going on over here!” Bon Bon’s face quickly matches that of Lyra’s and Pinkie giggles.

“Alrighty then, Pinkie Pie Cupcake, check. Apologize to Fluttershy, check. Explain my existence to Bon Bon and embarrass Lyra, check. I believe the only thing left to do is for you guys to fill me in on everything that I missed in the last couple of days.”

Pinkie Pie starts jumping up and down, thrusting her hoof above her head. “Oh, Oh, pick me, pick me!”

I raise Trixie’s hoof to her chin and start rubbing it. “Hmmm, let’s see. I guess I choose…You!” I point my hoof at Pinkie who immediately takes a huge breath and begins rambling.

“After you went all zooming out of the room, Twilight and Lyra were all like ‘oh no, what are we going to do?’ and they came and got all of us to see if we knew what was going on. I went all around town trying to find you with my Pinkie Sense but I couldn’t find you anywhere. So we all came back to the hospital to make sure Lyra was ok and we found Princess Luna was here and she was all super serious about what that big meanie pants did to Lyra. So Twilight and Lyra told the Princess about everything that happened that night except they left out everything to do with you because we thought the Princess would think we were all loco in the coco if you weren’t here to back up the story. Then the Princess was all ‘Worry not fair citizen, we shalt find this treacherous Griffin and render justice.’ And we were all excited because the doctor said that Lyra would be fine and she could leave in a few days after resting. So I planned this super-duper terrific get well soon party which turned out extra terrific because you came back and now everything is going to be ok.”

Pinkie immediately takes another huge gasp of air and flops to the floor.

“Well, that was informative. Oh, speaking of Señor Douchebeak, I don’t know if the Princess is going to find him or not. Well, unless those feathers and blood I found in the forest was from a Pegasus and not a Griffon, but the feathers were awfully long to be from a Pegasus.”

“Wait, you found blood and feathers in the Everfree?” Twilight looks a little worried and she begins to pace back and forth. Fluttershy meanwhile has let out a squeak and dove underneath Lyra’s bed.

“I wouldn’t worry about it; I’m sure the princess can figure out what happened and get everything squared away.” I hop down from the bed and drag Fluttershy out from under it. After a few minutes we were able to calm Fluttershy down enough so she wasn’t shaking in fear.

“So, what did you tell the nurse about Lyra’s ‘condition’ when she walked herself into the hospital?”

“Oh, we just told her she imagined the second voice, glowing eyes and changed cutie-mark.” Twilight says, while rubbing her hoof behind her head in embarrassment. “Speaking of that, I want to study this phenomenon while I have the chance.”

Twilight slowly backs me into a corner while pulling out parchment and various pieces of equipment. Trixie begins screaming in my head to run for it but it was too late as Twilight begins to poke and prod me while writing down her findings. I suffer through the horrible ordeal of having a flashlight shown in my eyes, a tongue depressor stuck down my throat and various other tests performed on me.

When Twilight grabbed Trixie’s transformed cutie-mark I involuntarily flinched out of her grasp. “Whoa there Twi, you’re getting a little frisky on me there.” I tilt an eyebrow her way. “Or are you just using this as an excuse to grab Trixie’s flank. That’s it isn’t it Twi, you just like me for my body don’t you. Well go ahead, fondle me all you want you brute.” I throw Trixie’s hoof to her forehead in mock drama as Twilight’s face lights up and the rest of the group either devolve into laughter or matches Twilights blush.

“Oh that is it; Trixie does not have to put up with this any longer. GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!”

“Ahh, come on Trix, I didn’t mean-“

“I DON’T CARE, GET OUT!”

“Yesh, fine, no need to get snippy about it.” I relax and let go of the hold that I had on Trixie’s body and I feel the familiar tingle run through my body. Everything goes black for a second before I find myself floating next to Trixie who is shaking her head back and forth while looking incredibly woozy. I look down at my body and I was happy to see that I have some of my color back, I still had the gray mist around my body and my tendrils but I could make out the color of my shirt and pants again.

Trixie finishes shaking her head and suddenly freezes as she sees everyone in the room staring at her except Lyra who is looking at me with a smile on her face. Trixie tenses for a second before suddenly bolting towards the door.

Shaking off my surprise I quickly reach out a tendril and drag her back into the room. “Oh no you don’t missy, you are going to stay here and talk it out with everyone.”

“Nooo, release Trixie at once, Trixie only wishes to return to her cabin to continue her studies into the arcane arts.”

“Oh hell no, as if I’m going to let you go waltzing back into the Everfree, not with those things still on the loose. You are going to stay right here in Ponyville where it is safe little miss Magic-butt.” I lift her up and set her down in front of Twilight. “Now, I want you two to play nicely now, you hear.” I can only chuckle as I watch Trixie dry swallow as Twilight stares her down.

*^*^*

The chat with Trixie didn’t go well that night. Heck, it didn’t go well for the days following it either. Trixie would rant and rave about how she was better than everypony else and then Twilight would get frustrated. Of course I only made the situation worse by cracking jokes about how the two of them should just bang and get it over with which led to the two of them yelling at me instead of each other so that was a plus.

Since I wouldn’t let Trixie go back into the Everfree, she ended up staying with Twilight in the library. This of course led to some tense situations and some late night arguing. I eventually got Trixie to at least try to be civil when I asked if she was going to let Twilight be better at making friends then she was. This got her attention and she swore that she ‘Would be the best friend in all of Equestria, that will show Twilight Sparkle who is the greatest.’

This led to the two of them being at least civil to each other and after a couple of weeks I could actually see the competitive rivalry of Trixie’s turn into a sort of competitive friendship. Trixie really didn’t interact with the rest of the group but with a little prodding from me, especially with the fact that I threatened to keep her up at night with show tunes, she at least apologized to everyone.

Lyra was released from the hospital the day following our return to Ponyville and I returned with her to the house. Bon Bon was still kind of leery with me around the house, especially with the fact that she couldn’t directly interact with me anymore. I continued to make her lunches but now I would leave notes from me just because I loved seeing her flustered.

With help from Rarity and some government assistance the rent was paid on time in full with the extra few hundred bits from the government compensation going into an emergency fund jar on top of the fridge.

Over the weeks following the incident, Bon Bon and Lyra grew closer together and this kind of brought a few complications. The biggest complication being the fact that they now required some special ‘alone time’ in the evening hours. Of course I was more than willing to give them their privacy, but only after several lewd jokes about voyeurism and lesbian sex.

Thus, I began spending a lot of time hanging out with Twilight and Trixie. This however gave them something else in common, the study and analysis of me.

The biggest project they apparently were working on was the spell that Trixie had cast to see me. Apparently it was a self-cast spell and it would only work on whoever performed it. Twilight was certain that they could figure out a way to cast it on others which apparently led to different test spells being cast on Spike, none of which led to anything more than Spike going cross-eyed for a few hours.

My biggest frustration was the fact they were doing all of their ghostly research in the basement of the Library and wouldn’t let me down there. Trixie had learned from my little stunt in her cabin and had apparently devised a way to make the walls impenetrable to me. This of course led to me only wanting to get down there and see what they were up to.

Thus, several weeks later, on a snowy night, I found myself floating in the main room of the library reading through some of Twilight’s basic magic books.

The door to the basement suddenly opens and Trixie emerges looking a little frazzled.

“Hay Trixie-stick, what are you two doing down there?”

Trixie begins trotting towards the kitchen letting off a little ‘humph’ as she goes. “That is for Trixie to know and for you to find out.”

Wait what? “Did…did you just snark me?”

“Snark? Trixie doesn’t know what you are talking about and didn’t you know curiosity killed the ghost?” She looks at me with a twinkle in her eye.

“Oh god, now you’re being sarcastic and snarky at the same time.” Did…did I rub off on her…Did I make a snarky Trixie. Good Lord, what have I done, oh the humanity!

I shake my head and press forward. “Ahh, come on Magic-butt, you know you want to tell me what you’re working on down there.”

“Nope, there is no way that Trixie is going to tell you.”

“Oh really, not even if I…TICKLED YOU BWAHAHAHA.” I grab a few quills from off the table and begin chasing her around the room while laughing maniacally.

Trixie shrieks after I catch her, “No…haha…you evil demon you…haha….let Trixie…ha…go…”

The basement door slams open again to reveal a disheveled looking Twilight with what I’m guessing was ink splattered all over her coat. “Spooky! Stop torturing Trixie.”

“Buuut Twilight, she won’t tell me what you two are cooking up down there.”

“That’s because we agreed not to tell you about it until we are done.”

“Bubububut Twiiiiiii…I want to know now!” I push out my lower lip and start pouting while giving her the biggest puppy dog eyes I could.

“Ok, that’s just creepy.” Twi says as she scrunches up her face.

“Well, if that isn’t going to work then I’m just going to have to tickle you too until you tell me.”

*Gasp* “You wouldn’t dare!” She begins back towards the stairs.

“Oh wouldn’t I?”

Twilight squeaks as I bring the quills to bear, “WAIT, I’ll tell you!”

I quickly pull back the quills as I wait for Twilight to spill the beans.

Twilight begins rubbing her hooves together, “Well, we are kind of working on a gift for you.”

I blink a few times in confusion. “A gift? For me? Why?”

“Because we find you annoying and unpleasant to be around.” Trixie finally joins the conversation after catching her breath. “It’s because we like you silly, and you are a good friend and good friends give gifts to each other…that is what good friends do right?”

“Uhh yes, that is what friends do.” I just shake my head in confusion, even more confused than before.

“Now if you will excuse us we are going to have some dinner then get back to work.” Trixie continues her trot into the kitchen with Twilight close behind her.

“Are you at least going to tell me what it is?”

They both chorus a resounding “NO!” back at me from the kitchen.

Dang, now I feel like a total heel for putting them through that when they were apparently doing something for me. Oh God, that’s right, Hearths Warming is coming up in less than a month. I should totally get some gifts for the whole gang, but how in the nine spheres of hell was I going to do that?

I look towards the basement door and think of the hours that Twilight and Trixie have spent in the basement and my resolve hardens.

I don’t know how, but I am going to get the girls gifts if it kills me…oh you know what I mean.


A/N: Alright first of all I want to apologize for the long wait. I'm going to blame my roommate for this one (it's not really his fault I just like blaming him for everything.) Secondly, thanks to Bronymaster for Editing.