Pretty good.

Those text paragraphs almost lost me a couple of times

One thing, Don't use 'she' over and over. Use something like Dash, Rainbow Dash, the rainbow-maned pegasus, the cyan pegasus. Things like that. The repetition of 'she' could bored or confuse the reader.

>>519759519759

Yes, when I was reading it over I thought that might be a problem, but I was running out of names, so I was hoping that it was just me and people wouldn't notice. I guess I'll make some changes to that now.

This was a great story. The only complaint i have is the 'she' i mentioned last chapter.

4 moustaches and a dashie!

This story is beautiful, and you have a way with description. Good job!

(Also, I disagree with the poster above about the pronouns, but YMMV)

>>519906519906

it didnt bother me at all.

great story.

i wish i had a pinkie to raise my spirits now and again.

>>529514529514

Well, you've earned a pinkie!

Have ALL the pinkies!

Listening to official DJpon-3- smooth dubstep. towards teh end Great story so far. I just completed my minor in philosophy yesterday.

>>540133540133

Oh yeah? I'm humbled to have this seen by someone with some actual credentials. May I ask for your thoughts?

Thanks for including these notes. It is defiantly hard to understand the meaning of some words unless you experience it yourself. From this I would agree that agon is defiantly different from agony in the English sense of the word. I like your caparison to struggle. To me it seems similar to a complete emotional breakdown accompanied by confusion and uncertainty. Agon almost seems like a place.

Words can be so misleading sometimes.

>>540195540195

Thanks. my comment is below/above.

Thank you... This story could not have come at a better time.  And you know why..

My only complaint is the use of "earth" to describe the land.  I know the intended meaning here but I prefer to use the term "land", "Equestria", "soil", or "dirt" to prevent the reader from falling out of the story and keep them from reality.  Just my opinion...  and not gospel by any means.

Hmm, this is a bit random but I couldn't help but notice that "telos" which you mentioned meant "end" in Greek is similiar to the latin transliteration for "weapon"

>>612834612834

Yes, I've studied a little latin and I noticed that as well, though I'm not sure how they got that false cognate.

Weird things happen I guess

>>573025573025

I suppose that this is a bit of a delayed response, and thank you for your criticism, but I should like to point out that the Heartswarming Eve tale asserts that they originally called Equestria "Earth." That's why I allowed myself to use words that may or may not break immersion.

Very interesting story. Have a thumbs up!

>>20757912075791

Satisfaction. It's a good day.

>>20769472076947  Indeed.  I loved how you captured rainbow dash's feelings in this story. Have a moustache!