It's been at least five years. Sorry I fell apart rather than finish my drafts. I've uploaded a special draft chapter as an apology to anyone who reads this. It follows most of the battle, and contains a song I wrote myself. "Game of Thrones" beat me to everything. Consider this a celebration of that show.
(oh god why did this story get featured NOW, this was supposed to be a goodbye)
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It's been five long years since Red Pommel rose from mud and fought his way to the top. Alas, the office of Master Swordpony was not the adventure he imagined. Instead of quests or saving damsels, all Red got was a heap of court politics and five years of guard duty. What does he have to show for his work? More money than he knows what to do with, and at least as many enemies.
Now dragons stir in the far north, unleashed from an age before Discord. The Sisters Alicorn call for an envoy, and it's no surprise that Red jumps at the opportunity. But when his swashbuckling leads him astray, he finds himself caught up in a tale of dark forests, dead gods, and gleaming steel...
A story of medieval Equestria, set over a thousand years before the events of the show.
Cover art by local neighborhood Tim015 on DA: EPIC SAUCE
Very descriptive action scenes in this short make the whole thing a wonderful read. I found myself drawn in from the get go, starting with the action was a great choice for this piece and resonated throughout the story. I can't stress enough how very wonderful it was to read the battle proper, as it went on far longer than most authors manage and still turn out to be full of hooks that keep me reading. I liked how it focused just on Red Pommel's duel, none of the greater purpose revealed until he had time to think. It gave us a point from which to start from and then exposate (if you pardon my word creation) without it being paramount and weirdly integrated.
It deserves a 5, since I cannot see any spelling errors nor can I fault this piece in much any way. I don't normally go on and on in effluent praise, so count yourself special. Great work, can't wait to read more from you!
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Awww, shucks Croswynd. That's a bit overboard, but thanks.
Personally, I think the ending drags on for far too long. But I wanted to submit this to EQD, so... yeah.
Anyway, did you enjoy the cover art? I think it's the best part of the whole thing.
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I would wager to say that the art is just as great as the story on which the picture is based. I usually suck at going this in depth with battle sequences, usually ending them in four paragraphs or less, so if I went overboard, it's only because I'm jealous.
This is a fantastic read. It's a little dark, but not grim, an important distinction. The setting is fleshed out enough, and some of your wordplay is pretty clever, without being obtuse and ostentatious. The action scenes are, in my opinion, impeccable. Your writing style in this is minimalistic, in many ways; you convey more action than you write, by a few simple strokes. In fact, if I could take some of your technique and learn from it, then I'll be happy.
The underutilized barebones exposition is a nice niche element of this story. A few things are brought up, such as this important Dictum I keep hearing about, but nothing is pored over; this is a slice of life piece, and I enjoyed every aspect of it. Fantastic work, you've earned my 5.
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That means a lot coming from you, Levy. Thanks. :pinkiehappy
I wanted to make a sarcastic comment but I couldn't think of anything. As such I'll just say this really is quite excellent. sure the fight scenes and they way the ponies do some things require you to suspend your disbelief but other than that there is nothing wrong with this. The dialogue's good, the descriptions are brilliant without being too drawn out and as the others have said your action scenes are brilliant. The chase scenes in it are particularly good, they're white knuckled all out dashes for safety and you really convey that in the way they're written.
The medieval setting feels like it came straight out of the FiM bible. Well done.
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Thanks!
I'm actually just about to post revised versions of all the chapters (as well as a new chapter 2). It's weird how I got so little traffic over the last couple months, and as soon as I'm ready to post a new draft a bunch of people start liking the old draft...
Anyway, I hope you'll read the new stuff. I promise it's better than this old draft.
Wow no comments? i guess that makes me first! Amazing story, cant wait for next chapter!
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What, a comment?
Thanks for reading, glad you liked it!
531498 Now my other comment makes me look like an idiot because i was nowhere at all close to first cause for some reason i didnt see any other comments...
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Well to be honest, all the other comments are from close friends. No reason to feel stupid.
One of the first things that bothered me in the first couple chapters was why the Princesses wouldn't just have a pegasus courier deliver the message, so I'm glad there's been hints on why Red Pommel is our protagonist. Compared to Shetland, it seems that Equestria (or at least Everfree) is rather devoid of pegasi.
I've loved the re-writes. I was expecting it to be a bit bloated and wordy, but instead I feel that they've gone that much farther in fleshing out the medieval setting as well as how Red Pommel reacts to the world around him. Well done
Fun Fact: Herbivores will eat meat if they're hungry and it is convenient (such as scavenging a corpse). It's easier to digest than plant material. Not sure how this applies to sentient equines, but interesting nonetheless
Looking forward to what comes next!
Whelp, it only took me 6 hours, but I read thorough everything you had...most of it TWICE. lol
Anyway, of the revisions, I love the Tinker. Awesome character, expecially Red's reaction to him.
Also, Scop is awesome.
Also, I sense this "Isos" sword will come into play much later on. My Grub-sense tells me.
Also, you say Red's sword has a Ruby set in it, yet it's absent in your cover.
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Thanks. I did mention pegasi in the first chapter, but rest assured there is a reason why Red was singled out. And to be honest, I kind of feel like the rewrites are bloated and wordy.
I've never heard about real life herbivores actually eating meat. And just like that, my only complaint about Fallout Equestria has been done away with.
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Thanks for taking the time, Grub. I hope you enjoyed it.
Red's sword does have a ruby set into it - in the pommel. It's out of sight in the cover art.
This is one of my all time favorites. I'm currently chewing on bones that used to be my diners waiting for the next chapter XD fantastic work!
Giving my review here, as per your request.
The She is not needed. ...And that's the only mistake I noticed.
This chapter....I don't know what to say. Your pacing is, and has been, very slow, but not in a bad way. Almost reminicent of Lord of the Rings. This chapter seemed to be entirely world-building, or just Broch-building, as it were. Though, it had more Scop(WOOT) and a lot of Red Character Development as well.
I also can't tell what you're going to do with the story. Red is desperate to continue his journey, yet he's mired at the broch and you've introduced a lot of characters that seem like they're here to stay(Scop, Lush, Bardiche mainly). I've ideas, but your overall plot is still a mystery to me, which is a good thing I suppose. Just as long as all this building isn't thrown away.
Also, on an annoying note, ponies are usually multicolored, yet you've not given Lush a mane color yet(I even checked back to last chapter). She's just...green. Do you know how annoying that is not having that information? lol
I also(not THIS word is becoming mantra) noticed this chapter seems VERY inspired by Dangerous Business and the Daleponies. Damn, do I miss that fic.
Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter, so on to the next one.
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I actually re-read Dangerous Business to make sure I didn't accidentally rip it off.
Anyway, the reason why Lush hasn't been described as anything other than 'green' so far is because all her colors are various shades of green. Kind of like how Twilight is all purple, you know? I've also been trying not to info-dump the description for any characters, as I feel that's a failing of many OCs. I think I've used five lines throughout the story to describe Red Pommel. However, rest assured that more will be described of Scop and Lush in the next chapter.
We're seven chapters into the story, and I'm through with slow starts. Stuff needs to happen, and it needs to start happening fast. Chapter eight will (hopefully) deliver.
Anothe chapter at long last. It is a better pace than me, that's for sure. I think this chapter was great, even if the action waited until the end to show up. The world is engaging and there is plenty of build up to something big, so I hope the secret of the enemy is worth the wait. Keep Up the good work!
I can tell just from the onset one of three things is true:
A ) You yourself have experience in swordsmanship.
B ) You did a damn good job researching it.
or C ) You have an uncanny knack for writing realistic fight scenes. (I use the term "realistic" very loosely considering the combatants are ponies.)
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>mfw I'm away for Fimfiction for two weeks, and I come back just in time for a comment.
I've never actually used swords, but I did do extensive research and consult a friend who spars with bastard swords up in New York.
"Deer of Shimmerwood" NICE touch there.
Must say, I find Red's disdain for unicorns to be a bit off putting. But then again, this is a farcry from modern Equestria as it is. Still, I can't stress how natural this all feels. The Princesses' arguing, the archaic speech patterns, the tournament, the guilds, the noble houses, the weapons, the allusions to fantastical past events. It feels like the right combination of Middle Age Earth and expected pony magic. In this, it almost feels like an old Arthurian tale!
I wish for next chapters...
This story deserves so much more love. I found the whole thing so far enjoyable and engaging and adore the world building.
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static1.gamespot.com/uploads/original/1545/15455474/3018389-4002059757-latest
This just in: Unicorns are dicks.
I suppose its a fitting character defect to make up for the omg hax magic, but I do love how you can make a believable scenario where an earth pony can counter it with skill :)
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Not all unicorns are dicks, but then again not all unicorns are talented with magic, either. But I'm glad you enjoyed the fight scene. I've written various versions of it over the past two years, always stumbling and halting, but never succeeding until (hopefully) now.
Oh, please, please, please tell me that there is a pony-equivalent of Stannis around here somewhere.
I only just discovered this story, and I have to say that it is really captivating thus far. I adore the amount of detail you've clearly put into this depiction of a more ancient Equestria, and I cannot wait to know more. I should say that I'm intrigued by Red as a protagonist - normally in fantasy stories like this, the protagonist isn't someone whose already built up his reputation as an adventurer, sent his years fighting magic portraits and vampires, or earned a fortune so big that he cannot spend it. It's certainly a nice change of pace!
By the way, I really like the indications given that this particular world of yours has taken cues from It's a Dangerous Business and it's successors - it reminds me a bit of some older fantasy stories, which utilized the names and settings of the author's colleagues to create a sort of shared-universe. I love that we're part of a community that allows for that!
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I don't want to get too into Equestrian knight characters until I'm writing out of Shetland, but there are a couple strictly honor-bound individuals in this setting. Their competency in battle, however, might be of some dispute.
It's just that there are so many Onion Knights these days. Most are from JRPGs as I understand it, but still!
You've BEEN featured! I'm going to give this a read.
Imgur link :D
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Oh dear.
I hope they read the author note at the top of the latest chapter. And at the top of the story description.