seems interesting. i'll follow this for now. oh, by the way, you might need an editor. spotted a few errors.

dis gun be rapen herpen in derpen

That was bizzare... But hey, I'm all for that!

You're taking the characters out of their normal comfort zones, usually I'd say; "They wouldn't react like that!", but in this case, who really knows, the CMC have never been thrown into the underworld before, have they?!

So yeah, I'm gonna see where this is going...

Hmmm looks interesting.

I like where this is going.

Do continue my good sir.

ill read later feeling sleepy

hmmmm.... what could it be?

nice chapter, btw. have a stache.

She hasn't taken to my removal of her brains very well, sadly.

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2080-13258119447882.png

Can't tell if Clop or Horror, either way, I like it.

"Augh!" Sweetie screamed.

Cool chapter and concept though. I commend you.

Not Sweetie Belle! D:

I like where this is going. Besides, it's actually making me think... Which I don't do very often anymore...

its different but.....

Image: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/52044/2060390-i_like_it.jpg

ohh, waiting to see what happen next

There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but overall nothing too serious that it could ruin the mood of the story. And the Plot is kind of a strange one, but for now I'm liking the concept of the story.

Sincerely, In Medicus

Glad that you guys love it!

>>516148516148

Fixed!

And thanks!

Sci-fi!

It is pretty cool so far, I will continue!

Image: http://www.terrariaonline.com/attachments/i-like-where-this-is-going-jpg.6549/

I hope that doesn't make me a bad person

Awww... poor sweetie...

Poor Applebloom. And Sweete Belle and Scootaloo. But especially Applebloom.

These signs are really harassing her, aren't they? (I mean she is cute and everything, but... that slime is kinda creepy.)

I guess the CMC can be glad I am not in Appleblooms place. Because despite thinking about everything for a bit I still didn't manage to figure it out...

Well, I am pretty sure the key to solve the riddle is mirror.

It might be Door 6. Because mirroring "P" (vertically) results in "6".

Or door 527, which would be the door behind her when she looks at door 1 and 2 (the door she would see if you put a mirror between door 1 and 2). That is if all doors are on the ground floor. Since the room is supposed to be shaped like a giant birds cage with doors at different heights there might be another door right behind her.

Or maybe I am completely off.

you sir

are a wonderful author

please keep this up

and if clop should appear, this would be even better

that is all

kthanksbai

It's like you took one of those psychological thriller/horror/puzzle games and put it to print.

Well bloom is the smartest out of the 3 on the CMC, let's just hope math isn't her Acheles' heel.

And poor Gilda, ouch.

Creepy stuff, and quality as always Swiper!  Keep the creep a-creepin'!  And btw don't you totally agree we need a Chrysalis emoticon???

Thanks for reading and commenting you guys! Your support really, really means a lot to me!

>>520264520264

Oh, yeah!

>>520170520170

Yeah, that probably was painful.

>>520010520010

Well, it's clear that the Queen has eyes for Applebloom. We'll see how far this ends up going.

>>519774519774

Even though I didn't go that route, that sounds pretty interesting. And, yeah, I'm going for creepy.

>>519395519395

>>519470519470

>>519502519502

Yeah, poor Sweetie. But just keep reading.

there is a problem there is no 5th chapter

Another pretty good chapter, but now there's not a whole lot of suspense left for the next chapter

Still liking the story thus far though

dark without gore/sad/tragedy?

I MUST READ IT!

>>522448522448 oh you tease

wow

i must be dumb

cuz i couldn't figure out that puzzle

you must be very witty friend

keep up the good work

Egads! Tis a cliffhanger!

Awesome chap, can not wait for the next one.

This story is strange and yet oddly compelling. I'm not sure where you're going with this or what you have planned but I'll be looking forward to finding out. I like how you've been having the antagonist speaking through signs and cards. It adds an apprehensive twist to the story, and builds up for the eventually meeting. Nicely played sir.

My only criticism is that the logic puzzle here wasn't as obvious as the story seemed to point out. I wasn't sure if that was on purpose, like you didn't want the reader to guess it and know before Applebloom, or if it should have been obvious from the start and I just failed to interpret foreshadowing on your part. It left me confused.

Fab has requested your presence in his backstage dressing room with the rose petals placed along your mane.

fab never invites me to his back stage dressing room

#forever alone

>>530071530071

This story is strange and yet oddly compelling. I'm not sure where you're going with this or what you have planned but I'll be looking forward to finding out. I like how you've been having the antagonist speaking through signs and cards. It adds an apprehensive twist to the story, and builds up for the eventually meeting. Nicely played sir.

My only criticism is that the logic puzzle here wasn't as obvious as the story seemed to point out. I wasn't sure if that was on purpose, like you didn't want the reader to guess it and know before Applebloom, or if it should have been obvious from the start and I just failed to interpret foreshadowing on your part. It left me confused.

Yeah, it is strangely fascinating. It feels like we are following Applebloom through a dream (or a nightmare), somehow unreal but making sense in its own way at the same time.

I also agree on the logic puzzle part (especially since I tried solving it in vain as well) - it felt like the reader should have been able to solve it at the end of chapter 3, but the solution seems to have relied on eliminating almost every door by picking wrong doors during the solution. Maybe it is because I like reading mystery/detective stories which often allow the reader to solve the riddle themselves before the solution in presented by the main character.

Anyway, Sweetie Belle is safe and now the way to help Scootaloo is also obvious. And even better, Scootaloo does not seem to be in danger (however Applebloom herself kinda is).

The story tags kinda spoil who the CMC are dealing with. And she seems to enjoy this way too much. On the other hand, "playing" with Applebloom by making her worry about her friends might even be the correct way if her main interest lies in Appleblooms "love" for her friends.

Come on Applebloom: Show her how great Ponies are in singing songs they have never heard before. If Pinky Pie made the whole town sing along her you surely can do the same in a Karaoke test to safe Scootaloo.

>>526025526025

>>530071530071

>>530483530483

I have to admit that the logic puzzle thing may not have been written too well. I've trying to make it ambiguous as to whether or not the Queen is actually testing Applebloom for anything, or if it's all completely fake and a ruse with rules/concepts for things changing-- just so the Queen can toy with her and magically feast from Applebloom's love for her friends.

I also really wasn't sure how to present the whole logic puzzle thing. That's not really my strong suit, as I'm more of a slice of life / comedy / pure adventure / romance author. I don't do dark well, and I know it. Part of writing this is me trying to expand my horizons.

>>530828530828 sounds good

you stumped me tho

probably because you didn't know the answer either

...

hey

ik its weird to ask

but have you checked out my fic?

>>530842530842

I really don't like humanizations unless they're just straightforward romances or comedies. Something about ponies in human bodies makes me feel weird.

But, if you want, I'll look at it.

>>530886530886 well

i may contact you later as a pre reader

seeing as there will be a clop portion at the end

and you are one of my fav clop writers

>>530894530894

I'll look at it sometime.

Also, just curious, but have you seen my stories http://www.fimfiction.net/story/23403/Gooby-Floopy-Pancakes and http://www.fimfiction.net/story/21932/A-Brush-With-A-Beauty ?

>>530939530939 i didn't read gooby floopy pancakes

didn't strike me as something i would enjoy

seeing as the fic the universe is based on didn't get my attention after the first chapter

and i have not checked out a brush with beauty

on my way now

Hmmm... well this is different

Course I guess you'd have to expect something like that out of this kind of fic, it can't all be puzzles and rising water.

"s'taht tcerroc" Read it correctly without thinking, Fuck yeah.

Reads puzzle "I don't get any of this"

Remembers reading "s'taht tcerroc" Correctly

Image: http://chan.catiewayne.com/c/src/131705031834.jpg

AppleBloom you're making it hard for me to vote for you when you don't pick Video Killed the Radio Star

>>531278531278

Please tell me honestly what you think about the puzzle, and be specific (like if you went on for paragraphs, that would be great). I might revise this whole story later.

>>531303531303

In fairness, she never picked any song. She just selected one by a total accident.

Agreed, though, I freaking love that song. All of the songs that I mentioned are favorites. You love them all too?

>>531317531317

Paragraph Challenge accepted, however I'm currently trying to get myself unbanned from a server so it'll have to wait.

Also I'll need to re-run through that chapter, though all in all I understand the basic concepts of the puzzle, they were all clues to the answer being golf related.

HAWT.

If I were Applebloom and if I rolled that way, I would've totally taken up that dressing room offer.

Ok.  I have no idea how the Queen is doing all of this, but i love her selection of music.

What did I just read?

Another interesting chapter to this experimental trip down the ol' Rabbit hole as it were. Don't have too much to say in the way of criticism for this one, it was a nice update and leaves me once more wondering what's next for Applebloom. Apparently a duet with a hungry wolf, a very hungry wolf. Nice double imagery there, SwiperTheFox, considering the characters involved.

>>537097537097

Is that a good crazy or a bad crazy? I assume the latter.

>>537210537210 good and bad crazy her helping her friend:good perverted a-hole trying to molest her:bad

>>537244537244

Well, I am trying to get you to really love Applebloom and really hate the Queen in this fic. I guess I'm succeeding.

What do you want to see in the final chapters 7 and 8?

Well truth be told even light dark stories aren't really my cup of tea i did enjoy this chapter. However by personal preference I cant stand common chat sound effects such as:

*poof*

*plink*

or my most hated:

*POW*

“How about the one from those sexy, charming Duran Duran boys?” he asked.

Oh, well, that shouldn't be too bad.

*Scrolls up*

Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

Oh crap. Well, she's sensible, right? She NEVER gonna pick this o--

“I pick,” she said, and she sighed, “Hungry Like the Wolf!”

Image: http://jennelala.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/quote-of-the-day-salma-hayek-says-shes-not-a-freak.jpg

>>537398537398

I'm glad that you like it.

Personally, I like those effects so... I guess it's just "different strokes".

Even though it's dark this is will now be known as my favorite among your works.

>>537461537461

Hehehe

>>537511537511

Hmmmm... interesting that you'd prefer this one. It's pretty much an 'odd-man-out', usually I just do happy things. Thanks for reading, all the same.

>>537548537548 goin out of your comfort zone brings out adaption in your trade.

Great song choice

>>537260537260 the crusaders and the mane 6 kicking the living hell out of the changling queen

A nice, solid start. A few errors here and there, but nothing major. The sense of mystery is nice, and your descriptions are easy to get. I'm looking forward to the rest.

>> I guess I’ll go with, ah, ‘Best of Synth Pop’,” Scootaloo called out.  The screen flickered once more, and the same group of songs popped up.

I am pretty sure poor Scootaloo is not able to make any choices at the moment. If it is even the real Scootaloo in that room.

Looks like the next part will be Applebloom singing again - possibly with moments of running for her dear life...

Am I a bad person for enjoying the distress Applebloom is constantly put into?

prepare for lyrics

sir we have lyrics incoming!!

GET TO COVER!!!

edit: "I guess I’ll go with, ah, ‘Best of Synth Pop’,” Scootaloo called out."

dont you mean appltbloom?

The CMC were at the wedding - Applebloom should recognize the changelings.

>>537188537188

Hehe, thanks for reading and glad that you liked it!

>>538334538334

I love synth pop! Especially the 80s! 80s-4EVR!

>>538456538456

That would be nice to write! I'll see how the story goes...

>>538725538725

>>539483539483

Fixed, thanks for pointing that out.

And, don't feel bad! She's tough! She can handle it! Just believe in her!

Well, 'least's Sweetie's alright . She's a tough filly, she can... dare I say: Deal With It.  I kind of skipped the second chapter, and went into Sweetie's trap, only because I saw a lot of... anyway, I like it. Yes sir I did find this quite enjoyable so far. Sweetie's trap is also reminiscent of Saw's box trap on a much larger scale (at least that's what I inturpreted). I've never been a fan of Saw's story, but I always loved their traps with a passion, and that's why I like your story so much . I'd finish it now, but I got shiz to do!

But a like and watch you have earned, my young padawain.

And happy I could offer some kind of inspiration to ya though despite the fact that it's got some dark elements, I don't really see how Sweetie's Mansion relates to Crysolbloom, besides a filly going around having to save her... ooooh. I get it now, I think.

And yet another piece of the puzzle has been solved

Nicely done. You're very good with handling dialogue and emotions. Glad to see that they're piecing it together.

smiling?!!?

LE GASP!

dat ending

why do you taunt me so?

First paragraph was absolutely hilarious

I want that bastard dead soo badly

I love how you play Chrysalis against Applebloom. The world you've created is so weird and creepy, albeit funny. I wonder who has the little Apple?

Just when I thought it was going to get far too depressing, Pinkie arrives to save the day

Dude! Dude! Duuuuude

Right after Applebloom said "What am I, stuck in a music Video?" I immediately flash backed to this Take On Me

I can now picture the entire music video with both Chrysalis and Applebloom.

Also that Cliffhanger, Can't wait for more. Everything about this story is amazing, and is actually quickly becoming tied for my personal favorite with Nightly Romance & Nightmare Date

>>552749552749

Yeah, I'm loving this story. It's really OOC for me to be this playfully dark, and it's been very fun to put poor Applebloom in danger. Right now, Applebloom is in a combination of Duran Duran music videos from Rio to Hungry Like The Wolf to A View To A Kill and more. That's a funny thing, though. I'd never thought of using the A-ha song. It would have been awesome!

>>552726552726

You can always count on:

>>551276551276

So do I!

>>549374549374

I wasn't going for hilarity per se, but I'm glad that you liked that.

This is good, keep it up!

Aaaaawww dang, stuffs about to get violent

Great chapter cant wait for more

Wonderful chapter. Your descriptions are great and this whole thing is a treat. Tell me, is this all touch and go, or do you plan it before hand?

And she managed to escape until the song was over. Good work Applebloom. Now she just has to undo the brainwash in one song, easy.

Ohh well. I really like this story. I wonder how long Applebloom can continue just playing along with what her captor prepared for her. Even if she gets Scootaloo out and back into reality (hopefully in a better condition than Sweetie Belle, but somehow I doubt that), the hardest part - her own escape - is still ahead of her.

Looking forwards to all of that.

Thanks for all the comments!

>>562322562322

I plan out scenes in general ahead of time in my mind w.r.t plot and things like that (like when I'm driving or sitting in the bus, idly thinking), but the specific dialogue, story language, and so on I do on the fly.

>>562605562605

Applebloom can do it! She's determined!

some stallion isn't happy

Looks like this problem was serious enough for the royals to get mixed in. I wonder how Chrysalis is going to deal with Celestia; it took Shining Armor's love to power her up enough to defeat her the first time. Did she retain that power or was it only temporary? Overall, a good chapter with plenty of laughs and drama.

Found a spelling error

I'm not somepony's bucking 'screw-toy'! Applebloom's face burned with rage. She found

Scootaloo going into a weird mental zone behind her,the filly's eyes glazed over,and she shook.

She could barely keep from figthing that monster right then and there.

I also noticed that the rating of this story got changed to teen. No more clop?

Pretty good chapter, waiting to see celestial rage

>>565716565716

I've basically abandoned the idea of this being a clopfic. I really, really don't want to write molestation and rape of Applebloom in detail and I won't. I'd much rather lead into just what you said-- Chrysalis meeting some pissed off ponies.

I'll look for those errors in a moment. Thanks for reading.

>>565753565753  alright I can dig it

lol cliffhanger

in the words of dante: this partys gettin crazy, lets rock!

>MFW Queen

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-abC097If2pY/T14BiAFm9YI/AAAAAAAAUCI/tvOIi3eBQ4M/s1600/freddie-mercury-drawing-photo-u1.jpg

queen!

QUEEN!

you sir have made my day

not just once, but twice

with your zecora clop

and now queen

here

take all of my love you silly fox

FIRST!!!

also WHY YOU LEAVE SECRET CLIFFHANGER?!

So. AB is The One?

And Gamer Luna comes to the rescue?

>>572027572027

The Kwisatz Haderach perhaps?

>>572104572104 Neobloom.

>>572134572134

Bloom Muad'Dib

Interesting turn of events. The logic behind it is simple, but staggering. Also, I noticed that the Romance tag was removed and replaced with a Human tag. Any reason for that? Not that you have to answer; I'm just a fan.

In my mind, Celestia is fucking shit up over there.