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An epidemic of a new sort has his Equestria! It's not a disease or a spell gone wrong, it's something even more horrendous, fast food! How will the residents of Ponyville, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, take on this challenge of greasy dandelion burgers, hay fries, and cheap toys?!
--Warning: Do not read if hungry--
Disliked: sorry but I really love McDonald's, I've been going there since I was a small child and what you wrote pisses me off.
You sound like one of these fatties that blame McDonald's for making them fat, despite the fact they eat way too much in terms of quantity and never exercise.
I love McDonald's too, and I can assure you I ain't fat. I've been going there since I was a small kid too, and I love it. It's as much of the people who eat it's fault as it is anyone else's. I can't blame you for your opinion, and yes, looking back it does bash on Micky D's a bit. But it's a comedy, and it's supposed to be stupid. And, well, it's stupid.
It's a nice cheap laugh although it needs a little work. It does it's job though and i been reading to many grimdarks recently (all the deep stories I find seem to have such depressing plot lines at least until the end.) so I really needed a laugh to lighten myself up a bit.
You are not the only one that have been stuck in deep storys. I have more then three hundred fics to read but most of them have very very very many chapters.
Look out, I think Gardfield the cat can feal the smell.
Well I only have ketchup, ham (I think the word is that or maybe it is porkchop) and cheese on it.
Not gonna lie, I liked this, but I just feel it could be written a bit better.
When using speaking verbs such as "asked", "said", "exclaimed", or "answered", you don't need to capitalize them after a quote. I think a few situations could be expanded on, like Diamond Tiara bullying the colt at the beginning of the story. Perhaps you could have just added her bullying to the scene, rather than just telling us she bullied some anonymous and silent colt. Iron Will's dialogue could be a bit less mechanical. Just because his dialogue has lots of exclamation marks doesn't mean that it isn't.
It did give me a few laughs though, like with Diamond Tiara waddling out of the classroom. Jesus. Plump Cheerilee is also a nice addition. Liked the idea of Iron Will as a gym teacher. So yeah, a nice attempt, revolving around a good idea. Just keep what I mentioned in mind.
Oh wow, that was hilarious! Although short, and with a few minor flaws, it was funny and original. I especially like how Diamond Tiara finally got what was coming to her.
The biggest laugh I got was how Sweetie Belle's drink incinerated. It reminded me of "The Mythbuckers", in which the trio make an amazing breakthrough: Chocolate Milk Explodes.
So great.
I love that at the end, Diamond Tiara's fat. I will never be able to see her any other way. The image of her rolling down a hill is just too funny. As for criticisms, I have only one. The story seems rushed and all over the place. It doesn't really flow too well.
Extra comments, I have one. Finally, someone who speaks out against McDonalds. Even if you didn't intend it, you did, and I salute you.
Overall, liked this one. Fav.
I'd say one thing.
This story is just hilarious. I'm not a critique or a teacher, but I'd give this an A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++. Also, if McDonald's hit Equestria, I'd never eat there. EEEEEEEEEEEEEVAR. I have my own 'resturant' in our orchard, Berry Sweet Orchards.
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Did you happen to get hungry while writing this?
Nice job!
Image: http://i1128.photobucket.com/albums/m493/Stephanie_Stull/Tumbler%20GIFs/citizenkane.gif
and it dose make you fat it's a funny fic with a good point eat healthy once in while or you'll be fat and misrable 
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