• Member Since 8th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 27th, 2015

Dawn the Pegasus


Major Brony and Whovian alert! Sketching Dawn is my OC, so she will appear in almost every one of my stories, along with Doctor Whooves. I ship Sketching Whooves (it is my OTP) so accept it.

T

What if everyone knew when everypony else was going to die, but didn't know of their own death? Suddenly everypony acts all nice, and they all repeat the same words, I'm sorry.

One day everyone starts to act nice to Sketching Dawn, too nice. It doesn't take her long to figure out why. It happens to everypony at some point in their life. But it comes much too soon for her tastes.

This story has no relationship to my other story, Sketching Dusk. And no ties to any other possible future story. This is a story all on it's own.

Tags may be subject to change.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

I'm honored that I will be the first comment on your story. I would like to begin that I also like Dr. Who and most affiliated company, O.C's or not. First of all, there are a few grammar issues, mostly errors in past tense. If you would like me to point them out to you, then PM me. Second, hopefully you can give us more insight into why she is dying. Is it an illness or a freak accident that she can't prevent? I would also love to ask how long it took you to write this story, just because I am interested in trivial details like that.

Overall, I think if you go line by line editing this piece, you could truly have something unique. I liked the story, and you give a good direct characterization to the main character.

P.S Dr. Who is awesome!

A billion bits to you,
Matthew DePointe

Hmmm...

The only problem is.. Well, I can't find out why..

The explanations of their moments? Somewhat, I suppose.

7/10. Good, but I don't get it. How do hey know when they're going to die? There should be some kind of thing that goes on in their heads or something.
Good concept, okay execution, not any errors I caught.

Intriguing idea...I'll be curious to see how this pans out! Three days is plenty of time for potential drama, fulfilling life goals, reconciling with loved ones, or going bonkers and going on a massive shooting spree.

One thing I spotted: "I enjoyed listen to the lives of other ponies." This should be, "I enjoyed listening to the lives of other ponies."

5320654 I got the idea from a friend, and it took around a day to get the concept and a brief plot in mind,. From there I just wrote this first chapter later in the day. Sorry about the grammar, I usually am pretty good about using correct grammar as I go along, but sometimes writers miss some errors. About why she is dying, it is something to be revealed in the last or second to last chapter. No one knows how the others will die, they only know the date.

Thanks for your opinion and help! Doctor Who is truly amazing!

Dawn

5320669 With the whole knowing when they die thing, It's just something that comes natural to them. It comes to them as easily as speech comes to us. It may take sometime to understand it, but once it's mastered, it just comes to them as a second thought.

What do you mean by explanation of their movements?

5321157 I am going to try to make the three days as fulfilling as possible.

And thanks for the correction, I'll change it. It's hard to spot my mistakes sometimes.

This is definitely a hidden gem on this site. I'm surprised it doesn't have more views.

5433397 Thanks. That means a lot to me. I only I had more time to update it, then it might have more views, but I don't always have access.

Login or register to comment