Bad Day
One bright and shining morning, Applejack awoke to the noise of what sounded to be a smashing from downstairs. Perhaps Granny Smith had fallen? Or maybe someone fell down the stairs? Or someone was sick? Applejack’s motherly instincts kicked into overdrive as she ran downstairs to see what had happened.
“ What happened? What's goin on? Are ya’ll all right?” She exclaimed.
Granny Smith sat in her usual rocking chair, with Big Mac only feet away on the couch by the window. Applejack looked to her left to see a tiny yellow and red pony on the floor with pots and pans all around her. Flour and cinnamon poured everywhere.
“What happened here?” AJ asked.
“ Why, young Applebloom wanted to make some breakfast for all of us.” Granny Smith slowly explained. “ Ain’t that right Big Mac?”
“Eeyup” answered the red stallion.
Applejack turned to face Applebloom once more. Her younger sister’s mane was full of flour, and AJ now noticed her sister had also spilled honey. And that it was starting to harden and stick to every surface it was on.
“Get up! Get up! We gotta clean this!” she hollered. “What I tell you ‘bout cookin in the kitchen without my supervision.”
“I just wanted to surprise ya’ sis. And maybe, suprise breakfasts are my special talent.” Applebloom mumbled. The filly got up and walked towards the broom closet.
“Stop, I’ll clean this up, you go get in the tub and clean yourself up.” Applejack ordered.
As Applebloom walked upstairs, Applejack got a pail of water and soap ready. She reached for the sponge on the sink, and began to clean up the sticky honey mess. Then she swepped up the flour and cinnamon mixture.
“Applebloom, time for school!” Applejack called as she looked at the clock. If she didn’t go now, she would be late.
“Coming” The filly called. “ I just gotta put my bow on.”
“You want me to walk with you?” AJ asked.
“Sure why not.”
The two walked down the dirt road and towards Ponyville. As they walked, Applejack noticed her friend Rarity also walking her sister. The two met up with the others and they all walked to school. They spoke of what had happened during the week, and what good news they had to share.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Sweetie Belle mentioned. “ I got a 100 on my math test yesterday!”
“Oh great job Sweetie! You should tell mother and father once we get back home.” Rarity chipperly said.
“ What test?” Applejack questioned.
Applebloom’s face suddenly went pail. She began to look to the ground and stare at her hooves. Applejack knew something was wrong and that it could only be bad news. She waited for her sister to tell her, but she never spoke. After a long period of waiting, Sweetie Belle decided to answer.
“ It was the big end of the year test that we all had to pass! Miss Cheerilee said to do our best and try real hard.” she answered.
Applejack looked back at Applebloom, whose head was still facing the ground. Rarity pouted as she looked at the filly.
“Why, whatever grade you got it couldn’t be that bad. We will all understand. Hopefully.” Rarity promised, as she look at Applejack, she had a hard time pushing out the word hopefully.
Maybe from time to time Applejack could be a bit harsh on Applebloom, but she never meant it in a bad way. She did it only to get a point across, and hopefully help guide her naive sister in the right direction.
“Ok, I’ll show ya.” Applebloom sobbed. She reached into her saddle bag and pulled out a big packet of papers, which on the front showed the big letter D, but not just any D, but a D-.
Jaw dropped, Applejack didn’t know what to say. This must have been one of the first tests Applebloom had showed her in a long time. Had all her previous tests been like this? Why didn’t she ask her or anypony for help?
Even Sweetie Belle was surprised, eyes wide and ears pointed upward. Rarity, was still pouting, examining the test most likely. Trying to find a way to fix this situation. But, there was no way, and Rarity soon learned this.
“ Is there a way to retake the test?” Applejack asked the fillies.
“ No…” Applebloom whimpered.
Applejack did notice that the report cards she had been receiving showed a recession in Applebloom’s grades. She never asked why, and now she started to regret not doing so.
They had reached the school. Rarity said her goodbyes to the fillies, and so did Applejack. Rarity offered to come take a visit to Sweet Apple Acres, but Applejack stated that there was much work to be done, and that maybe she should visit another day. Unless Rarity wanted to dust furniture, or clean pots and pans.
Once home, Applejack continued to clean up the house. Sweeping out the remainder of the flour, and dusting the living room. She went upstairs to make her own bed, but when passing Applebloom’s room, she noticed how much of a train wreck the room was. Bows and other clothes spilling out of the closet and scattering around the room. Bed unmade and desk covered in papers. Papers.
Applejack walked over to the desk, making sure not to step on anything. She spread out the papers, and noticed the markings on the papers. C+, B-, C-, D+, F, B, F-. There were many other grades just like this.
Applebloom had always been such a great student... where were all these grades coming from?
Anger rushed to Applejacks hooves as she pushed all these papers on to the floor. How dumb must Applebloom be to get these grades? What an idiot she must be! Maybe thats why she never received her cutie mark!
She turned around and looked at the room once more. One Major thing that caught Applejack's attention was Appleblooms's bed. The bed frame was falling apart. But, she didn't feel that she needed to fix that. There were more important things to do. Applebloom would just have to live with it.
After cleaning the house, all except for Applebloom’s room. Applejack went out to tend to the orchard. The trees were just starting to grow flowers, so apple picking was already checked off the list. That only left her tending to the animals. The cows needed watering, the sheep shearing, and it would be best if the pigs got some mud to roll around in on such a hot day.
The cows smelled of feces and looked very, grumpy. Applejack would need to ask Big Mac to clean out the stalls. Applejack filled the troughs with water and headed for the sheep. The sheep were overheated and needed to be sheared. Applejack got out the shears and one by one cut the sheep’s fluffy coats.
Carefully, but diligently cutting the fur from around the sheep’s face. And once done, she set the hooved animal off to the fields for the day.
After about two more sheep, something strange happened. She started to imagine the sheep as Applebloom. She imagined that she was giving a haircut to Applebloom, giving her, her usual rounded cut. But soon, aggression kicked in, and she imagined visually cutting her coat off. And ripping hair off from around her eyes, so she can hear the screams.
“STOP IT!” Applejack heard somepony screamed.
She stopped. Her vision was blurry at first but became clearer over time. Big Mac stood in the barn’s doorway. Eyes wide, and looked as if he were ready to attack her.
“What were you doing to this sheep!” He questioned.
Applejack looked at the sheep. Cuts and scars were made all over the poor creature’s body. Its face was completely disfigured. A chunk of flesh was missing from around it’s cheek and around its eye. Applejack looked on the floor to see a massive pile of bloody wool, bits and pieces of flesh scattered around.
“Oh my gosh…” Applejack whispered. “...I...I d-don’t know what I w-was doing!”
“What happened!”
“I-I must have zoned out.” Applejack whimpered. Her eyes began to filled with tears and she quivered as the looked at her brother. “Please… tell no one of this! They’ll think I’ve gone mad!”
“From the looks of it you do look mad…” Big Mac droaned. “ … get out of the barn. Take a walk or something. I’ll finish this.”
Applejack got up. Blood on her hooves, she could not show herself like this to Granny Smith. She would surely have a heart attack. Instead she used the house around back to wash herself off.
As she washed, Applejack noticed she had cut herself. Deep into her flesh was a cut too deep to fix. She left it as it was. The only thing to do now, and at this time of day was to pick Applebloom up from school...
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*reads*
Well that was a terrible fanfic.
Don't listen to the guys that claim this is bullshit. They are fanboys. XD
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Fanboys of what?
5317483
Of My Little Pony of course.
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Just because I like mlp, doesn't mean I'm going to downvote every dark story ever. It's not going to alienate my love for it.
This, however, is terrible.
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Oh, that's too bad.
I honestly didn't mind this.
Just a few touch ups.
Not sure if the spaces between the dialogue and quotation marks is a formatting error or just a honest mistake. Either way no biggie, maybe just touch them up. Makes it easier to read.
Maybe put the "hopefully" after "as she looked at Applejack". Just makes it flow a little better. But I'm not telling you how to write your own stories, just a suggestion.
I noticed at the end of paragraphs you occasionally forget to put periods. Mainly at the start. Nothing major but investing in a prereader or "grammar snipers" as I call them, will do your story a world of good.
As for the plot. It kept me interested and was generally well paced. Cliff hangers are always welcome.
In the end: these suggestions are just my 2c. You should write because you enjoy it. And let me tell you; you know you have a good story when half the critics love it and the other half loathe it (just a quote I remember reading).
Regardless: have a like and a watch.
Thank you for the feed back Simple Static! Hehe, many of those mistakes were on my part, and partially because my mind runs faster than my fingers can type! I'll fix them right away!