Sorry, man. Ain't nothing interesting to see here. Just move right along, thank you.
This story is a sequel to Siren Night
The night is a scary thing. Even more-so if you lost everything you knew about yourself that night. And few can claim to have lost more in a single night than the Sirens. But after even the darkest of nights comes the day. It just takes some people some time to wake up.
This here is the companion/sequel/in-between-quel to Siren Night. You don't have to have read it, but it is a companion work.
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A decent start! Our styles are different - you know I go for sweeping descriptions, where you seem to prefer getting right into the action. But, I like the way you characterize Sonata's confusion, Pinkie's irrepressibility and the things they have in common.
One constructive thing: My editor would be disappointed in me if I didn't mention that it's easier to follow thoughts and internal dialogue if you italicize or pick a common formatting for internal thoughts versus spoken words.
By the way, you were first to the party for my chapter, so it's only fitting that I return the favor!
Definitely enjoying this so far.
However, the ending section suffered a bit from Talking Heads Syndrome (no, not the band). It was a bit hard to make out who was saying what at times, and that's something you should try and avoid.
I love how you're tying in to the future-tense bits of the original stories (I'm assuming it's a trend that'll continue for all the bits). #thumbsup
5313633 Yeah, that is a problem I have. I was originally going to go for all implied inner thoughts, at least for this chapter, but somethings are better conveyed explicitly.
5313723 "Talking Heads Syndrome," eh? Is that what they call it? Yeah, it's unpleasant, especially when you can't use the character's names. I'm not a big fan of Applejack's "Ah ain't got no accent!" but I was sorely tempted to use it here. Can you put text before the quotation, but after the line break/indentation?
5313746 Actually, Canterlot is a city-sized exhibit/park where people can experience 21st Century-style living. The rest of the story will be taking place in the space age, on the moon.
5313871
Whaddya mean?
5313899
Yes, I know you don't need the closing quotation if it's the same character talking. Work with me here.
5313912
Line #2 is a-okay.
Sonata and Pinkie interactions? YES!
Words cannot describe how adorable this is!
We love you, Sonata!
Talking Heads Syndrome definitely appears to be gone. Nice to see that improvement
That should probably be one line.
Looking forward to seeing Aria's arc!
Aww, come on, Sonata. You don't deserve them, not when you have six dear friends who actually care about you.
Impressive, Aria. If you can beat and even impress Rainbow Dash, you have my upmost respect.
Clearly she's not stubborn enough
How did I miss putting this on tracking? Remedied now, and will definitely read it this evening.
5544559 Oh, don't remind me that I've gotten no progress on the next chapter because school and stuffs.
Hopefully I can find time to bang out some work this week.
I hope you enjoy!
As a shipper with only the barest notions of self-control, I loved that opening bit.
Ouch.
Well, that was just glorious. Aria is Best Siren for a reason.
Aria's emotional decent was pretty intense there; you conveyed her suddenly realized conflict very well. Poor girl though! Hopefully she will realize that she doesn't have to be separate from Sonata.
I think I've said this before, but I so love the emotional, rhythmic tone your writing style has to it. Good pacing and flow of feelings here. And it probably won't come as a surprise that I can't wait to see how you handle Adagio's turn at this process.
Really enjoying this so far, hope you have the time to write the rest of it someday. If not, thanks anyway