I'm a brony, a gamer, a nerd and a Whovian.
This story is a sequel to The Elements of Nature
Fluttershy, pregnant with Braeburn's child, is getting ready to marry Braeburn.
There are some sexual references and mention of strippers, so be warned.
Edit: It has been reworked partially after reading commented suggestions. Please re-read, and re consider your like rating.
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i want you to make more chapters
This calls for a review!
Chapter 1:
Correction: Rarity said cheerfully.
Correction: "Well, it's not like that's going to happen for a while," replied Fluttershy. She lightly rubbed her stomach and smiled down at it.
Correction: "How are you doing buttercup?" Braeburn asked. He then nuzzled Fluttershy's muzzle and smiled.
Correction: "Just fine. How was the bachelor party?" Fluttershy asked.
Correction: 'A-hem?" Interrupted Rarity. She scorned, warning Braeburn not to ramble on any further.
This is what the hr tag is for.
.
Correction: Fluttershy drank the last drop of her coffee. Rarity was already finished, and had already washed her cup in the sink.
Let's begin making her pretty? That isn't something Rarity would say. Have you even studied her Canterlot accent!?? Or even put her Canterlot accent into thought?!? Correction: "So darling, let's begin putting on your makeup!" Rarity clapped her hooves in gratitude and smiled.
Woah, woah! I don't mean to be rude but what the fuck was that?!? Was that a wedding ceremony!?!? A wedding ceremony is not that short and Lyra was right!
I think you mean: "Do you know what we are naming the foal anyway?"
When did the doctor say this? Did you literally rush everything to get to the wedding? Even Fluttershy said it was a foal. I'm lost!
Not a common expression among horses.....
Really?
That is the most ignorant name for a filly. "Sweet Grass" You didn't even take the filly's looks into consideration.
After forcing myself to read this terrible chapter. I am leaving a dislike for these reasons. You rushed, grammar, punctuation, not a proper wedding ceremony, misuse of characters (Adding Big Mac to the main character list. Even though he doesn't really play a part in this story), and horrible naming for a filly. ~ Silver Spoon
5314409 Hold your horses, criminal.
Although I understand your list of complaints for why this story is not good, you must acknowledge the fact that the authors can't get every single damn thing in your mind jotted down and corrected. Too picky, my friend and fellow newfic reviewer, much too picky for one who spends their time, as I do, reading the new stories for a good laugh at a bad story!
I can forgive him for getting the wedding ceremony wrong, but at least he did the final part correct! The author clearly shows his lack of knowledge to a wedding ceremony by using dialogue to show it, which other new authors would simply throw in the narration.
And forgive him for not coming up with a good name. It's difficult, really it is. Sweet Grass will possibly be a weed farmer when he grows older. You simply must forgive him for the two errors. He also did not get everything wrong within the quotations, you just happen to read it wrong, or you're(as stated before) much too picky. I've seen many authors use "You know..." in dialogue, and many times it was clear as an azure sky.
The first few here bug me, greatly:
..she said, rubbing her rounded stomach.
You changed that to your liking, yet I see it is still comprehensible both ways, one just sounds better. He didn't get anything wrong, and saying that you're making it sound better is like correcting everything in a book. There is ALWAYS forms of sounding better.
That's past tense usage of dialogue-action thingies(Haven't a clue of what they're called), and he was correct, since the story is present tense. Please, it may be early morning or late night, but at least double check YOUR OWN CORRECTION for errors.
Perhaps the "I'm so happy I can eat my hat" was figurative. She was so happy, she can do something out of the usual. When I'm happy I seem out of my own personality, since I'm always looking very serious and countering.
Also, you must learn how to sign off properly, newbie. Like so.
~Lord Farquaad
5314925 I didn't list every single thing..
5314409 I have edited slightly from your suggestions, but a few explanations.
I used the name Sweet Grass, because that is her name in the other story already. I was also considering Oak Nut or Lemon Grass. I chose her name for a reason in the other fic though.
Also, a foal is a term for a horse one year or younger. A colt is a male, a filly is a female. I used foal because the foal's gender was not yet revealed, as for when the doctor said it was a filly, outside of the fiction's time frame the day before, she just didn't have an opportunity to tell Braeburn.
-Sincerely, the original poster- Dashie 23
5315181 Well I would have understood Lemon Grass because it is a type of grass that grows in the Savannah. It just depends on the filly's future. But if you believe the filly should have a future dealing with apples. Then you might want to let her take the apple name. I forgive you for these errors, I forgive every author for their errors. (Except for the author's that think they are the best authors in the world) You are a good writer.
what the hell is wrong with this fiction that causes people to put it in badfic bin and overly stupid fic groups? and what's with all the downvotes with no explanation of what's wrong with it? I want ways to improve and reviews, not a downvote blitzkrieg with little to no reasoning.