Lunabrony's Holiday Specials

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Short pieces revolving around the realtime holidays as they come and go, featuring anthology-style stories

Chapters (3)

Thanksgiving 2014 (The Crusaders) · 26th Nov 2014 · 1,159 words
1,159
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Christmas 2014 1/2 (Scootaloo) · 16th Dec 2014 · 1,137 words
1,137
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Christmas 2014 2/2 (Scootaloo) · 21st Dec 2014 · 761 words
761
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Comments ( 6 )

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SudokuBrony

SudokuBrony #1 · Nov 26th, 2014 · · · Thanksgiving 2014 (The Crusaders) ·

Sweet story. Happy Flanksgiving (Thanksgiving)!

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #2 · Nov 26th, 2014 · · · Thanksgiving 2014 (The Crusaders) ·

Years had passed since the last publicized misadventures of the most recent carrieres of the Elements of Harmony, and the six had since gone their separate ways, although still communicated rather frequently.

"Carriers."

Scootaloo, having never quite overcome her flying disability, had not for a moment 1.)let stop her and 2A.)become one of the top flying instructors in Cloudsdale. She was in charge of the written portion of the examinations, but 3A.)nonetheless under the guidance of Rainbow 2B.)3B.)Dash become an intimidating rite of passage in the eyes of hopeful young flyers.

Oh, my. Okay.
1.) Missing "it."
2AB.) "Became."
3AB.) You need commas between the emboldened word pairs.

There was a excited laughter and squealing from the two of them, each rapidly trying to tell their own life story of the last year over top of the other one.

Just one? Joking aside, the "a" is superfluous. And bad grammar since it comes before a vowel sound.

With the table set and layered with delicious delights, the three grown Crusaders sat around the table with plates heaped with food and oversized mugs filled with fermented cider, all three mugs of which were raised in joyous occasion.

Extra space.

Diamond had been dealt a swift kick in the face by reality after that, and had thusly become less of a... well. They knew.

That "well" is not part of the sentence before it. It is part of the sentence fragment that follows it.

It is jarring to see nicknames outside of dialogue. The narrator calls Apple Bloom "Bloom" several times and it makes it hard to immerse myself into the story.

I am sorry if this comment comes off as a little curt. It is well past midnight and I am tired and surly. This story is sweet and heartwarming and I would like to see more. You have earned a favorite and a like.

KBO.

lunabrony

lunabrony #3 · Nov 26th, 2014 · · · Thanksgiving 2014 (The Crusaders) ·

5314152 Going in to fix everything right now, I really failed apparently D:

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #4 · Dec 17th, 2014 · · · Christmas 2014 1/2 (Scootaloo) ·

Barely 48 hours after being thankful for what they already had, children were lining up to snatch their favorite Harmonic Defender.

Oh, like the movie. The number should be written out.

"Rainbow Dash, animal caretaker. Can you imagine such a thing?"

These animals don't listen, no, not one little bit.
They run around out of control and throw their hissy fits.
It's up to me to stop them, cause plainly you can see.
It's got to be my destiny, and it's what my cutie mark is telling me.

Except for that time me and Apple Bloom accidentally blew up that barn, but we didn't know those were LIVE fireworks...

And the gazebo... and the nail shop...

I would have figured that the Carriers of Harmony plushies would have all been bought up by stallions in their mid twenties to early thirties. Who then made them into "hoof and horn warmers."

KBO.

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #5 · Dec 21st, 2014 · · · Christmas 2014 2/2 (Scootaloo) ·

I am really disappointed in Rainbow Dash in this one. I would have figured that since she and Scootaloo were so close, she would have been happy to leave Scootaloo one of the plushies she had. But the Silver Spoon with a heart of gold angle was a sweet touch.

KBO.

thanhnam26