Celestia steals the moon and Luna is gonna look everywhere for it.
Put in multiple chapters because I can and its fun. Don't like it? Screw you.
I draw things. I occasionally write things. But don't mind me, please, do go to next artist/author and admire them instead. I'm nothing special
Celestia steals the moon and Luna is gonna look everywhere for it.
Put in multiple chapters because I can and its fun. Don't like it? Screw you.
I found this story very adorable.
Very well written and all around interesting.
Though each chapter is short you used what little space you had to paint a very vivid picture.
The comedy was soft and very innocent- which is hard to pull off.
I enjoyed both sisters interactions with eachother.
Pacing was great- nothing to say about that-every scene flowed to the next pefrectly.
Style- was rich and colorful-though also cozy felt as if the reader were in the castle watching this cute story unfold.
Writing- Was very well done overall- I spotted a few mistakes but nothing major.-maybe two in all.
Plot- cute and to the point didn't milk it for the sake of milking it-to that I say well done.
Ending- Was cute though I felt the last little bit of the story did lose my attention if only a little bit- I don't know just felt as if the flow started to get rocky but you ended the fic so the flow then became stable again.
All in all I loved this fic- surprised this has not gotten more views then it has.
That said I'm Hoof Bumping, Faving and Following!
Also if you don't mind I would love to Spotlight this fic in one of new fics and also perhaps do a Blog Post on it- see if I can't get some more people to read this adorable fic.
Tell me what you think.
In all I'm going to give my review and judgement on this story overall- here we go!!!
Pacing- 5/5
Style-5/5
Writing-4/5
Plot-5/5
Ending-4/5
Review-
10 Trollestias out of 10.
Judgement- It's Hidden Under The Castle!!!!
- Probably...~Giggles~
I love this. Adorable, funny, and that ending, too. All around good read.
I dunno anything anymore
Good story.
And yes.
Screw me.
Very good story, dear MLP fan.
Rating- 9/10
Summary
it is
Chapter#1
sister's
Capitalization should be fixed in a few places, etc.
Why is Ch 3 copied within Ch 4?
Also, this kind of bugged me throughout, thy = your, not 'the' or 'our' or 'mine'. There's several places in the first few chapters where 'your' would be awkward. (your forest, your castle, etc).
Fairly amusing story though.
Damnit moon moon!
5303132 thank you for the review! <3 (best review I ever had, actually.)
5304181 acident! I fixed the story. That was a major mistake
5304809
Expect more from me then, I'll get around to reading more of your stories soon.
If I love the story or think it's something special I'll give Judgement/Reviews.
If the story is fair I just give small reviews.
That's how you can tell if I really, really like a story lol.
This fic is a top fav of mine now- right next to Sober By BeWhoUr.
5306050 also, I made an improvement: notice I have deleted chapter three. It's useless. :/ I made a mistake earlier. So yea, it's even better now
5306059
Yeah I noticed the repeat thing when I read it- thought it was a lead up to a P.O.V switch.
Did something like that in one of my fics.
5306124 nah - it was an accident
*Their*
5311840 what's the difference?
5303557 Aww you got to it before me. Still found a few though
Thy is the word for your. Saying I will still your moon with nopony in the room except herself doesn't make much sense.
This is your tenth time we hath ever raised your moon! Nope.
Caps on where.
Blew. Also how can hair move excitedly?
Thy is still being used wrong and Lulu is a name and needs caps for the first letter.
Caps for first word.
Don't need the word of.
Onto the next!
Their. They're means they are.
Equestria is a place therefore needs Caps.
Damn! Tia owns the forest, jeez.
You used thy right the first time but not the second.
First letter Caps.
Eyes. Don't need brackets. You said there was a door twice. A crawl space wouldn't be twelve feet tall, it's called a crawl space for a reason.
Space between up and to.
Caps for names...
Suddenly two doors?
Considered.
Luna now owns the castle.
You used it right this time but other times wrong, how?
Caps for first word...
5303132 This may sound rude but there were quite a few more than two mistakes.
They. You could have just put "They galloped towards Celestia's bedroom, also why does bedroom have caps?
Luna owns the roof top.
Celestia owns the moon now.
She needs caps.
Always needs caps.
*Cringe* never use & in a story, it's just lazy.
Celestia's bedroom door. Not the door to Celestia.
*Takes out squirt bottle and squirts you for using & again* Also immediately.
Pressure. Did Celestia plan to just keep the moon forever? Luna would have found out eventually.
& = and. Crany = Cranny.
Finally. You should take out the first and.
The first one not didn't have caps yet the others did?
Finally. Canterlot needs caps for it is a place.
They're means they are. Use their instead.
Canterlot needs caps it is a place.
Man the moon changes ownership fast! Thy means your.
Their.
Space between the quotation mark and the word see.
Why Ip?
Celestia still owns the moon I see.
Lots of mistakes, how would Luna not be able to find her moon with her magic if it was right there? Why didn't Celestia just take the book from Luna with her magic? All good questions. I like the story, I thought it was cute but it had some plot holes and quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes.
5313129 They're means they are and their means that they posses the thing you are referring too.
5340043 thank you for the reviews <3
And btw, the crawl space is 12 foot tall because Luna celestias parents would have to crawl to be in that area.
They are taller than 12 feet. Much taller, in fact.
5340013 I also thought thy ment the because of the context MLP uses it in.
5342218 Eh, good point.
5342284 :3
Also, one more thing;
Excitedly - quickly. Excitedly can be used in that context.
5340013 Oh yes, and as for why Luna couldn't fidn the moon with her magic; Celestia had already raised it for her by accident. Tia Didn't realize this because the clouds were in the way.
Short and cute story. I like it!
5343860 working on a sequil
Nebular?!
I just couldn't get over his name, it sounds like a horribly cliché 'super' villain name
5357025 *shrug* it's what everyone's calling him.
5303463
I WILL HAVE YOUR SOUL HYSOHR