3. Slaughter
The galloped down the hall towards Tia's Bedroom.
Along the way, Celestia tried to convince Luna to look on the rooftop instead of her room.
"Oh, Luna, please, go towards thy rooftop! Do not go into our room! It shan't be there! Tis' to big!" She stared worriedly at Luna.
"Oh, dear sister, puh-lease! We believe that thy room must be capable of holding such a small thing like thy moon!" She giggled and galloped faster.
"Anyhow, why art thou continuously begging us not to go into thy bedroom?"
"Well, because tis' our bedroom and not thou's." she smirked.
always works, right?
"Father tells us that sharing is caring, Tia."
"Yes, and thou never abides by this rule..." Her Smirk grew stronger.
"Yes, well, that is because......" She tried to think of a reply.
"...because we like to conceal instead of boast & show, unlike thou." Luna smirked.
Celestia had no reply, save for her smirk disappearing.
They arrived in front of Celestia's door.
Luna used her magic to swing open the doors & darted in, immediatly levitating various objects and looking in & under them.
Celestia was sweating. She couldn't take much more presure from this sister.
Luna started opening drawers, looking through every last nook & crany.
Celestia started breathing heavily as Luna drove under her bed.
Once Luna came out, she looked at Tia's pillows, levitating them as Celestia was now gasping for air.
Luna spotted the private diary of her sister, and smirked. "Maybe tis' in thy private diary..." She levitated the book, opening it up.
"LUNA NO!" She screamed louder than she originally intended.
Luna didn't hear her; she, being the bookworm she was, had already been 'hynotized' by the book she read.
Luna's unusually large grin was slowly turning into a small smile, and then a flat look, then a frown, and finnally a scowl.
"Tia."
Celestia was froze in a horrified stance. no. No. No. This can not be happening. NO.
10 minutes passed. Luna nor Celestia did anything.
Finnally, Luna broke the tense silence with her loudest royal canterlot voice. "HOW COULD YOU TAKE OUR MOON AWAY FROM US?! WHERE IS IT?!"
Celestia took off running. She was galloping full-tilt towards the throne room.
Luna chased her, growling. "WHERE IS IT?!" she roared.
Celestia gasped for air as she galloped "NOT TELLING!"
"TELL ME!"
"NEVER!"
They came to a screeching halt just outside the doors of the throne room, seeing they're mother and father, chuckling at they're fight.
"Oh now look whom hath mastered the royal canterlot voice." Queen Galaxia looked down at Luna, whom of which was almost ant-like to her eye.
King Nebular chuckled at his daughters "Now what exactly art you two fighting over this time?"
"Oh, nothing father..." Celestia stated nervously, looking left and right for something to occupy her mind.
"Don't lie, Celestia. "
"WEHATHSTOLENTHYMOONFROMSISTERANDNOWSHEFOUNDOUTABOUTIT!" She yelled as quickly as she could.
Galaxia and Nebular burst out in laughter, leaning against the walls to prop themselves up.
"Oh, Celestia, one can not simply hide thy moon!" She gestured for them to follow her to they're parent's balcony.
30 minutes later...
The family stood out on the balcony.
Galaxia pointed out to where the moon would be if Celestia hadn't taken it " see that? That's a cloud covering thy moon. You two can not move thy sun nor thy moon in ip either direction other than up or down because we casted a spell on thy magic so that you couldn't move it in any other direction."
Nebular nodded.
Celestia gaped at this. All she had done was move it up.
Luna grinned happily "thank thee dear sister for helping us raise thy moon tonight!" She hugged Celestia.
Tia growled as she watched the cloud uncover the moon. "I hate you..."
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I found this story very adorable.
Very well written and all around interesting.
Though each chapter is short you used what little space you had to paint a very vivid picture.
The comedy was soft and very innocent- which is hard to pull off.
I enjoyed both sisters interactions with eachother.
Pacing was great- nothing to say about that-every scene flowed to the next pefrectly.
Style- was rich and colorful-though also cozy felt as if the reader were in the castle watching this cute story unfold.
Writing- Was very well done overall- I spotted a few mistakes but nothing major.-maybe two in all.
Plot- cute and to the point didn't milk it for the sake of milking it-to that I say well done.
Ending- Was cute though I felt the last little bit of the story did lose my attention if only a little bit- I don't know just felt as if the flow started to get rocky but you ended the fic so the flow then became stable again.
All in all I loved this fic- surprised this has not gotten more views then it has.
That said I'm Hoof Bumping, Faving and Following!
Also if you don't mind I would love to Spotlight this fic in one of new fics and also perhaps do a Blog Post on it- see if I can't get some more people to read this adorable fic.
Tell me what you think.
In all I'm going to give my review and judgement on this story overall- here we go!!!
Pacing- 5/5
Style-5/5
Writing-4/5
Plot-5/5
Ending-4/5
Review-
10 Trollestias out of 10.
Judgement- It's Hidden Under The Castle!!!!
I love this. Adorable, funny, and that ending, too. All around good read.
I dunno anything anymore
Good story.
And yes.
Screw me.
Very good story, dear MLP fan.
Rating- 9/10
Why is Ch 3 copied within Ch 4?
Also, this kind of bugged me throughout, thy = your, not 'the' or 'our' or 'mine'. There's several places in the first few chapters where 'your' would be awkward. (your forest, your castle, etc).
Fairly amusing story though.
5303132 thank you for the review! <3 (best review I ever had, actually.)
5304181 acident! I fixed the story. That was a major mistake
5304809
Expect more from me then, I'll get around to reading more of your stories soon.
If I love the story or think it's something special I'll give Judgement/Reviews.
If the story is fair I just give small reviews.
That's how you can tell if I really, really like a story lol.
This fic is a top fav of mine now- right next to Sober By BeWhoUr.
5306050 also, I made an improvement: notice I have deleted chapter three. It's useless. :/ I made a mistake earlier. So yea, it's even better now
5306059
Yeah I noticed the repeat thing when I read it- thought it was a lead up to a P.O.V switch.
Did something like that in one of my fics.
5306124 nah - it was an accident
5311840 what's the difference?
5303132 This may sound rude but there were quite a few more than two mistakes.
They. You could have just put "They galloped towards Celestia's bedroom, also why does bedroom have caps?
Luna owns the roof top.
Celestia owns the moon now.
She needs caps.
Always needs caps.
*Cringe* never use & in a story, it's just lazy.
Celestia's bedroom door. Not the door to Celestia.
*Takes out squirt bottle and squirts you for using & again* Also immediately.
Pressure. Did Celestia plan to just keep the moon forever? Luna would have found out eventually.
& = and. Crany = Cranny.
Finally. You should take out the first and.
The first one not didn't have caps yet the others did?
Finally. Canterlot needs caps for it is a place.
They're means they are. Use their instead.
Canterlot needs caps it is a place.
Man the moon changes ownership fast! Thy means your.
Their.
Space between the quotation mark and the word see.
Why Ip?
Celestia still owns the moon I see.
Lots of mistakes, how would Luna not be able to find her moon with her magic if it was right there? Why didn't Celestia just take the book from Luna with her magic? All good questions. I like the story, I thought it was cute but it had some plot holes and quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes.
5313129 They're means they are and their means that they posses the thing you are referring too.
5340043 thank you for the reviews <3
And btw, the crawl space is 12 foot tall because Luna celestias parents would have to crawl to be in that area.
They are taller than 12 feet. Much taller, in fact.
5340013 I also thought thy ment the because of the context MLP uses it in.
5342218 Eh, good point.
5342284 :3
Also, one more thing;
Excitedly - quickly. Excitedly can be used in that context.
5340013 Oh yes, and as for why Luna couldn't fidn the moon with her magic; Celestia had already raised it for her by accident. Tia Didn't realize this because the clouds were in the way.
Short and cute story. I like it!
5343860 working on a sequil
Nebular?!
I just couldn't get over his name, it sounds like a horribly cliché 'super' villain name
5357025 *shrug* it's what everyone's calling him.
5303463
I WILL HAVE YOUR SOUL HYSOHR