- Member Since 23rd Mar, 2014
- offline last seen February 2nd
Living Madness
Its either this or star in porn. You all know whats worse.
Living Madness
Joined 23rd Mar, 2014 ·
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When i saw that pic i considred ponys hot.Oh,well...LOL.
This was nice, but yes you do need an editor, while it wasn't a problem to begin with there's some definiate issues in the second half.
Great balance of story and smut I demand a sequel
This needs to be a thing. A story.
Wow, great story
sunstone... someone is following shiniez on Deviantart ^^
5301968 Maybe, sort of, possibly....
Looking past the grammatical horrors and rather strange alternate synonyms like 'fosset' instead of 'faucet'... *cough*
Story is nicely done. Could GREATLY stand for cleaning up, but the core of it is nicely done. It is also wide open for something longer with more chapters.
5302005 Cheers I am a pretty atrocious editor but thats what i had to do, but then again its hard to find an editor for clop as you can imagine. People can be a bit squeamish about this sort of thing so i had to do it myself.
Hope the errors did not affect your enjoyment too much if it doesn't hinder you please let me know what's wrong and ill fix it asap.
The continuum requires you to.......... Make a sequel lol
5302045 To be quite honest, there were so many little hiccups that to list them would effectively be editing. At the least though, fix the 'fosset/faucet' oddity. That rather tickled my writer senses at how weird it is.
Writing a story myself, one of the things I find helps most is going back to read things a couple weeks or even months later. In this instance, you might even have a good bit of assistance from contextual grammar checkers in many word processors. Another thing is being careful about reading everything I write as I go along. Most errors get removed immediately because of this, as I keep an eye for the word I'm spelling as much as I am flowing through the piece. It's kinda natural to me at this point and catches the majority of slips, but I'm sure anyone could train themselves to do it with practice and awareness of what they're doing.
5302112 Well to take some small victory from this at least there was nothing glaringly wrong with the story. I shall re-read and try to edit as best i can when i'm in a better state of mind (eg not wankered) and do my best. Thanks for the comment regardless.
Cheers anyway.
-Madness
5302236 The story itself is fine overall. It's just the errors really. They are probably the primary cause of the downvotes simply because most of the errors are so easy to catch.
As I said, the story is, at it's core, nicely done. You'll be in a much better state, grammar-wise, once you clean things up and let the story get more of it's shine through.
Dear Living Madness.
Now when it comes to one offs I'm usually quite hesitant, especially clop fics. It's like a certain feeling that I'm sure most are familiar with, (good) one off clops give you a moment of euphoric bliss before you realize that you used your time on something with only a little pay off. Now, let's talk, bout your fic. I actually enjoyed it. I mean yeah, this sucker needs editing, and I did acquire a slightly bad taste in my mouth once I realized Rarity was using this fellow as a sex doll. But the end product left me feeling a little better, and honestly, I felt pretty satisfied in the end. I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a follow up story ( especially if it turns out that our human friend actually can knock up ponies), but as it stands, is sall right.
Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.
P.s. And to add upon Mr. Crackers, this could indeed use a good cleaning. I often found myself brought out (or rather sucked in) to the story, by random perspective shifts with 'your' instead of 'his'.
5302236
It should be very good with a thorough editing. The story's good, but the writing itself is horrid in patches.
I'm looking forwards to it getting cleaned up so that it can take its rightful place on my bookshelf.
There are some grammer problems but the writing, characters, and story are very solid. I especially enjoy the scene between our character and Rarity, perfect balance of light bondage and tender love.
*SJW/Feminist Proximity Warning Goes Off In Brain*
Catcalling is not harassment.
5305486
I was about to reply to this then I looked at your profile and realized it was already a lost cause.
5305554
Okay, if it's such a lost cause, name one thing of positive note that 3rd wave/modern feminism has achieved.
Go on. Just third wave feminism. No other feminism. No first or second wave feminism, just third wave.
Please, I would love to hear something positive that they achieved. Not that it's going to change anything since third wave feminism/SJW is a toxic hate group. But still, it's like if the KKK saved a baby black child from being burned alive in a building. You hate the group, but you see that even bad guys can occasionally be good guys.
Or the stories of Nazis helping Jews survive in WWII.
While in need of an editor, this was very good. Here, take a thumbs up and a favorite.
5305486
It's rude, but yeah I wouldn't call it harassment.
When did this become a second person fic?
5306121 I wrote harassment just because the character was a bit of a panicky pessimistic sort of guy.
Thats why it was said in more of an "extreme way". Of course it wasnt really Sexual harassment, if you read what he shouted its about as far away from that as it gets.
5305486
5306534 Damn it, my other stories must be leaking it way into this one... not sure if pun intened or not. haha
5307069
He
31.media.tumblr.com/630b93d92dc1db9209c6103b58617b11/tumblr_inline_n7gg6m23Dw1symtz5.png
media.tumblr.com/d2d0f05ac567ef8801d123134671e78f/tumblr_inline_naw56qSUaU1ssr67q.png
If you need an editor, I'm up for it
5318609 (ps drunk right now just so you know.) To be fair the first two points were fine I cant argue and the prostate part that was just stupid godmamn idiocy on my part, but the third bit is prefrence really, irocially I too am a dom man nore than a sub but during the story i just felt like Rarity would be the one in controlsituationis all i can say.
I'm late for class, this is your fault for making a damn good story.