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1 Wellies & Stetsons2,331 words
2 Jam2,010 words

2 Jam

The next morning went just as well as yesterday. The dressing rooms and green rooms at the theater were buzzing with singers, dancers and musicians, and Applejack and Pinkie Pie got to mingle with them while they worked on their catering duties. Applejack found it a tiny bit disappointing that they had to use the jam Star Biller provided and not the zap apple jam she’d brought from home, but the artists they talked to were very friendly and polite. Some of them even asked to sample some of their baking.

“Two each. How’s that sound?” said Pinkie Pie.

There were no complaints. It seemed like every single performer had tried one or two of their snacks. With an audience of thousands to feed, they didn’t stop making cakes, tarts and trifles until an hour and a half before the concert was to begin.

The reason they stopped was because Star Biller came bursting into the kitchen shouting hysterically.

“They’re all sick!”

“What? Who?”

“Everypony!” cried Star Biller. “Everyone who’s supposed to perform tonight!”

Applejack and Pinkie Pie both gasped.

“I need your help to look after them while I get the paramedics!” Star Biller urged.

“We’re on it,” said Applejack and she and Pinkie Pie darted off to tend to the unwell artists.

Applejack managed to find the linen closet and supplied all the patients with blankets. Pinkie Pie did what she did best to relieve their suffering; made them laugh. And she did it in her usual way as well. The way that left ponies trying to figure out what the flying feather they just saw. But the performers were in such a state, that they didn’t mind how weird Pinkie Pie’s sense of humour really was. But they steadily got worse. So much so, that Applejack advised Pinkie Pie to kill the comedy because it looked like laughing was causing them a lot of pain by now. Soon, the paramedics arrived to examine them all. By the time they’d come up with a diagnosis, the audience was starting to pour into their seats.

“They’ve all got food poisoning,” declared the matron.

Pinkie Pie swiftly ran to the kitchen and threw all their freshly baked goods into the trash. Applejack and Star Biller looked around searching for what might have caused all that sickness.

“Oh, I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Star Biller. “It’s the jam! It expired weeks ago!”

“Dang!” groaned Applejack. “The one ingredient I could’ve brought myself.”

Pinkie Pie began drop-kicking the jars of spoiled jam into the trash can.

Star Biller looked like someone had crammed a wad of ice cubes into her mane.

“The show’s over! Everypony who’s supposed to go on is sick!” she cried.

“You said you had something prepared to hold the audience,” said Pinkie Pie.

“It won’t last the whole night!” shrieked Star Biller.

“What about Puppeteer?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Couldn’t we ask…?”

“He left town last night!” Star Biller had shut her eyes so tight, her eye lids seemed to vanish under her eyebrows.

“No need to fret, sunshine,” said Applejack confidently. “Pinkie Pie here can play ten instruments at once. She can give ‘em a show.”

Pinkie Pie nodded, but Star Biller shook her head.

“The instruments are all locked away,” she said, not opening her eyes.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack left the kitchen while Star Biller continued to panic.

“If you’re OK with us using your instruments to entertain the audience, raise your hooves,” said Pinkie Pie as she and Applejack passed by the sea of sick artists.

It looked like none of them were opposed, so the two earth ponies raced to the lockers to try their luck at the combinations. Luck appeared to be on their side because when they both chose a door and pressed a four digit code at random, both lockers swung open.

“We rock!” smiled Pinkie Pie.

Star Biller had calmed down long enough to remember the tap number her new friends had performed two nights ago. She walked out of the kitchen and was just passing the doctors and patients when they all heard two loud banging noises; the same one that came down the hall on Thursday night.

“Ow!” came Pinkie’s and Applejack’s voices together.

Star Biller’s horror came back. She sprinted to the lockers and found the two royal taskforce members rubbing their right front hooves, which were bruising terribly.

“You tried to get into those lockers?!” she cried. “Without the right combos?!”

“We couldn’t have asked them for the combos,” winced Applejack. “They ain’t fit to be talking.”

“Why did they slam on us?” groaned Pinkie Pie.

“It’s security,” moaned Star Biller. “If you punch in the wrong numbers, they open up and then slam on your hooves when you reach inside the lockers. How bad are your hooves?”

Pinkie Pie and Applejack quickly found that they couldn’t even stand on them. A tap dancing routine was definitely out of the question.

Now Star Biller was having a complete mental collapse worse than Twilight after misplacing her red ink.

“Calm down, Star Biller,” Pinkie Pie said, lying the shuddering pony down on the floor. “We’ll just have to call off the concert.”

Star Biller grabbed the tip of Pinkie’s mane and yanked her head down to her level.

“What did I tell you?! Don’t tick off a posh audience!”

“I’ve done it before,” insisted Pinkie Pie, remembering the impression she made on the guests at the Grand Galloping Gala. “I can take it.”

“Whoa there, honey,” said Applejack. “Why don’t y’all let me break it to ‘em?”

“No way!” said Pinkie Pie, standing up now that Star Biller had let go of her mane. “I can’t let you take the hit.”

“Do I wield the Element of Honesty or don’t I?” asked Applejack.

“What about your aunt and uncle? They’ll be humiliated,” Pinkie Pie frowned.

“They won’t be too sore,” Applejack said. “They sure as heck won’t start shunning me.”

Pinkie Pie couldn’t help it. “Mrs Orange asked me if I’m really a member of Ponyville’s Royal Taskforce like you. I think they only wanted you here because you’re close friends with a princess.”

For over a minute, Applejack looked down at her hooves, one of which was blacker than it had been when she’d rubbed the marker off her aunt and uncle’s photograph. Then she looked at Pinkie Pie, who had a very upset look on her face.

“You don’t like making ponies frown, do you?” asked Applejack.

“It goes against everything I believe in,” nodded Pinkie Pie.

“So you ain’t gonna like making thousands of ponies unhappy,” Applejack insisted. “Leave it to me, sugar cube.”

Pinkie Pie walked aside, and Applejack stepped over the trembling Star Biller and limped towards the stage. But suddenly, Pinkie Pie realised something.

“Wait, Applejack!” she called.

Applejack stopped and Pinkie Pie knelt down to Star Biller.

“Hey! Star Biller!”

Star Biller’s eyes crept open.

“Yeah?” she asked in what was almost a sob.

“What is this benefit concert actually for?”

Applejack chuckled a bit. The whole time she and Pinkie Pie had been there, neither of them actually knew what the theater was raising money for.”

“Um, eye infections,” answered Star Biller.

“Eye infections?” repeated Pinkie Pie, smiling a bit.

“Yeah. Like conjunctivitis and stys and keratitis and stuff,” Star Biller finished.

Pinkie Pie’s expression brightened even more. She ran over to Applejack as fast as her injured hoof would let her.

“I have an idea,” she said. “Let me tell the audience.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me your idea and let me tell em?” asked Applejack.

“You can’t tell them now, Applejack.”

“Why not?”

“Like you said, your element is Honesty.”

It was twenty-three minutes to show time and all the seats in the theater were full of high class ponies chattering away in anticipation. Very few of them noticed Pinkie Pie limp onto the stage and step behind the mic. Pinkie Pie looked around. There were well over a thousand ponies in the audience. She put on a serious look and tapped the microphone.

“Attention, everypony,” she said.

The chatter stopped and all eyes fell on Pinkie Pie.

“I’m afraid I have bad news,” she continued. “Unfortunately, all of the artists who were going to perform tonight are sick.”

There was a murmur in the crowd.

“Yes, I’m sorry to say that they all have infections in their eyes,” Pinkie Pie said.

Backstage, Applejack was listening and she had no idea what Pinkie Pie was trying to do. That was until a tumult of laughter gushed from the posh audience.

“Is she trying to…?”

Applejack peered through the curtain stage left and looked from the howling audience to Pinkie Pie, who was looking around in the air as if expecting to spot a bird that flew in through an open window. She did spot something. Something blue.

“She is,” gasped Applejack.

Pinkie Pie had never made this many ponies laugh at one time before. She had a feeling, going by the feats her friends had performed with their own elements of harmony, that she could make her Element of Laughter come to her in their time of need, and it did. It appeared above the audience, latched onto Pinkie’s neck, and glowed brighter than any spotlight in the theater. The blue light seemed to flood into the backstage area. Applejack looked behind her and saw the locker doors burst open and all the instruments fly out into the hallway. And that wasn’t all. All of the sick performers were suddenly feeling better and better with every passing second. Applejack and the very surprised paramedics watched until the light faded. There was much grunting and stretching among the artists.

“How are you feeling now?” asked the matron.

Sapphire Shores bolted up. “SEN-SA-TION-ALLLL!”

There wasn’t an unhealthy pony in the house. Applejack ran back to the curtain, discovering along the way that Pinkie’s element had even cured their injured hooves. The audience was buzzing with confused curiosity. Pinkie Pie, her Element of Laughter no longer glowing, began to walk offstage, but Applejack stopped her.

“Did it work?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Yep. You did it,” beamed Applejack.

The benefit concert was able to go ahead as planned. There were no disappointed or outraged ponies, and the performers and high society ponies all had a wonderful time. Before the interval, Pinkie Pie and Applejack had gone to their room and emptied the ice box of all the practise snacks they’d made the previous day.

“I hate to complain about your great idea,” said Applejack as they collected their cakes, tarts and trifles, “but it kinda bugs me that they all laughed at a buncha sick ponies.”

“Yeah, me too,” admitted Pinkie Pie. “But irony is one of the best ways to get ponies like that to laugh.”

The two of them had their snack tables ready in good time for the interval. And who should be first in line but Aunt and Uncle Orange? They congratulated Pinkie Pie on solving their big problem, and they told Applejack that they were happy that they were able to serve their cakes with zap apple jam in them.

“I guess I was wrong about those two,” smiled Pinkie Pie after the Oranges had left the snack table.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Applejack. “I can’t expect y’all to know everything about classy ponies.”

During the interval and after the concert, Applejack and Pinkie Pie shook hooves with more esteemed ponies than they had done when they were given their royal appointments. The concert had definitely been a success.

“Hey, did anyone snap Star Biller out of her pressure attack?” asked Pinkie Pie when midnight approached.

Author's Note:

I still don't know if the one with the red hat and the skull has been given a name. But I didn't want to completely make up a character for this one because I knew there was definitely going to be one in my next one.

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