Dashie Dashes Off

by Brass Polish

1 Stings

“Didn’t your nose get itchy?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah, but I thought it was because of all that pepper,” replied Pinkie Pie.

“Pepper?”

“The lid fell off the shaker,” moaned Pinkie, fighting the temptation to rub her stings.

“OK, just hang tight. I’ll go to Zecora’s and get some ointment,” said Rainbow Dash before flying away towards the Everfree Forest.

At the Library, Spike was polishing the Elements of Harmony.

“Hey, Twilight,” he asked, “was Starswirl the Bearded ever made a member of the Royal Family?”

“Don’t you remember?” asked Twilight. “Princess Celestia knew that he never understood the magic of friendship despite his genius.”

Spike was embarrassed. “I can’t keep track of Equestrian history. I’ve tried reading up on it in my spare time, but there are too many big words.”

“I could read a few books to you if you like,” offered Twilight.

“Nah, the sound of you reading always makes me fall aslee-”

Twilight had such an angry look on her face, that when someone knocked on the door, Spike was there in just a few seconds.

Rainbow Dash walked in with a bottle tucked under each of her wings.

“Guess what, Twilight,” she said. “Zecora found something she wants you to take a look at. Here.”

Rainbow Dash placed one of the bottles on the table in the middle of the Library. There was no liquid in it, but rather a single seed. It was about the size and shape of a tiny seashell, and it was a bright lime green colour even under the shade of the bottle’s lid.

“What is it?” asked Twilight.

Rainbow Dash snorted a bit. “Zecora told me you would know!”

Twilight looked closer, and then it came to her.

“A Viana seed?!”

“Yeah,” smiled Rainbow Dash. “She found it in the pumpkin patch.”

“What’s a Viana?” asked Spike.

“It’s a plant that can gain intelligence by pollination,” answered Twilight.

Spike groaned. “More big words.”

“Funnily enough,” Twilight said to Rainbow Dash, “Spike and I were just talking about Starswirl the Bearded. He discovered the Viana, but couldn’t put any of the ones he grew to proper use.”

She looked at Rainbow Dash’s left wing.

“What’s that other thing you’ve got?” she asked.

“Oh, right!”

And Rainbow Dash left to give Pinkie Pie her bee sting ointment.

Twilight and Spike sent a letter to Princess Celestia to tell her about the Viana seed. While they waited for a reply, Twilight took a book down from one of the taller shelves and offered it to Spike.

“I’m pretty sure there aren’t many big words in there,” she told him as he turned to the page on Vianas.

“Viana plants grow in pumpkin patches in areas unin… unin…” Spike had already found one.

“Uninhabited,” Twilight said in annoyed manner.

“…Uninhabited by pony-kind,” Spike read on. “They grow during thunderstorms when their seeds are struck by lightning. One day after they grow, they bloom, release their pollen, and after three minutes, it takes all its pollen back in. If anypony is around when it pollinates, he or she will inhale and exhale the pollen, and that will allow the Viana to gain his or her knowledge. So when it blooms again the following day, it will be able to speak and it will know everything the pony knows. It is capable of extending its roots and using them like claws, which can be put to use by the pony it got its knowledge from.”

Spike, happy to have only found one word he couldn’t cope with, looked at the illustration on the top left corner of the page. The Viana looked something like an octopus in a flowerpot. Ten roots were sticking out of the soil, and in the middle of the pot was what looked exactly like a Venus fly trap. Spike was sure that was its head.

Suddenly, Spike had to throw the book aside to avoid setting it on fire. Princess Celestia’s reply had arrived.

“Would you mind reading it?” asked Spike. “I think I’ve had enough for today.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and magiced the scroll open.

“Wow!” she said after a few seconds. “Princess Celestia wants the Royal Taskforce to grow this Viana.”

“She does?”

“Yes. She thinks we could make better use of one than Starswirl the Bearded did if it knows everything the six of us know,” smiled Twilight.

“Could I give it my knowledge too?” asked Spike.

“Sorry, but if you keep reading, you’ll see that it won’t survive if it takes in pollen that was in a dragon’s lungs,” said Twilight. “It’ll burst into flames if you breathe in its pollen.”

“That’s just an excuse isn’t it?” muttered Spike. “You just don’t think I have enough intelligence to offer.”

Twilight knew by Spike’s grin that he was just joking around.

Twilight gathered her friends at Sweet Apple Acres and told them about the Viana seed.

“I thought maybe we could grow it here,” said Twilight to Applejack. “You’ve got the best topsoil in Ponyville and you’re the best at roping.”

“What needs ropin’?” asked Applejack.

“The storm clouds,” answered Twilight. “Rainbow Dash, I’ll need you to gather about six or seven of them, bring them here, and get them to hit the Viana seed with lightning.”

“Aye, aye,” Rainbow Dash saluted and began to take off.

“Not now, not now!” Twilight shouted before Rainbow Dash got too far away. “We gotta do it after the sun goes down. It can’t be exposed to any sunlight or it’ll get cooked by the lightning.”

So Applejack told her family to stay in the barn for the evening and collected her strongest ropes for Twilight to put a spell on so they would hold the storm clouds when Rainbow brought them.

“Yikes, Rainbow. We only need seven,” said Twilight when she saw how many storm clouds they had. “You’ve got like twelve!”

“It’s not like anypony else needs them,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Alright, let’s get ropin’,” said Applejack, whipping a lasso around.

When she grabbed the clouds and tied them together, two of them almost zapped her when they got squeezed.

“Whoa! Twilight’s right, Rainbow Dash! You got too many of ‘em! Take some back!”

“Oh, fine,” sighed Rainbow Dash.

But the storm clouds released more streams of lightning when Rainbow Dash grasped them. Both her front hooves got zapped and one bolt narrowly missed the pot the Viana seed was planted in.

“Don’t touch them!” cried Twilight. “The sun’s not down yet!”

“You OK, Rainbow Dash?!” asked Applejack.

“I’ll live,” replied Rainbow Dash, rubbing her hooves.

For a pegasus, lightning strikes are like bee stings. One or two aren’t too bad, but a lot would be trouble.

“What’s all the hullaballoo out there?!” came a voice from the barn. “Is it zap apple season again?!”

“Get back in the barn, Granny Smith!” shouted Applejack.

Twilight was getting impatient waiting for night to fall. Their dozen storm clouds kept flashing and crackling as if they couldn’t hold their combined lightning in for much longer.

“Be careful when you hit them Rainbow Dash! You don’t want to get more shocks!” warned Twilight.

“Hey, if you want to hit them and save me the trouble…!”

“Don’t talk back to me, Rainbow!” Twilight snapped. “You’re the best pony for this job, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t say anything else for a while. She ate up compliments like root veggies.

At last, nightfall came.

“Stand by,” said Twilight as Rainbow Dash hovered over the quaking storm clouds. “3, 2, 1, go!”

Rainbow Dash charged fiercely.

“Not that fast!” cried Applejack.

No sooner had she spoken when the black clouds glowed white, there was a deafening bang, and Rainbow Dash yelled in pain. The rope broke in three places and as the freed storm clouds parted, Twilight and Applejack could see that Rainbow Dash was a black and charred mess.

“Them storm clouds are headin’ towards the barn!” shouted Applejack.

Rainbow Dash could hardly stay in the air.

“I’ll stop them!” called Twilight.

But as she took flight, her horn acted like a lightning rod and attracted the volatile cloud’s electricity. While Applejack went to see if Twilight was alright, the clouds began striking nearby apple trees and knocking them down. Rainbow Dash gave her head a shake, summoned all her remaining strength and flew to stop the clouds from wrecking the farm.

“Easy, Rainbow!” Applejack yelled over the thunderclaps.

Twilight wasn’t too badly injured, but it hurt her head to try and magic the clouds away. Rainbow Dash worked as fast as she could to move the clouds back into the sky. She got several more shocks, but she carried on until all twelve of them were well away from Sweet Apple Acres.

Twilight managed to shake off the pain in her head.

“Look what happened to those trees!” complained Applejack. “As soon as Rainbow Dash gets back…!”

When Rainbow Dash did get back, she feel rather than flew out of the sky. She landed with a thud on the roof of the barn and was now dangling from Applejack’s windowsill.

“A little help?!” she called.

Twilight flew up to the windowsill, opened the window and gently pulled Rainbow Dash into Applejack’s bedroom.

Applejack dropped her ugly mood. “Tell you what, Rainbow! You can sleep in my bed tonight! Just don't rip my sheets out!”

“Thanks, AJ!” came the reply from the window.

So Twilight tucked Rainbow Dash in and took out a bottle of shock ointment she’d brought along in case of a serious accident. Rainbow Dash had actually fallen asleep before Twilight was done.

“You’re a crazy pony, Rainbow,” said Twilight as she flew out of the room and shut the window.

“Hey Twilight, good news!” Applejack called. “The Viana seed got hit! Look!”

Twilight flew to the pot, which was smashed and its pieces were buried in soil. And there in the pile of dirt was a lime green sprout which seemed oddly bright despite the dark of the night.

“Oh, good,” sighed Twilight. “OK, let’s re-pot it and move it to the cellar.”

The following morning, Granny Smith and Big McIntosh had a few complaints.

“Sorry about your broken apple trees,” Twilight told them. “I promise we’ll clean everything up. But we want to wait until our Viana’s second blooming. Then we can test it on your trees.”

They appreciated this, but it had nothing to do with their complaints which were about Rainbow Dash’s snoring.

“I guess I’ll go wake her up,” said Applejack, who was a little stiff from sleeping on the kitchen table all night.

“And I’ll go get the others,” said Twilight. “The first bloom should be in about half an hour.”

Applejack made her way to her bedroom hoping that she wouldn’t find her bedcovers in a mess. She knocked on the door, waited a few seconds, and when she opened the door, she was relieved to see that her bed was in decent condition. Rainbow Dash on the other hand was not. She was still coated in burn marks which were slightly redder than they had been last night, and unless Applejack was hearing things, she was growling in her sleep. In fact, she looked really angry.

“Um, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash’s eyebrow twitched a bit and she opened one eye. Her expression hadn’t changed. She was looking at Applejack like she hated her.

“You feelin’ OK?” asked Applejack.

“Yeah, I guess,” replied Rainbow Dash, her angry look fading one bit.

“Good. Um, the Viana’s gonna bloom in a bit,” said Applejack.

Rainbow Dash sat up a bit and looked at the bed sheets. “I didn’t mess these up, did I?”

“Nah, they’re fine,” answered Applejack.

Rainbow Dash lied back down and turned over. “I’ll be down soon,” she said.

Applejack left the room hoping Rainbow Dash wasn’t still in pain and was too stubborn to say so.

Pinkie Pie was perfectly cheery again after recovering from all her bee stings. In fact, she was laughing at the memory of the funny little hat one of the bees was wearing.

“Could you make me one like that, Rarity?” she asked.

“Oh, alright,” sighed Rarity, who didn’t like making things that contradict her own sense of taste.

“Um, Twilight,” said Fluttershy, “why do we have to be in this cellar?”

“So nopony else breathes in the pollen,” Twilight answered. “If the six of us are in an enclosed space, the Viana will only gain our intelligence.”

“If Rainbow Das doesn’t show up, it’ll only be the five of us,” said Applejack, watching the Viana which now had now grown a closed Venus fly trap head. “I think she’s still not feeling well. Should I go and…?”

“No, no. If not all of us can be here, it’s better if everyone who can be here is,” said Twilight.

The Viana’s head stirred.

“It’s coming,” said Twilight.

Then Pinkie Pie shouted. “My knee’s getting pinchy!”

“Uh, I forget what that means,” said Twilight.

“It means something scary is gonna happen,” said Applejack with a start.

They began to back away from the Viana as its head slowly began to open. As soon as its mouth was wide open, Rarity backed into something. She jumped and the five of them turned around. Pinkie’s senses weren’t lying. Rainbow Dash was right there and she had the scariest look any of them had ever seen. It was as if she couldn’t stand the sight of them and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. For a while, none of them said a word.

Finally, Fluttershy spoke up. “Are you alright?”

Rainbow Dash flinched, then said “I want to go!”

“Um, go?” repeated Twilight.

“Um, I think I should go somewhere to relax,” Rainbow Dash was talking rather quickly. “Just… like a therapeutic holiday or something. My burns are really hurting me.”

“Well, why don’t you check into the hospital?” asked Rarity.

Rainbow flinched again. “I just want to go to some other town and stay there… for a while.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” smiled Pinkie Pie. “Make sure you send us a postcard.”

Evidently, Pinkie’s approval was good enough for Rainbow Dash. She turned her tail and flew out of the cellar without a backwards glance.

The five remaining taskforce members were silent for a while, unable to understand what had gotten into Rainbow Dash. Then they heard a faint snapping noise. They looked back and saw that the Viana had closed again.

“Oh! It’s stopped pollinating,” said Twilight in surprise. “Has it really been three minutes?”

“Where’s Minuette when you need her?” asked Applejack.

“Well, I’m pretty sure Rainbow Dash was here long enough to breathe in its pollen,” said Twilight. “When it blooms again, we can ask it what was eating her.”

“So, what are we going to name it?” asked Fluttershy.

“Name it?” Twilight repeated. “Um, why don’t we name it after its discoverer?”

“Starswirl the Bearded?” asked Rarity.

“I was actually thinking Viana the Bearded,” said Twilight.

“Great!” Pinkie Pie bounced up to the Viana. “We can put this beard on it.”

She pulled a tiny fake beard out of nowhere and put it on the Viana. It got a good laugh from the others.

“Alright, it’s settled,” said Twilight. “Viana the Bearded it is.”

The taskforce went about their business for the rest of the day, but they could talk of nothing but Rainbow Dash’s odd desire to leave. Pinkie Pie kept running to and from her mailbox expecting a postcard. Rainbow couldn’t have been as sore as she told them she was. She could fly perfectly; otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to leave Ponyville. And why did she look at her friends as if they were piles of rancid garbage?

Applejack had a thought that evening and ran to tell Twilight. “When I went to wake Rainbow Dash up, she had a really nasty look on her face when she was sleeping. Do ya think she might’ve had a disturbin’ dream?”

“Hmm, maybe,” Twilight pondered. “I know! I’ll write to Princess Luna. Maybe she saw what Rainbow Dash was dreaming.”

“What if she didn’t?” asked Applejack. “Then we’ll never find out.”

“Well, we won’t know unless we ask,” said Twilight.

It was a good thing Applejack had this thought before night came. This was the perfect time to send a letter to Princess Luna. After Spike sent it off, he and Twilight stayed up for a few hours expecting a reply. It didn’t come and they both fell asleep in the middle of the Library.

Author's Note:

Inspired by the Red Dwarf episode Fathers & Suns, and an odd thing that happened in my sleep once.