Im just an average brony who loves to write, and illustrate/create original mlp comics and original mlp fimfics. i have my very first 2 fimfics in progress and my first comic book in progress.
When a Pegasus named Snowy Daze meets another Pegasus named Thunder Lily at flight camp, she ends up having unexplainable feelings for her. As Daze tries to sort out and make sense of these feelings, she notices how they become stronger as time goes on.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I found a grammatical error. This fic is therefore worthless and worthy of a downvote. (Forgets sarcasm isn't a thing on the internet.)
Anyway, it seems to be a nice shipping fic with short chapters, and I like how it's not a clopfic. I'll give it a fav because why not?
Sarcasm shall never be a thing on the internet lol.
the idea is nice. camp love. a beautiful thing. however, you have a decent amount of grammatical errors. just some easy fixes. don't worry, we all make mistakes. now, you have some layout problems. paragraphs not indented, not spaced out evenly throughout the story, etc. another easy fix. finally, time progression. this may just be me, but on some parts, things just flow too quickly. Not covered enough to express it.
tl;dr. Just go through it and make edits to make it look better. maybe use Microsoft word to catch some things. All in all, a decent fic. keep it going.
Thanks for the feedback!
Seems pretty good. Not awkward or cringy. I was going to comment about the confession and how it seemed a bit rushed, until I remembered that that's pretty much every love confession in real life. Still, a couple more sentences around that part to add a tone to the moment would improve it just a little.
EDIT: And, there we go. Nice job.