It's been three years since Princess Luna, the Nightwatcher has been returned to her throne and three years since Twilight Sparkle and the virtuous six have parted ways and gone back to their separate lives. But after a few years of peace, there are reports of a series of murders and break ins on the outskirts of the major cities of Mystika. As Twilight Sparkle investigates, she uncovers rumors that the Shadow Blade cult who did the bidding of The Nightmare back during the Dark Times, are back in force. And they have a plan.
(Chapter 1-7) Additional prose and edited by Ally Stansel
(Chapter 9-onward) Edited by The Grey Potter
Additional prose and consulting by Ryan McCarty
Proofread by Max Levine
inspired by the character re-imagining illustrated by Ryan McCarty
Well now I gotta know what happens.
I shall be watching.
interesting
A picture is worth a thousand spoilers! I know that DA pic lol.
Sounds like a promising fantasy epic. I'll be watching this!
504559
Thanks for the favorite! I'll try to keep it updated in a timely fashion!
504653
lol nah. Nothing the fan community doesn't already know about. We're gonna have fun playing with some expectations. Thanks for the favorite.
505210
Glad you think so! We hope it will be.
Oh ho...
This looks most intriguing. I look forward to more. My only complaint is that I'd call the earth pony analogues the earthborn. You know, just to keep the parallel structure going.
505247
Thanks for pointing that out! It's been through tons of edits, but I guess that one slipped through the cracks. T_T
A couple of grammatical errors here and there, but I can gloss over them. Still, you should consider getting a proof-reader, other readers might be a lot more nitpicky than me :justsayin:
So to clarify, Spike is her dragon familiar much like a D&D sorcerer/wizard, right?
OHHHHH. Damn, poor Applebloom... I wonder how AJ is gonna take this. Can't wait to see the rest of the Mane 6 in their respective mage forms!
As noted above, there are some flubs of varying severity, as well as some excessively purple prose and a few extraneous sentences. Still, the story is quite engaging, and I'm looking forward to more. Just let the chapters sit for a bit so you can better catch the errors, or commission a proofreader.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
poor applebloom i hope her families alright
506533
Thanks for the heads up, proofreader and I are making a second pass as we speak
About Spike being the dragon familiar, yes. We felt like it was more appropriate to do it more traditionally as the general tone of the story is traditional fantasy set. That and real dragons, even baby ones, fly.
Chapter 2 is gonna be all about the events on the orchard so all those questions will be answered. Should be up sometime next week!
This is a nice cliff hanger but killing off a possibly major character in the very beginning, hope it doesn't hinder the number of characters you can use later on.
Also continue to make more, I'm kinda antsy waiting for the new chapter to come out.
513332 The story's all mapped out. No worries. :D
I really enjoy this so far, thats some nice world building you have done.
531305 thanks ronaxsis! Most of it is from Ryan McCarty's framework and characters, but the story's mine. Thanks for reading and liking! Chapter 2 will be up in a couple of days And nice avatar by the way. Lots of good memories dressing as Dexter at Dragon*con last year.
Oh good, you managed to get something coherent out of the mishmash we ended up with. Well, at least we know what not to do for next chapter.
As I noted before, it's a good blend of character establishment and good old-fashioned horror, complete with the biggest morons succumbing to natural selection. Looking forward to more.
Also: SHOOMP
535921 lol yes to SHOOMP and yes to science Apple Bloom.
Thanks again!
This, so far? Epic. Gimme moar. When's the next one?
535977 lol thank you hoof! we're doing our best to crank these suckers out every week, but don't hold me to that
Chapter 3 is currently in the revision process and we're hoping to get it set if not the end of this week, the beginning of next. Thanks for reading!
Awww buck yeah flaming greatswords! Applejack is best paladin! I suppose the lack of epicness can be forgiven since we're only at the start of the story, but I can't wait for the next few chapters to show the rest of the Mane 6 at work!
P.S. Chapter 4 of The Order of Koaxia is almost halfway completed, and at a word count of 8k+ already, I have a feeling we either have a very huge upcoming chapter on our hands, or I'm going to have to split this into a two-parter
536431 Thanks Ry! Yeah. It's gonna take a while to rev up. Keep in mind it took Tolkien 2.5 books before the epic of epic battles. Give it a couple more chapters.
Hang in there on Koaxia! And chapters can be long just as long as they're well paced.
Well, you already knew I like this chapter, but you're right; it is more polished, and I think it flows better.
...And yes, I am partly biased about loving this chapter since AJ is my favorite, lol.
Three things that were my favorite in this chapter:
1) The new scene with Nugget and Ruby you added.
2) The ribbon scene between Bloom and Jack (yes, I know I told you that before).
3) The AJ quote, "Papers said you couldn't die. Y'all just hadn't met me yet."
Keep up the good work, and I'll try not to whine for you to write more, lol.
536544
Just wanted to say, I am SO looking forward to seeing Spike's interaction with Rarity - seeing a dragon familiar that's about the size of a pet lizard getting all affectionate with a human female just reminds me of how my friend's dog just loves jumping up on me while I'm sitting on the couch and licking me all up in the face >< Rarity's reaction would suuure be interesting to see
Oh yeah and just a heads up, Koaxia's chapter 4 is up, comments would be very much appreciated!
I'll have to admit, this story made me register so I can comment and encourage you to do more.
I love the writing style you've put in this and I really cannot wait for more.
First!
584366 so you are...and?
<3<3<3 i love this story so much good job
Don't mess with the Apples or Jacks gonna kill yah. Yeesh. I love how scary you made Applejack while still keeping her relate-able. Its perfectly summed up in the last two paragraphs of chapter 4 and when she said "Cider?" I burst out laughing. Very nicely done.
Appleblooms chapter was the best so far being really tense at the same time characterizing Applebloom very well. It makes me want to see more of her.
Twilights chapter was probably the worst so far being fairly slow with only a little humor.
Overall the three chapters and prologue I've read are high quality and thus this earns a fave and a like. I'm going to have to keep an eye on this for ideas to "liberate" for my own fic.
I look forward to reading more.
Nice way to put in irrefutable evidence, nips that problem in the bud right there. Still, not a lot of action here, but the Twi/Mac dynamic you had going on down there was pretty fun. That, and Mac's "monster of a hammer" xD. God I loved that line, IYKWIM.
Eee, another great chapter! ^_^ I really like the idea of Paladin AJ
, and as someone who plays Artificer in D&D I'm loving li'l Apple Bloom.
Smart Apple Bloom is Smart.
Tough Jack is Tough.
Awesome story is AWESOME.
Family beats politics. With Eri, if necessary.
586313
I really like your name.
Great story
I haven't seen anything I don't like about this story yet. Also I found all the characters and there classes on DA, have to say it matches up really well. Can't wait to see Derpy, she has best class.
You can really see the fire in Applejack's eyes when she talks about her family.
But other than that I don't mind a casual moment every now and then, it shows how well you can pace the story.
I simply can't wait to see the other main 6, 2 down 4 more to go.
Oh yeah and when I saw Scootaloo I jumped in the air a bit, that was a very nice way to introduce her.
Looking forward for the following chapters.
584739 thnx xmass! Writing chapter 4 as we speak. Think it's time to get Rarity in the mix...
584964 Twilight's chapter is rough because A LOT of world building has to happen. I can assure you it's going to move at a steady pace until the big stuff. Then when the big stuff hits, it's going to cook. Thanks for sticking with it!
585002 Thanks Ry! I think "her world of due process was about to get really complicated," is one of my favorite lines of the story. How's Koaxia coming?
585952 The Apple kids are a lot of fun to write and so is weaving the characters and their D&D counterparts together. Thanks so much!
586170 yes, yes and WOO!!
586313 which brings me to the spin off after this is done called "What Eri was Really Thinking."
587104 Thank you! Glad you found it!
587340 Derpy miiiight be mentioned in the next chapter.
587591 lol. Yeah. I've spent a lot of time in the southern US and really tried to borrow from that hardcore central family core. Seems to be working ok. And thanks for your comment about the pace. It's been a rough process re-establishing these beloved characters, building the world and keeping it interesting so thanks for the review!
589037 Thanks for writing this awesome story!
So, I'm not entirely sure why I'm typing up a comment, when I'm already chatting with you over IM, lol. Guess it's just a habit.
Anyway, I love the changes you did make with this chapter, especially the parts of AJ recalling the attack and flashing back to the funeral.
The detail of AJ still being able to taste the dirt on her hands from the funeral was particularly touching. And of course, you know how much I love the scene between the badass paladin and Featherweight.
Plus, bonus points for making Twi and Big Mac feeling all awkward.
Always fun to embarrass the characters.
Keep up the good work!
P.S. I think I'm going refer to Big Mac as "Pony Thor" from now on...because that's still all I'm seeing now when I think about him.
seeing as rarity is coming next chapter will we be seeing sweetie belle??