Of Owls and Hats

by Malcolm Merlyn

Happy Thanksgiving!

"You certainly bought a ton of groceries." Hawkeye commented as he helped the older assassin load in his haul from the grocery store. Aside from totally ordinary bags from the Shaw's, the assassin also had a briefcase as well as two large crates which were chained close.

"Forget something son? Today is Thanksgiving. There's a few thousand reasons to why I don't celebrate this holiday, but I'll make an exception since I have company for dinner." The old man commented as he unloaded the things into the kitchen. Grabbing bowls and culinary tools, the old man got to work as he took out the large turkey. "You got any skills in cooking?"

"Does it involve whomever eating the food dying at the end? Cause I can do that without poison."

"In that case, get out and do something useful." Slade shot as he began to heat up the oven. "Hope you don't mind waiting for 10:00 PM for dinner."

"What time is it now?"

"6:30. It'll take time for me to prepare everything." Slade said instinctively as he grab the essentials for making food for five. "Now if you don't mind, I have dinner to make."

The archer nodded as the older man continued to work in the kitchen. Getting out, he watched Widow sit upon one of the comfy chairs in the living room. Legs-crossed. Ah Nat. She could pretend she was comfortable in almost any situation. If it wasn't painfully obvious, she wasn't really comfortable with SOMETHING... whatever that something was, maybe she'll spill her guts at a later time. As of now, she simply rested upon the chair, watching the little silver-haired girl and her slightly older friend watch the local news. It was rather unclear to what they were more amazed over, the story talking about a guy in a bat costume, or perhaps it was the fact the TV color. Amazing to how simple things to what most people of this day and age took for granted could be seen as an item of another era to someone else from only seventy years ago.

"A man in a bat costume huh?" Hawkeye commented as he watched the footage of a said person in a bat costume clobber about a few dozen thugs. "What's this guy's story?"

"Some vigilante of sorts." Black Widow commented as she continued to watch the news. "There's an organization for them."

"Aye. And they're some of the most deadliest people on this planet." Slade commented as he entered the room with a mixing bowl. "Funny. Those guys don't even kill. Imagine how much they could accomplish if they did. Some of the worst degenerates on this planet would simply cease to exist. Then again, I am kinda glad they don't kill. It'd make my job a bit harder."

"Why the bat costume?"

"Same reason you use a bow. Whatever floats his boat." Slade continued.

"What are you making?" Sanya asked as the sweet smell reached her.

"Cheesecake." The mercenary replied. "And a few dozen other things."

"May I help?" Sanya asked with a kind smile.

"Sure." Slade shrugged. "I assume you know what you're doing?"

"Yeah."

"Wait... you know how to make cheesecake?" Widow asked as she looked into the bowl.

"If you can name it. I can make it." Slade replied as he let the thing sit for a while. As usual to his "magic" he had switched from his two-piece suit back into ordinary clothing which he probably didn't care too much it he got it dirty. By no means would he ever wear an apron, even in the kitchen. "Cooking. Just another pastime."

"Huh. How did you learn?"

"When you get marooned on a remote island off the coast of china for Vietnam for almost two years straight and every meal is made from scratch, you get pretty good at just about anything food related." Slade replied. "So there's turkey in the oven, and I am going to make mashed potatoes with gravy next."

"I can make fish." Eila offered. "Just no herring please."

"Didn't get any. You can work with Salmon?"

"Definitely!" Eila nodded. "Just show me the stuff."

"Right on in." Slade nodded as he opened the various drawers that contained his cooking apparatus. Much to Eila's disappointment, she half expected that Slade cut his food with swords as well. Rather odd to see he actually use normal knives.

"I can help too." Sanya offered. "Eila..."

"Sure!" Her friend said instinctively as Sanya looked to Slade who gave her the "do whatever you feel like" look.

"Okay. I feel like I should do something to contribute." Nat nodded. "Clint?"

"Can't cook if my life depended on it."

"Suit yourself pal." Slade nodded as he went back to work. Taking his time, he grabbed his briefcase and clipped it open revealing the pile of stacked bills. Flipping through it all, he gave a small grin before closing the lid.

[Equestria]

"Happy Turkey Day everyone!" Soldier announced with a megaphone as the total top of his lungs. The sheer sound of it all caused birds to scatter, ursas to piss themselves in terror and everyone to go deaf until Medic fixed their issues. "TODAY... IS TURKEY DAY. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?! WE WILL CATCH A TURKEY. WE WILL SKIN IT ALIVE. WE WILL KILL IT IN COLD BLOOD. AND THEN... WE WILL EAT IT. JUST LIKE HOW OUR FOUNDING FATHERS DID!"

"I am certain everything is and will be true. Except for the last part." Engineer said scratching his head. "Alright boys. It is turkey day. But as I recall the founding fathers didn't..."

"SHUT IT NERD!" Soldier exploded. "NOW THEN SISSIES! WE WILL FIND A TURKEY. WE WILL DRAG IT BACK HERE. AND THEN?! WE WILL SKIN IT. THEN SHOOT IT DEAD. THEN EAT IT!"

"Okay. So question." Scout asked. "A. Where do we find a turkey? And how do we catch it?"

"Ummm..."

[Half an hour later. Apple family farm.]

"One... two... three.. huh." Applejack's eyes narrowed as she did her recount for the umpteenth time. "Big Mac!"

"Eeyup?"

"We are missing a turkey! Do you know where it went?"

"Nope!"

"That's really strange." Applejack commented as she took a closer scrutiny of her turkey pen. Everything seemed fine.... wait a minute...
A section of the pen looked as though someone, or rather something had attempted to scramble past it. Someone extremely heavy from the looks of it, since there was even a small collapse.

"Good lord Heavy! You dropped the turkey!"

"Then help me capture turkey!" Heavy yelled to demoman as the flightless bird made a dash for it the moment it escaped the big man's hands. Following after the turkey was a motley crew comprised of a big fat Russian, a black Scottish cyclops, a wise-cracking Bostonian and an Australian outback hunter. The four of them trailed right on after the escaping turkey as it made a mad dash into who knows where.

"It's hiding! It's got to be around here somewhere!" Sniper announced as he drew his kukri. "When I get my hands on it, it's going to have a good turkey day. It's going to be in for a rather rough day."

"That's IF we get our hands on it." Scout whined as he readied his bat. "Ha. This is stupid. Why does soldier want a turkey anyways?"

"To celebrate Turkey day you twit!" Demoman replied hastily. "Alright lads. I think the bloody bird ran into that cave!"

"That... dark... scary..."

"What's wrong? Little man afraid of cave? Heavy not scared! Heavy go in to catch bird!" The big guy boasted as he walked in fists at the ready. "Come on out bird..."

Silence. Just silence.

Then without warning a roar and a scream.

The heavy came running out, hands clasped around the bird. But that wasn't why he was running. Cause right behind him, was a massive red dragon. Everyone simply ran like hell.

[Back at Slade's house]

He hadn't had a good Thanksgiving dinner in about fifty years nor had he actually had company over for dinner without the dinner ending with someone mysteriously dying of food poisoning. Sitting down he took a bite to eat from the turkey he had roasted. The juicy, tender meat was nothing short of what he expected from his own culinary skills. Mixed in with the homemade gravy, it certainly was a treat.

He took a look at Eila and Sanya who were eating away. Casually, Widow ate her food, hunger was one thing, but just because it was the day most people gained five pounds didn't mean it applied to her as well. As usual, Clint ate slowly, chipping away at the salmon steaks that Eila had made. He took a long gulp of brandy, cooling his nervous for a moment.

"So about work..." Clint began as he took another drink of wine. "Did you find out yet?"

"As a matter of fact I did. One of my contacts down in Manhattan actually told me exactly where our diamond is going to be. You see, the league of Assassins has a few favors down under ground."

"The JP Morgan's gold vault." Widow nodded. "I assume this league of assassins has contacts down there?"

"Yep. Quite a few of the employees are indirectly or directly linked with the league's activities. As such, it really does make sense to hold their contraband items in one of the most secure vaults on earth. Luckily, I have a way to get in."

Speaking of getting in, the exact moment he finished his sentence there was a low, ominous knock on the door.

Slade's casual demeanor (at least, his definition of "casual") instantly changed into the tenseness of an alert predator. When everyone looked from the door, and looked back, Slade was already dressed in a two piece suit once more.

"Business huh." Hawkeye commented. "Why the suit?"

"There's a hidden Kevlar layer." Slade replied as he pulled out his desert eagle. "Eila. Get the door."

"Hold on a moment... aren't you..." Hawkeye began only to be cut by Slade.

"I am certain magic does miracles these days." Slade's grip upon his gun tightened as Eila nodded. Slowly and gingerly, the girl opened the door, revealing a short, squat woman in her late forties.

Amanda Waller.