- Member Since 23rd Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Jun 9th, 2015
CloverQuill
“To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee, One clover, and a bee, And revery. The revery alone will do, If bees are few.” ― Emily Dickinson, The Complete Poems
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I think the story itself is good so far, but the writing could use some editing. (I'm offering, if you want.)
Most common problem I spotted: When a quote would end with a period and be followed by 'he said' (or similar,) the period becomes a comma and the 'he said' after doesn't get capitalized.
Wrong: "Words." He said.
Right: "Words," he said.
Glorious.
You have Deadpool down pat.
5265048 m2pt5, thank you! I'll go through and fix that. I don't have an editor/beta reader, so sorry for the mistakes. I'll PM you about editing so we don't take up space in the comments section.
5266125 Flutters Is Shy, thank you! I was worried about it, because I'm not writing his text box's dialogue out. I have some notions about those little voices/boxes though.
This is glorious! Deadpool at his finest, even though I miss his yellow boxes.^^
Equestria just can be glad he did not transform into a Unicorn. Imagine it. Deadpool with magic!
5266961 the insanity whild be limitless.
The insanity. So dark. So beutyful.
I clicked on it because of Deadpool. I'm going to favorite it because of Deadpool. I am a fan of Deadpool and this site needs more stories with Deadpool. Deadpool is awesome. The story is good, as well.
Are we going to have to deal with the subject of the "K" word, out of curiosity?
5268988 deadpool, deadpool, deadpool, deadpool, deadpool, deadpool
ERROR you have over used the word "deadpool" please use another word
5266961 Don't worry, I have plans for his boxes.
5269934
Freude!
5268988 Thank you! I don't know what happened, Deadpool just grabbed my brain and wouldn't let go until I started this story.
5269358 I haven't completely decided if this is Ultimate Deadpool or not. I have seen the Ultimate Deapool episode of Ultimate Spiderman, but we just started DVRing that so I'm not sure if I've missed any of his appearances or not. I'm not sure if Ultimate DP is different enough that I'd be writing him OOC or something. Though I did make a meta joke about Ultimate Deapool's voice actor in the first paragraph. (It is totally my headcannon that Ultimate Deadpool is Ron Stoppable.
)
5269945
Oh my gosh! That would be so awesome of that were true!
Stoppable's my boy!
Yah, it needs a quick polish. Noted some instances of odd sentence structure and the occasional errant phrase. Alas, I suck most heartily as an editor so I cannot assist. However ...
I like what you have so far. Alot of fic writers try to make Deadpool way too zany and random and it just comes off as annoying. I think you've got a good handle on Deadpool, he's still the crazy merc with the mouth, but you are able to keep things in check so he's entertaining rather than obnoxious.
5270334 I found an editor, thank you! I hope chapter one is a bit better now, after editing.
Writing for Zecora was really difficult I tried not to force the rhymes too awkwardly but, I dunno. And if anyone else was wondering, she IS rhyming, I'm just using more than the AABB, and ABAB, rhyming schemes.
5270778 Thank you! I'm not sure if I should be concerned for myself that I understand DP so well though.
no need more chapters i hate cliff hangers
5283970 My goal is to get the next chapter out before American Thanksgiving. I just hope I can do it in time.
i can since there is a lot
of fan mad stories i'll probably die before i finish them all
im just going to post stupid videos of random stuff i found in youtube
Well...
this is going to be interesting 
5296863 Don't worry, we'll get to the main six soon. I hope you're still enjoying chapter two.
5298274 I sure hope so! Thanks for the comment.
Wasn't there like a mission and stuff?
Eh, probably nothing.
Second the Chapter?
5307770 His brain is constantly being destroyed and rebuilt, it makes his memory really bad. I didn't forget about it, don't worry.
5308028 Yes, I just posted the second chapter. Titling them "Chapter the Number" amuses me so
. I plan on having chapter three out before Dec. 11th, but I probably won't get a chance to write over the Thanksgiving break. Definitely it will be out before Christmas.
5308105 ~yay~, its definitely deadpool.~
YAY!! MORE DEADPOOL!! This is probably the story I am looking forward to more chapters the most.
Uh, this chapter has no words dudette.
Due no words
I'm the fourth to say this, but no words are in the chapter. I think that's the best one yet! (kidding)
Sorry everyone! I fixed it now. Thanks for letting me know.
awesome
I like Tea......
.
Princess Celestia hates tea...
bwahahaaha
really liked this chapter. It feels like this story is really starting to grow into its own and I can't wait to see more from it. Loved the introduction of Death as a pony and as a completely different entity as opposed to being Marvel's Death in pony form. I hope to see more interaction between Wade and her in the future and her confusion in trying to figure him out. Can't wait for the next chapter.
5404290
Thanks! Hope you still like it, lol.
5480371
5482455
Seriously, a lot.
But seriously, y'all should read Skywriter's story. It is great. Poor, poor Celestia.
5483755
5494367
Thank you!
Let me do the favours.
nice....
Awesome story.
Yay, it's always entertaining to read about wade and his voices traumatizing ponies.
Another great chapter. Loved Twilight trying to "edit" Wade's boxes. Can't wait to see what kind of costume he ends up making with those supplies and how everyone will react to it. It really feels like you've captured what makes Deadpool, Deadpool. Can't wait for more.
interesting
5558012
~ Deadpool! ~
(well, I did try to put some music note emojis in this comment but it didn't look right. So uh, just imagine horrible, off key singing...)
5562678
Thanks!
5589651
(Thank you)
Domo!
5589695
Glad you're enjoying those wacky boxes!
5590797
Thanks! I'm glad you find him/them in character. Next chapter should be out relatively soon.
5594891
Glad you think so!
Haha...what does sex do with this?