What a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp and fresh, nothing could possibly go wrong. Good morning Twilight, good morning elephant. Oh what a day to be alive...
Wait.
An elephant?
Twilight, look out! There's a huge elephant right behind you! Oh my gosh, it's destroying the library! Now it's going into town! Twilight do something! Wait, why are you smiling? Why aren't you doing anything?!
I like it! Good story!
That was a long way to go for that pun.
Damn it, Twilight. I knew karma was gonna catch up, but apparently I guess a ruined library is enough.
Penal Code.
At least it wasn't a white elephant presented as a gift. Then we would ALL be in trouble. Or moreso at least.
stopped
something about the second bolded area feels off and reads wierd but I can't but my finger on it.
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This whole paragraph could be broken up into more readable bits. As is it just runs together and is a bit bulky.
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shot
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Ah, the dreaded double negative. We meet again , just want to know if a double negative in AJ's dialog was on purpose. Well my tabby's getting freezy. So I'll continue in another comment box.
my
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you do
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notice
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When the
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would
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Okay, this was somewhat amusing for a story. Two thing kind of ruined it. Thing one you switch tenses randomly, sometimes in the middle of a sentence. You need to pick one or the other and stick to it, it makes the story awkward to read. The next is that your paragraph structure is all over the place. You need to back space every paragraph until you can no more. Then simply press the "Tab" key.
As is your paragraphs are weird. Going from one place to another, some managable reads, others running on and on.
Other than that. Interesting story, somewhat amusing. And all in all, not bad.
5247442 Thanks for reading and catching my mistakes. I write really fast when I'm deep into a story and I never find them until I have read it or someone else points them out. I know I should get a pre-reader, but I'm too lazy.
Also I wrote this in the middle of the night while hype on an ungodly amount of coca-cola. Go figure.
5248404
OMC!I know what those moments are like. But yeah a good polish could make this rather funny story better. But all in all it was a rather interesting read.
5248404
OMC!I know what those moments are like those moments. But yeah a good polish could make this rather funny story better. But all in all it was a rather interesting read.
I don't get it. Why was Spike and everypony all upset, and why was everything around town just getting trashed?
5251104 Because the Law of Comedy said so.
5252050
I don't see what's so funny about walls crashing down for no reason. Are the ponies just bad architects?
5253599 ... Okay, I get the joke now.
5253599 ... Okay, I get the joke now.
5254607
Why sir, are you implying I'm trying to give you a giggle?
5260012 It's obvious you're pretending you didn't noticed the elephant in the story, which is inspired by the metaphor of the same name. Clever, Mr. Ferret. Very clever indeed.
Hehe, gave me a few giggles and an amusing twist on the phrase. What next 'when pig fly'
5274680 Sequel
5275607
"Yes.
And this:
You can count on me that whenever I am in a desperate situation, I WILL say this."
5275607 oh oh When the moon turns to green cheese that one
Very, very funny story. Just what I needed after a long night of trying to come up with new fic ideas. Great work!
The amusement would've been heightened if Spike had noticed that snow-cone-colored Applejack had been bested by the elephant, and decided to toss her into the wheelbarrow as well.
Very funny.