Children of the Elder God - Old Gods Of Asgard

Solid beginning, you pulled me in right when I was about to continue on, nicely done! Would give further critiques and compliments but I cannot foretell your story so that will have to wait.

Only one thing

" ("Okay then, Keystrokes. What brings you to Ponyville?" He quickly responded "I came here to write a book about the fauna of the Everfree Forest. I have never been to this town before in my life." He realized only to late . . .) "

to -> too, here ^.

well done

It's not going to win any prizes. Yet. But your writing style will clean up nicely, your characterization looks solid, and you've touched on an idea that definitely has some potential if you're going where it seems you are with this. A famous but jaded author settles down in Ponyville hoping for some peace and quiet while he works on his next project, and falls in love with Twilight Sparkle (with a bit of a push from her, enthusiastic fan that she is)? It could make for a fun romance - or romantic comedy. I'll give you some pointers to help you along the way. Some are things you'll definitely want to fix, others are just my opinions and advice.

Structure

- Double check your punctuation and capitalization where you've attributed dialog to a character. You've correctly put the comma at the end sometimes, other times you've ended with a period, even though the sentence continues after the quote. Once or twice, you've capitalized the first letter of words which should be part of the line of dialog, like "he said."

- Always start a new paragraph when, or before, a new character speaks. Where to break them is up to your judgement, but never let two characters speak within the same paragraph.

- Various minor things. A good proofreader will be able to help you clean the technical errors out.

Story

- As I said above, the concept would make a good plain romance or romantic comedy, if you're inclined to take it in that direction. I suggest dropping the Tragedy tag entirely. Unless a character important to the story is going to die, it's probably going to be misleading. The tags only have to cover the overall tone of the story, not necessarily cover every theme that's touched on.

- You mention his dark past in the summary. I don't know how much you're planning to focus on it, but I recommend limiting it to only things that will be relevant to the ongoing story in the present. Dark for the sake of dark wouldn't do the story any favors. Like the Tragedy tag, you can probably drop Dark unless there's going to be death, war, or the infliction of extreme psychological trauma in the present, or a very detailed retelling of some in the past.

Details

- Is that "Keystrokes" like on a computer keyboard? I don't think they have personal computers in Equestria, so the name is a bit of an anachronism.

- "Mane 6" is a fan term, not an in-world one, so your character wouldn't use it. They haven't been given an official title as a group that I can remember, but the most common I see in fan fiction is the Element Bearers / Bearers of the Elements.

That's it from me for now, hopefully some of it helps. Tracked to see where it goes from here.

Good stuff! Cant wait to see what you come up with for the next chapter!

>>501765501765 Thank you for your help. And as for his name, it refers to keys on a typewriter, which he invents in his older years due to his (currently unspecified) bad handwriting. Or....mouthwriting/hoofwriting?

>>501382501382 Thank you for the song, but might I ask how it is at all relevant?

>>503641503641

Its from Alan Wake, which is really as deep as it goes.

oooo! actually falling in love *ding*

IDK how you do it Wolfieisgod but you sure do a dang good job of writin this stuff

>>504566504566 Yes, but how does a metal-ish song from Alan Wake in any way relate to a romance MLP fanfic?

>>504918504918

Because it amuses me.

>>504933504933 -_- Okay then. But thank you for this.

Beautiful pacing! Too many romance stories are rushed. I have a couple critiques but I shall wait until you have at least 2 more chapters. Until then keep up the good work .

>>505459505459 I would prefer if you could supply them ASAP as I truthfully find this lacking and want to improve it in as many ways as possible as soon as possible.