Twilight Sparkle has been given the chance to work at the School of Gifted Unicorns, a dream come true. The catch? She has to work under a researcher with a few skeletons in his closet.
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- Member Since 3rd Nov, 2011
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
RTStephens
Who can take a rainbow, color it with dew, graze under it with a cupcake or two, the Ponyman, oh the Ponyman can.
RTStephens
Joined 3rd Nov, 2011 ·
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- PresentPerfect · 5.5k words · 24 4 · 1.2k views
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very interesting. I liked how it came out, if you ever decide to continue on with this I'll read it.
very nice...id love to see what happens next
24477
Thanks! I'm unsure if I will or will not continue this. Some pre-readers found my new character borderline Mary Sue (or Gary Stu in this case) and reading it over again, I can see why. Too much focus on him and not enough on the main cast. Glad you enjoyed it though!
24527
Thank you! If I continue this, I have to think carefully so that my new character doesn't hog the limelight. Many go into stories looking for the pre-established characters and not some new guy. Till then!
ok
24741 Your story was very enjoyable keep it up
I have a sudden image in my head...
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BATTERY BUILDERS ARE GO!
A very enjoyable Fic, my good gentlepony.
260768
Oh, wow! People are still reading this! Glad you got some enjoyment out of it.
If I ever did expand on this story, you can bet the Cutie Mark Crusaders will be in it at some point. They're great at causing havoc when they mean well.
Thanks for the comment!
I don't normally read one-shots this long, but I'm kinda glad I made an exception this time.
2133233
Thanks for enjoying it! This was the first MLP:FiM story I wrote so it has a special place in my candy heart.
I didn't see that one coming, with him being a dragon. Still pretty enjoyable.
Very sweet! This was very cute and well done. I really like the explanation for his cutie mark, I confess I completely bought that idea and never thought to wonder.
I really liked the hay field scene too it felt very natural for both characters and I loved the reactions.
I also really like your inclusion and treatment of Spike too. Honestly that is one of if not my favourite part. A lot of authors either exclude/overlook/ignore or just kinda of abuse Spike and I find it really tiresome and a touch upsetting too. It can also go to the other extreme of shoehorning him in excessively. To me you struck the perfect balance.
My only criticism is it really felt like the fic stopped a bit too early. The ending was very natural and the progression was really solid. I loved Smoke's conversation with Celestia. His body language and words really hammered home the fact that he is still very young and inexperienced. I can't really solidify what could've been changed to make it feel like a less abrupt ending other than perhaps having Things go more back to normal? Perhaps have him change back to New Moon and have a party or him and Twi and Spike start talking about making plans or have him start admitting his heritage to others might've helped. Either way very cute and definitely a thumbs up from me!
This line took my breath away. It just felt so beautifully, perfectly Twilight that it made me melt.
Couple small typos:
A prominent student of the princess had to keep up appearances for her assistance after all. - assistant
A quizative look crossed his features before he voiced a question. -inquisitive or quizzical