- Member Since 19th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Monday
Dan_s Comments
Story teller at heart. I like to examine the unusual. I spend too much time being 'reasonable'. I write to play, and hope others enjoy the results.
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this was so awesome
5211292 I couldn't hide behind a tree and yell "BOO" at everyone,
so I did the next best thing.
Well, it looks like the ponies shall reap what they sowed. This is a great example of poetic justice.
5211433 Oh, I'm going to delete it.
i...i want more pls
Holy motherfucking god,
that was beautifully horrifying. 
pls more of this plz
Wow. Just wow. So instead of a story that twists reality, offers a one sided argument, and depicts a character who is doing horrible things as being ultimately the lesser of two evils, completely ignores canon against HUMANS, you write a story that twists reality, offers a one sided argument, and depicts a character who is doing horrible things as being ultimately the lesser of two evils, completely ignores canon against PONIES.
Blech. Same as the first chapter.
I'm suddenly reminded of a Babylon 5 episode called "Infection."
In it, a species called the Ikarrans was repeatedly invaded, and so they created powerful sentient biotech artifacts which bonded with a host to create a supersoldier capable of independent thought and adapting to new situations. To ensure the weapons wouldn't be subverted, they were designed not to be used by anyone that wasn't a 'pure' Ikarran.
However, their definition of a 'pure' Ikarran was based on the ideology of religious fanatics, political hardliners, and military extremists. So when they were deployed in another invasion, after defeating the invaders, they wiped out all of the Ikarrans themselves, as none of them were 'pure' enough to fit those parameters.
It's the "True Scotsman" flaw. Who sets the standard for what a "True Scotsman" is? Who GETS to set that standard? And heaven help us if a committee sets them, we're totally screwed if that happens. Who defines what a "true pony" is? Who measures? And how sharp the pain if you find you can't meet the very standards you set for others...
Honestly, I think the biggest problem with Xenocelestia (At least the one from Not Alone) could be summed up as below
A little too "poem" for my tastes but I think I get the ghist of it.
Well, this turned out better than I thought, Dan_s Comments. Then again, you do seem to have a knack for that.
I'd put in an emoticon to better show my approval, but there doesn't seem to be one that accurately says, "This dark story is good enough to send a few shivers down my spine!"
3spooky5me
oh I got a god damn bloody-smile or boner for sick-fucks from hearing that Twinkles was skinned
5211844
In all fairness, the author of this piece does in fact seem to recognize the inherent moral dissonance of the story, something that the vast majority of Conversion Bureau stories fail to do.
...A new-foal psychopath.
That is... freaking brilliant. Talk about two horrible things, getting worse thanks to a positive feedback loop of horribleness.
Chapter 2 was some delicious spite, chilled to perfection, and beautifully garnished with irony.
Maybe I enjoy revenge stories too much.
5214795
If people hate the 'old personality is destroyed' 'Celestia purposely invaded' 'ponies are on a superiority trip' etc, why do they keep including it? I'm sick of reading this spite. I want to read a story where the newfoals completely KEEP their personalities, but have to deal with a new body with different instincts, and the source of the conflict is the high influx of immigrants to Equestria who bring with them completely different cultural values, and the native ponies fear facing and overwhelmingly large voting block next election year, and the cultural dissonances that makes the native ponies and the immigrant ponies butt heads.
5218065 Then write one that doesn't have to be a Conversion Bureau story. I did, it's called Out of Place and it has some of what you're looking for: cultural differences and political intrigue. In TCB stories, the Potion generally is portrayed as erasing part or all of the old personality to 'improve'/ponify the person. The sacrifice of the human self to the greater glory of Celestia is pretty much a staple of TCB stories.
Without nefarious ends, there is almost no reason for the invasion/conversion (see Conversion Bureau Through The Glass But Darkly for a vastly less 'evil ponies' reason for conversion). If you want once-human ponies in Equestria, as a comedy of manners, then you don't go The Conversion Bureau route, even in the original story from Blaze the misanthropy was there. You'll also have to explain why the conversion is necessary, because the Potion has repeatedly been shown to be a fraud (unprotected humans can survive in Equestria).
Immigration would also have to be explained, Equestria seems to be the size of a typical European, rather than an American or African country. With an even lower population density than American countries. Even a small percentage of the population from Earth would overwhelm the Equestrian infrastructure completely. Immigration would therefore be tightly controlled, and diversity would not be heralded, but conformity would be, the conflicts would have to be low-key.
A clash of cultures has already been seen repeatedly in canon as Twilight (Canterlot native) moved to Ponyville (where everypony in the town is crazy) and any time the Ponyville natives are in Canterlot, except at 'heroes of the nation' ceremonies. You don't need humans from Earth for that.
As for voting, I don't know of any government position that is truly elective. Most seem to be appointments by the crown. A plebiscite over Celestia's favored candidate would be a better description of any Equestrian 'election'.
5211341 Also a bit of don't mess with what you don't understand, and don't worship your own cleverness.
5211646 5213608 5214060 5214570 5215239 Glad it horrified you.
5211484 5211725 You might have to wait until next Halloween.
5216897 Perhaps, but as long as it helps your mental health by providing an outlet, then it's a good thing.
5211844 Actually, I was trying to portray a team of complete psychopaths, and a vengeful person doing horrible things to the unwary. That's the essence of horror, the helplessness in the face of malevolence or danger. I don't think any of them would deny their actions are absolutely evil, but in the first case, they wouldn't care, and in the second, it's revenge. It was one-sided, because the 'antagonist' in both stories were the victims, most of whom would not be in a position to defend their actions. Twilight and Sweetie Belle having been exsanguinated, and Fluttershy too traumatized to act. And the recently transformed Equestrian elites being too horrified to act other than self-destructively before they would be buried alive in their Newfoal-ness.
Like any Halloween scary story, the belief that you are safe, when it's clear you are not. I just chose to tell the story from the monster's perspective, not the victims'.
5218211
Uh. I don't have it been a invasion at all. The realities crash into each other as a natural disaster. And the veil isn't a magic wall, it's the flash point where the two realities are still border line. And the whole idea of the conversion is because humans can't survive in the Equestria reality. It's SUPPOSED to be no different than if a body of water dried up, and there was no replacement nearby, and a group of seaponies were turned into land based ponies to SAVE THEIR LIVES. The land based ponies aren't saying the seaponies are inferior.
5218693 It is an invasion, not by the ponies but by their reality. That's not Conversion Bureau then. Pony misanthropy is part of TCB genre (often author misanthropy). The destruction of Earth, and all human culture and history is also part of TCB (why a statue is destroyed and native rock is not is never adequately explained).
There's also the question how do the ponies survive on Earth when humans can't survive Equestrian environment, and the implication they are superior by being more adaptable.
Equestria and possibly the other nations would still have a say in who comes across. The early 20th century immigration policies of the U.S. was 'you are coming here to aid this country'. They regularly turned away the unskilled, the sick and any troublemakers. Unlike today when anyone who crosses the border gets the entire social safety net, and the poorest of the poor are encouraged by their homelands to leave for the U.S. The nations of Equus have the best trump card, they can let everyone in, but only those processed (the ones they want) will survive. The other tension is who owns the converted lands of Earth, assuming they continue to exist.
5218928
It wasn't supposed to be part of the original story.
This character reminds me of Dexter Morgan, anyone else getting that vibe?
5211844 Please leave.
5219419 Haven't seen the program or read the books, but did a lot of research on psychopathology and the evil that humans do.
5220356 People have different tastes, and they are allowed to express themselves. The Conversion Bureau is not the most popular genre, nor is Humans acting Villianously, or Your Human and You. Not liking them isn't a crime.
I for one won't read zombie or vampire stories, and Warhammer 40K just turns me off. Just my opinion. Others enjoy those stories immensely.
Getting the last laugh.
It's so much better when they never expect it.
Even more so when they STILL don't know it was you.
Others rail on and hate the Conversion Bureau story ideas. And admittedly, I can see where their thoughts spawn from.
But me? I love TCB (Just not by Chatty...), for it spawns little stories like these that just... speak to a part I acknowledge is there, but rarely interact with.
You Dun Gud with this, Author. I'd like to have seen more chapters, but this is good enough.
5218928
For me, the biggest question is: why did Celestia choose to dimension-shift into another world with billions of warlike, highly technological advanced apes who had no bussines with her in the first place, instead of targeting the nearest nations of gryphons, changelings, minotaurs, etc... of her own world?
I bet they would share a biggest history of conflicts and pose a biggest threat to her kingdom, giving her the excuse for the "conversion".
5222143 While looking at what most conversion ponies do on Earth versus what they do in the show (tossing around main battle tanks, teleporting, etc. versus manipulating bolts of cloth, only one unicorn able to teleport, etc.) Earth must be an extremely high mana zone that supercharges ponies until the most mundane is at Twilight's level and Twilight is a match for canonCelestia. An extremely valuable piece of real estate.
Considering Celestia is practically a Great Old One or Elder God with a plan for 'improving' ponies, the Newfoals willingly and eagerly worship her as a god, she must need the sudden influx of worshippers/cannonfodder to deal with the other races. and if the ponies were willing to go after a race that never harmed them, they'll lack the moral authority to say boo about going after their neighbors. Or Equestria is dying, no one knows but Celestial and she's getting ready to abandon them for the Newfoal dominated Earth.
This is brilliant and, based on common interpretations of the Newfoal potion, makes perfect sense. Well-done.
5215239 I'm guessing in this universe, the potion twists the person's conscious to the point it is overpowering to the point their body won't respond to them. A living hell for anyone who isn't already exactly like what a new foal is. A pyschopath doesn't any conscious to twist so the reversal happened. The potion's effect became 100% for any action.
This story has both horrified and pleased me. I congratulate you, author.
EHEHEHHE, HUMANS ARE BEING PORTRAYED AS SOMEWHAT IN THE RIGHT HERE! BAN THE AUTHOR!
(Im kidding. I honestly liked this story!)
5219419 I'm thinking more like an evil Sherlock or Hannibal.
5219419
Kind of, but he wouldn't tolerate his ally killing a foal. Dexter's only moral standard in the books and show was that he wasn't willing to kill children. That and an aversion to rape, but that was largely because he's asexual.
Wow. That felt good to read. Real good.
5218951 Whether it was intended or not, once the author publishes the story, they lose control of how it is interpreted. 'Word of God' can answer the unclear, but when something is blatantly obvious, the author can't say 'I didn't mean that' with any authority.
As an author yourself, you see that the story partially writes itself and things creep in that weren't intended.
5516578 5572340 6072608 Glad you enjoyed it.
5218424
Well where's the Chapter
6610039 Sorry, I've got 20K words in another story, that one I intend to finish before I put it up here.
Personally, I think 'sophophiles' would be more accurate.
7076626 Perhaps, but the speaker isn't that well educated.
Wow. They really screwed the pooch with this one...
Heheheheh... Payback's a Bitch Celestia... Payback's a Bitch...
7718801 Don't give them any ideas.
7718806 Yep.
The true powers of humanity are our ability to adapt and to hold one hell of a grudge. Bravo!!
i wouldnt mind an investigator perspective on this one
8566724 But which holiday would that correspond to?
Karma came crashing into the ponies with the subtlety of a meteor.