Yay

I was hoping the revised version would have at least something more to the ending, but I guess the minor touches here and there are ok.

Much more fleshed out, I like it

Nice

You've done a great job with the revision. Although I wish there was an extended ending with an epilogue, its perfect as is.

Now I expect a sequel, I did enjoy the more fleshed out sequences. Shouldn't they give their child the news at some point. He may be 19 or so but still he deserves an answer.

Modified

>>504569504569

>>504571504571

I'm seriously toying with the idea of writing more, now... which is why I haven't added an epilogue. Their son will indeed be one of the issues they'll have to work through.

Hmm, very interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Epilogue, if not a chapter 2. CONTINUE IT!

Yes, you did a good job fleshing out things.  I did notice one error you might want to correct.

Swift Star sighed. "Come on!" he said. "The buck projecting that thing is one of the Twilight family.

I'm pretty sure that you meant that to be "stallion", unless that was Flitter making a slip and using a Changeling term for a male.

Of course, now that you've got an even stronger beginning, you realize that we want to see more.    Morning Rain and Flitter have found their own personal balance again, but now they have to face the rest of Equestria.  We'll need more backstory on the two, like what their professions are.  Living in Canterlot, I can imagine that Morning Rain's likely not an active member of one of the weather teams, so the family must do something to bring in the bits.  The first hurdle they are going to have to deal with is how to convince other ponies that Flitter doesn't have any association with Queen Chrysalis and her Swarm beyond race.  That ought to be good for several chapters in and of itself, and then you have the whole race fear that Flitter is going to face if the couple want to get back anything resembling their prior life.   Honestly, I can see where this will be a point where an unexpected patronage from one of the Royal Sisters might come into play.  After all, a certain Princess of the Night knows exactly what Flitter is giong to be facing, and if he and Morning Rain can convince her of his sincerity, I can see her as his champion in the Court.

I'll be looking forward to where you take this next.

>>504729504729

Meh. It's quite commonly used in FiM fics as, basically, a shorter word for 'stallion'. I see it as saying "dude" instead of "man"

If it bothers you, mentally replace it with "son of a deer" (or, "son of a goat"), and give it a negative connotation courtesy of his horn envy

As for the rest... yeah, I know. Luckily, fleshing out characters is something I really like doing

Now he needs to find a friend who can dress up as Swift as well as possible and change into that.

>>504746504746 Their son is probably the closest they can get. I don't think Morning Rain will feel comfortable about that, though

>>504751504751

very true

I really like the revisions. They add quite a bit to the story in my opinion. Even the occasional extra sentence or two felt like a fresh, new aspect of the story. Bravo, Nyerguds.

Though the ending still seems a little... abrupt. Maybe that's just me.

oh i want to read more of this story so bad... please write more.

Nice Revisions here are awesome

>>504751504751

Or maybe he'll be able to loophole around it by drawing on Rain's love for 'Flitter disguised as Star Swift' and changing into that.

>>506450506450

No way. That'd be a horrible cop-out, invalidating some of the major psychological points of this story.

The main issues they are facing are 1. the fact Flitter lost a shape he had really started to identify as 'himself', and 2. changelings are clearly seen as enemies and monsters by ponykind after the Canterlot invasion incident.

Magically removing those issues would destroy any reason to even write more of this. These issues are what make it interesting to write more about it.

The additions really tie this story together. The new opening especially, as it  helps set the tone of their relationship prior to the revelation.  I can certainly see many problems ahead for these two, only the first of witch is trying to convince their son that Flitter really is the father he's always known. That shield kicked Chrysalis out of Canterlot, maby even Equestria proper, but Shining Armor can't be everywhere at once.  I foresee the government issuing changeling awareness warnings. The queen and her swarm are likely to stir up trouble again, souring the public's view even further. Yes, there will be a long hard road ahead for them.

I like this revision. It adds more to the characters while keeping the heart of the story the same.

If you write more about them, I'll read it, but certainly it feels complete enough as it stands. Either way, great job, I enjoyed reading this again.

>>507128507128

"2. changelings are clearly seen as enemies and monsters by ponykind after the Canterlot invasion incident."

A big problem for you continuing with this is that it would be so easy for him to go somewhere else, copy somebody else's form, and come back.  I can't think of many plausible reasons not to do this.  Celestia could make an edict forbidding this 'cloning' - that's a little implausible, since the only people who could break it wouldn't respect it - but it's all I can think of in the moment.  He can't just break like the Tardis.

>>507272507272

Yeah, he could copy some random form, but that would be even more of a lie than being Swift Star.

Anyway, now I'm imagining a line-up of stallions passing in front of Flitter as he changes into each of them and either rejects the form or writes it down on a list of possibilities.

>>507472507472

Taking a form that deceives someone else, because they think they know the person with that form, is a lie.

Taking a random faraway pony's form isn't a deception.  I don't see it as any more of a lie than taking the form you were born with.

Anyway, shouldn't Morning Rain get to choose?  :)   Hey, if I had a partner who could choose any form... I think I'd have a lot of fun with that.  Probably a lot more fun than my partner would.  "Oh, Flitter!  That old body again?  You had it all last week!  Let's go down to the market and look for somepony different."  "MR, sometimes I think you only love me for other peoples' bodies."

>>507128507128

so that means ur gonna write more?

>>507196507196

Yeah, the original opening was one of the parts that really bothered me. The characters were just completely unknown to the reader, and that needed to be rectified. It also allowed me to put the checkov's gun in the story of what the shield would do to him. With that little hint, and knowing the episode, people would realize that the shield at the end would do more than kick him out, and it also allowed me to let Flitter really panic when it happened.

>>507272507272

The main reason is the #1 I summed up there... he really identified with the form he had, and doesn't really feel comfortable in anything now. And Morning Rain already felt uncomfortable calling him anything but his 'true' name. Rest assured she feels the same about his shape. If I'm writing more adventures of these two, he'll probably use the ability to get out of trouble at some points, sure, but I don't think either will feel comfortable with him permanently taking another pony form.

>>507482507482

Oh wow. It's hard not to go straight to sexual jokes there, especially knowing how she acted in the intro

Having a clone of a random pony walking around with a mare he's usually not associated with is just asking for unnecessary drama, though. My ch2 ideas doc already contained a bit on that.

>>507486507486

I'll try, at least. I'll have to see if I actually produce anything worth submitting, though.

I've just gotten a really interesting comment on Pony fiction Archive... someone saying they liked the idea of "good changelings".

So, for all the people here, let me just clear that up right away. They're not really 'good', in my opinion... my 'Old Ways' changelings are based on the folklore ideas of malevolent fae that pretend to be human. The changelings do this to survive, and have devised ways to cause as little uproar as possible with the way they do this, but in the end, they're still deceiving tricksters. They manipulate dying people into giving them information on their lives so they can take their place, while the only thing they give in return is the vague promise that their loved one will not suffer the tragic news of their death. In this case, Flitter built up a life he's come to identify with more than his old changeling life, and the dying pony actually forced him into promising more than he normally would've, but you can imagine that in many cases, the partner will notice their loved one has changed, love will inevitable fade away, and the changeling will quietly slip away, looking for new chances.

So, yeah... there's no real Good and Evil... only the grey reality

I also imagine that changelings, being emotional vampires, have a hard time developing emotions of their own. Most of them would be a lot more like the mindless drone Flitter conversed with. But he's been a pony for twenty years, and in that time he has developed a lot more than most changelings would. Flitter isn't any different from other changelings; the circumstances just made him different. As far as changelings go, he's probably been living the American Dream

In that case, you can also imagine Queen Chrysalis would simply not allow her drones to develop. There's nothing harder to control than individuality

As for why and how Morning Rain reacted different than most to the replacement of Swift Star, well, I already got some fairly good ideas about that.

all this talk of changelings and their children makes me wonder if perhaps they pass on some of their magical abilities, even should their mate be an earth pony.

Hmmmmmm, do you think there's a little bit of 'ling in a certain element's background?

Yes, that's right, I'm talking to you miss spawns-extra-hooves-at-random! Pinkie has changeling magic but doesn't know or understand how they work, it just DOES because she thinks about stuff happening. And that is how Pinkie Pie is simply Pinkie.

(It would also make her family's ridiculously structured and reclusive nature make sense, as by living such a routine life there's no reason to bother with magic, therefore no way for the children to accidentally find out they DO have powers, and it also keeps them isolated and away from anyone finding out by accident.)

I'd wager Pinkieling would actually be hurt by finding out her lineage though, since now she would actually have to plot out stuff to work her magic, while at the moment she has no barriers because she doesn't REALISE there are barriers!

>>522984522984

There are no half-changelings in this story... she was pregnant before he got replaced

>>507714507714

so yer makin any progress?

Awesome read....loved the ending.

>>523107523107 I made a cover image, does that count as "progress"?

Interesting story.

I really start to like the idea of changlings

living peacefully among ponies.

You've told quite i nice tale here,

I know it's concluded however

I wouldn't mind more heartwarming

stories with this concept.

>>585968585968

I've written a few first drafts for possible sequel chapters, but first I'm going to thoroughly clean up and rewrite this. An editor from ponychan was kind enough to offer his help, but due to me being me being a bit ill, and some other RL mess, I haven't been able to actually use the tons of suggestions and remarks he's sent me.

I'll have to flesh out the rest of the sequel too before actually posting the rewrite. There are so many ideas, but there needs to be some structure in them, and a fitting conclusion, so that'll take some work.

For some reason, reading this reminded me of Lamiroir's song "Guitar's Serenade" from Apollo Justice.

It was a worthwhile read.

What I like best was how you explained Changeling history...the old ways sure makes a lot more  sense than feed off love and blabla

There are some issues to hammer out in this, but you have an interesting idea going.

>>609219609219

I'm aware, and currently in the process of hammering :)

Why the hell does everyone think Luna was sleeping? She didn't help Celestia fight Chrysalis because she was busy fighting the other changelings. When she arrived at the wedding reception and said, "Did I miss anything?" she wasn't referring to changleing attacking, she was referring to the wedding.

It's a good story, though. Except the part about Luna.

>>629499629499

She's kinda nocturnal, in case you haven't noticed. Her sleeping makes perfect sense.

>>630990630990

No it doesn't. How could she stay awake during an attack like that? I am pretty someone would let her know. I am also sure that Luna is, combat wise, more powerful than Celestia, because Celestia had to use the Elements of Harmony to banish her in the first place.

you disappointed me! I thought this was going to be about the Pegasus Flitter from the title!

>>635332635332 I don't do background characters. Deal

>>632880632880 Kindly stop spamming up the comments with your own silly headcanon. She sleeps through the ruckus of a busy city every day. It's not as if the attack included artillery fire to wake her up. Just some screaming. Also, the Mane 6's use of the Elements stripped her of that combat power. Luna isn't NMM anymore, and most likely nowhere near as powerful as she was.

"He'd fulfilled his promise to the best of his ability, but after this, there was to point in struggling on." I'm fairly certain that is supposed to be a no.

Other than that, I didn't notice any glaring issues. Also, I really thoroughly enjoyed this story. Nice job.

Reading this had been on my "To Do" list for a week or so now. I have now done so.

Now I've got an image in my head of a black "pony" with bandages wrapped around his hooves, a vest to cover his exo-skeletol "ribs", a set of goggles to cover his blue eyes, and a hooded cloak to cover his wings and funky ears. I highly doubt that this is the route that Flitter will take, but I'm sure some other OC Changing could pull that look off.

>>655256655256

Don't know if you found this on your own, but there is a story of a changeling that pretty much does exactly what you described. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/25149/Thrown-Abroad.

Side-note(or perhaps main note): I eagerly (and yet resevedly, yes spellcheck I know that's not a word...) await the sequel to this.

Also I could have sworn I commented on this before...huh well I definitely read and liked this from the beginning if that means anything.

A sequel would be greatly appreciated :)

This story was good.. ending was a bit anti-climatic and it was kinda short.

Well, that was...interesting.

In a good way, of course. These "Old Ways" seem to be a way of changelings...dare I say it...emotionally protecting Equestrians. Even if it is through lies and deceit. But Flitter does have a valid point: He WILLINGLY pledged his life to Morning Rain, and he WILLINGLY loves her. A touching tale of how a simple promise became something infinitely more.

Please, if you do have any ideas to continue this, write them. I'm interested to see how the story of Flitter and Morning Rain can progress.

Thumbs up, and Fav'ed. Keep on writin'!

>>810549810549

Please, if you do have any ideas to continue this, write them.

I do, they just need a lot of sorting out, and I'm quite short on time these days... not sure when I'll have time to get deeper into this.

As for the emotional protection, well, true, but ultimately it only serves to protect themselves, since it keeps the ponies from realizing their existence. As I said before, they're modelled after classic trickster fae :)

>>810587810587

Afraid I'm not well acquinted with "classical fae", but I can see what you mean. Though as I said, the "Old Ways" seem to have caused at least ONE changeling to find true love, so for now, I'm going to say the moral compass is ultimately Good/Light/Paragon/what have you.

And don't worry about time limits, the FIMfiction community is rather patient...I think...

Good luck in your future endeavors.

>>810692810692

Well, there's a load of information on it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairy. Under "Legends", you'll see "In many legends, the fairies are prone to kidnapping humans, either as babies, leaving changelings in their place, or as young men and women. This can be for a time or forever, and may be more or less dangerous to the kidnapped."

Going from the FiM premise, I made mine kind of a combination of both.

Never trust the Fair Folk

>>810739810739

In an ironic twist, I suppose they are indeed living up to the "Fair" portion of their name. They take away a life and put another in it's place.

Yes, I'm aware this is not the definition of "Fair" being referenced, but you have to admit, it is slightly humorous.

Great story. I've always been a sucker for romance.

Bravo.

>>14101691410169

Thank you! I'm working on a rewrite & sequel, but I'm struggling with a plot point at the end... or rather, a lack of plot point. The sequel needs some sort of climax to work well

Huh didn't know this hadn't finished. Remember reading it ages ago and enjoying it. Look forward to where this goes

This is strikingly  familiar to my OC's backstory.

Yay! More chapters. Very good scene with Swift Star and Flitter. You are quite good at character development and world-building (from what we've seen so far).

>>15512301551230

Yeeah, I decided to continue it. Got the full story outline finished, so it's mostly a matter of polishing now. I don't have too much time these days though, so I'll probably release a new chapter each week or so.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnn6sryD7k1qkoczs.jpg

ANOTHER!

You... wrote more? Nice! I have to read it now.

YES!!! i love this story!! there are not enough changeling stories out there as good as this one.

Wow! I really didn't expect this story to continue. Very nice!

And a fine job on the new chapter. Swift Star seems to have been a bit of a jerk.

and then..... SILKY another changeling! (from Remnant)

Woot! The sequelization has begun!

I wonder what their friends and neighbors will do when they realize they're both gone.

DELICIOUS!  Awesomesauce, I can't wait to see more behind the story of these awesome characters.

Flitter is getting more chapters?

Image: https://dl.dropbox.com/u/85255656/Reactions/mlp-pinkie-excited.gif

>>15514161551416 I agree!  

Wow... pretty overwhelmed by this response, guys! Glad you're all liking it

Holy crap I got the feature box?!! No seriously, what the hell?

What? I thought this one was marked complete.

...

But I'll gladly keep reading what you can dish out.

>>15514721551472

Yup. I re-opened it. Like a bawss

Image: http://i.imgur.com/8zifL.png

This is different

Color me surprised when I saw this in the feature box. Never thought it would be more than a one-shot. I can't wait to see where you are taking this.

Wife: "You've been feeding on my love?"

Changling: "Yes...IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!"

[smack]

"sorry"

This... you had better not abandon this.

There are so few good changeling stories, and even fewer OC changeling stories, but this one is amazing so far.

>>15515191551519

Trust me, that made two of us, both on the feature box AND the sequel. As for where I'm taking it... well, it's gonna be quite a ride.

I had to force myself not to post anything until I had it all fully figured out though, which was pretty frustrating at times, but it definitely beats having to put it on hiatus halfway for getting stuck storyline-wise. I've been spending every free moment on this for the past few weeks, and I have to thank my good friend Ember/Tango for offering me the ideas that led to the big climax to end the story with.

At this moment, the last chapters still need some minor revisions, but, I'll get there

>>15515571551557

Honestly? I can't. It's pretty much already done

Chapters for the Fanfiction God!!!!

>>15514481551448  Feature box? Well, it is pretty good.

I guess the most important thing Rain had to say was "We".  Wherever they go, they go together.

>>15516621551662

That site does not appear to allow hotlinking. I suggest reuploading it on a site like imgur

Nonetheless, message received after checking the html source

Huzzah! This updated. I feel so happy

>>15512941551294 Like I just did? Yeah, it's not bad!

Alright, I'm interested in where you're going to go from here, so I'm definitely tracking and giving you a thumbs up for now. :3

There's a very good reason I pay attention to the last 3 spots in the feature box: It helps me find stories like this one.  Lots of people write stories about ponies finding Changelings and such after the events of the wedding, but this is one of the few I've seen where the changeling has been there the whole time and nopony knew it.  I especially like the backstory you put in between Flitter and Swift Star.  I'm very much looking forward to the rest of the chapters for this .

Glad to see that you chose to continue this after all.

I read this before and loved it hoping you would continue.And now you are.I can't wait until the next chapter.:)

It was short, and yet quite nice chapter, how sad that updates go so slowly.

I realy wonder how will thinks progress for changeling now that everypony literaly is at war wtih changelings.

The Hulk-speak isn't doing much for me, but the subject matter is definitely interesting. I'll be following this story.

I’m glad you decided to continue this; good changeling stories always carry interesting themes and ideas.  Not to mention this was actually one of the first stories I read on this sight (maybe even the first now that I think about it) and I must say I was not disappointed in the slightest!  

Good luck!

>>15520771552077

It's not easy to make coherent sentences when writing a being that's straining its mind-reading ability to get an entire system of speech out of a dying pony, and not devolve to hulk-speak

Wow, I'm liking this. Please, do continue!

>>15514481551448 You've deserved it! Thanks for the new chapter.

Well I liked it. Looking forward to moar!

Please keep up the good work!

See, this is why you don't unwatch old stories that are 'finished'.  Sometimes, they might continue.

Lookin' good so far, be interested in where you take this now.

Flitter?  Update? MORE CHAPTERS?

/fanmare squee/

Happy to see this is getting continued.  I look forward to where this is going to go.

I smell an awsome epic to be told

It's back! I can't wait for Blue's learning that his father was not his biological father.

SO MUCH WIN!!!

See, this is why I love the fan base. They can come up with the most interesting of stories and even after a hundred fan-fics, they can still surprise you.

>>15515571551557

I think you're unfairly judging, course it depends on what you mean by so few because I've read a number of changeling stories that I thought were pretty good. Oh, and your definition of a good changeling story... I see your point on the OC though, there are a lot of ones featuring Chrysalis and ponies turned into changelings. Frankly there isn't much to go on for a changeling OC, since changelings are sort of a hive-mind by default and thus lack the individuality that defines a character.

>>15516621551662

That's pretty funny.

So they're just going to leave her son like that? I hope she at least goes back to either bring him with her or make sure... Clearly your rules for changeling magic are a little different from the norm. I take it that this pony-shape business sticks unless very powerful magic impacts it or magic directed specifically against changelings/changeling magic? Also, I guess changelings don't just suck the life out of people here?

P.S. I'm glad she wasn't willing to abandon him on sight just because he turned out to be one of them.

Short, but good. I was extremely surprised to see this in the featured box, but even so I'm glad you updated. I have a bit of an idea of where you're likely to take this, and I have an inkling of where I fear it will go. Which is to say, I'm hoping for a story that will be about two people trying to make it in the world, not anything "epic."