• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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64: Block Derpy

“Whoa!”

Karyn looked at Derpy as she winked into existence. “It doesn’t seem right for an equine to tell a human ‘Whoa’.”

“I didn’t mean for you to stop. I meant ‘Whoa’ in surprise and alarm. You cleaned!”

Derpy spun around. To her eye, the dorm room looked pristine and reminded her of her own spartan dwellings. Karyn, however, knew better.

“Did you forget? The summer vacation is coming. I didn’t clean for the sake of cleaning. I’m cleaning out!”

“Oh, that’s right. Another break.”

Karyn looked forlornly at her room. “I’m halfway through my schooling here.”

“It’s just like the half-time break when we played that soccer game!”

“That was a long time ago. And the difference here is that we don’t have to reevaluate everything we’re doing. I’ve done pretty well in the last two years.”

“Then why do you look so down?” asked Derpy.

“Something occurred to me this week. After I come back from this vacation, I’ll have another two semesters, then I’ll probably get a summer job, a real serious one, getting coffee from some CIO somewhere. I’ll return for my senior year, and then I’ll go to work. Now, I’m in a good industry, and if I play my cards right, maybe I’ll come away with something that gives me four weeks paid vacation. But I’ll have to schedule them ahead of time and I won’t be able to take them consecutively. What all that adds up to is that this is going to be the last time for the next forty-five years or so that I’m going to have two months to do whatever I want.”

Derpy swallowed and looked at her friend, saying nothing.

“Oh, that sounds horrible, doesn’t it. You’ve never had that kind of time to yourself. You’ve always been working or taking care of your father or Dinky.”

“It’s all right. Everypony has their own problems. In any case, however sad you are about it being the last time for something, wait until it’s over to be sad. There’s no sense wasting it.”

Karyn brightened. “You’re right. And speaking of problems, how’d you like to help me pack up?”

“If I don’t, you’ll only throw everything in a box and it’ll be all out of order.”

Derpy flew over and shut the top of Karyn’s laptop. “Wait.”

“What?”

“Save that for last. I might want to look up something while we’re packing. Or be lazy and check my e-mail.”

Derpy rolled her eyes.

“I’ve moved a couple of times,” said Karyn. “I don’t understand why it has to always be rushed. We have all day. No one’s going anywhere.”

“I’d rather just get it done.”

Since Derpy was a ball of energy, Karyn couldn’t slack off too much. She was amazed, though, to watch Derpy take clothes out of her closet and fold them neatly. Not only was she handicapped by lack of fingers, but she wasn’t accustomed to clothing. Still, her ingrained fastidiousness was clear.

She was so fast that Karyn was able to say, “I think we’re making good time. I’m going down to officially check out.”

Derpy was on the second closet. “We have to check Peony Violet out too.”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake. I completely forgot about that little ruse of yours. Not that I minded having a double room all to myself.”

In the time that Karyn was out of the room, Derpy finished shutting down the laptop after checking out her alter ego online. When Karyn came back, Derpy asked if she could borrow the floor vacuum.

“I’m pretty sure they’ll take care of that during the summer.”

“But we should be nice to them.”

Karyn’s phone buzzed, and she took it out of her purse. Fearing a reprimand from Derpy, she looked at the message and quickly put it away. “It’s a moot point, because we’re leaving. My parents are here to pick me up.”

Derpy slapped the lid on the plastic crate that she was packing. “OK, I guess they can help you with the rest.”

“There’s barely any left anyway.”

Karyn stared at Derpy for a few moments. “What is it?”

“Aren’t you going to use your invisibility spell? Or would you prefer my parents find out you exist?”

“Oh, right! I forgot.”

Karyn wanted to say something, but she knew that she had to put up with Derpy’s…derpier moments. Also, there was a knock on the door a moment later. Derpy did get herself hidden just in time.

“Mom! Dad! Thanks for coming to get me this time.”

Karyn’s mother opened the nearest box. “Thank you for doing a proper packing job today. Who helped you?”

“You don’t believe I did it myself?”

“No. And answering my question with a question isn’t going to work this time. Who helped you, and you better have done something nice in return?”

Karyn decided to be cute. “A flying pony from another world.”

“Fine, don’t tell me.”

“Trust me, I do plenty of favors for my friends.”

Her father stepped in and started stacking boxes for easier transport. “Oh? Are you becoming a grown woman now?”

“I keep my own budget and everything.”

“Really? I’d like to see that.”

“Maybe when it shows better numbers,” said Karyn. “Come on, let’s go.”

They took a few trips down to the car to haul all of Karyn’s things, but soon enough they were on their way. Moreover, the repeated drips gave Derpy a chance to sneak into the back seat. She was scrunched in between one of the boxes and a bag loaded with some of Karyn’s paper, but the discomfort wasn’t enough to bother her.

The drive was long, and it didn’t take Karyn long to grow annoyed with her parents’ choice of music. Still, nothing could dampen her spirits as she held on to Derpy’s hoof. Going home for break with her best friend—what could be better?

When they finally reached the house, Karyn’s father helpfully did the heavy lifting. Combined with frequent breaks, and one invisible flying bag that went straight into her room, Karyn had an easy job of moving back in.

Right as she was finished and hoping to get some time to talk to Derpy, her mother walked in. “Do you want some help unpacking?”

“You know, I was thinking that for a lot of the things, I’d just leave them in the boxes until it’s time to go back in the autumn. My computer and stuff I’ll take out, but I’m not going to need things over the summer like my textbooks or my suit.”

“So you’re not going to be looking for any more internships over the summer?”

Karyn rolled her eyes. Explaining the last-extended-vacation concept seemed a lot easier when she was talking to Derpy. “If I really need something, I can take it out. But why make more work for ourselves in two months?”

“I was just hoping to have a few more chances to redecorate your room. Don’t you remember when you were young and we did the entire room in a unicorn theme? You liked them so much back then.”

Karyn had to cough to hide her embarrassment. “Yeah, but I’m not a little girl into unicorns any more. I’ve moved on. Well, I still know one.”

Her mother looked askance, but Karyn smiled, and it was taken as a joke.

“All right, I’ll let you unpack what you want. Put the rest in the basement next to the Christmas ornaments. We don’t need them cluttering up the house.

She left, and Karyn was left with Derpy. “I had a hard time not laughing when you kept telling your parents that you knew me and Dinky. You were messing with them by telling the truth!”

“It was a little fun. Anyway, you want to help me with the unpacking I am doing?”

“Sure. I’m going to stay invisible though. Your mom or dad might walk in unexpectedly.”

“That’s true,” said Karyn. “No more locking doors.”

They opened a few boxes and condensed them into fewer, but soon enough they were distracted by the sound of activity outside. Derpy, who would have been content to leave everything in the boxes to maintain the room’s pristine state, looked out the window.

“What’s going on here?”

Karyn joined her. Down on the street she could see other people unpacking, but she couldn’t tell what. When someone brought out a boom box and started playing music, her curiosity got the better of her, and she parked herself on the edge of the bed.

“If nothing else, I get to watch other people working. I always like that.”

Derpy did not necessarily share that spirit, but she was still trying to figure out what was going on. As a truck drove onto the street, the back opened and some men jumped out with a yellow and black barrier, which they set up at one end of the street. The truck drove on to the other end.

“It looks like they’re blocking off the street.”

“They must be throwing a block party.”

“I get it!” said Derpy. “Because they’re blocking off the street.”

“No, that’s not it.” Karyn paused. “Maybe it is. I thought it was a party that takes place on one block of a street, but for all I know, you might be correct.”

“Correct about what?”

Karyn was about to answer when she realized that it was not Derpy who had spoken. As predicted, her mother had entered the room unannounced.

“Oh, nothing. I was just watching them set up stuff down there and wondering what it was.”

“Didn’t we tell you about the block party? It’s been planned for weeks. “

“Just for me?” asked Karyn.

“No, of course not. This just happened to be the most convenient day for everyone. Well, not for us, because we were getting you, but it wasn’t possible to find a day where everyone was doing absolutely nothing.”

“I see. Well, have fun.”

Her mother wasn’t leaving. “You don’t want to come?”

“Well, I just got back, and—“

“And everything you brought back will still be here tomorrow and every day for the next two months. Come on.”

She showed no signs of backing down, and so Karyn had to put on her shoes and head outside.

Karyn’s acquaintance with her neighbors was only passing. Her family had picked the location more for easy access to her father’s job than for its schools, and so there had been few children her age. Those who were there she found tiresome. So there were a few people she knew whose hands she shook, but no one she wanted to spend time with.

To make it worse, she had lost track of Derpy in the course of being dragged to the party by her mother.

In the eyes of her neighbors Karyn saw their view of her. She was, in all likelihood, “that weird nerd girl.” That she stood away from the grilling meats didn’t help her cause. What she really wanted to do was to find Derpy in the crowd, both to make sure she was safe and concealed, as well as having her best friend close.

She repeatedly reached up, hoping to find an invisible hoof or wing. One older gentleman thought that she was swatting at flies and offered her some bug repellant. She half-wondered how effective bug spray would be given her newfound insectoid powers.

As the block party continued, Karyn looked for an opportunity to sneak back into the house, but her mother’s watchful stare told her that she had to be social. Finally she got the idea to take a drink and walk toward the opposite end of the block. Her mother could still see her if she looked, but only through a crowd of people.

When she reached the barrier, she finally felt the touch of fur she’d hoped for.

“Ah, Derpy. Home for only a few hours and already my parents are coming between us.”

“They are? I’d better fly higher.”

Karyn laughed, relieved. “Not literally.”

“You want to leave?”

“I do, but I’ll have to pay for it later. No, it’s better to just stay and put on a fake smile. I wish that, instead of disguising my form, I could change someone else into me.”

“You don’t want to become too powerful,” said Derpy. “I’d be a little scared of you if you were.”

Karyn smiled at that, but was so far off from the center of the party that it looked as if she were smiling at her own private joke. Or worse, were laughing at the partiers.

With Derpy in tow like an invisible, living party balloon, Karyn thrust herself into the middle of the fray. She stood on the outside of a few conversation circles and tried to work her way in, or at least look like she was doing so. After a few minutes of this, she saw her mother go inside, and ran for privacy at the other end of the block.

“I think you’re not having fun,” said Derpy.

“Can you tell?”

“Yes, I can. You ought to be though. Every other human here seems to be.”

Karyn surveyed the situation. “Maybe it’s because we were at the Summer Moon Celebration last week, and that was such a higher level of party. And Princess Luna was there too. Here, it’s just my stupid neighbors getting together for no good reason.”

“And also there were those ponies who weren’t into the spirit of the event and just stood off looking down on everypony else.”

“Yeah…Derpy, are you trying to teach me a lesson?”

Derpy held silent, and Karyn was left to think about what she had said.

“Beyond that, though, which might be my fault, I think I’m just partied out. Or maybe it’s that it wasn’t planned, and I had a relaxing day penciled in my schedule.”

Derpy still said nothing.

“But you’re just saying that I should make excuses, right? That if I do, I’m being just as stuck-up as the Canterlot elite, and that I should take advantage of everyone having such a wonderful time and have some fun myself, because I can always do the other things later, while this is a once-in-a-lifetime event. And you don’t want to actually dress me down because you’re too nice, and I need to figure it out for myself, right?”

“I’m sorry. Were you saying something. I was flying overhead and trying to spot if there was any food that looked good to eat.”

Karyn’s laughter attracted the attention of the crowd, but no one was disturbed by laughter at a party, and if nothing else it served to make her more welcome. She shook her head and moved toward the tables to get food.

The tables had been set up with an aisle between them, and on the other side were long pit barbecues, where all sorts of meat were being grilled. A man in a fancy apron with a long pair of tongs regarded her.

“What can I getcha?”

“I don’t suppose there’s any kind of veggie burger or such?”

“Hmm, don’t think so. I think we’re grilling some lobster tails later, though, if you’re looking for vegetarian.”

Karyn looked at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. Her own vegetarianism was a combination of ethical and health reasons. The health reasons gave her leave not to worry about the ethics, and at another time might have considered the offer. But for Derpy, there was no question.

“Thanks. I’ll just get some salad or something.”

She found a table to the side where the cold dishes were waiting. After filling up half a plate with Caesar salad, she peered in close to see that some of the small bits were chopped anchovies, and had to start again. After a few more careful selections, she walked away with some cole slaw and a buttered slice of bread and headed back to her niche by the barrier.

“Derpy? Psst?” Karyn felt around for the hoof again and found nothing. “Well, until she gets back, this cole slaw looks tasty.”

She stuck the plastic fork in and scooped some of the cabbage into her mouth.

Meanwhile, Derpy had hovered around and espied the food for herself. She knew that humans ate meat, but preferred to put it out of her mind most of the time. When she actually saw them doing it, she lost her appetite.

So instead, she flitted across the road and listened in on the conversations.

An old man and his wife were talking. “It looks like it’s going to be a hot summer.”

“Yeah. Always seems to get hotter.”

“Well, it’s like they say: everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”

I could do something about it, thought Derpy. I bet you wouldn’t complain like Karyn does if I fixed the weather the way you like it.

She soared over to the food tables. As she left she heard them say, “At least there’s a nice breeze.”

At one of the barbecues was a heavyset man talking to a friend of his. In the same hand as his barbecue tongs was a cigar. The other man was holding a drink.

“Good turnout, wouldn’t you say?” asked the big man.

“Yeah. We should definitely make this an annual event.”

“Next year? We roast a pig.”

That was enough for Derpy, who looped around, flicking the ash of the cigar onto the man’s shirt. She found a couple of girls a few years older than Karyn next to the boom box.

“I wish we had these block parties more often.”

“It’s a lot of fun, but I don’t think the town likes us to close off the street.”

“Phooey on them! Look at how much fun everyone’s having!”

It was fun, thought Derpy. The humans did know how to throw a party, even if they didn’t have the magic to center it around.

She went back to where Karyn was to share her observation and her contact high, but on the way she passed the food table once more and heard something appealing. Now intent, she zoomed in on Karyn.

“Hey, Derpy. Sorry I ate the food I got for you, but I’ll get you some more.”

“Maybe wait a few minutes. I overheard them saying that there were muffins coming.”

Karyn hopped to look over the heads of the crowd. “Really? I think it’s rather early for desserts. They’re still cooking the main dishes and giving out finger foods.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what they were saying. It was a little garbled, but someone said something about a lot of muffins.”

“I will go investigate for you.”

Karyn braved the barbecue pits one more time and looked past them for anything that could be the muffins Derpy had heard. Instead, all she saw were some of the ladies making sandwiches. She stared at them for a moment as some thoughts coalesced in her head. Finally, before she could burst out laughing again, she ran for her house.

On the way there she passed her mother. “Karyn? Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back. Bathroom.”

Figuring that indeed the toilet would be the most convenient place, she ran upstairs and opened the window. As she hoped, Derpy came up to her.

“So, what about it? Am I getting a lot of muffins?”

“I’m sorry, Derpy, but you got fooled by words. They’re making a sandwich that’s called a muffuletta. It has nothing to do with muffins, other than being pronounced similar.”

Derpy’s puss face came through, even while invisible.

Karyn washed up quickly and went back out to the party. As she walked toward the middle of the action, her mother stopped her.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

“It’s a great time.”

Her mother brought her into a hug, while still keeping her plastic cup extended at arm’s length. “It’s good to have you home. My little baby’s all grown up now.”

“Mom, not in front of everyone on the block!”

“See. You’re getting too old to hug your mother.”

Karyn just rolled her eyes and broke the embrace.

Her mother put her arm around Karyn’s shoulder in a less embarrassing position. “I know that your grades are good. I just worry about whether you’re growing up right. I worry about you and Mike.”

“Oh, for—Mike and I broke up a while back. We tried to make it work after, but we weren’t right.”

“And since then?”

Karyn resigned herself to a talk. “Since then I’ve been busy with school and friends.”

“That’s what I want to know. What about your friends? I want to make sure you’re making the right kind.”

“I have a best friend. She’s a bit older than me, and a lot of times she helps me out. She makes me clean my room every week. But she’s not from around here, so I have to help her acclimate too.”

Karyn chose her words carefully, but she wished that she didn’t have to conceal. Sometimes it was fun to know something that others didn’t, but her mother clearly did care about her, and it wasn’t right, being unable to explain about Derpy.

“That’s good.” Her mother took a sip of her drink. “If you don’t want to stay at the block party any more, you don’t have to.”

Karyn felt Derpy’s wing, and wondered how long she had been listening. “You know what? I don’t think I mind, even if I don’t know anyone here that well. I have the feeling that the friends I do know are closer than it looks.”

Definitely sometimes fun.

Author's Note:

Here's what you'll read next week!

“What’s the matter?”

“Stupid wings,” said Derpy. “Stupid magical ability to fly and walk on clouds and stuff.”

“Hey, don’t say stuff like that. Being a pegasus is really cool. And if something went wrong, we’ll figure it out together.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I have to go sign in,” said Derpy. “I’ll be right back.”

Seeing all the wings, and the sheer force of flight power put an idea in Karyn’s head. As soon as Derpy returned, she said, “What if I use my changeling powers to make myself a pegasus pony? Then I could fly with the rest of you.”

“You really want to do that?”

That's coming in the next chapter!

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