136: I'm Derping at the Moon
Perhaps because they engineered spring instead of waiting for it to occur naturally, the flowers had bloomed faster in Equestria than they had on Earth. Karyn observed this fact as she peered out the window of Derpy’s house. She nibbled on a muffin that was tastier than the ones she got at home as well. But the coffee couldn’t compete. It seemed to be the one thing that humans did better.
“Thanks for having me over,” she said to Derpy.
“Of course.”
It amused her to watch Derpy go through the routine of feeding the cat, watering some of her inside plants, and finally washing the table before sitting down again.
“So why did you?”
“Why did I what?”
Karyn waved her hand around the room. “Invite me for breakfast. It seems to be tradition to have it at my place, even if we’re doing something here.”
“I guess that’s why. I like tradition as much as you do, but for something simple as breakfast, there’s no reason that we can’t alternate where it’s done. Besides, I always feel like I’m imposing to eat your food.”
“I always feel the same way when you have to carry me or use some magic to help me.”
Derpy gave a laughing snort. “I guess we understand that there’s give and take between friends. Even if we each feel like we should be giving more.”
Karyn smiled at this.
“Besides,” Derpy continued. “After yesterday with the skydiving, I thought you felt that you needed a rest.”
“Right, that’s another thing I owe you for, helping me land softly.”
“But you don’t owe me for it, is what I’m saying.”
“I understand. I just don’t know any better way to say it.” Karyn got up and stretched her back.
“That happens to me all the time. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m still feeling the effects of it though. Like the jerking of the parachutes probably gave me a couple of bruises or scrapes because I’m not used to it. Or the adrenalin is still making me feel all antsy. Actually, a relaxing day in Equestria is exactly what I need. I’ll chill here with you, then go home and sleep on the repeated Sunday, then stay up late Sunday night and even out my sleep schedule on Monday.”
Derpy didn’t think that was right, but if that was what Karyn wanted to do, she would try to accommodate. After a few more minutes at the breakfast table, they retired to the living room.
As they observed the foals playing in the street, Karyn leaned back and let her muscles get rid of all the knots and tension they had accumulated. It was relaxing enough knowing that she would have no obligations the rest of the day.
Which is why it disappointed her so much when she heard the swishing noise a moment later. It was similar to when Derpy appeared in her apartment, but with a lighter, almost sneering tone. The light that hit the corner of her eye confirmed what she feared even before she turned to see.
“Now,” the figure who had appeared said, “if I’m right, one of you should be Derpy Hubert, and the other is Karen Hooves.”
Derpy reacted first and stood like a cat arching its back. “First, you got our names backwards. Second, who are you and what are you doing in my house?! Third, it’s Karyn with a y.”
“Ooh, I knew I was going to like you.”
“Discord?!” Karyn said, all her tension returning. “Answer Derpy’s question. What are you doing here?”
“You know him?” asked Derpy.
“Not personally, I was thankful to say. He’s one of the worst villains in Equestria.”
“Was. I was a villain.” He bared his fang. “Now, long since reformed. To which point, I must confess that I am hurt.” His face drooped, literally slid off his skull. Derpy turned up her nose and flew farther away.
“Hurt about what?” asked Karyn.
“That in all this time, nopony thought to mention to me that we had a guest in our dimension. Why, the very idea just...intrigues me so.”
In all her time in Equestria, Karyn had never given much thought to Discord. She knew he existed, just as villains like the changelings did, but didn’t consider him part of what she wanted to see. She blanched as she thought of how he would act if he got to Earth. “What do you want?” she asked.
“First and foremost, to greet you. Why, we might become friends, and then I could come visit you just as Derpy does.”
“You just want to take over Earth!”
He went wide-eyed, as wide as his sneaky eyes could go. “Not at all! What, do you think I would reveal Equestria to your world, only to have some six human equivalents of the Elements of Harmony band together to defeat me? Because that would be the most ridiculous story possible.”
Karyn reached back as if making sure the front wall of Derpy’s house still existed. “Can someone explain to me what’s going on?” Derpy cried.
Briefly Karyn ran through what she knew of Discord, while that figure idly picked at his nails and smiled at the juicy parts. Once Derpy had a handle on this, she looked at him only to see that he had somehow made a pair of suitcases appear and had conjured himself a Hawaiian shirt. “I’m ready to see your world!” he said. “No conquest, just a little...observation.”
Karyn didn’t like the way he kept pausing.
“You can’t,” said Derpy. “We used to have other ponies who came with us to Earth, but we had to be very careful about it because we can’t let any humans know. One of them messed up and Princess Twilight said we can’t have anypony visit anymore.” She neglected to mention that the pony in question was her ex-husband, and Karyn saw that she sighed, since it was the first time in a long time that she’d had to credit him with doing something right.
“Well, if Princess Twilight says that no other ponies can go to Earth...”
Both of the girls let out a sigh of relief, but he finished his sentence.
“...then it doesn’t apply to me, for I am a draconequus.”
“That’s still half pony,” Karyn said, trying.
“No, it’s half equus.”
“Same thing.”
“Then they wouldn’t have different words. Or perhaps you’d like me to leave my head behind and just send the rest of me?” He demonstrated that this would be no difficulty by popping his head off and carrying it around like a football.
Disgusted as she was by this display, Derpy put her hoof in front of him and said, “OK, this has gone far enough. You’re not invited to Karyn’s world, and in fact we specifically don’t want you there. If you want to try to become friends until we’ve gotten to know you better, then we can talk about trading favors, but for right now it’s just not going to happen.”
Karyn was happy to have Derpy say what she was thinking, but she knew it was as much from Derpy being protective of her own ability to travel across worlds as it was being protective of Karyn.
“I don’t see why you’re being so unreasonable. Besides, your collection of spells combined with your flying ability makes you almost as powerful and half as chaotic as me.”
“W-what do you mean by that?” Derpy asked.
“Oh, it’s just that some people would say that it’s not fair that you get to have both wings and magic. Without earning your way into being an alicorn.”
“I don’t think that’s true, and even if it is, it still doesn’t matter.”
Karyn brightened up. “Besides, Derpy’s far less powerful because her spells have to recharge!”
“Do they?” asked Discord, and Derpy had a confused look on her face. Unfortunately Discord caught that, and became suspicious.
“Yes. We call it a cooldown, though. Remember, Derpy?”
She had recovered. “Oh, yes, definitely. That’s why we always spend the entire day together. The spell I use to cross worlds has a full-day cooldown, so even if you wanted to go, we couldn’t.”
He cast a flash of light, but there was no other result. “Perhaps I could try my own brand of chaotic magic to replecate the effects.”
“No! I mean, that’s not necessary. We prefer to be patient.”
“Well, on the one claw, patience isn’t really my thing, but on the other...I suppose if I waited one thousand years as a stone statue, I can take...” He looked at his wrist. “...fourteen hours before seeing your world.”
“We never actually agreed to take you!” said Derpy, but Discord was already standing there with his arms in the position of a clock, one of them ticking away the seconds.
If nothing else, this gave Karyn and Derpy a chance to huddle up and decide what to do. Hoping that he didn’t have some kind of advanced hearing, they went into the kitchen while Derpy still watched Discord through the corner of her eye.
“How can we get rid of this guy?” asked Derpy.
“I don’t know. I was hoping my thing about recharging the spell would distract him and he’d go do something else.”
“Oh, yeah. You know, you shouldn’t lie.”
Karyn rolled her eyes. “I don’t think it matters if you lie to a liar like Discord.”
“Is he a liar, though? He seems like the type who’d be more likely to tell the truth but in a deceptive way just so that he can come back later and say he didn’t lie.”
“That could be true, but he seems more like chaotic neutral to me as opposed to lawful evil.”
Derpy was confused, but sometimes she accepted that there were differences between human terminology and pony language. “So what do we do now?”
Karyn bit her lip. “Why don’t we see if he wants to visit Fluttershy?”
“Oh! Good idea! Because he’s made up of so many animal parts that she’ll probably be able to control him.”
“No, I think they’re friends. It was a long time ago that she—never mind, let’s just ask.”
They turned around simultaneously, both having adopted a false grin. “Um, Mr. Discord?” said Derpy.
“Please,” he said. “Mr. Discord was my father. I’m just Discord.” Karyn was even more confused, but she kept her smile up.
“If you like. Karyn told me that you have a friend in town, a pony named Fluttershy. Since we can’t go back until later, what would you think if we all took a walk over to her place?”
“Why, I’d enjoy that!” He flashed from his clock form to an outfit made for traveling, complete with hat and umbrella. “And besides, I can invite her along to Earth herself.”
“She’s already been there,” said Karyn, recalling how Fluttershy was overawed at the level of advancement that even the small city they’d visited showed. “And you forget the edict of the princesses. Even if you use your excuse, which quite frankly I don’t think will fly, it certainly applies to Fluttershy.”
“Pish-tosh!” he said, waving a claw in the air. “Is she not an intimate acquaintance of the very princess you referenced? If she’s really adamant about it, I’m sure she can stare down Princess Twilight.” He stopped for the first time, as if recalling a painful memory, then shook his head and continued walking. “But it won’t come to that, I’m sure. When you get older you’ll understand that at the higher levels of discourse, such ruling are more like...suggestions. It’s much easier that way.”
Karyn seethed. If there was anything that irritated her, it was the attitude that Discord had just expounded as virtuous, the view that those in power were free to break the rules just to make things flow easier. The type of person who believed in that was usually all too eager to enforce those rules upon a subordinate, and Karyn had been in that position too many times.
They approached Fluttershy’s cottage to find her outside watering some flowers. So into her reverie was she that she did not notice the approach of the three of them. Derpy put her hoof to her mouth to clear her throat, knowing that anypony with her back turned would want to be alerted softly, and Karyn went to apply gentle pressure to Fluttershy’s shoulder for the same reason. But before they could act, Discord, in full understanding, spoke in his most resonant and piercing tone.
“Well, hello, my friend!”
Fluttershy was startled, which was exactly the reaction that Discord seemed to be looking for, but when she saw who it was, she calmed down and smiled. “It’s good to see you again. All of you. Did you meet on the road?”
“Not exactly,” said Derpy. “Discord came over unannounced.”
“I see. But where are my manners? You must all come in and have a cup of tea.”
They entered, and Karyn wasn’t sure if Fluttershy was subtly chiding Derpy for having not similarly opening up her home to Discord. If she was, though, Derpy didn’t notice.
Fluttershy was either a more efficient hostess than Derpy, or else she had a tea set already prepared for just these sorts of occasion, for she brought out a tray with a silver pot on it and poured out for all the others. She and Discord chatted about old times while Karyn and Derpy just sipped. A tray of biscuits was there as well, and Derpy helped herself. Seeing the cue, Karyn took one as well.
If not for the company, it could have been any tea on Earth, but Karyn’s nerves were still on edge. She still half hoped that Discord would forget about wanting to go to her world, since he was so flighty. On the other hand, if he hadn’t forgotten, the time she had stalled for was rapidly running out.
“So,” Fluttershy said at last, “what brings you to Ponyville? Just wanted to talk to me?”
“Not exactly. It’s more of a way station. I’m planning to visit my new friend’s home.”
“You’ve made friends with Derpy? That’s nice.”
“Not her, just yet. I’m talking about Karyn.” He put his claw around her shoulder, which made Karyn cringe. It was bad enough that he was talking about coming to earth, but this was just creepy.
It took a moment for Fluttershy to realize what was going on. “Are you saying that you’re going to Earth?”
He nodded.
“And that Karyn invited you?”
“Did she? I can’t remember. But I mean, it’s not exactly as if she owns the planet, right? It’s free for entry.”
“Even so, that would be a horrible mistake.”
Karyn felt some of her stress loosen up as well as she slipped out of Discord’s grasp. He didn’t notice, being focused on his conversation. She sat closer to Derpy who was also relieved.
“Do you really think so?” Discord seemed to be genuinely interested in Fluttershy’s opinion.
“Oh, yes. You could get hurt on Earth!”
Karyn had to bite her tongue to keep herself from laughing, but at the same time, she felt her stomach drop. Fluttershy was supposed to be arguing on their side, and her sole claim for keeping him away had nothing to do with protecting the secret of Equestria or stopping Earth from getting Discord’s chaotic treatment.
“Could I?”
Derpy was the one who recovered and said, “Whether or not he can get hurt, he’s not the one I’m worried about!”
“But I am,” said Fluttershy. “Poor little guy, all alone in a world he doesn’t know anything about.” She flew over and patted him on his head.
Karyn was still stunned at the whole situation, but at the same time she was reading Discord’s expression, and it gave her hope. She genuinely believed, for the first time, that he was wavering.
“But how?” he asked.
“The humans have such a high level of technology that you couldn’t keep up with it all. And there are a lot of them. Do you know, I think there are over a million humans there?”
Before Karyn had a chance to correct her on her numbers, although she was technically correct, Discord said, “Really?”
“Uh-huh. And they live all over the place. You’d never have a chance to do anything to them before they got angry and made them stop.”
“You don’t say?” Now his expression went back to conniving.
“Not only that,” said Karyn, “but it would be rude.” She felt that it was finally time to bring things back to the actual point.
“Yes. You remember how nopony liked it when you made everything...the way you do?”
“Ye-es...” he said, but it seemed like he was more relishing the memory of whatever he had done than regretting the ponies’ reaction.
Nothing was said for a moment, but Fluttershy kept looking at him. They seemed to be having a battle of wills. Finally, she came out with, “But?”
“But it sounds like everything there is already a little chaotic. And that would be the perfect place for me to go. I might even learn something.”
Karyn actually felt a pang of empathy for him. “It can be chaotic, but not in the way you like. It’s not all about being fun and random. And there’s a method to how we run things, sometimes engineering things down to to width of a hair or smaller. We do a lot of work to make our world the way it is.”
“And you don’t want it messed up.”
“That’s right,” said Fluttershy. “So I’m going to have to pull rank and forbid you from going to Earth.”
“All right.”
Karyn was still listening for any sign of duplicity, but Derpy, equally worried, was more surprised at how quickly Discord had capitulated. “Are you sure he’ll listen?” she asked Fluttershy.
“Oh, yes. This is an agreement we’ve had for a long time.”
“That’s right,” said Discord, suddenly all sweetness. “You see, while I want to be a good friend to everyone and not hurt them, I don’t have the instinct for it. At heart I’m still a demon who loves his chaos. Which I still do some of, out of the way where it doesn’t bother anypony who doesn’t like it. Pinkie Pie stops by from time to time. I digress. I usually consult with Fluttershy when I’m about to try something new, and I trust her to tell me when it’s not safe for my reputation to do it.”
“Well, I’m impressed.” Karyn smoothed out her skirt in preparation for getting up and leaving. “That’s a really strong bond that you guys have, but I guess it’s like Derpy and me. I trust her to make sure I don’t get hurt in Equestria.”
Derpy rolled her eyes. “She’s being modest. She’s the one who has to protect me on Earth more than the other way around.”
“All right, all right, enough of the mutual admiration society.” Discord stuck his finger in his mouth. “If I can’t go there, I’d like to at least hear about what Earth is like.”
“That we can do,” said Karyn, and she wished that she hadn’t drunk all her tea. Now that they were past the danger, it was actually a chance for pleasant conversation. She talked about cars and computers, and in many ways it was like the early days when Derpy first visited. The difference was that while Derpy incorporated new experiences slower, Discord picked them up at once, and there was less fascination by them as there was the simple accumulation of information.
After a half hour of this, he said, “I have an idea.” Karyn watched in curiosity as he bused the tea tray back to the kitchen, then gestured to the empty table. Something like a hologram appeared full of miniature cars speeding through a city. “Is this what it’s like?”
“Somewhat,” Derpy said, “but the buildings aren’t quite so tall, and the streets aren’t that narrow. Cars still need room to move, more width than themselves.”
Karyn was more impressed with the magic to correct him. They kept on until they had a good representation of what human life was like.
“I think I’ll keep this to study it for a while. If I can’t go there, at least I can play.”
Fluttershy spread her wings out wide to encompass everyone. “I think this has been a lovely day. Feel free to stop by any time.” Derpy and Karyn took this as the cue to leave, but Discord was still fascinated by his miniature.
As they walked back toward Derpy’s house, Karyn kept looking back to make sure that Discord wasn’t following them.
“I can see that you’re concerned,” said Derpy. “Maybe I should write to Princess Celestia and tell her about what happened here.”
“I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. This should be just an isolated incident.”
“Yes, but at the same time, I owe her a letter about what Dinky’s going to do about school. That letter would be a good excuse to mention this. Or maybe I should lead with this and then mention Dinky as the side issue.”
Karyn nodded. She was concerned about Dinky too, but her mind was too much on what had happened. “Can I ask a favor?”
“Of course.”
“Can we spend the rest of the day at my place? I would just feel a lot safer a few dimensions over from where Discord is.”
“Of course,” Derpy said again. She put Karyn on her back and headed for the transition point.
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I rather enjoyed six humans wielding the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord.
Strange question and it's possible you answered it already and I dont remember. How long would would Karyn have to stay in equestria before her personal time bookmark/rubber band snaps and time continues without he presence?
5727906 never stayed long enough to find out, we think the longest span was three or so days, but I think it was without intent to immediately return and thus the time lock didn't apply anyway.
5727906 Because it's magic and not science, the answer isn't so precise. Basically it comes down to her mental state. If it's "I'm visiting Equestria but my home is on Earth," then time stops. If she, or Derpy, has a stronger thought of "Equestria is the home base for whatever we're doing," then time starts.
I like your description of Discord really wanting to be a nice person, but not being good at it yet, because, well, he needs more actual training. :) Because that's sort of how it works in reality...
Discord should get a chance to visit Earth eventually. Obviously with some heavy restrictions like keeping his chaos to just the inside of the house and any magic done to be undone before he goes back to Equestria. Still, I wonder if even Discord will end up saying, "500 channels and nothing on" (worth watching). But if wants to see human chaos in action, try keeping up with the brokers on the Stock Exchange floor. As for Earth itself, it's a balance of chaos and order with humans using all the tech they can muster to adapt to it since it's what we're best at; adapting, if not the environment, then ourselves.
(I still think if any human ever has to explain Earth and has a dvd player plus TV, they should fire up the Planet Earth series)
Discord with two suitcases and a Hawaiian shirt? That isn't a reference to the GalaCon 2014 Promo Video, or is it? :D
5729708 Unless it was subconscious, no, it wasn't.
5729763
I made a screenshot of that, here: http://s4.postimg.org/thq728t4d/Bildschirmfoto_2015_03_12_um_23_04_51.png
Discord should love Intel processors, with being out of order processors, they are extremely sensitive to the chaos surrounding them.
In fact, he might accidentally Rowhammer them even when they are not supposed to be suseptible.
5737349
OF COURSE! How did I miss that?!
Darn. No DisQord allusions