122: Derp-Eighty-Six
“So we’re definitely going to do stuff this week.”
Derpy and Karyn had both gotten up early, and so they had more of the day ahead of them than after their usual dragging breakfast. Neither was a morning person, but that day they were.
“Right,” said Karyn. “Do we have a g—oh, right.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Never mind.”
“Come on, tell me!”
“No, I just forgot that we can’t have pony guests any more.”
“Oh.” Derpy frowned. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have told me.”
“Yeah, it still stings.”
“Not even so much for the fact that we can’t, as that Twilight just made it an edict, without giving us a chance to argue.”
“That’s the way of things with authority figures.” Karyn, perhaps in deference to their plan to do things that day, got up and started walking around. “I hoped that Twilight would be more personable, but she’s still a princess and she has responsibilities.”
“Well, forget that. We can’t have one here, so we shouldn’t talk about it. It was just nice how having somepony who’d never done anything on Earth made it easier to find things to do.”
“You’re still talking about it.”
“Oops.” Now Derpy got up and joined Karyn. “But one thing’s for sure, we’re not going to just sit around on the computer all day watching videos.”
“Oh!” Karyn sat down at her desk. “That reminds me, there was a really funny video that I saw this week, and I wanted to remind myself to show it to you.”
She pulled up the video site, and even though Derpy was about to scold her, she joined in watching until it was over.
“All right, that was funny, but no more. Not today. Although, I’ll be honest with you. I sometimes look forward, during the week, to getting here just so I can see videos or look up things on the internet.”
“It is nice to have.”
Derpy planted her hooves on the carpet, raised one of them, and said, “I’ve decided that it’s too much to wait for. I want a computer of my own!”
“Really?”
“Yes. Besides, it’s something that Twilight hasn’t ruled against. It would feel like a little something rebellious if I owned one.”
Karyn reached behind her own laptop for the Ethernet cable. “Wouldn’t do you any good. Without networking, you couldn’t get to any websites or watch videos.”
Derpy knew a lot about computers, but she couldn’t always recall the knowledge quickly. Karyn could see her mind trying to engineer a way around it.
“But can’t you take your laptop other places and get connectivity?”
“Yes, because of wi-fi. They still have to have receivers to connect it to the wired internet to actually reach the servers where all the information is. Even if we wanted to, your spell only lets things jump from Equestria to Earth; it doesn’t create a portal. And if we did have such a portal and ran a cable through it, we’d be doing the exact same thing Flim and Flam did, and I’m sure Twilight would find out and stop us.”
Derpy pictured it, and winced at the thought. No computer was worth losing Karyn. “I guess it might be of some use even without the networking. But by the same logic I couldn’t even power it.”
“Well, now don’t be too hasty there. I remember reading about a laptop program for children in poorer countries where it was battery-powered, and they could be recharged with solar power or a hand crank. Although I think the crank didn’t work too well. But you’ve got plenty of sun.”
“Yeah. No hands though.”
Karyn laughed off the irrelevancy and started looking up solar powered computer hardware. “Yes, I think it definitely could be done. But wouldn’t be useful.”
“Hey!” Derpy said. “If computers need the internet, but the network is built of computers, how did it start?”
“They don’t need the internet. Well, they kind of do today, like I said, to do anything useful. And actually, a lot of the software, including major operating systems, insist on being activated over the internet. But back in the early days of computing, people just bought them and used them at home. They might buy software later and install it.”
She thought back to when she was very young and saw her father working at a computer, before they had even dial-up access. He used it to write reports and she remembered the word processing software, nothing like the modern ones. Just a blue screen with white letters that looked different when printed. They weren’t nearly as powerful, but at the same time, there was a nostalgic feeling about them. Karyn chided herself, though, since the generation before hers felt equally nostalgic about their Apple ][s as she did about her 486es.
“You wouldn’t need that powerful of one, especially if you didn’t need the internet. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about having two dozen browser tabs open.” Karyn’s blush led Derpy to think this was a common affliction for her.
“Where did you buy yours from?”
“Technically, all over. It was cheaper for me to put it together myself, plus it gave me some much-needed experience on how that’s done. I’ll probably need to do that when I’m working. Or if not to build one entirely, to know how so I can repair them.”
“Can you teach me?” Derpy’s puss face showed that she understood that she was asking for Karyn to distill several years of education down to one day, but would she please try anyway.
“I thought you learned all about this when you took apart my desktop all those years ago.”
“Somewhat, but...it’s hard to explain. Back then I didn’t know anything about them, so I was putting everything in my own terms. Now I’ve used computers a little, and so I understand them more as a human would. But the human in this case would be a poor user, one who you would call ‘computer illiterate’. I don’t want to be that.”
Karyn understood, because it was exactly the type of user she always made fun of. Derpy, although knowing that Karyn would never say anything to her face, didn’t want to even be thought of in that way.
“OK, we’ll begin with the basics, which is the motherboard. The major component are all on this board, and at the heart of it is the chip. You know what that is?”
Derpy nodded her head, but then said, “No. Not really.”
“Well, all it does it make calculations, but it does billions of them every second. It’s like, um...” She grabbed a few pencils and made a brief demonstration of binary addition. “So, as hard as it is to believe, doing that a whole bunch of times is what gets us all the stuff we see on the screen. But all of those numbers have to be fed to the chip, so that’s where you’ve got your memory, buses, and bridges. Actually, the bus is kind of outdated, but it’s a good name, since it kind of transports the data from the memory to the chip.”
“I’m with you so far, I think.”
Karyn found that she was enjoying playing professor, and adopted some of the tones and motions that her own favorite teachers had. “So the memory is the first part that’s really replaceable—well, the chip is too, but you’ve got to remove the fan and heat sink and apply new thermal paste, so it’s something I like to avoid doing. But RAM chips come out fairly easily if you’ve got the knack for it. More and faster RAM is usually a good thing.”
“I thought it was called a hard drive.”
No way. Karyn gritted her teeth. For all Derpy’s cleverness, there was no way she made the rookie mistake of confusing memory and hard drive. It had to be a joke.
Derpy could tell she messed up, and listened all the more intently as Karyn explained the difference.
“Wait, so what you were talking about before with the motherboard and chip and such, that’s all one part?”
“Well, no, if you were going to put one together, you’d get the chip and the RAM separately. But all the circuits are on one board.”
“Yeah, so let’s start picking out parts for mine.”
Karyn had to smash another one of Derpy’s illusions. “We’re still not talking about this seriously. Putting together even a cheap computer will be a couple of hundred dollars. And I’d do it for you—I owe you lots of presents for birthdays and holidays—if you want me to break my budget.”
“No...wait! I have a spell that should work. It’s a cloning spell. If we can find the part itself, I can make a copy.”
“Really? I’m not sure that’s fair. And I’m sure it’s not legal,” said Karyn, but she reconsidered. Software downloads were an everyday occurrence, and people were always talking about how they in fact would download a car, if it was physically possible. In Derpy’s case, since she was an outsider, it wasn’t even particularly messing with the market. It would be akin to the early days when Western fans would avail themselves of Japanese programming, the makers not considering them in their business plans.
This of course precluded her from ever taking advantage of this particular piece of magic herself, but she was fine with that. Such power, she was sure, would corrupt her.
Derpy watched this ethical struggle with curiosity. When Karyn explained her position, she said, “Great! Let’s look for some good stuff then.”
To Karyn’s amazement, the spell even worked when viewing items online. Like a camera, it would take the picture of whatever it was and reproduce it right in the bedroom. “Now, we need to make sure that everything is compatible. You need to have the right board for the right kind of chip, and the right kind of memory. Fortunately, sound and video are on just about every board these days.”
Soon enough Karyn’s apartment was cluttered with equipment, much to the disdain of Derpy’s eye. “We’re going to need more room to put all this together.”
“We are. Let’s go back to your house. If I have enough anti-static bags I can pack up the sensitive parts and we can carry them all in one of my bags. Then I just need to hang onto the case.” Karyn had suggested one of the fancy cases that had colored internal lights, but Derpy was more concerned about practicality and ventilation.
“OK, and do you have tools? I only have a screwdriver at home, and I’m not sure it’s the right size.”
“You don’t need much more than that. But I’ll bring my kit.”
Karyn found the small plastic pouch that had been a birthday gift from some relative who couldn’t come up with something more fun to give her. Taking an oversized purse that she no longer used, she managed to get the boards and parts in so that they wouldn’t be jostled in flight. With the bag over her shoulder and the case in her lap, she was ready to go.
Derpy flew more gently than usual, and let her hooves brush the ground a few times to get rid of her speed before she landed entirely. After that, she could go the rest of the way with her sense of balance to hold the case on.
At the house, Karyn directed her to the kitchen. “It’s a good room to use. Open and well-lit, plus there’s no carpet on the floor. Hmm..even if that’s the case, you probably should use the strap.”
“Strap?”
“In my case there’s a little wrist strap with an alligator clip on it. It’s designed to clamp onto the case and distribute any static electricity to it. Static can kill some of the sensitive parts. Sometimes I go without it, if it’s the summer or something, but you’re fuzzy so let’s not take chances. We just have to make sure it’ll fit.”
By putting it on the widest hole, the belt-style strap would just go around Derpy’s hoof. Karyn put the case down on the table and unscrewed the side panel.
“OK, where do we start?” asked Derpy.
“Well, we could put the power supply in first. Many cases come with one already installed, so that would be more traditional. But then we’d have to pull the power cords out of the way while we install everything else, so let’s not do that. Put in the motherboard first.”
“How do I do that? Screw it in?”
Karyn looked at the case. “Good, the spacers are already in. You’ve got to keep the board off the side of the case, so there are spacers for it. Sometimes people forget about that and break things. So yeah, screw in wherever the holes line up with those in the case.”
Derpy manipulated a screwdriver by using two hooves and pushing in opposite directions. It wasn’t the most efficient way, but she seemed to be enjoying it. “We’re lucky the holes are lined up.”
“Well, they’re designed like that. That’s why there are more holes on the case, because some motherboards will have holes in difference places, so they want to be as compatible as possible. OK, let’s do the chip now. This is one of the most sensitive parts of the job. You want to be very gentle.”
The chip went in, as did the memory, and the hard drive. “So it’s done now?”
“We can start testing it to make sure that we’ve done everything right and that none of the hardware is defective. If magically replicated hardware can be defective. But there might be some things you’ll want to add on later.”
“You know what I really want?”
“What?”
Derpy looked at the back of the computer and some of the ports. “I want to get a printer like you have. Or, maybe just a cheap one. I don’t care if it prints fast. But how cool would it be if I could send printed letters to other ponies. They would be freaked out by how neat it is. Because I don’t have the best penmanship.”
“We’ll see about that for the future. Right now, let’s start testing.”
The batteries reported charged, and Karyn wished that she had any of her own electronic devices so that she could test that component specifically. It was completely new to her, and as a general rule she liked the “swap it to a known good situation and test” method. She checked all the connections one more time and then hovered her finger over the power button. But she didn’t press it.
“What’s wrong?” asked Derpy.
“This is the first time that we’re starting this computer. Since it’s yours, I think you should do it. Kind of christen it a little.”
Derpy shrugged and pushed the button. The fan started spinning and a beep was heard. Karyn listened for more. She didn’t know all the beep codes, but if she had to look one up it would help if she heard it the first time. The motherboard light was on and the monitor was warming up. The only snag was the “missing keyboard” warning, which was quickly rectified. The next time it was started up the monitor showed “No system disk.”
“What went wrong this time?”
“Nothing. This is an error I planned for. Now that we’ve seen it, and that we know the memory and the video work, we can start installing the operating system.”
She took out a CD and put it in the tray. One more restart and it began loading the install. Soon it was asking for basic profile information. “What do I put here?”
“Well, do you trust me to set all this up for you? I’ll pick a username and the settings and such just like I would for myself, only with your name.”
“Of course. You do this for a living.”
“Not yet I don’t.” But Karyn deftly chose settings for the install and watched as a progress bar started its long trek from gray to blue. “But when I was, I enjoyed doing OS installs. There’s a lot of waiting around during them. So I got to look busy while I wasn’t actually.”
“What did you do? Just browse on your phone?”
“Sometimes, but if someone was watching I just relaxed and stared into space and thought about stuff. A lot of times I would think about you.”
“Aww...I think about you on the postal route sometimes too.” Derpy looked at the screen. “Is it done?”
“Almost. But right now you need to choose a password.”
“What for?”
“Well,” Karyn began, but then reconsidered. It was highly unlikely that anypony would come over and even understand how the computer worked. Even if they did, most were too honest to invade Derpy’s privacy. With no network access the computer couldn’t be hacked. “I guess you don’t. You can just have it go right to the startup screen.”
She plugged in the speakers and they heard the sound that would play each time at startup. Derpy eyed the batteries. “I’d better put these by the window for the sun. But, is it ready? Can I use it?”
“Yes, it is. Go play.”
Derpy sat down on the floor and put her hoof over the mouse. She went right for the menu and found one of the solitaire games. “I know you don’t mind, but I never feel comfortable playing games on yours.”
“I can kind of understand that mentality. This is going to be your own intimate device. I mean, it’s not like sharing a toothbrush, but it is kind of like sharing a coffee cup. I hope, though, that you’re not just going to use it to play games.”
“If I am, I’m sure they’ll be bigger games than this. I’ll become an elite gamer and hack all the levels.”
Karyn laughed at her slang, but Derpy intended it as a joke and not a serious attempt to gain that reputation.
Derpy didn’t want to play games anymore just then, so Karyn showed her how to shut it down properly, and they watched the batteries report their charge as increasing.
“It should work out well for the weekdays. You can charge it while you’re at work and then use it at night.”
“Right. And if I know it’s going to rain I’ll put it on top of the clouds.”
Karyn wondered if the battery would stay there without Derpy holding it, but counted on Derpy to figure that out. “So what now?”
“Now I’ll take you out for lunch to thank you.”
“Suits me fine.”
They found a cafe and ordered. When it came time to pay Derpy took out her coin purse. “Hey!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m missing some money!” Derpy counted a second time, then paid for the food so as not to hold up the line. Once they sat down at a table, she made a third count.
“There’s a possibility,” said Karyn.
“What’s that?”
“Maybe your spell is somewhat ethical. It copied the parts you wanted, but debited your purse by making the coins disappear. That sounds like something Twilight Sparkle would incorporate. She might even have figured a way to get it into the accounts of the sellers.”
Derpy’s jaw dropped. “That sneaky...you’re probably right.”
“Don’t sweat it. You’ve still got the only computer in all of Equestria, and that’s something to brag about.”
“I wonder if anypony else will find out. I don’t plan to keep it a secret, but I’m not going to advertise that I have one, and I don’t have many guests. Dinky, mainly. I suppose she could find out and spread the word. But it’s also possible that I’ll always have the only one.”
Karyn took a bite of her flower sandwich. “It’s a question of their taste. I’m not sure that ponies will like the computer, really. It’s not that kind of simple pony life that they seem happy with. Derpy, have you ever considered that maybe the reason you say you don’t fit in is that you’re a lot more ambitious and intelligent than the average pony?”
“Nah. It’s nice of you to say so, but it’s not true. I’ve got my strengths, but I also have my weaknesses. They’re just all different from what most have.”
Derpy ate as well, and finished first. This was typical for the two of them, and normally Derpy didn’t mind waiting while Karyn took her time and savored the meal, but now she kept looking behind her. Karyn figured it out.
“You’re eager to get back to the new computer, huh?”
“You can tell?”
Karyn took a bigger bite, hoping to move the process along, but then she had to chew harder so it wasted time. “Derpy, I’ve been there. I remember putting computers together for myself, or even just buying them, or video game systems, and then having to go off to school which felt like a waste of time, and all day I’d be thinking about it. Sometimes the anticipation was better than when I actually got there. So I know what you’re feeling, a little.”
Derpy grinned, and she switched to sitting patiently looking at Karyn. “Thanks for understanding.”
“If I can find them, I’ll get you some fun software on CD-ROM. Maybe even the earth encyclopedia. Then you would have stuff to read and could learn all about Earth.”
“I appreciate it, but don’t bother with that last. I like learning about Earth just the way I am.”
Normally, since this isn't a fan-suggested chapter, you'd get a preview here. Well, there was a little SNAFU. See, the chapter that I had listed to come after this is all about Halloween/Nightmare Night. But somehow I skipped over that and wrote two different chapters. But if I publish them in the order I've written them instead of the order I intended them, then Halloween will come at the end of November. So I'm going to write that chapter this week and then publish it next Wednesday, then go back to the proper order. 
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Ohhey. Derpy Has a computer. This should end well. NOT.
(referencing a season one hepisod where the town goes and chases twilight)
Im impressed that some window based solar panels can generate enough power to not only run a desktop system but also charge the batteries. I mean, if it was a 2.5 watt Pi, with an eco monitor, after mouse and keyboard you could maybe be looking at 15 watts, but I havent seen desktop computer values capable of internet use since the late 80s. will be intresting if they ever make 15 inch OLED displays tuned for efficincy that only take a couple watts to run. In fact, absorb enough from cloudy skies to run. Either way, Derpy is happy having a system to play on, and Twilight doesnt have to know about the Wikipedia on an external hard drive download Karen could do at home.
Derpy has a computer and Karyn might get her some games to play?
Wait... Derpy playing games... Why does this sound so...
Gamer Luna!!! Oh holy balls! Call the princess of the night! She shall brace herself! The games are coming!!!
Dragon san
I see dey dressing up as Karyn and karyn as Derpy.
Interesting they close a desktop, they're not typically known for economic operation. Then again.... 5202997 magic! Perhaps magic infused solar panels can output more.
Keep going! ;)
Great chapter as always
Only one thing, though, the Motherboard is simply an interface that connects the computer peripherals together and doesn't actually perform many calculations (except maybe if it has interfaces like an audio jack with an ADC or an embedded video card). What you were talking about is a Processor/CPU (which usually has a large heat-sink on it), which performs billions of operations a second and uses simple sequential functions like addition, comparison, memory movement etc. to perform high-level programming such as loops, logic and functions.
Sorry for the nit-pickyness but considering that Derpy was scolded for not knowing the difference between Random Access and Persistent Disk Access Memory, this seems like a bigger error, and something that Karyn would know if she built her own computer before.
5204559 Karyn does segue to talking about the chip when she gets to that part. But a motherboard will still have some decent computing ability on its own, just in BIOS and CMOS.
Installing Linux I trust! Either way those pesky updates have to be done over the internets with whichever OS you chose.