Liked it, i will be tracking

this should be interesting...can't wait for more mind f**ks

hopefully will make more sense later...

so the name of the pony controlling the facility is Dr. Helping Hoof? (doesn't he work at the ponyville hospital?) where is this? who is this shadowy being who's riding in subject 27's mind? and what does he want?

never mind, don't answer those, I'd rather find out as the story progresses and experience more awesome mind f**k moments

okay, you've gone from mind f*ck territory, to whatever's higher then that, is it mind rape? no that's something else, but whatever the term for it is, keep doing whatever it is that your doing

can't wait for more

I think he just skull-fucked your soul with that story.....mine too for that matter.

Wow, I'm getting some serious Bioshock vibes here, and not just because of the expressions and phrases you lifted from the game.

Holy sh*t.

>>524135524135 glad to see people are liking your story bro

>>523090523090 I, instead , Lol´d at the Half life 2 pun...

nicely written... but I think Im going to back away slowly...

Glad that chapter 4 is getting the reviews I was looking for, it will be a tough act to follow after writing 4. I'll try my best to get 5 out before Sunday, I'm currently working 3 different jobs so what ever free time I have I've been writing the story. Currently at a writer's block in 5, Not knowing what direction to take with it.  But I can till you all this though, there will be giblets

Looks good so far.

unholy shit!

yay for soul contracts

this is some good shit right here bro. keep em coming at the pace you can manage cus this story has my interest in a fucking vice

I'll be releasing a censored version of "Return", I've gotten a few emails asking for one, I'll still keep the uncensored one as well. And thank you guys and gals for being patient with me, chapter 5 (not the censored Return) well be done shortly and y'all are in for a treat very soon

SOOOO AWESOME

His badass level is over nine thousand! I really like how you found a good way of giving the main character special powers!

dat badass cliffhanger

so awesome

..... i think i need brain bleach

i suspect a John Marston style ending will NOT be happening.

BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF BAMF

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMF

god this guy is awesome

uh...

when will the next chapter be out?

>>574353574353

Sorry mates for taking so long to come out with the next chapter I've been writing a crossover chapter(s) with a good friend of mine for are story's. His name is itsmyfuneral and his story is really good read. His part is roughly 20k words long and we are now doing my part which shouldn't take to long to do I should have chapter 6 - 9 out before Sunday. So please me patient with me on this

>>575227575227 yay moar chapters soon

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i hate it when im on a reading spree then the chapters run out......

yay 4 chapters today!

>>579472579472 Agreed.

>>528341528341 Lamar!

>>579837579837 It is no danger to you, but it could try to hump your head...

>>580785580785 well when your the size of human the leg just wont do it for yah :P

wow, that's a lot of mind f**ks...

and I assume Colt and Daimon are from your friend's story?

oh, the link to your friend's story doesn't work, how about just giving us the name of it and letting us search for it

EDIT: never mind I found your friend's story by going to your favorites

Name: itsmyfuneral Story: The Darkness Within Us All

Yes Colt and 27 are friends in the story, enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of deal. I hope the crossover was acceptable for everyone. He and I will be doing more work together later on down the road.

And yes Colt and Daimon are from his story, my story and his are both in the same timeline.

hmmmm I will have to have  a word with luna about her manners. . . Daimon, lets pay her a visit

Damnit. Curse you and your cliffhangers!

shits getting real

"store cleric."  does each store have it's own divine spellcaster? and if so, which domains do they specialize in?

GOD DAMMIT FADE!!!!!

YOU JUST HAD TO DO THAT DIDN'T YOU?!?!

YOU ARE LUCKY IF HIS FRIEND DOESN'T GIVE YOU TO DAIMON

>>588967588967 Lol, I'm rather English challenged. Even though it's my main language.

>>588967588967 lol

Gettin' the feeling that shoplifting is gonna turn into a problem for Colt later.

Also, why, in most fics like this, does Luna always jump to the wrong conclusion when she meets a human?

I like it. continue plz

dun dun DUN!!!

Wasn't that that guy from the facility?

*Drama Detected*

>>602689602689 Yes, he was. but he was a staff member, not "The Master", he's all ready dead.

>>602710602710  Knew he wasn't "The Master," still don't trust him.

he's gonna die

lol, I even knew this was gonna happen but still funny

*IMPLIED SEXUAL ACTIVITY*

Shut up Obviousness Robot!  Anyway, fun chapter.  No one dies, everyone drunk, good times had by all.

I WANNA GET DRUNK IN EQUESTRIA!!! Yes, out of all that has happened so far, that's where my mind goes. DEAL WITH IT!!

oh shit....

yeah, totally saw that coming as soon as going to a bar was brought up...

Can't wait till the next chapter. Are you going to go back and fourth between Cloud and 27?

tartarus....if he goes there everything there is gonna die.

>>619135619135

No no no. If he goes there they will simply have à change of management :D

hmm, a split first person narrative, should be interesting, just be careful, the character's inner thought processes shouldn't be too similar, though given how you've written Cloud, that shouldn't be a problem,

the major problem with a split first person narrative, is that now you have to show both characters' views and thought processes for every event, not to mention the internal character development,  thus slowing down the story by half (I'm assuming you're using a 50/50 split), so let me give you this warning: Be Careful, but it looks like Cloud will be having her own separate plot line, thus solving the 'different view point on every event' problem

am liking how attached Cloud is to Subject 27, another great chapter, keep it up

>>624096624096 For the most part Cloud's chapter(s) well be short and sweet(But very potent though). And yes this might slow down the story progression a little bit, but not to much. I've been working hard on the very limited free time I have in between my three jobs and I can normally get 2-4 chapters out per week. I'm very excited to finally start working on Cloud's story a little bit since she is one of the main characters, I do plan on diving deeper into Cloud's troubled past soon enough. Hope you all enjoyed that last chapter I had a blast writing it.

When I get some more work done on Subject 27 I'll try and do some drawing when I hit writers block, I would like to draw a pic of Cloud and have it posted.

Good job bro. keep it up

...oh god.....

Nice chapter with some good expansion on 27's increasingly interesting past.

For visual clarification, do Horrors look at all similiar to Hunters from the Resident Evil series?  Or are they more mammalian?

And one last thing, you couldn't come up with a better password than 'Trixie' spell backwards?  I had though you more clever than that.

BOOM Headshot

>>652630652630

Image: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/131/f/a/phyrexian_obliterator_by_kagemarumizugami-d3g4q7b.png

I was basing it off my favorite card in MTG, and one of the best horrors in the game.(artwork wise)

And to the passcode of 'Eixirt' is a on running joke of my group of friends, long story short we were playing DnD and I was an evil druid who was bent on detstroying the world and the GM allowed this and told me I had to find a spell and say the magic word 'Eixirt' to complete my quest, well I said the word and I didn't destroyed the world, but I blew up instead.

Ok, I see.  Well then your friend spelled Trixie backwards.

And Phyrexian Obliterator made me laugh the first time I read its effect.  Then my friend gave it Darksteel Plate and walled me for the rest of the match. (insert sad face)

>>655224655224 He spelt it backwards on purpose, we all watch ponies and love the show . Just when I said the word out loud I facepalmed myself as he started to laugh. "His favorite pony is Trixie".

And muther of god! Your friend is an evil man, I approve

I pulled five Obliterator's from a fatpack and had to go change my pants. I love the card because it's a abomination and I laugh at anyone who blocks one. Plus the artwork is just sick.

Clearly you are Jesus, pulling five fifteen dollar cards.  Though I've heard of someone who pulled four different Mythic rares from a fat pack.  Friend of a friend.

And I got him back next duel when I turn five killed him.

>>656520656520 fifteen dollar cards? Sorry but they're twenty five dollar cards now And it's all about luck my friend, And good job, love beating people by turn five.

Mono Black zombie deck with running three P:O and 12 kill spells, love it.

>>656592656592 That does sound fun.  Almost as fun as playing three Eldrazi Titans one turn and using Banefire for thirty-six damage the next.  Or swinging with eight 13/13 creatures with trample.

>>656659656659 I hate titans so much... Can't wait till they cycle out. I love dropping a P:O turn four and then turn five and just keep on swinging with everything I got while keeping one P:O for defending, no one wants to attack or block when there's a P:O out lol. Best counter though is Spirits though....

>>656738656738 Or any junk token strategy.  Or exile cards.  White.  P.O. hates white.  Everyone hates white.  Fuckin' life gain.

>>656760656760 Life gain doesn't bother me, its the Pro Black that makes me mad, hate Protection so much. Building a Red Black Zombie burn deck though, should be interesting.

>>656832656832 May I suggest Ashenmoor Liege?  Or for ultra-lulz, Hostility?

>>656932656932 LoL, god that's a blast from the past. I would but I only play standard. Geralf's Messenger though is just a dirty card though, I can't get enough of how good of a three drop it is.

>>656971656971 And that would be why it's rare.  So if you're playing black in standard I'm guessing the Avacyn set is hurtin' ya?

>>657002657002 You have no idea, Avacyn set just pooped on Black, got no love from it

But October Scars cycle out, yay! No more Swords! No more Titans!

>>657016657016  I wish I cared.  Where I live there's one comic shop that does Friday Night Magic and I always work Friday night.

I get plenty of casual play but it's with guys who can't afford to switch their decks up too often.

There are no front lines in a cold war...

>>657188657188 Oh silly little ol' me, made an honest mistake. But shouldn't effect the main story.

why does that name sound so familiar

I expected Cloud to threaten them with tales about Subject 27.

didnt think Razor would be such a nice guy

eh I can make worst but i dont want to freak people the fuck out

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_gasp.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_YouDontSay2.png

You repeated the "half-baked dream" paragraph about 2/3rds down and last chapter there's a line about "the Discover Channel special" that only makes sense from Colt's point of view.

Otherwise, another good crossover!

why do you always use "you"?

>>677866677866 Sorry about always using 'you' reformatting a story from 2ed person view to first person view is hard and tiresome work. Promise you that I'll use 'you' a lot less in the future. Chapter 27 is coming up relatively soon and I plan on doing something 'special' with it.

You! Yes, you!!

You're awesome! And you should feel awesome!

>>684071684071yay i'm awesome

>>685299685299>>684071684071 lol you guys make me smile when I read your comments Love it when my readers post their thoughts or just random tidbits.

>>685474685474

and now you made me smile by telling me that i made you smile. thank you, i mean it

>>685299685299 damn straight you are. ain't nopony gonna tell you otherwise

I felt there was no need for Subject 27 be rated Mature. And I'll assure you all that nothing well change in any of the up coming chapters. This is why I've changed the rating to Teen, please keep enjoying the hard work I've put fourth.

27 becomes a Praetor.

Story goes from great to orgasmic.

I wake up.

Improbable statement.

da fuk?????

im so confused lol

still not quite sure whats goin on

ok. da fukkkkk????? not quite sure if you are mad or brilliant. leaning more twoards mad. head hurts will finish this later.

where are the horrors from?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_bronymaster1.png

>>702231702231 Chapters 'Welcome to the Jungle, Armed to the Teeth, and Horrors'. A aggressive virus that mutates the body while it consumes the very being of the infected person.

First I wonder if he ever escapes and goes to ponyville

So he is going to ponyville........ also first

>>702311702311i mean is it from another story or is it your own thing?

>>703695703695 Oh! Yeah own thing, sorry about that; I feel silly now. But yeah it's my own thing.

this horror thing is a very big problem....