• Published 28th Oct 2014
  • 19,981 Views, 186 Comments

The Hu-Man Cometh - tosety



A monster comes to Equestria and subjugates everypony with its magical powers.

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The conqueror

It was terrible. Nopony could stand up to it.

The strange, furless creature walked out of the Everfree Forest. It looked like a minotaur, except instead of a bull’s head, it had this strange bumpy oval with patches of hair on the top and around the mouth. It also wore clothing over everything but its head and arms.

Its first victim was Pinkie Pie. She approached him as he walked towards Ponyville.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name!”

Suddenly its hand shot out and those wond- I mean horrible fingers started draining all resistance from her through the back of her head.

Right.

At.

The base.

Of her ears.

“My name is Vlad,” He cooed in her ear. “It’s really nice to meet you. Please help me get to the train station.”

“Oookaaaaaayyy...” She moaned as his fingers scrambled her brain.

Soon they were walking towards the train station. Pinkie was leaning against his side, her eyes barely open.

“Pinkie?” Twilight approached the two of them carefully.

Sadly, not carefully enough. Soon she was captured by his other hand and the three of them walked towards the train station.

Poor Spike tried to stop him. “What have you done to Twilight?”

He merely smiled that devious smile of his, taking his hand off of Twilight’s head and lured Spike over by wiggling one of those hypnotic fingers.

Twilight moaned as she stared at the hand with longing until he moved it down close to the ground. She immediately knelt down and pushed her head against it.

After staring at his hand as it dominated Twilight for a while, Spike reached out his own hand. The invader guided his claws to specific spots behind Twilight’s ears while whispering something to him.

With an excited smile, Spike nodded thanks before running as fast as he could towards Carousel Boutique.

The monster and his two captives continued a short distance further before Dash and Applejack confronted him. Fluttershy was standing behind them, failing to look brave.

That devious creature responded by sitting down in the middle of the road and putting his hands in his lap. Twilight and Pinkie started nuzzling his arms as Fluttershy crept out from behind her cover and approached. When she got close enough, it got to its knees and slowly grabbed her, wrapping its arms around her neck and pressing its mouth against her forehead.

She melted as it sucked all resistance from her body. As she collapsed into its arms, Dash and Applejack walked over to it in confusion.

Two more casualties fell to those hands as it dug into the backs of their necks. As one, their eyes went wide for a moment before going half lidded as they sank to either side of poor Fluttershy.

Much too soon, it stood up, Fluttershy and Twilight taking either side and the others falling in behind. Crowds of ponies watched as they finished their trek to the train station.

“Which train heads to Canterlot?” He asked in that silken voice.

Twilight merely moaned as she guided him towards the appropriate train. Not bothering with the purchase of tickets, they boarded, each mare laying their head on his lap as he continued his infernal ministrations.

The ticket stallion stared at them with a mixture of fear and jealousy for most of the trip. Most of the trip was spent moving from head to head on his crowded lap, but near the end, he pulled Pinkie and Fluttershy close and moved from their ears, down their manes, and finally to their shoulders. Pinkie’s hind leg started kicking soon after he dug those ama- I mean horrible fingers into the edges of the shoulder muscles of her exposed foreleg. Fluttershy merely sighed deeply and pressed up against his legs.

As the train pulled into the station, he stood up. All five of them stared at him for several seconds, looking confused and hurt before their brains started working again and they stood up. Tragically, his attack had already bent them to his will and they quickly took up their places at his sides, pitifully hoping for him to continue the torment.

This time, he was guiding them as he made his way towards the castle. Every time a guard would try to stop him, he would kneel down in front of them and move both hands towards their heads. Invariably, he would seek out the gaps between helmet and ears, snaking those fingers in and reducing the guard to the mentality of a puppy.

By the time they reached the castle, there was a herd following him comprised of the five element bearers followed by several guardsponies and several worried citizens watching from a safe distance.

The guards at the gates fared no better as they tried to stop them.

Nor did the guards at the doors to the throne room.

He did not wait in line, but he did not rush either. He strolled forward, pushing the doors wide and walking at a stately pace towards the princesses. Everypony stayed back just inside the doorway, looking with longing, but knowing it was not their place to approach.

He held his hands up, fingers splayed. “Princesses, I come with peaceful and benevolent intent. I am Vlad.”

With that, he knelt briefly at the base of their thrones as their horns lit up. He stood up slowly and gave them that devilish smile. Everypony, the princesses included, stood in shock as he, without hesitation or rush, glided up to stand in front of them. They flinched as he moved his hands to their muzzles, sliding them up to that won- I mean horrible spot at the base of their ears and conquered them.


Now we are all doomed. He sits on Celestia’s throne, both princesses at his sides. When they are petitioned, he speaks for them. If the petitioner objects, he removes his hand from Celestia’s head long enough for her to grow angry and inform the petitioner that if she disagreed, she would have said so.

There is even talk of him leaving and returning with even more of his kind.

I cannot wait.

Comments ( 186 )

wow, that was hilarious!

. 3 .
stupid sexy dracula

All creatures with fingers thus ruled the world.

Where was Lyra during all of this?

Was a nice little read. :twilightsmile:

There is even talk of him leaving and returning with even more of his kind.

*Smiles* I know just the mare I want to 'conquer'. :trollestia:

fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/189/0/2/surprise_octavia_by_ultimateultimate-d547wpy.png

5197017
hmm... I knew I was forgetting something

she was the narrator :twilightsheepish:

Liked and faved.
5197042 Oooooh, I want to do some 'conquering'!

You gotta give it to the guy, he's quite...handy.




:trollestia:

Hat

This is pretty scary! All the ponies aspirations are simply forgotten, imperfect in self-control they are taken advantage of. I think this applies to humans as well. Can they say they are happy in that state? Only in that state.

kekekekekek ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I saw a comment in this fix that was pretty much exactly this idea. It's fantastic.

5197994 Goodnight everybody!

I demand a sequel wherein Maud Pie defeats the insidious Vlad. He is not made of rocks. HE IS OF NO INTEREST TO HER!

5199536
I like the idea, but I can't see it,
so...
send me as much as you have and I'll clean it up, flesh it out, and publish it with credit to you

:pinkiehappy:

this is just too funny XD!!! who need magic when you have hands?

Very lighthearted and put and absolute joyful smile on my face, thank you for the read.

There are very few things that make me stop and say, "This is so stupid, I love it." This story is one of them.

This has made me hate my own species.

I'm...I don't even know anymore.

Really good quick read! I smiled through almost the whole story.

That is how humans 'conquer' Equestria. We pet all the ponies!

We all know this is pretty much how it would happen. :raritywink:

That is exactly how it would happen and he conquered all of Equestria in one day :3

OMAKE

"Lyra! Are you writing another one of those weird stories again?"

"......no?"

"L-Y-R-A~ What have I told you about writing those stories?"

"That there is no way a creature with those amazing, miraculous, dexterous, insidious..."

"Lyra!"

"...hands could ever take over Equestria with petting. Though I do seem to remember Spike almost brainwashed Applejack with that backrub he gave her last week."

"She got weak kneed, that's not the same as brainwashed."

"Then why did Twilight order him never to give backrubs ever again?"

"Because she didn't want him competing with the Spa twins, there's a good reason they run the only spa in town."

*Knock! Knock!*

"I'l go see who it is, but don't think for a moment that this conversation is over."

As Bon-Bon left the room a thoughtful look came over Lyra's face as she pulled out a hidden manuscript. 'Maybe I should wait till later to tell her about that publishing deal.'

"LYRA!"

'Unless that was Derpy delivering the first book from the publisher. Well, no time like now to test that escape ladder!'

{Sorry, couldn't help myself :trollestia: }

5197042 Would it be fine if I tagged along and took her roommate then pal? :)

5197017 yeah! I was looking forward to Lyra as Renfield

lol I'd love that scenario, honestly. XD That's just so perfect. XD

Here's a thought. What if someone was brought to a version of Equestria where their touch had similar, though not QUITE as drastic effects(not enough to make them be unable to think when not under such ministrations), but said human didn't want to rule Equestria with it, having only wanted to live in peace instead of the evils of his home world?

Well, now I am here wondering if it would be possible to make a good sequel out of this. Bravo, sir!

This is a touching story, in a classic horror parody / possibly suggestive sort of way.

This was funny! A quick question, out of curiosity.
Is this human based on any Vlad in particular? Say...one with the surname Taltos?

I love it! Though just what was spike going to do at the carousel boutique I wonder?:rainbowderp:

5201315

Basically, part self insert, part family joke, and part 'that just fits so perfectly'

5201318 oh, I don't know. Maybe to try out the techniques used by the human on a certain marshmallow pony maybe?
:heart::raritywink::heart:

5197245 And here I was just thinking she sounded more like Bon Bon from Flash Fog...

5201375
Aha! Well, either way, well done! :twilightsmile:

5201486

haven't read it, but put it in my read later pile


5201034

that would be awesome! feel free to rip off this story to write that (just let me know when you do so I can read it)


5201453

oh, no, Spike would never take advantage of Rarity like that! I can't believe you'd accuse him of doing something like that! :moustache:

I'd love an extra bit with the story of Spike conquering Rarity.

Sufficed to say, well done!

Vlad would be a reference to the Vampiric habit of victim-seduction I'm assuming :rainbowlaugh:

5201033 Sure. *Ignores that my headcanon differs from the fanon and they aren't roommates*

5201509 take advantage? Highly unlikely.:ajbemused:

'Innocently' improve their relationship through strategic manipulations and applications of newly acquired, and quite possibly disputable, massage techniques hopefully to be practiced under the guise of skinship?

...maybe~:rainbowwild::heart:

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