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Whilst enjoying the company of Twilight Sparkle and her friends in the doughnut shop immediately following the events of The Best Night Ever a disappointed Princess Celestia send a letter off to Prince Blueblood explaining the implications of his failure of the "Rarity Test", among other things...
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That picture....
Should have had him shipped to the military a long time ago.. Although that would probably give the military headaches
That letter....
This is a perfect example of comedy I had tears of laughter in my eyes
I had to stop reading this 5 times due to laughing so hard I started a coughing fit.
Blueblood in the military is a funny idea but I doubt he would make it past basic training. Heck from the sound of it I doubt he'd make it past the initial physical screenings.
Now, Celestia.... stop holding back. Tell us what you really think.
(This letter is FUNNY. Well done! And I want to know what's in those doughnuts!)
If you think you hate him after this wipe your mind and read this The Colour You Bleed
Looks wait why isn't there a luna or blue blood emotion
This. Entire. THING.
Great work!!! This is hilarious shit!!
These doughnuts of which you speak... I do wish to partake of them.
It was actually quite nice to see that this really had quite a bit going on in it... we've got the (rather fun) Blueblood bashings, the gibbering twit... then we have a bit of how Equestria works... we even get a tiny piece of Blueblood's backstory. I was hoping midway through that it would stray from the easy path denoted by the title and it definitely did. Nice work.
23810 Why would one hate after this? He's much too pathetic to hate.
I don't see what's so pathetic about getting laid and living his life as he pleases, but alas, virgin bronies will always hate the alpha male character
Because alpha males are twats in real life?
23849
The Alpha Male is, and always will be, Big McIntosh.
This is like... Trollestia with a reason.
Highly approve! You should do more of 'em.
Reads again
Man that's rich im still laughing inside :D
There's so much win in this that it's oozing out of my screen, and has stained my keyboard.
Wow. Celestia is a harsh sugar-drunk.
Not saying she's wrong...but perhaps THIS letter is what jump-started the events of Autumn Wind's "To Be A Better Stallion".
23873
Correct.
23873
MacIntosh
There's an a ther, 'ya know.
23810 No thanks, i hate that bastard after reading this comic
http://siansaar.deviantart.com/art/after-gala-257116775
http://siansaar.deviantart.com/art/after-gala-2-257271911
Blueblood has sex with girls, that's more than any brony can say
ever
I must say, I've always found this story hilarious! "That mountain is very dear to me!"
Ah, yes, I remember reading this when it came up on Equestria Daily some time ago. Still a personal favourite.
23777
...
Glad you liked the choice...
Thanks for reading!
23780
...
Only for a little while, is my guess...
Thanks for reading!
23789
Glad you enjoyed the read!
23795
I'm very glad you did, seems like I managed to get a few laughs out of people!
23801
Please don't sacrifice your health on my account! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
23803
Yes, I have to imagine that Tia wouldn't really be too obscure about her thoughts when the well-being of her ponies are on the line. Oh, the secret ingredient f the doughnuts? It's love...and lard, mostly lard, but love too!
23810
My personal favorite "psuedo-response" is by Lurks-no-More on DA: Redeeming Blueblood
Thanks for reading!
23820
Heh! Thank you so much!
23826
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
23846
Yes, thank you for mentioning that. The real "purpose" of this fic wasn't to tear Blueblood a new one, but instead to help define his actual relationship to Tia, and what his responsibilities were as a "prince". His uselessness was just the chosen instrument...Thank you for noticing that. Thanks for reading!
23849
Thanks for reading anywho...
23954
I hate the whole Trollestia thing, in all honesty...I hate all of the Extreme Character Derailments. We don't know much about Tia when it comes down to it, but I don't think I was too far off by stating that if one of her "nieces" or "nephews", the royalty of the races, were to become a burden to her people she wouldn't make it very clear to them what was about to happen. Tia is shown a jokester, but not the harmful one she's portrayed as in the fandom. This is all IMHO, of course.
Any suggestions for "justified targets" if I were to do another? Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment!
23981
Thank you so much!
24016
Sorry about your keyboard! Thanks for reading and commenting!
24070
I've had a couple of people ask me in the months since this was released how I would "feel" if somebody wrote a reply letter or a story based on the outcome. I of course replied that they were free to do whatever they wish, I have no real right to any claim over the idea...the only thing I asked is that the reply not be a "revengefic" and instead have a purpose like this one. Thank you so much for stopping by to read!
24362
Thanks for reading anywho...
24516
Well, thank you very much for saying so!
24544
Yes, this story is a few months old. I'm glad you enjoyed it than and now!
That was so funny that I literally fell out of chair laughing, normally your stuff goes from an average tone with some light comedy, throw in a little suspense then shift tones to extreme depression and tear jerking moments and finally returning back to the shire with a triumphant feel good ending. This was just a straight up comedy and I loved every line and thought it was supposed to be a roast of some sort, because of the way Celestia tears into Blueblood.
I like the Idea of Joe's Doughnuts being so good that they can cure cancer and be grounds for Lordship.
I also like how you made a Prince Bluebood into Charlie Sheen: booze, broads, STD's, bastard children, car crashes and drugs.
More in character than I would have expected from what initially appears to be a bashfic. I heartily approve, and shall favorite this story. Well done.
25095
You asked me if there were some more "justified targets"... Right now I think everyone in MLP:FiM is acceptable (except the bastard portrayed here)... Maybe in future episodes some other dick head might pop up. Untill then, keep it up!
24070
Ahahaha, that's hilarious. Thanks for the shout out.
Also, this fanfiction is absolutely hilarious, I love it, and I particularly love "Brutally Honest Celestia."
Oh my sacred sparta, this was awesome
25598
If my stories ever begin to repeat their theme too much let me know, I'd appreciate it. I'm very glad you found this so funny!
27514
I tried my hardest to keep this from becoming a "revengefic" or a "bashfic". I'm very, very glad you seem to agree that it didn't. The real point was to explain how Celestia and Blueblood were "related", what the duties of the royalty of the races are, and give some small hints about my personal fanon...Blueblood was just the tool I used to get there! Thanks for reading and commenting!
27910
Heh, I shall strive to do my utmost!
28189
Thank you so much!
I'm very glad you liked it!
28196
Hilariously written. I'd love to see Celestia fire off a letter to Trixie.
holy shit dude. everything you write is frigging amazing!
30071
...
I'm very glad you liked it. I hadn't considered a Trixie one...
36115
Thank you! I appreciate that!
25095
"I hate all of the Extreme Character Derailments"
Um... How about the one RIGHT INSIDE THIS STORY?
Anyhow, this went WAY beyond admonishment. This was downright MEAN. You can't tell someone you wouldn't care if they get hurt (or worse)
in a car crash and still expect them to think they have your best interest at heart. Or listen to anything you have to say in the future. Why would he?
Seriously, why? She basically told him "go die in a fire". And not even to his face, but in letter form so he can't defend himself.
I've seen fanart where this letter makes him turn his life around, and I don't see it. This is more like Owls Well That Ends Well, only Blueblood actually has reason to leave.
Oh Celestia, this is HILARIOUS!
Seriously, I can't stop laughing at it! It's funny that Celstia cares for others, even MOUNTAINS, more than Blueblood. Or that serving Blueblood for a few month is more torture than fighting wars! I just love this story, dude. Must. Stop. LAUGHING!
Dear Celestia, this is amazing! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing!
38491
I am far from perfect, and have many flaws...but hypocrisy is not one of them. Compared to the utterly horrific monster Blueblood has been made out to be by some people in this fandom my portrayal of him as a self-obsessed hedonist comes across as merely banal, and is based on the habits of the idle rich and petty nobility...not unlike some of the characters in the Fitzgerald novel you've taken your rather temporary username from.
As for your second concern, the time may come when the best thing you can do for someone you love is slap them upside the head and tell them, "Listen you idiot, stop doing that thing that is hurting you before you die."
In regards to your third concern, if this had been a regular story instead of a letter most people would not have found it funny. I had absolutely no interest in writing Blueblood "defending himself" as that would have interrupted the lofty and noble purpose of the story...namely, it would have gotten in the way of "the lulz".
Though your comments make your dislike of the story abundantly clear, the overwhelming majority of readers, commentors, and people in the fandom have enjoyed this story as written. I do not need to apologize for having written a harmless little story that so many people have enjoyed. I am sorry that you did not like this work, and I hope that your disapproval of one of my stories won't dissuade you from considering reading the rest.
Also, where did you see fan-art inspired by this work? Do you remember the artist's name? I'd like to thank them.
40583
Thank you so much for saying so! I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
41069
Whoops! Don't go getting yourself hurt on my account!
43417
Shadow-Scrub on Fur Affinity did a piece inspired by your work. It's called "My Little Pony: Dear Idiot", and if you search for Blueblood you should find it on the first page.
And yes, you are right. You don't need to defend yourself against anything, especially not some random anon over the Internet. That you still adressed my concerns is commendable.
I still don't think I'm wrong though. All throughout the story I got angrier and angrier- at Celestia. The part with the mountain clinched it, because- as I've tried to make clear in my first post- whatever else she had to say, after writing to Blueblood she cared more for a bunch of rocks than him, he SHOULDN'T care about the rest of her letter. (I do know that mountain is more than just a bunch of rocks; I've read Heart of the Mountain too. Blueblood however doesn't, couldn't know. So what does that leave him with?)
And because he didn't have a voice, I kept empathising more with him than with her, because it felt... unfair. Maybe I'm just incapable of reading a story simply for "the lulz", but if that's the case, I don't think it's something I need to apologise for.
43560
That you took the time to write a reasoned, logical argument speaks well of you as well.
Loved it! It's great to see this side of Celestia. In the show she's mostly portrayed as perfectly regal and kind (with a couple rare exceptions), and most fanfics I've read seem to either portray her as completely benevolent or, well, Trollestia. You, on the other hand, balanced the different aspects of her personality rather well.
Also, it was hilarious. Her frequent asides about doughnuts were great. My favorite part, however, would have to be the bit about filing the letters of protest under "Hamdingers" in a room marked "Beware of the Cockatrice". I'd been chuckling under my breath up until then, but that part actually cracked me up.
This story kinda hit me hard.
My little brother was basically the Blueblood you described here. A cute little kid who went from someone I knew to a piece of crumpled paper in only a few years.
I never knew why.
I was angry. At him for doing this. At me for not being able to help. ANd I did try and help. Everyone did. Be he just kept destroying himself.
I'm sorry to say I didn't laugh at this story once. That is not a complaint. I just can't find any humor in this.
But what I did find was that frustration that consumes me every time I think of my brother. Celestia spoke it so perfectly. She was angry - she wanted to be angry, she wanted to just yell - but she could remember that once there had been something good there. Once, there was something that filled her with pride and hope. And this had driven her to despair - she could barely even write rationally.
Knowing what I do of that type of person, it rather pained me to think that Blueblood'd be lucky to make it a year. I was rather fond of the character - there had been some good fic's to explain and deepen the character (I've never cared for redemption) and enjoyed ones where he grew a little or matured a little.
Here? He's beyond hope. He's beyond salvation. I hate you for writing it, but it was a beautiful, beautiful story.
Thanks.
44492
I'm very glad you enjoyed the mutual "MST3K" and "Guide" references!
44638
I have always been of the firm belief that an artist, be it in a visual or creative medium, loses his or her right to tell anyone how to "feel" about one of their works once it is released. No feeling that a work evokes in one of my readers is "bad", they have the firm right to feel however they do about my work...the only thing that I ask is that the work be judged on it's merits rather than on what they believe I was attempting to convey as some sort of "message" or "moral".
I think your reply captured that perfectly. The powerful emotions you recorded here are entirely legitimate. I accept your hate...and you have my thanks for stating that this was a beautiful story.
that was funny...
so very, very funny.
also the writing was top-notch, it was attacking Blue Blood and was very well written.
what is it with the two ruling sisters in Equestria and doughnuts? They are seemingly always addicted to them...
Tell us how you REALLY feel, Celestia.
It would be quite interesting to expand on this especially if blue blood somehow managed to get his act together or even just another one shot of him receiving the letter and then attempting to rationalize his lifestyle to both himself and Celestia could be very interesting and funny
46403 You know, I actually had no idea they were references at all, believe it or not. I guess funny words like "Hamdingers" just make me laugh?
49091
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
49303
...
Heh, she was a little reserved, eh? Hope you liked it...
49881
I have thought about doing a follow-up, but there have been a lot of fics that have taken this concept (not actual sequels, just similar lines of thought) that have, in short, been better than what I could do.
53428
See? You learned something! Hooray!
58017 To be perfectly honest, I only laughed one time in it...I think it was at the part where it said something about the royal guard chasing butterflies or something. On my parody of "Cupcakes", entitled "Muffins", a few people commented that it "tried too hard to be funny, and thus just wasn't that funny". Naturally, I disagree, but...that's kinda what I saw here. Please don't get upset or anything; it was INCREDIBLY well-written and you could tell that a very good writer crafted such a brilliant piece of writing. But...well...it just seemed that it was trying too hard to be funny, and thus it stopped being funny about halfway through...at least to me.
Allow me to explain a bit more. In every comedy movie and comedy book, there's stuff that makes you laugh, right? Or, stuff that's SUPPOSED to make you laugh. If there's not, then it didn't do a very good job. When you use a joke, a pun, a gag, a prank, or anything else that is comedic, it should work for the situation and should've be overused; too much of a good thing, you know. When I read this...it seemed like every single paragraph, sentence, and WORD was trying to be funny by its insulting description. That's probably what you intended, and you succeeded, but...I think you kinda just made it a BIT over-the-top and it was slight overkill. Yes, Blueblood probably deserves it...but, in all honesty, I kinda think it was trying TOO hard to be funny.
What would've worked better, possibly, is ending every other paragraph with the zinger or the punchline, but not every single sentence. Things stop being funny if they're constantly overkilled and constantly in-your-face, just like the same with horror and romance...unless that's honestly what you're looking for you and you don't mind. For example...uh...look at "Friday The 13th". You don't see Jason cutting up someone in every single scene; that would just get very boring and would just ruin the story. In "Scary Movie", a somewhat believable plot is put into place, but there's obvious jokes and hilarity put in at certain points that it works. Even back in the black and white days, "The Three Stooges" didn't even overkill the slapstick; they weren't ALWAYS hurting each other...just in every other scene, usually.
I'm sorry for leaving a long and probably rude-sounding comment, but it's just been on my mind and I felt like writing it. Please don't hate me...since, judging from this "letter", I fear you could use some very creative and clever insults that would leave me waving a white flag in ten seconds flat. I was just saying what was on my mind. Despite what I said, I STILL gave this "story" five stars and I did enjoy reading it; I was just telling you what I thought. You are a great writer, very talented, and you do have a gift. Overall, a great job.
58212
Ripping someone apart for articulating their honest opinion in the form of a constructive criticism isn't my style, so don't worry about that!
As I said above, I've always felt that an author loses the right to tell his readers "how to feel" once his story is released. This has helped me in some stories, such as this one, and hurt me in others. In the end I stick with it though. If you didn't find it funny then that is entirely your right. I'd like to thank you for stating that you found the work enjoyable on other levels though...you're one of the few who have said that, and you have my thanks.
Thank you again for reading and taking the time to comment!
23780
People make the eternal mistake of assuming that shipping a jerk to the military will turn them into a worthwhile person.
More often than not it simply turns them into a uniformed jerk, and a nightmare for their fellow soldiers.