"A grandma has ears that truly listen, arms that always hold, love that's never ending, and a heart made of gold"
A certain orange filly awakens in the middle of the night, after having another nightmare.
She goes to the only "mother" she has now for comfort.
OMFG that was so cute and adoreble, it made me cry
5213641 thanks!
And I'm sorry if I made you cry
*Sniff* I'm not crying...there are ninjas...cutting onions...my heart hurts...
5215696 wow okay....
Thanks!
First of all, allow me to introduce myself.
I am one of the recruits from a new reviewing society called a helping hoof. We are authors from the site who review stories and offer advice anonimously. We each embody the spirits of one of the background mane 6.
Hello! I'm Lyra :3
A first story huh? Not bad sir\ma'am! Not bad at all.
Ah, those classic apple stories. A good apple family story gives you the sensation that there is a warm fire in front of you, cuddling you in its embrace and warming you. And indeed, this pulled it off!
Now praise aside, there's a downside to any story.
I saw multiple grammatical errors. Once you said "closed" and the correct spelling was "close." I recommend either brushing through the story yourself or getting a good editor.
It was visually entertaining, but it did lack some detailing. Try to describe the scene. We haven't been told what granny's bedroom looks like. Is it small with a worn red carpet and peeling wallpaper? Is it larger with minimal furniture and a large glowing fire? Show, don't tell.
Detail: 4/5
Grammar: 4/5
Concept: 5/5, A+ dude! I mean, it's so cute and fitting and- sorry, I'm ranting again... *innocent squee*
Overall: 4/5
Keep writing!
-Lyra ;)
P.s. Thought the poem was cute and fitting.
5217518
5216493 thank you very much!
im gonna fix everything later or get an editor
That was... SO SWEET! I loved it, and it made me cry. Not in a depressed way, lol.
5813029 glad you enjoyed it sweetheart.
6149521 thanks for pointing that out