Reversed Condition
////
Reversed Condition
////
The buzzing was deafening. It was like a gun had just been fired in his ear…
What had just happened?
Discord had opened that portal, sucked Dash in, and he had jumped in after her, disregarding his own safety.
The panic he had felt was immense as they plummeted through that bright white void, heading for some kind of blackness far below. Alex had managed to catch up to Dash, and get a hold of her. But, to his surprise, she was unconscious. So, he held her close to him, and closed his eyes, praying for something to protect them as his wings and magic failed him.
And then something did. As if the gravitational pull had been changed, they started being pulled sideways, away from the blackness, toward a different light. One that was bright, and somehow comforting to him. As they reached it, Alex squinted, unable to see anything.
The next thing he knew, they were thrown out of the portal, and went tumbling straight onto a patch of grass, where they came to a stop.
Opening his eyes, he was met with the offensive sight of the sun blinding him.
Closing them again, he sighed happily, just happy that he still had Dash in his arms.
But… she felt smooth.
“Smooth?” Alex said to himself, opening his eyes again, and looking to the form next to him, he gasped and pulled away.
On the ground, unconscious, was a human women, with multicolored hair that hung down to her shoulders. A look very similar to Rainbow Dash’s.
Alex went wide eyed before he realized that he was standing on two hands, and his knees.
Everything was high-definition once again. Looking around, he was shocked, yet again, to see his house, only a short distance away.
“Oh my god…” He murmured, “I’m back.”
Looking over to who he could only assume was Rainbow Dash, he slowly realized that she was completely naked, lying in the grass next to his house, near a particularly busy street. He needed to get her inside, now.
Shakily standing up, he quickly remembered the tricks to being a biped, and knelt down, to scoop her up into his arms, giving him a good look at her face.
“Damn,” He said to himself, stunned at her looks in the human world, “Lucky me.”
Further inspecting her, he quickly focused on her bare chest.
“Bigger than I thought they’d be.” He momentarily thought, banishing it quickly, as he started moving toward the house. There were plenty of things to worry about at this time, and the size of her chest was the least of them.
As he approached the building, he prayed that the house still belonged to him, and hadn’t been sold by his uncle for any reason.
This fear was quickly sent away as he recognized the masses of garden gnomes his mother had placed around the house, and garden. It was a shame that she would never get to add any more.
Approaching the back door, he peered inside, and was satisfied to see all the lights out. No one was home.
Carefully balancing Dash in one arm, and on his shoulder, he reached to the ledge next to the door, where a spare key was placed between two boards of wood.
Grabbing it, he slid the key into the slot, and twisted, unlocking the door.
To be honest, Alex was rather numb at this moment. He was going to freak out about being back, as soon as Dash was in a safe, comfortable place, so he could work on processing this information.
Walking into the living room, he flicked on the light, placed her on the couch, and draped a blanket over her.
“Sleep well, Dash,” He said, “Because when you wake up… You’re in for a bit of a surprise.”
////
About an hour had passed since Alex had put her to rest, and he was finally coming to grips with what had happened.
Discord had sent them into the human world, to keep him and Dash from fighting against him in Equestria.
But that made no sense. Discord would have made some kind of comment, had he had intended to send them back to earth. So, what had happened? He recalled how they were heading for one destination, but were sent off course, and pushed into the other portal. Perhaps Alex had changed the intended destination somehow, by wishing for a safe place for himself and Dash.
So, Discord put them in a portal, which changes its destination depending on the thoughts of the people in the portal.
If only he had thought of Equestria, he could have reappeared there, and helped with the fight.
Was there any kind of way for him to get back?
Could he even use magic here?
Extending an arm, Alex focused, and felt the familiar energy start swirling around inside of him, heading for the exit point of his finger, where a bright spark exited his index finger, and floated in the air momentarily, before vanishing.
He smiled, he still had his powers here. But, his head was also ringing with the use of that spell, when he remembered what Twilight had told him about ponies, and magic.
Anypony can use magic, but only unicorns can do so safely because it focuses the magical energy away from their bodies. If an earth pony or pegasi were to use magic, it would burn them up.
Shaking his head, Alex decided to stay away from magic if he could help it. He just hoped that the portal spell Discord had used didn’t require much energy because too much would probably kill him.
Alex was shaken out of his inner thoughts when someone knocked on his door.
Cautiously, he looked toward the window, and saw his uncle, Chet, standing at his front door, giving him a very anxious look.
Figuring he had been missed for a year, Alex stood up, and stumbled lightly, before regaining his balance, and reaching the door.
“Where have you been, kid?” Chet asked, just as the door opened, “We’ve all been worried sick!”
“Look, I know it’s been a long time, but—“
He was cut off by his uncle embracing him, and then pulling back, smiling earnestly.
“Long time?” Chet asked, laughing, “Three months is a bit more than that!”
“W-what was that?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow, “Three months?”
“Yeah!” Chet said stepping into the house, “You missed the funeral and everything, Alex.”
Alex felt a pang of guilt, he had missed his own parents funeral. Of course, he couldn’t have helped that.
“I’m sorry,” He said, hanging his head, “I couldn’t handle it.”
“That’s okay, son,” His uncle said, patting him on the head as he looked to the couch, where a very obviously naked girl slept under the covers, “Who the heck is that?”
“Oh!” Alex said quickly, “That’s… My girlfriend.”
“You’ve got yourself a girlfriend?” He asked incredulously, incredibly impressed that someone related to him could score a girl with those kind of looks, “How much did you pay her?”
“Shut it!” Alex smiled, hitting him on the shoulder, “I actually need to have a few word with her, could you come back later?”
“Look, why don’t you come over for dinner with her?” Chet asked, “I’ll grill up some steaks, and we can—“
“Oh no!” Alex said quickly, “She’s—Violently allergic to… meat!”
“Huh?” Chet asked, confused.
“There’s some protein it that gets in the air, and makes her vomit like crazy,” Alex lied, hoping that would sell.
“Well, no meat it is then,” He shrugged, having never heard of such a thing, “She like pasta?”
“You know I do,” Alex smiled, “Make the alfredo I taught you to make.”
“Got it,” He smiled, giving him a thumbs up, “Come by around seven.”
Alex nodded and looked at the clock. It was just past noon.
“See you then,” Alex said back as his uncle exited the house, closing the door a bit harder than he meant to.
“Hmmph…” Dash mumbled into the pillow her face was pressed into.
Alex looked to her as she fluttered her eyes open, and immediately went wide.
Her first instinct was to get into the air and survey her surroundings. But, unfortunately, she had none.
Looking at herself, as she sat up, she just about lost it.
“W-what’s going on?!” She shouted, “H- W- Where am I?”
“Calm down…” Alex said, approaching her, not wanting to get hit by her in her panicked state.
“Why does everything look—And why am I so…? She continued, looking around manically as she scrambled off the couch, on to her hands and knees, trying to get herself into a proper standing position, “What’s wrong with me? Who are you?!”
“Dash!” He shouted, “It’s me! Alex!”
She collapsed, and rolled over on to her butt, and then looked at him desperately, obviously close to tears, “A-Alex?”
Running over to her, he wrapped his arms around her, “Dash, you just need to calm down. Take a deep breath.”
Her panting slowed as she recognized the familiar scent coming from his body. It was more comforting than she ever could have thought.
“W-where are we?” She asked, composing herself as much as possible, “What happened to my wings?!”
“No one has wings here,” Alex explained, seeing her heart sink, “You’re stuck on the ground, Dash.”
She sighed, and looked herself over, stopping on her chest, “What are these?”
“Those are on all the girls,” Alex said, trying not to stare at them too much, “Don’t worry too much about it.”
“Oookay,” She said, looking around the place they were in now, “Where are we?”
“This is my world,” Alex explained, not letting her go, “This is my house.”
“Why does everything look so… Detailed?” She asked, not able to grasp the way everything looked to her.
“I told you before, this is how it is,” Alex explained, “Maybe pony eyes perceive light differently, and makes things look different that way.”
“Okay, Twilight,” Dash panted, still acting like herself, “What about Equestria?”
“I don’t know,” Alex sighed, “Discord sent us here, and now we’re stuck, unless I can replicate his spell.”
“Do you know the first thing about it?” Dash asked.
“Nope.” He said, finally pulling away from her, “But I can try to work it out from other spells I know.”
“But you have no horn,” She observed, “Can you still do magic?”
He nodded, “But not much. I might hurt myself.”
“So… what do we do then?” Dash asked, “Kill time while you try to figure it all out?”
“We can’t take our time,” Alex said, “I think there’s some kind of time difference here.”
“Huh?” Dash asked.
“I’ve only been gone for three months, according to my uncle,” Alex explained, “I was in Equestria for nearly a year.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Dash asked.
“It means that for every day that passes here, Equestria passes four days,” Alex said grimly, “Discord has already been free in Equestria for… six hours.”
“What?!” She said, flailing her arms around, distracting Alex with other parts of her that also shook, “We need to get back!”
Alex honestly couldn’t disagree with her, but he knew that he had no way of getting them back to Equestria.
“What’s the plan?” She asked, looking at him.
“I don’t know…” Alex sighed, “But look, for all we know, it only took six hours to beat Discord, right?”
“Maybe,” She agreed, knowing that her friends were extremely capable, “But didn’t Celestia say that we needed the Elements of Harmony?”
“There might have been something else,” Alex suggested, “Maybe they’re trying to find a way to get us back right now, and everything is just fine.”
Dash nodded, “What do we do in the meantime?”
“We need to get you walking,” Alex said, stepping up himself, “Can you do this?”
Taking a moment, she analyzed the kind of creature he was. She remembered back when the Poison Joke messed everypony up, he was turned into this animal. Like a monkey! Except now, he looked much different from then. The amount of detail on his face was something that Equestria simply didn’t have. But as uncomfortable as everything here looked, the blue in his eyes let her know that he was the same pony she cared deeply for.
“Can you do it?” Alex asked once again.
Wobbling, she pressed her hands to the floor and stepped up off her knees, to her feet.
“It’s just like standing on my back legs,” She said as she placed both feet on the floor, and raised herself up.
Alex stepped forward, ready to catch her in case she fell. But, to his surprise, she managed to stay balanced in place.
“See?” She smiled confidently, “I told you I could do it!”
“I don’t think you told me ,” Alex smiled, “Now, walk over to me.”
Stepping forward, she put one leg much further ahead of herself, giving Alex a perfect view of something else.
“Uh… I should go get you something to wear,” Alex said quickly.
“Right,” She nodded, “You said that clothing was a thing in this world, right?”
“Right,” Alex said, running upstairs, surprisingly not tripping once.
Rummaging around his room, he grabbed a large t-shirt, and a pair of gym shorts. Before running back downstairs to see Dash frozen in the position he had left her in.
“…Not gonna practice?” He asked.
“I think I’ll fall if I move anything…” She said quietly.
Alex smiled, “Come on, sweet heart, balance on one leg while you catch the other foot up.”
“Don’t patronize me!” She said, “I’m trying here!”
“Just pretend they’re hooves,” Alex said, “What trouble could it possibly be?”
Nodding, she simply lifted her back leg, and brought it forward, balancing herself properly.
“Good!” Alex said happily, “Now, a few more, and I’ll give you these dusty clothes to wear!”
“Thanks,” She rolled her eyes as she took another step, then another, and another, impressing him quite a bit.
“Great job, now, do a loop around the table, and sit down on the couch,” He instructed as he walked over to the place she would finish.
Making her way around the coffee table, she sped up significantly until she was moving at almost a normal speed.
Sitting down human style, she sighed happily, “I’m glad I took all those lessons from you in Equestria in human stuff!”
“Lift up your legs,” Alex said, tossing the shirt over his shoulder, as he knelt down, and placed the shorts on her feet, and pulled them up to the edge of the couch, “Now, lift up your butt.”
Complying, she placed her hands on the couch, and lifted up, so he could get her shorts all the way on.
“I can put on pants, Alex,” She said, giving him a look.
“I don’t think you balancing on one leg to start getting them on would end well,” He explained, “You can do it next time.”
“What about the shirt?” She asked.
“Right,” He said, biting the shirt off his shoulder, before realizing that he didn’t need to use his mouth to grab things, “Arms up.”
Looking at him, she mimicked him and reached her hands in the air.
Sliding the shirt right on, she smiled as her head popped out.
“So, now that I’m dressed, what are we doing next?” She asked.
“I need to keep training you,” Alex said sternly, “And we need to get our stories straight because no one here is going to believe I spent the last year—Three months in a magical pony world.”
“Alright, let’s start working on our lies then!”
////
Hours passed as Alex trained Dash to do everything as a human, from using her hands, to talking without using her pony words. Dash had a nasty habit of saying ‘everypony,’ and ‘somepony,’ so he had to make sure he whipped that out of her.
They also covered their get-together story.
Alex had taken a bus to New York City, where he met her auditioning for an Off Broadway production that neither of them could remember the name of, because of her catchy hair, and after some talking, she ditched out, and they spent the rest of the night together.
“Got it?” Alex asked.
“Uh…” She said, recalling the entire line of BS in her head, “I think so!”
“And what’s your name?” Alex asked.
“Sarah Conner!” She smiled.
“No, that’s the name of a movie character,” Alex sighed, hoping that she had moved past this choice.
“That’s my name,” She said seriously, “You said she was a badass!”
“Yeah, when it came to fighting shape-shifting robots from the future!” Alex said, “You’re not THAT cool.”
“Say that one more time,” She said, squinting at him.
“You’re…” He began, seeing the seriousness in her eyes, “Well, I guess I don’t know how you are at fight robots.”
“Thank you,” She smiled, “I’m sure I’d be just fine. Can we watch that movie, by the way?”
“When we get back,” Alex said.
“Back from where?” She asked, no having heard about this trip.
“We’re going to have dinner with my uncle,” Alex explained, “He lives right across the street.”
“Oh,” She said quietly, suddenly very nervous, “I didn’t think I’d ever meet your family.”
“Well, I’ve grown up with my uncle Chet my whole life,” Alex sighed, “He’s the closest thing I have to a dad now.”
“Is he married?” Dash asked.
“He has friends over now and then,” Alex laughed nervously, “But if that makes you uncomfortable, you can stay here.”
“No way!” She said, “I’m not passing up the opportunity to see your roots!”
“Of course you’re not,” Alex nodded, “Then why don’t we get ready, and go?”
“Sure!” She smiled, standing up like a pro, “I’ll race you upstairs!”
“I don’t know…” He said slowly, “I’m not really feeling very—“
“Readysetgo!” She shouted, booking it ahead of him, blowing his mind at the control she had while she ran.
But, he wasn’t going to lose this race by any means!
Chasing after her, he quickly made up for lost time when he reached the staircase, where she was having the most trouble. But, upon seeing him catching up, she threw fair play out the window and ascended the staircase on her hands and knees.
“Oh no, you don’t!” Alex laughed, bounding upward, going up two steps at a time.
Reaching the top step first, Dash turned to see him coming at her at full speed, so, in interest of being a fair competitor, she stayed put, knowing Alex wouldn’t stop in time.
And, as she anticipated, he TRIED to stop, but instead tumbled over his foot, and wound up falling on to Dash, knocking them both to the floor at the top of the stairs, with him on top of her.
“You knocked me over,” Dash grinned, an inch away from his face, “You’re disqualified from the race.”
“I’ll try to be more careful next time, Colors,” He said, panting a bit as their conversation was replaced by an intense silence.
All Dash could hear was his breathing. It made her start to breathe a little harder herself.
Looking him over, she realized that she didn’t give a crap what he looked like. He was Alex. And that was all the was important.
The burning question on her mind was: If she kissed him, would it feel the same?
Testing her theory, she leaned in, and kissed him quickly, and pulled back.
“Feels the same,” She said quietly, but audibly, looking into his eyes again, “At least there’s one thing.”
“Everything is different here,” Alex said, placing a hand on her cheek, and rubbing his thumb from her temple to her jaw line, “But no matter where you go, I’ll always be here to help you through it.”
“Thank you,” She squeeked as she gave him one more peck on the lips.
“Come on,” He said, standing, helping her up, “Let’s get ready. Chet is dying to meet you.”
////
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I Still Love the Story.
I wasn't quite expecting this when they went into the portal.
I like it. Humanised Dash and Alex. Let the shenanigans flow.
I so called it.
*FUCK DA ERT!*
Huh, seems interesting.I'll just read the pro-
*Sees prologue word count and slowly moves mouse over the 'read later' button*
(But seriouly? over 16,000 words? Wow, and just for a prologe?
)
Almost died with laughter from the Sarah Conner line
You sir, are the prime definition of a comedic genius!
3129352 Yes, we all did.
3129473 we all fucked the earth? How does that work...?
3129547 no. we all saw it coming.
3129599 corn.
3129602 Budder
3129604
For all people saying 'self insert' to me, i simply refer them to this comment:
(It might not apply to you completely.)
1344553
Eli...if you ever find a bright light in the woods, I swear to god you better not leave without me.
Nope, screw that, I'm going to leave and you're not coming to Equestria.
I would laugh so hard if you ended up in the Soul Eater world, you wouldn't last a day.
You know I hate Soul Eater man.
Yep.
~Sylpheed and Eli
Lawl is Dax a self-insert?
3129828
Closer than you'd think.
3129867 lawl twinning.
Good thing Dax wasn't an unconsciouphile, or Alex woul have had trouble...
3129867 Haha, nice answer
3132330
KoH= King of Hearts. He's the author of the story
So if they're bigger than we thought they were and RD is tied for smallest with AJ than Fluttershy's, being that most make hers the biggest, must be...
OMG the humanized ponies clop group would love that.
3129709. Lol that's awesome buy you dinner!
...wait..will I have to buy you dinner?!?! 
good to see miracle walking is still a perk for the reverse transfer.