Chapter 1
Round Two
by Nom deCheval
A sickly green weave of silk and sticky goo towered along the walls of the chasm. Clinging to the walls and stretching to connect to the random spires of stone, it stood as an imposing, frightful symbol of its people and their terrifying ruler. The royal hive of their dread queen.
And even from far outside, the screams of that same queen echoed against the cold stone walls.
A sweep of her foreleg sent twisted glassware, paper, and random items scattering off of a dark table. Immediately afterwards, that same table was flipped effortlessly into the air.
“RAAAAAARRGGH!” Chrysalis screamed in frustration. No words were fitting for the vitriol that she still felt. Her royal chambers, dark and twisted all the time, were disturbing right now, even to her own kind. For the past three days, since her defeat and expulsion from Canterlot, the constant tantrum of this room brought no solace. Her servants had come and quickly gone, trying to bring her captured ponies to feed upon, but she took none; anger was her only sustenance.
Stepping onto the balcony that overlooked her lands, the queen surveyed her rule. Changelings flew in and out of the royal hive, living their lives and performing their duties as if nothing had changed. Hundreds of smaller hives lined the walls of the chasm, each housing hundreds--if not more--of her subjects. Thousands of lives depending on her and obeying her every command.
“I had it all.” Her hollow, buzzing voice stated. “It was the perfect day. The one I had dreamed of since I was a child. Everything was mine. Canterlot was overrun. Their precious Celestia defeated and captured. How? HOW DID THEY DEFEAT ME?!”
Her horn spewed a bilious green energy, striking a column of stone and raining debris down upon the unsuspecting. Some were pebbles bouncing harmlessly to the ground, while others were boulders smashing and destroying everything along the way.
The destruction, normally a source of joy for the changeling queen, had a different reaction. She bared her fangs, in what should have been a smile, but this was without mirth. She turned back towards her chambers and started to step inside once more.
Chrysalis never made it all the way inside. The shadow growing in front of her caused her to turn and look around. A sphere descended towards her chamber, glowing with an intensity that rivaled the sun itself. Closing one eye, the queen turned her head slightly off to the side, avoiding the blinding glare as the globe descended towards where she stood. The changeling horde gave a wide berth as it landed on the balcony atop their hive.
“I can answer your question if you like.” A calm voice said.
The light faded, seemingly absorbed into the body of the majestic figure standing in its place. Princess Celestia stepped forward, revealing herself to all who watched.
“Queen Chrysalis.” She said, a slight nod of her head in acknowledgement accompanying the words, her voice a picture of calm.
“How DARE you?!” The changeling spat. “You come to my home--to my royal chambers--at a time like this?!”
“It seemed like the perfect time to me.” Celestia said. “After all, I wanted to discuss the terms of your surrender. Ruler to ruler.”
A pulse was visible in the queen’s huge, black eyes. “My...surrender?...” Her voice was a clear reflection of her past three days.
“Yes. Since you were defeated, it is natural to want to make sure that we agree on what is going to happen. Conditions for your continued rule.”
“My...rule?...” The insectoid pony could only repeat those words, her teeth grinding.
Slowly, the changeling queen’s lip twitched. It turned itself upwards slightly, curling upwards gradually, to finally become a full smile--and then open laughter.
“Bwah-ha-ha-ha-hah! You...you are serious, aren’t you? This is priceless.”
Celestia stared straight at the laughing mare, her expression seemingly carved in stone.
“You are amusing me, PRINCESS. But then, a QUEEN does enjoy the entertainment of fools from time to time.” Chrysalis mocked.
“I’ve never been one too focused on titles.” Celestia’s voice didn’t waver. “Everypony knows that I rule Equestria. That is enough.”
“Yes. Yes, that is true.” An oddly-holed hoof moved up to scratch her narrow jaw. “And here you are, all alone.”
“It does seem so, yes. Again, I thought it best to talk about this matter ruler to ruler. Matriarch to matriarch.”
“You know that we are not going to surrender.” Chrysalis said.
“You have no choice. This is simply a matter of working things out.” Celestia’s chest rose and fell as she took in a full breath. “And actually, I blame myself for all of this. This entire problem.”
“You do?” The queen raised an eyebrow.
“I do. You see, I knew that your kind were coming into Equestria and feeding on my subjects. But I was mistaken about what was happening. I thought they only assumed the form of a loved one, took some sustenance and left. Not pleasant, but not something warranting violent action or recourse. Emotionally draining, but no pony was in danger. I was wrong, wasn’t I?”
A smolder burned under Celestia’s voice. “The invasion of Canterlot revealed the truth. How were you and your kind going to assume the forms of loved ones and feed off of them if they were captured and tormented? Without the power of surprise and deceit, your changelings couldn’t feed on love quite so easily, could they? No. No, there was something else. Another way to sustain themselves. And the first body brought to me told me the truth.” The alicorn held her place, her voice, and her demeanor. “Those fangs aren’t for show, are they? You actually ingest life force as well, don’t you? Draining it from the living through wounds--through blood. If you can’t get love, you’ll take life.”
“I didn’t know until after your attack that your kind were killing or kidnapping ponies.” The sun goddess turned to look out at the swarming changelings gathering outside the royal hive by the hundreds. “I feel deep shame over that.”
The brief silence was broken by the mocking laughter emanating from the changeling queen, causing Celestia to turn around, finding her changeling counterpart cantering about on the balcony.
“That is where we differ, Celestia. Shame is not something that a ruler feels. Your subjects whimper and whine exactly like their princess. They see you standing on your throne believing you strong, but you are weak in every way, aren’t you? You simply rule your subjects. I am a true queen to mine. I control what they do. Their lives are mine to give or take. Everyone of them would gladly sacrifice themselves for me.”
“Really?” The white alicorn’s voice leveled off. “Well, I am a bit older than you, I think, so let me educate you on some simple truths.” Though their heights were equal, Celestia seemed to rise up to look into Chrysalis’ eyes. “You think that control equals power. True power is something far more wonderful, and something you will cannot have. You were defeated by something that you don’t--and never will--understand: pure love.
“You feed upon it, but you don’t feel it, do you? You have thousands of subjects, and if they loved you at all, you wouldn’t need Equestria or the ponies that live there. You cannot feed off each other because you don’t feel. That’s why you don’t understand how you were driven from MY home. The pure love that Shining Armor and Cadence shared was something so alien to you that even your own vampiric power couldn’t handle it. It was love that defeated you, Chrysalis.”
The black queen smiled, pushing her face towards the white Princess. “You seem so wise, Celestia, knowing all about what defeated me. Yet, you came here alone. Unguarded. Is that so wise?”
“It does appear that way, yes.” Celestia answered calmly.
“Well, don’t color me ungrateful. Having you as a hostage will be wonderful leverage to once more gain control of Equestria so that my horde can feast themselves fat on the corpses of those that you rule.”
“That isn’t going to happen.” Beneath the calm of the alicorn’s voice, a fire was rising.
“Isn’t it? I’ve already beaten you once, and that was in your own castle. You are standing in my home, princess, surrounded by thousands of my faithful drones. This is an already established outcome.”
Celestia took a deep breath. “So, are you willing to discuss the terms of your surrender?”
Laughter erupted once again in the room. “I will not surrender to the likes of you! I will crush you and return to Canterlot with your chained body on the front of my carriage!”
Celestia’s smile was not one of joy. “I came here wanting peace. Trying to create a way for our people to co-exist alongside each other.” She leaned in and lowered her voice so that only Chrysalis could hear her. “But I was actually hoping that you would say something like that.”
Rage gripped the changeling queen once again, and a beam of green power shot from her horn, striking the sun goddess squarely and sending her sprawling into--and through--the railing on the balcony, tumbling over the side and falling.
An air of expectation accompanied the black mare as she walked to the destruction on her balcony, prepared to see the fallen body of her foe damaged and broken far below. That wasn’t the case.
Hovering several feet below the broken rail, her mighty wings beating steadily to keep her aloft, was the princess of Equestria, her face painted with determination. “I decided to give you one free shot, since it is your kingdom.” She said. “Now it’s my turn.”
The princess' horn became a fragment of the sun, glowing with brilliance too intense to look at directly. The footing beneath Chrysalis crumbled as a ray of intense power launched out. The odd structural materials broke apart, sending fragments of varying sizes ground-ward. The queen’s insect-like wings rapidly beat as the world spun and twisted to her perceptions.
The horizon leveled as instinct kicked in, but a brilliant flash of bright power pressed the advantage against her. Carapace met the hardened pulp of the hive, and Chrysalis felt the impact shudder through her body. Familiarity provides opportunity, however, and green secretions seeped over the queen’s feet, giving her a foundation for the moment. She scanned the skies for her enemy.
The shadow above was falling out of the sky. The Equestrian would be on top of the changeling in moments, perhaps to deliver the final blow. The queen sent out green energy to grasp one of the larger chunks of her own balcony, launching it to intercept the descending princess.
Mass and momentum met in mid-air, with the sun goddess losing the challenge. The alicorn went sideways and then downwards, spiraling towards the ground. Chrysalis’ feet slipped free of the hive, confident that she would soon catch and finish her pale enemy. She didn't.
Hinderance became advantage as Celestia turned into her descent, her motion becoming a blur as the ground approached. Pulling out before hitting the ground, a loop righted her, but faster than her foe could follow. A dozen tendrils of light flashed out, blazing through the stale air of the chasm. The light was everywhere around Chrysalis, her eyes finally bringing into focus the shape of glowing bars connected on all sides and both above and below, trapping her.
“Minions! To me!” The dark queen called out, and dozens of drones flew to her at once, throwing themselves against the cage. Like moths on a flame, the smaller flying changelings burst apart in fire, screaming as they fell. The queen smiled, seeing the light bars flicker. A sphere of green detonated from the powerful mare at its core, shattering the ensnaring magic. It was enough of a delay to change the scope of the fight, as Celestia closed upon her opponent.
“You use your people, Chrysalis. You don’t care for them.” The sun goddess accused, her horn scraping against the malformed spire on the changeling queen’s forehead.
White and green magic rained down, casting a bright glow of sickness over the area. Changelings turned away, as watching the display became too painful, even as their queen spoke. “Because they are mine to use, princess. It’s something you will never understand.”
One horn slipped from the other, muzzles brushed each other for a moment in surprise as the queen moved towards her goal. With a smooth, practiced motion, dark fangs sunk into the white alicorn’s flesh.
Celestia screamed. More than just blood seeped from the wound, and her time to act was slipping away with every drop.
A muffled laugh came from Chrysalis as she felt her enemy’s strength bleeding into her own.
“You...will not...win!” Celestia forced out. Her horn became a beacon of power, calling to the source of her power above. Falling from the heavens themselves, a spire of pure sunlight came down, striking on top of the pair.
The chasm rippled. Drones flew against their own power, overcome by something greater than themselves. By the time the light faded, only one figure was still standing.
“It is over.” Celestia leaned down, placing her horn at Chrysalis’ throat. “You will now LISTEN to the terms of your surrender.”
“...I...will...not...” The queen began, only to feel the horn of the sun goddess push against her flesh, it’s tip glowing with power.
“You WILL!” The alicorn said. “This is no longer a discussion.”
The Equestrian’s eyes told the tale of this battle. Chrysalis’ eyes shifted down and away from the victor’s.
“Good.” Celestia said. “You and your changelings will no longer be allowed into Equestria. Any violation of that law will lead to immediate harsh repercussions. Or, to put it more simply, if you or any of yours come back into my homeland, I will be back. And if I come back...”
A thin line of blood appeared on the queen’s neck at the point where the horn met flesh. “I. WILL. END. YOU.”
She pulled back and looked down at the fallen queen. “Am I clear, Chrysalis?”
The changeling’s hoof came up to the wound on her throat. Her head moved in agreement, even though her words were still defiant. “I beat you once. I can do it again.”
“You beat me because Shining Armor’s love is that pure. That true. And you can never have that. I saw your eyes when our first battle began. You thought you were going to lose. You knew my power then, and you understand that power now.” Celestia looked at the army of drones surrounding them. “All of these subjects, and none of them care for you at all. You rule out of fear, Chrysalis.” She looked back at the queen. “I rule out of love. I would never let my subjects come to harm. They love me, and the very least I can do is hope to love them half as much in return.”
“You won’t get out of here alive. Do you really think my minions won’t take you down?” The defeated mare spat.
Celestia was bleeding, bruised, and battered. The scars of the violent battle covered her flesh, but they didn’t overcome her regal demeanor. Chrysalis saw a weakened foe, ready to be destroyed. Every other creature in the chasm saw the truth.
“How can you think that they won’t stop you?” The changeling queen asked with hatred.
Celestia shook her head. “The real question is: how can you think that they will?” She took four steps and then turned back one last time. “I have to go now. Luna and the army are waiting for me. You see, I did not come here totally alone. It took all of my charm to keep my sister and a legion of troops from marching in here. They are waiting right outside this chasm, ready to bury this place if I don’t return soon. Luna is especially upset, seeing as how you and yours were able to keep what was happening in Canterlot a secret from her. She felt guilt over not being there to help when she was most needed. She also understood why I needed to come in here alone.
“I wanted to prove to you that I didn’t need them. That I can indeed protect my subjects.” Fire burned in the goddess’ eyes. “Pray you don’t see me again, Chrysalis.”
As the sun goddess walked, the drones parted, giving her a wide berth. With a single beat of her wings, she took flight, rising into the sky. The nimbus of light returned, glowing like a small sun as she left the ground. Soon, there was nothing more than a speck on the horizon.
Chrysalis watched, her teeth gnashing and her eyes afire. Slowly, she rose to her hooves, stumbling. Three drone came over to catch her, only to fall away with a swift swat of her hoof. They scurried away.
Celestia’s words ran through her head. Her own subjects feared her. If they loved her she would have true power. A scowl grew on her lips. The words of the Equestrian continued to work through, driving into her again and again. A light extinguished the fire inside, her eyes widened and her lips curled upwards, first into a sneer and eventually into a wide smile.
“Why, you are exactly correct, princess. Thank you. Thank you for your wise counsel. It is good to know that you are the most beloved being in all of Equestria. And it is good to know that I was thinking too small.”
Her wings beat, tenuously pulling her into the air, defying the wounds that would keep her down.
“You are the key. They ALL love you, so all I have to do is replace you and their love will feed me until I am the most powerful creature alive. And then I will destroy all that you love, one by one, starting with those pathetic newlyweds and finishing with that meddlesome purple unicorn. And I will make you watch it all.”
Her voice grew, her body rising higher.
“So, thank you, Celestia. If it takes another twenty years I will have my revenge, and you have given me the plan. Your body and the love given to you will be mine--and then, Equestria will fall. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I see another perfect day in my future!”
Laughter echoed long across the walls of the chasm.
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Very good.
Nice.
Since FimFiction's a hugbox and I was getting enough of these Chrysalis fictions, I decided to check on one that was NOT romance.
I'll track this one down, this storyline has potential. Better to add dark -tag if needed.
Chryslestia?
Its good. WRITESEQUELWHERECHRYSALISREVEALSHERSECONDPLAN.
493555 It's complete.
Story! Y u complete?!
Oh well, what's there is really well done. Though a Dark tag would be warranted, as it is a pretty violent battle and death is present.
Very nice, seeing chyrs come back would be cool as she was just exiled not truly defeated. Anywho great story thumbs up.
oops, forgot to post the comment i left.
anyway, it was about me praising Celestia getting even. but something more differnet, what this guy BronyReymond has a point, it's sequil wrothy.
EDIT: fixed the W to an M.
EDIT 2: got rid of the "the".
so there is going to be a part2? i really want to see that plan in action
Oh i like this, ever seen a few days after the episode was arid, this site have bean flooded whit chrysalis short story's like this, and to my surprise an overwhelming majority of them shipping/romance story's, whit her found in the forest weekend by her deffet and someone taking her in and helping her etc.. and its already getting old after just a few days,
and to say i never relay accepted her as a good candidate for shipping because of her character/personality displayed in the show, and not to mention her race´s diet, but that may ore may not change in the future.
So when i saw a non romantic story featuring Chrysalis whit i jump at it straight away, and it was a good fun interesting read, the vampiric thing was also an interesting variation from the show.
normally i who´d end this whit "keep the chapters comign" or something along there lines but sens this was short story and your dune whit it,
i'll leave with a job well done instead, and here have a few pinkies
very original (though it bogles the mind that certain Chrysalis stories already have formed cliche's)
also like the cliffhanger ending.
Thanks for all the kind words, guys.
I know there are a LOT of Chrysalis stories out there right now, but I couldn't help myself. After I watched the finale--okay, after I watched it for the third time, this story just got stuck in my head. I wanted to make it go away, but...well, I'm just glad everypony is enjoying it.
And I doubt I write a sequel to it, but you never know. I tend to let these things grow legs in my head... (Might wait for Chrysalis Fever to die down a bit, though, even if I do continue it.)
493616
Oh, it seems it is. Hurrdurr me.
It was labeled as incomplete when I read it
Even if Chrysalis obviously hadn't just gone insane, I wonder if Celestia appreciates she's sentenced the changelings to a slow death by starvation.
499810 She did gave the queen Changeling choice to live in peace and co-exist with the rest of ponykind, unfortunately, Chrysalis made the wrong choice and made Celestia angry (I doubt the alicorn of the sun will appreciate the harsh decision she has made.)
499810 Then again, no one ever said it has to be STRICTLY pony love they eat.
Oh geeze. I can just see Twilight exposing Chryselestia, and she chases her around the castle half-in half-out of Celestia form. They break out into the main gardens, and everypony holding a party outside the hedge maze looks all shocked and aghast. They panic and begin running around. Chryselestia manages to herd them back into the palace. The guards and Twilight close the door, but then Chryselestia blows it off its hinges, sending them flying. Panting and dripping with exhaustion, with hedgebits everywhere on her chest and back, almost creating a makeshift cloak about her body, she can only think of one thing to shout at the panicked crowd.
"
YOU'RE.....GOING......TO 
LOOOOOOOOOVE 
MEEEEEEEE 
"
I like the explanation you give for her defeat. I just wish it were in the show proper. My initial reaction was pretty ragey. It seemed like such an ass-pull. The show's target audience might have accepted it right off but some old jaded fart like me? Oh yeah, definitely should have had it just blow Chrysalis into the wall instead of far into the forest instead, so Celestia could explain it to her (and us old coots) before sending her on her way all beaten and bruised.
Based on what was revealed of changelings during the episode I fully expected her to just kind of absorb that love blast and be like "...Well? What do you think I was draining off him, hmm?" Maybe I put too much logic into it but I was kind of wondering about that the whole day after.
>>using scientific method of analysis on MAGIC, especially LOVE magic
I am such an egghead.
Okay, now this is Celestia! I... sorta agree with the reasoning on why/how Chrysalis won, but it still sticks in my gut. Seeing Celly take out Sally? Pure. Win.
If the show played violence, I would love it if this were an episode. And in a way, this is cannon to me.
I love the fact that Chrysalis neglected Princess Luna. She's BEEN corrupted, KNOWS her sister, and would recognize the switch in an instant. But yeah, this is a great fic. I wanted to see Celestia kick Chrystina's ass so badly.
one warning and only one for you chrysalus. you can scare and terrify twilight maybe even hurt her but you do not i repeat do not ever try and hurt her loved ones and piss her off otherwise you are looking at the most powerfull magical being ever to exist in equestria save nightmare moon. so be afraid be verry afraid.
That battle was INTENSE!
I was looking for something else when I came upon this story. I am so glad I did. Celestia finally proved she could kick some flank.
I don't know if you plan to write a sequel, but I hope to find out about it if you do.
Emm... Princess? You do realize that this queen is not going to stop coming at Equestria until it's overrun, do you? You had a chance to end her threat once and for all. You had the legitimate legal and moral authority to carry it out on the spot! At least petrify her or something! But no, you count on Queen Chrysalis being 'honorable' enough to adhere to a paperless peace treaty saying she will not attack again.
It's one thing about Equestria upholding ideals of friendship and mercy, it's another to apply to someone who doesn't regret her actions and care less about it.
Let's hope Princess Celestia will uphold her end of the bargain when they foiled Chrysalis' inevitable comeback:
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/123/6/e/beheaded_by_celestia_by_nightshroud-d4ygk6h.jpg
1002764 I don't see Celestia as a killer. She came there to make a point, and she did. And she couldn't petrify her: that was done using the Elements of Harmony, which she no longer possesses. (Same with the "TO THE MOOOOOON!" trick.) So, she made her point and did what she felt was right.
And on the concept of ideals: as soon as your ideals stop applying to everything as a whole, they are no longer ideals. They become loose guidelines that can be followed when you feel them appropriate. Big difference. Celestia is going to follow her ideals. Chrysalis won't, however. They are fairly diametrically opposed. And that's what makes them good rivals, IMO.
But I guess we will see what happens in the sequel, won't we...
Oh, and one more thing: I LOVE that picture.
1004257 Sorry to disappoint, that pic isn't mine. I liked it too.
...sooooooo... "Round Three", maybe?
1293739 Actually, that's what I'm planning on writing when my current story is finished.
Very well done! I didn't expect a battle scene when I clicked on this. I like the exposition- stories where the thoughts and motivations of characters are expanded upon always interest me.
Now I have to queue up all your other stories, so don't rush on the next set- I'm running out of free tiime here!
Ooh, very nice. TV Tropes brought me here for the epic verbal beatdown, pleasantly surprised to see a physical one too. It does suck since I was planning something similar in a fix/exposition fic. I guess I could go for a World of Cardboard Speech.
Also, neat bit on the changelings doubling as vampires. Now I have ideas for two of my fics! (yes, I have way too many projects for my own good)
Thumbed, shared.
I adore you. You have officially removed about HALF the suckiness of ACW for me!
519134 Pure Win indeed
Alright I searched for this fic after coming across some artwork dipectng Celestia fighting Chrysalis:Celesita and Chrysalis fight, damn this is epic. Yeah I don't see Celestia a killer, or at least not in the cold blooded variety, but do see her doing what she can to protect Equestria even if that means picking up her sword and wielding it against her foes.
Come on Chrysalis, try to call her bluff... I dare ya.
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/335/2/1/second_round_by_famosity-d5mrfv1.png
1720045. Damn! I like that art. Who did it?
And thanks for the kind words.
1723056 Famosity of Deviantart, have the link n the comment I made before I posted the picture
1724941 DOH!
Yes you do, and I was just too blind to see it. I'm a fan of Famosity's work, already, too, I just hadn't seen this piece yet. Thanks for sharing it!
1732686
Not a problem Nom, happy to share pictures of Celestia being a badass.
I saw next to no plot. Good combat, but that was it. Also, you seemed to switch between the drones being mindless, and them being scared subjects.
1872141 You're right. The plot is very minimal. It's a scene, built on the plot of the wedding episode, and definitely not a stand-alone story. This came about as a mix of me wanting to see something like this happen, and a desire to write an action scene. If I do the sequel--which I most likely will after the current piece I'm working on--it WILL have a plot, though.
The changeling thing, I don't see. Not saying it isn't there, just that I don't see it. But I'll watch for that in the future.
I almost forgot about this little gem.
It's nice to see it again.
2587632. Thank you. I hope to write more stuff like this in the not too distant. Maybe even the oft rumored sequel.
This looks really promising, and I look forward to seeing more.
Celestia and Chrysalis were both in character. And the Changeling hive was very well explored in all it's disgusting glory.
The fight scene was amazing.
Although one thing that really bothered me was how you decided to end this chapter.
You have Chrysalis monolouge her evil plan to the reader. Which is both clunky and a bad move.
It would have been a lot better to just tell us that Chrysalis had an idea, and then ravel in the "genius" of her own scheme. That would create suspension for further chapters. And leave the reader wondering just what this "idea" of hers really was. Not to mention, the delivery on the monolouge itself was a bit clunky.
But all in all, you're off to a good start. I, for one look forward to seeing more.
Very good story.
nice story........... the monologue at the end is flawed. also delusional. it is one thing to replace a young alicorn princess yet to find her place. another to replace a millennium old alicorn who rules the nation and who has Luna at her side at all times. she would see through chrysalis in an instant. for she knows her tricks, and none can truly fool the regent of mystery itself; princess of the night.
through all of this it was like tia couldn't really understand just much dumbluck there was in Chryssie's defeat in Canterlot
Its kind of weird for Celestia to make moral high ground claims about how the changelings are ruled out of fear and why that difference makes Tia the better pony, only to declare that all changelings are to starve to death. It can be argued as necessary but it still is genocide to block the changelings from their food so completely.
4564497 Hmm. Valid point!
4565079 Thank you for taking my comment so well, I dont see that very often on this site.
This story was black and white to the point of pure boredom. A completely simplistic view of the concepts of good and evil. The characters and dialogue are cliche to the max. Celestia was completely OOC (that is more of a personal nag than a critical one) and none of this story was particularly entertaining. Your grammar and spelling was high quality and your descriptions of events through the story were detailed and fluid. 4/10 (just my opinion)