• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 28th, 2020

Charliebbarkin


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Sunset Shimmer has finally returned to Princess Celestia after thirty moons in the other world. Will Celestia give her former student a second chance? Or will Sunset's dreams be dashed forever?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

eh... I dunno seems like a awful LOT for Sunset to go though just to steal Celestia's regalia because it MIGHT be magical, and I have a feeling it isn't, pretending to have changed then blowing up the portal? Seems like a plan she didn't think through.

Great story, very touching :twilightsmile:
Well... until the end anyway.

I honestly fail to see the comedy in it. The way I read it was a mare who came back and apologized to her mentor, only to backstab her once again, which is in no way funny...

5173443 I think just the same. And it doesn't really seem like a good plan anyway. If she wants to be a princess, why return to the human world? She could've killed Celestia in her sleep and proclamed herself a princess, then be overthrowned by the upcoming Nighmare Moon and blah blah blah...

I guess maybe it wasn't clear from the story, but what Sunset did was her backup plan in case Celestia refused to accept her as a student again. Sunset didn't want this outcome, but it was plan B if all else failed.

After going back and reading it.. Yea I think I clearly missed where there was even at attempt at humor or how feigning sincerity and regret so you can steal jewelry from someone who trusted you is touching.

5175469 I think the very last part is funny :twilightsmile: If there was a 'heartwarming' tag, I'd use it, but Comedy and Slice of Life is the closest I could find.

Sunset's motivations are left open to interpretation on purpose, but I feel that Sunset was sincerely regretful and apologetic, and still Celestia didn't take her back. Had Celestia accepted Sunset back as her student, none of this would have happened.

...ending ruins it.

5177585 Definitely, it had me up until that point.

5175503 Well, I can also think of that as the case, I would have liked to have thought that this was the case.

5173260 At least, she could get some money this way

5173721 If I were to give an honest review on what you did wrong, I'd say that people didn't find the ending funny because the beginning was too convincing. You had people honestly thinking this was a redemption story, only to throw all of it under the bus with the out of nowhere ending mood killer. This is a form of mood whiplash, and not one of the good types. If you don't get it here

Fiction often has far extremes. They cover the gamut of emotion, from tragedy to comedy. Sometimes, these two will be so close together that they make the viewer's head spin! Done well, the contrast in moods can make each emotion all the more poignant and effective. Done poorly, the contrast can jar the reader/viewer right out of the story.

Its worse with a character like Sunset who just had a redemption arc in canon. Maybe if you had a middle part where Sunset seriously contemplates stealing her stuff. This would make it apparent that this wasn't her first intentional coarse of action, but rather an impulse after being denied. As you have it now it looks like this was her intention from the start and everything before was a lie.

Also the fact that Celestia was out of character.

Keep in mind that I'm not an official reviewer or anything, This is just my two cents

5180850 Okay, thanks. I hadn't heard of mood whiplash before. Maybe if I would have foreshadowed what sunset was doing, or showed her doing it rather than it being a surprise, that would get rid of the mood whiplash. I think I'll also write a short epilogue to show what Sunset does with her....items.

5181544 Those ideas would indeed help some. :yay:

Obvious trollfic is obvious.

5185111 It's not a trollfic, you jerk. I'm in the process of updating it to make her motivations more clear, but I'm not done yet. And besides...Sunset has a canon history of doing this sort of thing. How'd you like it if I called your stories trollfics?

5185143 If this wasn't intended as a trollfic, I'm honestly surprised. I had wondered why a story that seemed to be so heartfelt and touching was getting so many downvotes until I saw that ending. Hell, I was prepared to defend this story and compliment it despite it being relatively sloppy on the writing end of thing...until that ending.

Because that's a trollfic ending, and there's no possible way you can justify it.

Alright, I have improved the story :) Hopefully it'll stop getting so many down votes now.

5186935 Maybe you could add a part where Celestia sees the passage of the book that Sunset purposely left open?

I can see why some would not like this fic, Celestia was way OOC, but I think that's what makes it funny. It starts out like a typical Sunset apologizes fic, then WHAM sudden story sucker punch!

Don't worry about the many downside votes, if you like your story and some people like it also, then that should be proof enough that it's not a bad one. I can understand that the ending is probably the reason of the many downside votes, but I also think that everyone would react different to it. I for example, had 3 different reactions:
1) I was surprised and a little mad that it didn't turn out fully to be a redemption story, so I re-read to see if I had missed something. :derpyderp2:
2) I couldn't help but crack a smile at the thought of Sunset planning out in the blur of the moment what to do to leave a mark. (second time I re-read the story) :pinkiesmile::raritywink:
3) I'm laughing at this point at Celestia's reaction as while it IS way OOC, it makes it funny! :trollestia: there are not many stories I've seen where they make her OOC so every story is a whole new point of view. :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

In overall, I like the story a lot. You got a vote in favor an a place in my favorites. I'll probably be returning to this story frequently. :rainbowlaugh::heart::pinkiehappy:

8120518 Thanks much! I'm glad you liked the story :)

I have to say, while I am disappointed with this Celestia, I am much happier with this ending.

Now that?
That i can understand Happening
sunset is silent
Also she is really not doing well

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