She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.
This story is a sequel to The Chase
The city of Vanhoover is having the worst winter storm in generations as Mignon Croix has to make his way home from the grocery store. Along the way home, he finds something that will change his life forever, but only if he will take the chance.
Reading The Chase is helpful but not necessary to enjoy this story.
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Is it bad I cackled when I read theses parts?
5170749
The subject matter felt really heavy... I went back and added those moments as a sort of breather. I have no idea if they were a good idea or not. I'm really worried about them.
I povoted because you wrote it. And you're awesome.
5170755 I have to say they did their duty, they didn't take away from the overall feeling and I (as said previously) found them quite funny and refreshing actually.
It's a pretty good story so far. You have given us a strong main character, a helpless victim (which I already feel a mite attached to), as well as an allusion to the fact that Mignon is isn't as much of a snob as his kin, also I couldn't stop laughing when twilight snatch was used in vain causing her to drop her coco
Yes. "Escorting." That's certainly one way to put it.
In any case, I'm curious to see where you go here, especially given the blog that lead up to this story.
(Also, I appreciate the data provided about after the Griffon Diplomacy arc via the wonder that is the profane psychic twinge.)
Looking forward to more.
Mignon's lungs
I see where you're going with this. You just wrote a blog post about this type of scenario.
Enjoying this a lot!
Random comments.
coat? Fur?
Though I can see ponies using skin too.
Perhaps 'through his damp coat' ?
is there a reason not to use hail?
one-bedroom
magic. There
then lay - perhaps lose all the 'she/her' from this sentence?
Off-topc - has anyone had issues where simply pressing 'i' or 'b' will start italic or bold?
Mignon has gained my interest. I shall read this, follow it, and enjoy it.
I loved those parts. Very amusing. Can't wait for chapter 2.
So she has blackmail/porn of her friends?
In all seriousness, I think you've done a very good job with this start. Being male myself, I don't understand the prejudice that you mentioned in your previous journal. That said, I do have to deal with it myself as I spend part of my off time dealing with kids between 12 and 18 years of age, some of which are female. Personally, I don't think you need to worry about it in this so far... especially as you've seemingly (to my mind) subverted it with his reaction to bathing Maggie.
Upvote for being willing to tackle a subject/content that many people may be uncomfortable with, damned to those who get the willies. Upvote also for how you are handling the subject so far. This is going on the watch list, but not yet the fave as I want to see where it goes.
I am intrigued, I just have two questions
1: wat was twilight doing with Coco?
And 2:does Rarity kno?
5170942
A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend will be there to help you breed...
5170948
Twi is experimenting with all the possible abilities of her horn(iness), eh?
Twi: Hrm... I wonder if my horn can perform the same duties as a stallion. Don't want to try it on Rainbow.... Hey Coco, come here and let me try something!
Oh great you decided to write it anyway! And... oh wow things are awful. Oh wow things are really really awful.
Yeah... trying to break up the horrible despondency with some levity, especially when the scene isn't supposed to be too intense is good.
But... oh no the other orphans.
There might not even be the resources to care for them, even if others were motivated to help.
... But y'know what, at least rats are solvable with some elbow grease and pummeling, even if food and warmth might be more difficult.
5170985
5170963
Sentinel will actually be making an appearance in this story. Along with Sunset Shimmer.
5170963
Rats are also solveable by lunar pegasi.
Get a few lunar guards there ASAP!
I upvoted because I like the story so far. I read your reason why you are worried by this story and I suppose you are right to be. However, you can't let such concerns stop you. There is nothing wrong with being nice to small pony. Lol
Upvote ´cause i´m a stalker.
...errrrrrrrr, i meant, ´cause it´s interesting to have a different view from everything that is happening in Equestria, different from our favorite herd. How the common pony is enduring during all this.
Nope, not creeper at all !
I strangely found this part very cute XD like a father's first time with their first baby girl.
5170994
It solves both the food AND the pest problem.
Well... solves the food problem for some.
5170869
You a Yooper, too?
5170755
Appears to me that your readers are liking this story, but then a lot of us are creepy guys who eat this stuff for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when you put it out.
5171131
Damn. Have fun this winter.
I live in Iron County and just out of curiosity, how was your summer? We didn't even have one this year.
5171150
It was like spring up here for six months, didn't get much above 70 the whole time. There were a couple of days where it almost got to 90. but it never did and this past week it's been cloudy and cold. Winter's gonna be a bitch again.
up vote. needs a dark tag, also the best description you have written in a wile. i love your stuff but some times i am slow to read because your descriptions drive me away you were on chapter 80+ before i started the chase
5171247
Description?
Seems like this will be an interesting one.
Upvoted, because it still holds the same level of quality that the rest of your work does. Waiting to see where this goes.
I want more. If you where to provide more at your leisure then that would be awesome.
Why is it that I want to find the matron of the orphanage and smack that mare with a brick..........must be the overprotective papa in me
*howls to the winter moon *
That first part's pretty smart, telling us this guy isn't that into sex n' stuff.
So, chase-verse, using the name of a... Popular pony In a curse gives them some feeling.
Short story? Bullpoop to that!
You worry too much about how a story like this will be received, I think. If you have a story to tell, a story you need to share, then do it and let those of us that greatly enjoy The Chase decide. Personally, this is a fantastic start to a heart-wrenching, and hopefully heartwarming, story.
Methinks you were worrying too much. This was a good story.
5171252
description the thing that you see before you read the story after the title but before the chapters. :)
Kudzu the Chase isn't something that you should write to please your fans anymore. (You really don't have to worry about this anymore anyway.) The Chase is now a story that has so many different sides that all need to be told even if they might turn some people away from it. When you have a story idea from now on I think you should do like you did with this one, pitch it to your fans so they can give you input on it, and just is general help you write it like with the Chase. If you have a story idea at least put it out there for those of us who want more of the slice-of-life of the Chase-verse.
This is gonna be a bittersweet story isn't it? Fave and a like from me, keep up the good work :D you're one of the few authors on this site that regularly send out anything deep like this, and yet you're worried the quality will be bad when your "bad" is better than most people's best.
On a separate note... I'm gonna troll Luna starting... now. LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA OH FOR CELESTIA'S IMPOSSIBLE HAIR'S SAKE LUNA LUNA BUCKY LUNA DAMN IT MANE SIX... let's see them spaz to that long list of vain usage of their name. Hee hee. I just hope Pinkie doesn't break the fourth wall and come take revenge on me though...
5171096 Which raises the question - can ponies (ordinary ones) eat meat - even well-cooked in stews say - and get any nutrition from it.
I rather like how this is playing out. Once again, you illustrate how the world isn't all happy and well, Kudz.
Also, the tidbits about Twi and Bucky are probably one of the funniest things I've read from you. ((Drunk Bucky is still funniest Bucky
))
5171764
that list didn't read as list of swears so much as that one scene in Family Guy where Stewie keeps saying variations on "mom".
If you want to get Luna's attention you have to shout something actually relevant to Luna's character or body. I.E. "By Luna's great eclipsing plot...."
FInding a cold, hungry, and/or jobless griffon to help out at the orphanage could help with the foals eaten by rats problem.
5172351
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5172351 I just wanted the most iterations of her name used in vain as possible. What causes the feeling isn't swearing, it's using the name in vain.
5171155
Instigate harder.
5172634
Okay.
**goes off to write more stories**
5172367
I'd be worried about A) how hungry the Griffin/Gryphon is, and B) if it would view eating the foals as a mercy or morally wrong.
5172351
5172382
Here are a few choice ones for Luna....
By Luna's Silken Midnight teats!
By Luna's velvety folds!
By Luna's unexplored rear entrance!
By Luna's full moon!
(And for us fans of 'To Dance in Shadow')
Luna taking a Fudge Turnover that was fun!
Thank you and goodnight
*Drops mic and walks toward the set*
Fluffer!
5172701
obviously bringing in a griffon is a temporary solution at this point.
Eventually the gryphon will either successfully kill all of the rats, or the prescence of a predator will encourage them to leave. But it would still probably reduce the immediate and rather horrific problem of orphan foals being eaten and/or killed by rats.
On another note, assuming the griffin does not actively kill the foals, there would still likely be a period of time where foals are dying and the griffon could potentially eat the dead foal. This raises yet more questions about whether the dead child should be buried or if the orphanage should allow the corpse to be used to help feed the griffon.
Issues like trauma for the already cold, starving, and terrified foals knowing that if one of them dies by rat bite, starvation, or from the cold, that griffin over there that is supposed to be protecting them from being eaten by rats may eat them instead. Or if the live-in griffin situation becomes long-term employment after the harsh winter, there would still be the issue of the foals knowing that that griffin over there ate the roommate you used to play with after he/she died. That's not easy to forget.
5172783
Going with the thought that Equestria at the moment is fairly close to Victorian period England I could see the griffin/gryphon eating the dead foals and the caregivers not really giving a, and pardon the terrible phase that doubles as a terrible pun, rat's ass about it.
If Charles Dickens writing is anything to go off of, when thinking about the orphanages in Equestria, then we've got to consider the fact that the caregivers themselves are overworked, underpaid, and expected to to care for more orphans than their buildings could realistically handle.
With this being the case the mortality rate of the foals in the care of these orphanages are going to be high. I would estimate somewhere in the area of four to five out of every ten, and that's being generous. Most ponies, Bucky and Twilight included, aren't thinking about this because they're not seeing it first hand. Still, that's the just the orphanages/group homes. That's not including worse things or situations.
I'm fairly certain there are ponies out there so desperate that they have, or would, sell their children into slavery. The world, even Equestria, is the way it is. All of the glitter, sunshine, and rainbows coming out of everyponies' bottom will only go so far. Under it all there is a world of corruption, and that corruption is always going to exist.
There will always be a black market, there will always be organized crime, and there will always be shady deals that end up with someone getting fucked pretty hard. Sad as it is. I see this in the world Kudzuhaiku has created. A world that looks beautiful on the outside, but once you get past the pretty Pony Princesses, and the friendship is magic, you find the undertow that exists.
Bucky could get rid of quite a bit of the corruption, but not all of it, and if he did it would only leave that section he didn't get rid of to fester and grow. The same goes for Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight. The best thing they can do is let a few different groups of these organizations exist to balance each other out...
Wow... I got way off topic! Sorry!
But yeah I could see both benefits and cons of having a griffin/gryphon working there.