Luna has been redeemed by the elements of harmony, but is finding that salvation is harder to come by. Ponies avoid her, the memories of Nightmare Moon still fresh in their minds. Additionally, after a thousand years of solitude and silence, she’s having trouble adjusting to life in noisy, crowded, living Equestria.
Change never happens easily, and Luna struggles despite the help of her sister and new friends, failing as much as she succeeds.
Perhaps the Moon, her prison for so very long, is truly where Luna belongs after all.
Chapters (13)
It's been done before, and likely will be done again, but that being said, this is quite lovely so far, Now I'm interested to see where this goes.
The premise certainly won't win any bonus points for originality, but at least the writing is technically sound.
Following.
You've done a good job with expressing their emotions, and have caught my interest. I want to see where you'll go from here.
Well written so far, but I'm a little confused on when this is. It seemed like shortly after the first episode, but Twilight says that she's done extensive research about friendship. It seems like late S3 Twilight, but early S1 Luna.
5170569
5170113
Thanks for the comments. I don't claim to be particularly clever, nor do I claim this story is very original, but I hope there is enough craft in the writing to keep you reading until the end.
Who knows. I may just surprise you by the journey's end. (Probably not)
5171212
Thanks for the ffnet review. I'm not getting nearly the feedback there that I am here.
5173133
That's mostly on purpose. I didn't want to be locked into the series continuity. If I were pressed, I might claim this was late S1~early S2, or maybe that it was AU. Besides, who knows what Twilight meant by 'extensive research'. Extensive research might just be in the eye of the beholder. :)
In any event, I hope you all keep reading. I plan on posting a new chapter every weekend.
Thank you all very much for your time and feedback.
Awww finally, another technically-sound TwiLuna!
The common Tuna formula is wide open for all to see here (Luna is sad and dejected, Twilight is employed by Celestia to be her friend, they meet while watching the night sky, PL asks to be called "Luna" almost instantaneously, "You need a friend"), but despite that, this is looking rather promising.
The writing is solid, with touches of eloquence, and has a nice flow to it. There is elaboration and detail while being succinct and efficient.
However, if there's one thing I'm worried about, it's the same fault most Tuna's in this common vein succumb to: conflict-maintenance.
The conflict of "Luna needs a friend" can be solved within 200 words, and stretching it out only makes it feel contrived. So, perhaps consider adding some depth to your conflict (On a another note: I have no clue about your plans for this story, and I wouldn't be surprised if you have the aforementioned advice already planned out. This is just my critique). For example, this could be Luna wanting to be friends, but can't because of her odd phobia of straight manes. Therefore, the story could have a longer hold, as we would have to watch Luna surpass her phobia in order to become friends.
But yes, regardless of your plot choices, I am impressed and excited to read more. The best of luck!
Welcome to the Tuna Family~
Habanc
5175681
Huh. I must be reading all the wrong fics, because I honestly had no idea this was a 'thing'.
Well, regardless if my work is that derivative, I'm pretty much locked in at this point. It's written, and I'm going to plow ahead.
I can, however, make you these promises:
1. Luna isn't merely 'sad and dejected and in need of a friend.' If, by the end, you still think so, then I've failed to convey what I set out to.
2. Twilight's friendship is not the solution to Luna's problems. I tried to based this story on the real: real thoughts, real emotions, real experiences. In the realm of the real there are no magic bullets, no miracle pills, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to make money off of you. The magic of friendship is also seldom the solution to anyone's problems.
I hope that, despite the unfortunate derivative nature of the work, you keep reading, at least for a few chapters for things to get going. I'd be interested (or depressed) to know if this follows a formula I wasn't aware of.
Thanks for reading.
Well, this is refreshing. Maybe the others see generic TwiLuna written all over it, especially with the Romance tag attached, but I'd have held hope on this being different even without reading your responses in the comment section. This Luna seems less in need of a friend than a good answer to her current purpose in life. She has one already that she's decided on - a hidden game piece, powerful in her own right, but lacking in the will to become anything more. A... surprising inversion of her initial desire to gain the respect of the populace, but hey, she got hit by the Elements. With that desire purged, why would Luna want to insert herself into a system that annoys her and clearly went along just fine without her help over the last thousand years?
Here's a mustache to the hope that Twilight doesn't solve Luna's problem by friendship, but merely sets the ball rolling on a centuries-long recovery as Luna decides to acclimate herself to the world at an immortal's pace.
Punctuation needs tweaking, though. I'll get around to pointing it all out when I have more time this weekend.
This looks fairly interesting so far. I'm going to keep an eye on it.
It's too early to say if I like it enough for an upvote, but you have my attention.
5176527
Who's to say it got along just fine? I mean, sure they survived, but ponies can survive horrible things. Also, whether or not her problem can be/would be solved by friendship depends rather heavily on what the problem actually is.
5176222
So far you're dangerously close to an odd case of #1. Luna's refusal to interact with Twilight Sparkle suggests friend issues or an unwillingness to play a different role than she currently is. We'll see where you take it. As for #2, I think there's a danger in treading too far into the realms of the "real". What I mean by that is that what you think is "real" can be a matter of perceptions. Personally , I suspect that a fair amount of the misery in real life isn't because it's physically impossible to resolve, but because every human being has flaws. It's not insolvable, per say, we just can't resolve it ourselves or can only resolve some of it and with great difficulty. Depending on what you mean by the "magic of friendship", I'd say that it might be a cure, or at least a treatment for many ills (at least those that are externally inflicted or self created). I hope you actually have a reasonable problem for Luna that makes sense and doesn't feel like she's avoided friends just to keep having problems.
5176222
It's not that the usual TwiLuna route is inherently bad. It makes for a very nice, warm story.
However, I couldn't help but notice that this story has something special to it. Like some others here have hinted at, this chapter teases at something more than the usual Tuna shipfic. The writing has purpose, and it executes very well. There is more in mind than just "Oh we'll be friends and kiss and live happily ever after".
Yet, only given the first paragraph – and the admittedly known setup – I thought it'd be helpful to point out the similarities. I already mentioned that I have no clue what your plans are for this, so it's likely that my comment will be rendered null.
And you appear to be after my heart as we speak.
Emotional complexity, character depth, and... and do I smell a wisp of psychological conflict?
Yum. I'm going to hold you to those promises, zeus.
Really, Twilight should probably take advantage of this to get first hand information on how writing, speaking used to be. I mean, sure it's nice to acclimate to current conventions, but that doesn't mean there isn't any value in old things.
Here. Have like #50
Powerful work
What about the bat ponies? You'd think they, at least, wouldn't be afraid of Luna.
Firstly I wanted to say thanks for writing this, because this has given me something to do. you see I had an idea for a story, which involved princess luna, but I felt the story was lacking something. It was lacking depth, it was lacking personality. it was completely boring. Granted I have yet to write it yet, as it is only a idea in my mind, but your chapters have given me a reason to put pen to paper (literally since I want to work out all the details.)
anyways I probably sound like a raving LUNAtic (Ha see what I did there) but yea What you have now given me is a mindset for Princess Luna, granted not so dreary and hopeless, and sad and downright depressing. So thanks for that.
Keep writing and good luck
Hope there is more soon love this story
You are doing S1 Luna Justice. a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/r/princesslunaplz.png?2
Solid writing and a slow progress movement towards TwiLuna interaction which doesn't feel rushed.
Locking forward to more.
This was solid. It was a nice, smooth segue into their budding relationship, and introduced some wonderful character building on Luna's side of things.
I feel like the pace was too quick, though. The announcement that Luna was going to start interacting with Twilight could use some more emphasis and space to breathe, as otherwise it felt crammed. This is an important part of the story, and yet I don't feel like it received the attention it needed. The same "crammed" feeling applies to most dialogue, for instance:
Well, how does Celestia feel about this? Does she give her a look of sympathy, or perhaps encouragement? Does she understand the turmoil that Luna's going through, and simply nod at her and change the subject? You're doing well at putting in the parts of conversation that actually matter, that move the story and keep it concise, but its choppy. It's missing a tidy flow to make the words read like butter. My advice is, give your scenes and conversations some space to breathe, don't stop the film as soon as your lines are said. Give it another second or two to roll.
Additionally, I found that I was taken out of your story by this bit here:
First, and this is just a minor thing, but since Twilight is still talking and the subject isn't completely different, the first and second paragraphs should be conjoined into one. Second, and more importantly, this is quite a stretch for you to make on Luna's part. With some reinforcement, perhaps it'd be fine, but it's suddenness and lack of support makes it unrealistic. On the same note, you really don't need it. You could delete the third paragraph and it'd read well, if not better. At this point (I'm not neglecting the possibility of this idea playing a larger role later on) it doesn't really add anything to the story. It was an off-hand mention of Twilight's that evoked this reply that ultimately put a lot of question marks on your story.
If this concept of Luna being able to worm through her prison plays a bigger role later on in the story, I'd still recommend some space to draw out dialogue like this. It's a massive, world-changing fact that we're reading, and it'd need more build-up and reinforcement to make sure we buy it.
All in all, as I said, a solid chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I'll keep an eye out for more.
This is great, but wow do I hate Luna in this, she's so damn defensive, taking every opportunity to lash out at others, usually Twilight, who is a bit of a sensitive soul.
Her attitude needs work, Celestia better get on that quick.
5189688
I'd like to tell you that things will get better. Perhaps they will in time, but in such cases I would expect things to get worse before they get better. I hesitate to say much for fear of spoiling the plot.
I will tell you two things, however:
1. Luna's attitude can be read several ways, and stem from several causes, perhaps even more than one at a time.
2. Luna's attitude is not a problem Celestia can solve.
Solid start to a promising story. I like it. Different to many of the TwiLuna fics I've read and stronger than a great many shipping stories are in general.
Here's hoping for updates soon :twilight smile:
I'm intrigued as to where you will take these two.
5179679
5176222
I'd read your story but hadn't commented, and that's a shame. This is a wonderful start you've got going. Yes, it hits a few of the TwiLuna tropes, but it subverts them quite nicely too. Luna is lonely and angsty, Celestia sends Twilight to befriend her (while shipping TwiLuna herself), friendship ensues. Unlike in many early TwiLuna stories, Luna here responds not by busting into tears or being "cured" immediately (followed by confessions and kisses), but by rounding on Twilight, doubting her, shouting, and acknowledging her only begrudgingly. Good stuff, and from the setup it looks like it'll take a while to resolve. No instant romance here, no quick fixes, and that's a good thing because it'll keep IWTM fresh.
I'm hooked! Remind me to drop a blog post encouraging readers to give IWTM a read.
Also, 1000 bonus points for spotting something I don't think I've ever seen addressed, even in my own TwiLuna: your Luna is functionally illiterate. That's golden! Brilliant, and gives Twilight the "in" she needs, though it could easily make Luna more withdrawn or ashamed if Twilight's not careful. Really, I've never seen it done here, and it never even occurred to me. If anyone wonders how this could be real, check out a few samples of Old English circa 1020 AD vs. any 21st century American English. Grammar, vocabulary, even the alphabet were different. I can absolutely see Luna having serious difficulty with it - yet another cause for her withdrawl and melancholy. Good show, zeus_tfc! *
* Oddly enough, I posted an idea somewhat like this in the TwiLuna skype chat, about Luna being a relic, Rip Van Winkle style, waking up 1000 years later, now completely and utterly lost with Twilight the only one who'll treat her as anything but a museum curiosity. Nobody ever claimed the story idea, so I'm thrilled to see it (or something like it) found a home here!
5192856
Thanks for noticing! It's something I didn't want to overdo, lest it get annoying, but I felt I had to at least touch on logically.
As far a Rip Van Winkle goes, I was thinking more along the lines of Castaway, but both are applicable.
I like this story. A very interesting take on what on one aspect of what it must be like to displaced by 1000 years.
Thank you for writing it. I look forward to more.
Have Fluttershy meet Luna, TWILGIHT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?
Luna's reaction to Pinkie, priceless. Pinkie, you've pulled that party cannon out of your hair so how can you NOT have it.
Pinkie getting deep.
Why is rainbow dash suddenly an asshole this story?
5207422 Nothing is wrong with RD, it is just that she is uber protective of her friends, especially one she knew when she was little and presented with the living boggyman in the room of said friend scared RD took the situation wrong.
Good job Pinkie Pie, making ponies happy no matter what.
Not a Pinkie many authors can pull off convincingly, and you used her very well here. I continue to be impressed with every chapter of this story.
5207517
You mean the boogeyman they already know was cured by the harmony beam that's been through town and such for the while cured? She was just straight up being an A-hole from start to finish.
5207654 Cured yes, through town no. Also, remember RD is acting on instinct rather than calm logic and reasoning.
...I am personally surprised noone punched RD. She DESERVED IT. Seriously, she knows very well the whole "Nightmare Moon" thing is well in the past. She was THERE. But no, she acts like a total bitch and begins to THREATEN her.
I swear to god, RD needs to learn that was she does can HURT others.
5207760 You mean this cut out the parade Luna and Celestia had after she was hit by the elements of harmony?
5207797 Do you think the parade really counts?
5207788 I agree completely. RD and Twilight are both in the wrong here, for not stopping to think and not being a good enough friend to say that to RD, respectively. So is Celestia, for placing Twilight's feelings over Luna's wellbeing when Celestia should know more about how ponies react to certain things, how they think, how to best help them due to her long live span. The point of the matter is that Pinkie is absolutely right here; Luna needs professional help over simply trying and meet with the new local population and hope she can cope well enough with the change of a thousand years as well as any additional mental stress that comes with being isolated for a thousand years in a soundless place when she already has confirmed anxiety issues with other people, possible depression and a inferiority complex.
5192856 I love that fact too, and I am surprised that more people haven't picked it up. I can see the spoken language remaining the same due to Celestia have a physical impact in how the ponies speak, but the written way... genius!
-Giggle at the Ghosties
Pinkie Pie laughs all the time.
Interesting what you did with Pinkie here. Is this coming from Pinkie Pie's past? I don't think the Element of Laughter would latch on to somepony who's laughter is hollow, and it can be exceedingly difficult to find things funny when you have depression. Good choice with giving it to Pinkie Pie, by the way--she may not be a professional comedian but she's only one step away from it, and comedians show a marked tendency towards major depressive disorder.
The only reason that luna is the way she is because you caused her to be like that celestia, so dont you dare try to play the innocent card.
The only reason that luna is the way she is because you caused her to be like that celestia, so dont you dare try to play the innocent card.
That is some powerful writing there. I wish there was a Pinky Pie of the real world. I now recognise Luna self destructice path only too well. When you fell like nothing matters, you get only frustrated at every little thing and even if you dont wan't it to you lose control over your life and it just keeps pushing you along. Yeah I've been in treatment for depression and low self esteem. To break that vicious cycle it really needs professional help.
5208670
Couldn't agree more. Because I know, too.
Very, very powerful writing with already now phenomenally deep characters.
Your take on Pinkie is extremely well thought out and very fitting. After all, all she knew before the rainboom was rocks and dust. The rock farm's desolation, every day, forever. Could just as well have been the moon for a pony that was cheerful at the bottom of her heart.
I've always thought of her as alternating between comically insane and batshit crazy... actually, I think the word is 'creepy'. You just explained the reason for that perfectly and suddenly I can relate to her.
I wept a little.
5208670
5208059
Hey, no fair being insightful about my story! You don't want to ruin the ending, do you?
5207422
5207788
I personally don't think RD was trying to be a jerk. She was aggressive, certainly, and she's quick to jump to the defense of her friends, especially when that friend is Fluttershy, but that makes her only real fault here misreading the situation. If you walked in and saw a friend cowering in fear in the presence of a stranger (and despite having met Luna, she's essentially a stranger to them), what would your first instinct be?
5207853
5208244
As far as Celestia and Twilight being in the wrong... well....
Celestia doesn't understand Luna. That much is clear, and Pinkie even says as much. I've often found it the case that people can't understand something so foreign to their own experiences, and I'm not referring to Luna's time spent on the moon. Celestia loves Luna, and is trying her best, but she's flawed, and she doesn't understand.
Twilight may or may not understand. We've yet to really see. She's flawed too, though. She sees the best in her friends. Perhaps she was trying to help by pairing Luna (who is used to the stillness of the moon, who is uncomfortable in crowds, who is mistrusted) with Fluttershy (who is the Element of Kindness, who is quiet, who sees beauty where others see monsters).
Obviously things didn't work out that way.
Thank you all for your comments. While I like to try to give my perspective, yours are no less valid or valuable. Please, keep giving me your perspectives!
5208804 Not to scream something that would be EXTREMELY insulting to the one in question and not threaten the wellbeing of the person in question?
5208804 You're quite welcome.
5208831
I'm not quite sure which scream you are referring to, but I still choose to believe RD is aggressive, reactionary, and perhaps a bit to quick to fight in the defense of her friends, but not a total jerk.
Again, this is my perspective. Yours is no less valid.
I've seen more than one comment about ponies not trusting Luna or believing she's changed.
Think about it. How often have you seen a celebrity swear that they've been to rehab and this time they're clean. No, really. This time they mean it.
How often do you hear about a convicted felon who's found God/Allah, and turned their life around?
We tend to roll our eyes and say, 'Sure. Whatever. Of course you've changed."
We don't believe people can change. We don't want to believe it. Part of us want to see people fail.
So, yes. Of course Luna's changed. Sure she has.
The Elements 'cured' her, didn't they?
Haven't they?
Have they?
I mean, she sure looks like she's cured to me, right?
Right?
5208859 Nightmare Moon.
I imagine that would be EXTREMELY insulting to Luna.. how insulting more or less depends on this universe's explanation for what the Nightmare was...
For example, if Luna was possessed by a demon that called itself "Nightmare Moon" in her body.. That would be one of the worst damn things to say.
If she was driven insane by jealousy, it would be less insulting..but pretty damn insulting...
Although this Luna may be numbed to all but the most extreme feelings..I imagine that would have at least caused Twilight to get angry...Or Celestia. Both of them are very aware of how damaged Luna is from her ordeals..calling her something like that would probably end with RD whimpering on the ground from the scolding..
Ugh..what angers me is that RD didn't just act aggressive. She acted stupid. She acted on an impulse so quickly, it's like she has no self-control... and regardless of Luna being a stranger, she would KNOW that Luna doesn't act like that. It's not the second time they've met, is it? I certainly don't see an AU tag indicating that Nightmare Night never happened..
5208923 How would RD know how Luna acts and how Nightmare Moon acts? Remember, no one has really seen Luna since she got back and you are looking from the outside in. We know Luna is not a threat, but they don't have the same knowledge we do. They have the stories of an evil alicorn shapeshifting monster that would eats kids if not tricked by costumes and treats! Again, RD was acting by instict instead of calm, logical thought processes. If she had time to stop and think of what she was doing and still did it, then I would agree she was an asshole, but this is not the case.