Why?

by Redemption

Forgive Me

-By Redemption

The mare shifted in her bed. Twisted images going through her mind as she slept. Her pristine white coat was drenched in sweat, her light pink mane a complete mess. Her struggle continued for a few moments, accompanied by a few whimpers.

Eventually, these actions came to a climax. Redheart, as the mare was named, almost fell out of her bed. Her movements came to a halt, and she slowly woke up. She could feel the warm embrace of the sun, coming from the small window of her room. She attempted to open her eyes, letting out a small groan as she was momentarily blinded by the light.

“Hate Mondays…” she thought to herself. Having no desire to remain in bed, Redheart easily rolled out of it and stood up. She made her way to the bathroom, hoping that a good shower would wash away her bad night of sleep. As she stepped into the shower, the mare wondered about her night. These nightmares were not uncommon, they occurred independently of what she had seen or experienced throughout the day. He was always there, waiting for her…

Redheart took her time, enjoying the sensation of water running on her coat and mane. Her lips twisted in a vague smile. She pushed any bad feeling aside, focusing instead on the new day ahead. It doesn’t matter what fears and doubts she had faced, Redheart was a nurse, she had a job of helping whoever might be unfortunate enough to need it, and she wasn’t about to let a particularly bad night stop her from doing that.

Finishing her shower, Nurse Redheart walked around her home, going for the kitchen. She lived in a small place, with only a simple living room, kitchen, two bedrooms and one bathroom. Not much, but enough for a single mare like her. Besides, she preferred small and cozy spaces, anyway.

As always, she did her breakfast, humming a quiet song as she manipulated her ingredients. After a few minutes of carefully preparing her meal, she sat down and began to eat. While enjoying the taste of her meal, her eyes scanned the newspaper, searching for anything unusual. Thankfully, there was nothing bad being reported.

“Wonder who’s going to show up today,” Redheart thought to herself, briefly contemplating the many familiar faces from the small hospital she worked at. Thinking about them brought some joy to her. Memories of good times flooded her mind as she finished her meal, along with a few… unpleasant ones.

With her morning tasks done, the nurse set out to the hospital, eager to begin her work. That might seem unusual for some, but the mare loved her job. The only time she didn’t enjoy was when there was nothing to do, leaving her in utter boredom.

Redheart opened her door and went outside. The bright sun immediately greeted her, shining in the clear blue skies of Ponyville. Around her were many colorful homes and small shops, similar to her own humble place. The streets were filled with other ponies, who also went through their daily tasks. With a smile on her face, the mare trotted forward. The happy atmosphere of the town was always contagious.

However, her mind couldn’t help itself but to wonder back to the same dark places from before. She could almost see the dark shapes, their twisted faces staring at her, confronting her. She always begged them to stop, unable to hear that simple question; so simple… yet so painful.

“No,” she quietly whispered to herself. Redheart wasn’t about to allow some hidden guilt to consume her. No, she had a job to do, to save ponies. Each life she saved was more than enough for whatever torments she had to deal with.

With a new wave of pride and determination washing through her, the mare rose her head and moved on. However, her proud march was interrupted by a sudden shout.

“Watch out!”

The nurse was barely able to register the voice before something heavy collided with her. Redheart’s body was thrown across the street, pain exploding all over her as she hit the dirt. After what felt like an eternity, her body came to a halt and the mare blacked out.

-x-

Redheart slowly regained consciousness. She shifted a little, feeling her sore muscles and the cold hard floor beneath her. A pained moan escaped her lips as she attempted to open her eyes. Instead of the bright sun assaulting her vision, as she expected, a few dim light rays hit her eyes. Strange…

Suddenly, the mare began to notice a few concerning facts. This wasn’t the busy streets of Ponyville, but some dark gray corridor. Wherever she was, it was strangely quiet; she heard nothing beyond her own noises. Lastly, she felt mostly fine and that shouldn’t be possible, not after remembering what happened just before she blacked out. Redheart figured she must’ve suffered some kind of accident, that much was obvious, but then… where was she?

An unconscious fear gripped her heart; her eyes darted around, in a foolish attempt to find answers. All she saw were the decayed gray walls of whatever in Tartarus this place was. From her analysis, she concluded this must be some sort of old abandoned building. A very old one, if the dust was anything to go by.

“W-where am I?” she whispered to herself. Her heart beat faster, as more fear and doubt began to flood into her mind. “Is-is anypony there?” she called, “Please…” for a moment, Redheart held to a pitiful hope that this was all part of some weird joke… but as no answer came, they were crushed by the cold realization of what was happening.

The nurse shakely stood up on her hooves. She didn’t like this place one bit, and was determined to find a way out. Picking a random direction, she set out, her hoof steps echoing throughout the dead and empty hallways of the building.

Going further into the building, with no sign of a way out, Redheart did everything she could to keep herself calm, pushing any dark feelings aside. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.

Her ears shifted constantly, trying to locate the source of any noise. There’s something up, the mare was sure of it. As she reached the end of the dark corridor, marked by a set of wooden doors, she heard something. “Probably my mind playing tricks…” she lied to herself. It sounded somewhat like… whispering, and she couldn’t trace the origin of it.

She looked over her shoulder a few times. It almost felt as if there was somepony right next to her. It had to be her mind, who else would be wondering this old place? Seeing no other way to go, she pushed the doors open. On the other side, was a large hall, completely empty and filled with dust. For some reason, Redheart couldn’t help but to think of it as… familiar, somehow. It reminded her of the hospital she worked at. An abandoned hospital? How in Tartarus had she gotten here?

Her line of thought was interrupted by a whimper. Her head snapped to the left, ears standing up. In a lonely corner, obscured by the darkness, was the shape of a small pony, a foal. “A foal?” the nurse asked to herself. The little one was turned away from her, staring blankly to the wall; He kept whispering the same thing, repeatedly. Redheart couldn’t really understand what he said, and despite the chill going down her spine, she approached him.

However, as soon as she came near, the foal stopped. She halted, unsure of what to do. “H-hey little one, what are you doing here?” she asked slowly, using a motherly tone. The foal turned, revealing himself from the shadows. The nurse let out a gasp. Her eyes went wide, as she recognized his features. Her heart accelerated as memories long forgotten came forward.

She knew that green coat, the short brown mane, the compass cutie mark… and the green eyes filled with blood. The dark red liquid streamed down from his eyes like tears. This was little Braveheart, a colt talented with exploring. His now red eyes and tears were the result of his last adventure… The Everfree Forest. Another victim of the many poisons of that place. The nurse didn’t remember exactly what it was, and it didn’t matter, for he died before she could discover, not long after she had promised he would live. She could still hear his cries and moans of pain, as he called for his mother.

Terror filled her mind as the dead foal asked a single question: “Why?”

Her body shook, she couldn’t breathe. “No… not this, anything but this!”

Dark shapes began to form around her. Redheart didn’t need to look, she knew every single one of them. Was she dead? Is this her punishment for her failures? To be tormented by those she couldn’t save? Tears streamed down her eyes as they asked the same question, over and over again, slowly approaching her.

In a surge of panic, the nurse broke into full gallop, heading towards one of the doors. She dashed down an empty corridor in a futile attempt to escape. No matter how hard she tried, the voices were still there. Fear, anger and frustration plagued her mind. She didn’t dared to look back, to see what dark memories were chasing her.

As the mare continued her escape, more and more questions filled her mind. Where in Celestia’s name was she? This has to be Tartarus, where else would she be forced to see this?

Redheart kept going, and the darkness around her intensified. Her heart beat furiously inside her chest, every muscle on her body being pushed to the limit. Her efforts were useless; the voices were getting even closer. She begged Celestia and Luna to stop it, to help her… yet no answer came.

However, a small glint of hope appeared to her, in the form of a set of doors with a big “Exit” sign above by the end of the hall. With a newfound strength, she pushed against the wooden doors. They snapped open without resistance. The nurse gasped as she stumbled on a newly discovered stairway. Losing her balance, Redheart rolled down the steps, pained shouts coming from her as she went down.

Eventually, her body stopped, resting painfully against a stone floor. She forced her eyes open, trying to know where she was now. Relief washed through her as Redheart realized she was no longer inside the cursed hospital. However, that feeling was soon replaced by fear and doubt, as the mare took a better look at her surroundings. A small and dark garden, with all its vegetation long dead. Instead of a night sky, as she expected, above and beyond was nothing more than empty blackness.

She turned her head a few times, looking for a way out. There was nothing, Redheart was trapped. Once again, tears began to flow as her will crumbled. This is it; there’s nothing she could do. The mare silently wept, too afraid of raising her voice and attracting her tormentors. She remained there for what felt like an eternity.

Redheart drowned herself in sorrow, memories of her failures surfacing once more. The mother who died giving birth, the father who died of cancer, the young stallion who died a day before his weeding. Each one of them a scar on her heart, and who are now coming back to haunt her.

Finally, when she had no more tears left, the mare stood up and moved towards the dead garden. No longer she felt afraid, only sad. There wasn’t much to see amongst the dead trees and bushes. In the center stood a fountain, surrounded by a small artificial lake. Despite the state of despair, the old thing carried a strange beauty in it.

The nurse approached the small lake. She frowned a little. Once again, she was struck by a sense of familiarity. Was this going to another torment? That didn’t seemed possible. She could understand the hospital, but a garden? What was she supposed to feel?

Redheart searched her mind for what this could mean. If she was going to suffer once more, she might as well be ready for it. However, the more she looked no memory would come up. She became more invested in her task, searching every corner of her mind for anything that could be used against her. This search soon ended in failure, there were no sad events involving gardens. Then why? What kind of sadness or dark thought could this place represent, she only had… she… she only had happy memories from gardens…

A new dark shape began to form. The nurse took a step back. This was different from the others. Terror filled her mind again. It was him... she could almost see his face, his beautiful sky blue coat and white mane with a few streaks of blue. The soft feathers from his big and strong wings. As she stared at the dark shape, a new set of images came through her mind. This wasn’t just any garden… it was the garden. She remembers it now, this is where she met him all those years ago, tending to some of the plants.

His name was Calm Breeze. The sweetest and kindest pony she had ever known. The first time she saw him had been an awkward day, she had never been the most sociable of ponies. However, they soon became friends, meeting almost every week in this same garden. She loved to hear about his day and his little sister, and he was always gentle to her, carefully listening to her stories from work. Every time they meet, their relationship grew. Eventually it became something more…

She looked away. Redheart couldn’t bear to look at him. This was too much, her deepest fear. She didn’t know what to do. Why couldn’t she just die? Spending an eternity in darkness would be better than this.

Eventually, she came to love him. She can still remember when she told him, and when he said he felt the same. Those were the happiest days of her life. The pegasus had brought a new meaning to her life, she enjoyed every minute spend with him. As more days passed, Redheart began to consider something more permanent, perhaps one day they could get married? Of course, that all ended when he died in a freaky accident.

The dark shape moved towards her. Every step he gave was answered by one back from her. He stared at her, not with eyes, for he had none. He was going to say it, Redheart was sure of it. There was no escape, nowhere to run from this. They kept moving for a little while, until they reached the end of the garden. She was forced to stop, for there was nothing but a dark abyss behind her.

“Why?” the voice wasn’t the same as she remembered. It sounded weak and… old. However, it still had the same effect, breaking her heart and soul with pain.

“I’m… I’m sorry!” she said, closing her eyes shut. The pain was just too much. “Please stop, I’m so sorry…”

Calm Breeze just stood there, a constant reminder of what she had lost. “Why did you left me?” he asked.

“I tried!” the mare shouted. “I tried to help you, I was the first to arrive there, but…” she couldn’t end that sentence. “I did everything I could; it was just… too late”

“Why won’t you join me?” he said. “We could be together”

Redheart opened her eyes. She slowly looked over her shoulder, to the dark abyss. Maybe… maybe this was the way. What point was there on keep going? Only to keep fighting against an unending pain. There was no point on doing so; she had tried day after day to keep everything away. No matter how much she did, it was always there.

“It’s just a step” he encouraged her. “We can be together”

Yes, just a simple step. She turned a little, staring at the empty blackness. All she had to do is end this and she would never have to deal with this again. She would finally be with the one she loved. Yet… something else came to her mind.

“I can’t…” she replied. The dark shape was taken aback.

“Why?” he asked.

She turned back and looked at his face. “Because you are not him!” He took a step back. “The pony I once knew would never do this to me!” as he went back, Redheart pushed forward. “He loved me for everything I was, and if you were him, you would know I did what I could, you would know just how much it hurts to wake up every day and think about you!”

The ground around her began to shake. The trees and the hospital began to crumble. “All of you are just an excuse to torment me!” Redheart shouted as loud as she could. Her fear and sadness had now turned into blind anger. “For years I worked as hard as possible to save ponies, if there was anything I could do…” She choked back a few tears. “I would give my life for any of you to have a new chance!”

All around her, the garden and the hospital fell in the darkness. The shadows themselves shifted in chaos. However, despite all of this, the nurse felt peace. If this was how it would end, at least she did something; at least she had the courage to look in the face of her deepest regrets. As everything around her fell down, her eyes grew heavy and soon, she was once again embraced by darkness.

-x-

Redheart woke up with a gasp. Her tired eyes tried to focus as she attempted to move. Her body was immobilized and in pain. She could hear a constant beep of something. What? Where was she now? Slowly, as her vision came back, she looked around, as much as her tired muscles would allow her. This… this is a hospital room. The accident, it had been real, hadn’t it?

Wait, but that would mean… she choked back tears. She felt sad and happy at the same time. Had it all been a dream? Redheart didn’t know. A dream or not, at least she had done something she had previously been unable to. After all these years, she had dealt with all those memories. Perhaps it wasn’t much, maybe they would soon come for her once more, but at least she could rest for now. Maybe this time with no nightmares. As she closed her eyes, the mare thought one thing. Forgive me.

Author's Note:

So, here's a small one-shot I thought about after joining the KIRA contest. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Comments

[karatepower1]

A few typos (or I have some reader comprehension problems), but besides that, this is a great fic! Sequel maybe?

[Redemption]

5258389 I might do a separate fic...

[karatepower1]

5258509

[karatepower1]

I was on Facebook and I found this: http://thoughtcatalog.com/alexandra-scheinfeld/2014/05/5-things-nurses-want-you-to-know-but-cant-ever-tell-you/

[Redemption]

5261289 Well, thank you, I enjoyed reading that. This story is actually based on a talk I had with a doctor about a year ago, and it's nice to see I managed to interpret what he said more or less right.

[karatepower1]

5261470 Eeyup

[Ephraim Blue]

To be honest, I didn't find this story horrifying. More sad than anything gory or scary. To be honest, I don't think you needed to use the gore tag in this. Nothing was actually out of league to be to gross for anyone.

You went perfectly well on making this story sad; having her relive the events in her life that she really regretted. You also made it seem very realistic in the places she was, where they died, where it all happened, ect.

All of this wasn't all too 'Dark' either. Only that one scene in the old hospital where she had the first regret was it actually 'Dark'. Anything else relating to that tag is unrelated, even if it is related.

The storyline was fairly decent, but it was never resolved. This story can still go further in her actually forgiving herself for the mistakes she made. It was also never made clear what exactly knocked her out in the beginning to cause her to dream about her regrets to be forgiven about. There could have been a stallion looking like one of her regrets, or even just the same cutie mark. That would cause her top have even more regret and possibly that stallion trying to help her out of it.

There was also never really any sort of threat to actually note in this story. If you would say that her old coltfriend trying to get her to be with him a threat, I will greatly disagree. He's not really threatening anything, more like trying to get back with her and never tried to force that in any way. He just asked, and she said no. If he tried to force her to being with him, I'd consider him a threat. Not by much, but still a threat.

This story definitely feels incomplete and could very well use another chapter or a sequel to resolve this. I'll take a look at the other stories listed for the contest and get back to all of you on a later date to resolve the contest.

My rating for this story will be placed as: 67/100

[Redemption]

5285298 Well, thank you for the small review.

I agree with about the size and lack of something truly "dark" or "scary". Most of it comes from my own fear of doing something "edgy" or too big, to avoid that I decided to keep it simple and mostly just looking at her internal feelings and doubts. I suppose the whole idea behind the story, to deal with past regrets, was never that much of a scary subject to begin with; sad, but not scary.

I also agree that there was never any major threat to Redheart. The chase and the confrontation were perhaps simply too short to actually give the impression of a real threat or a "No Escape" situation.

Again, thanks for giving me your opinion and I hope to see what will come out of our little contest.

[JMac]

K.I.R.A Review

1. Story Line - The story runs smoothly. Actually, it could use more ambiguity. That would give it some suspense.
7/10

2. Spelling/Grammar - The story is properly proofed. 8/10

3. Completion Status - The story is dated as completed in time for the contest deadline. 10/10

4. Proper Length - The story is a little short. But I don't want to overly penalize it as the length fits the tale. 7/10

5. Horror Story - The story tags are all wrong. There's no gore, and it isn't very dark. This isn't horror, but it's certainly a tragedy. Nurse Redheart is tormented by a PTSD nightmare, and she's done nothing to deserve it. The reader feels for her. But there is no threat. It's much too obviously just a nightmare, and even within the nightmare there is no threat of harm. A little more ambiguity would increase the suspense. 4/10

6. Originality - Normally, PTSD and survivor's guilt is associated with combat, not with an emergency room. Still, this takes the "Living in a nightmare" name of the contest a little too literally. 5/10

7. Gore Tag - There is no gore, and no reason for the tag. 8/10

8. Overall Opinion - This is very much a mood piece. But that mood is tragic, not scary. It would be better if there was some doubt as to exactly what is happening to Nurse Redheart (at one point she wonders if she's been damned to Tartarus, but the reader never buys that). A little more dialogue would be nice as well. 20/30

Final Score 69