Dear New Diary,
I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Dream Catcher, I'm a teen unicorn and I have the phobia of the crowds because of an old event which happened on my 4th birthday. As a gift, my parents brought me all the way, from Manehattan to Canterlot, for the Summer Sun Celebration.
Unfortunately, because of the crowded and HUGE place, they lost me and I spent two hours panicking and almost hyperventilating before a royal guard found me crying and brought me back to my parents.
And since that day, I stay locked in the house of my parents, without any contact with others, if we don't count my parents and my sister. I don't have a cutie mark - how could I earn my 'special talent' if I stay far of the others ?
But ... I can't go out, it's just ... I can't. There is too many ponies, too many strangers.
Welcome to my life.
Some errors but willing to follow.
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I'm awfully sorry for the errors, I'm French :s
But I am glad that you like it, I'm going to post some more tomorrow evening at the earliest :D
I like the premise of the story, and will be following this! It's a very original idea; at least, I've never seen it done before. Pacing is pretty good as far as I'm concerned.
As Mewtwo already pointed out though, the story has a few errors riddled throughout. While words are spelled correctly, and grammar is used correctly most of the time, sometimes your word choice makes sentences feel awkward. Example (Chapter 2):
The word I believe you meant to use was we've. Expanding the contraction as it is, your sentence reads "We are almost arrived" while it's supposed to say "we have almost arrived, hence "we've". This mistake was done more than once, from what I remember.
Also, and this is very minor and me just being picky, there's a space between "arrived" and the period (or full stop) that's not necessary.
Aside from that, there are a few more sentences that have this type of problem, and your paragraphs should be indented at the start (like the start of my paragraphs, use the tab key to do this).
Overall though, these mistakes are not anything major, and I enjoyed your story (and I see others have as well, good job
). I would recommend that someone look over your chapters before posting if you can, to catch these errors, but that's about it. Keep up the good work, and hope to see more!
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I'm glad to know that you like it <3
... Oops I guess
I definitely should get a proof-reader x'D Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'm going to correct that the fastest possible ^_^
Thanks again for your heartwarming support <3
I have a few ideas for this story and I'll keep writing something like 5-6 chapitres which are going to be a bit bigger :3
Nice so far, there are however quite a few spelling errors, but I can look past that.