“Why Rarity, you bring me here of course!” You move towards Rarity, scooping up her soft, marshmallowy body in your arms. Her hooves hook around your neck and you kiss in a passionate embrace. “It’s always been about you Rarity, you’re the best pony!”
“Oh Nick Cage!” Rarity sighs contentedly, looking at you with her brilliant eyes. “I’ve always dreamed of this moment! Let’s get married!”
You ponder this for a brief moment. If you married Rarity you would have to live a lie for the rest of your life, pretending you were Nicholas Cage. But on the other hand, you would be marrying Rarity. “Yes!” you cry happily, twirling her around. “Let’s get married!”
The days with Rarity seem to flash by. You move into a small house next door as you prepare for the wedding. Your days are spent wandering around town while Rarity works and chasing Spike away, and your nights are spent chatting with the beautiful white pony. Rarity designs and sews her own dress, but she won’t let you see it, not until the big day.
Before you know it, it’s the morning of the wedding. You stand in your little house putting the finishing touches to your tuxedo. You tilt your hat back, looking extra dashing as you stare at yourself in the mirror and glance anxiously at your watch. The carriage should be here at any moment to take you to your bride.
There’s an urgent knocking at the door. You race to open it, ready to leap into your carriage and get to the church. You pause in shock. At the door isn’t your driver, but a human dressed in leather.
It’s Nicholas Cage.
Before you have time to react, he raises a fist and punches you. The force of the impact sends you hurtling backwards, crashing into a coat stand. Woozily you look up as Nicholas Cage stands over you, slowly unravelling a length of chain that he has wrapped over a shoulder.
“Pretend to be me, will you?” He places a booted foot on your chest, pinning you down as he straightens out the chains. “Rarity’s mine, remember that buster!” His eyes flash red, and he uses his Ghost Rider powers to set the chains ablaze.
“No Nick Cage, no!” You beg as the leather-clad Hollywood superhero starts to whip your quivering body with firey chains. He does not relent though, and soon you lie prostrate on the ground as he stares over you, throwing the chains on top of your prone form.
“And now, I have a wedding to attend!” He picks up your top hat and brushes it off, placing it on his own head. With a flourish, huge angel wings sprout from his back and he takes to the air, off to marry Rarity.
“No…” you croak weakly as you watch him fly away. “It was always you Nick. I… love you…”