You decide to open the box – soon all your dreams will become reality!
“Hey there little Dashie!” you coo as you slowly kneel down, opening a cardboard flap and peering inside. There is still a mewling coming from it, though you can’t quite make out exactly what it is. Suddenly, a cute pair of eyes peeps out at you. “Aaw,” you say, smiling as you open the box to take out your new best friend.
“RRRRARGH!” You scream as from the box leaps a rabid raccoon! The creature is absolutely insane, frothing at the mouth and snarling, its claws digging into you as it lunges for your throat. You try to fight it off but to no avail!
As the raccoon tears into you, you fall backwards into your pile of Mountain Dew. The bottles split, sending waves of fizz across the floor. As you lay twitching on the ground, the raccoon gnawing on your arm, you notice flecks of foam on your mouth – you have been infected with rabies!
As the fog of rabid madness descends upon you, you scuttle off, the raccoon still attached to your arm. You decide to become king of a nearby skip, fashioning a crown out of mouldy chicken legs and wire.
“It’s okay Dashie,” you say to the raccoon, hugging it with your one good arm as you settle down to sleep in the skip with your best friend in the whole world. “You’re my little Dashie!”
The bin men do not notice you the next day, as they unload the skip into their crushing truck.