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Kindergarten Colt

"Okay, colts and fillies!" Cheerilee slapped her hooves together and grinned at the gawking classroom. "I want you all to give a warm welcome to today's special guest speakers, Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard and his loyal Lieutenant Flash Sentry!" She twirled around, smiling with glee. "All together now, my little ponies..."

"Hello and Welcome, Captain Shining Armor and Lieutenant Flash Sentry!"

Shining Armor took all of his professional composure not to groan.

"Heehee!" Flash Sentry grinned wide, waving with an orange wing. "Hiya, boys and girls! Who here loves the militaristic implementation of broad executive power?!"

The room was a mix of giggles and drowsy mumbles.

Flash squee'd, rattling in his armor. "Aren't they just the cutest things ever?" He smiled aside at Shining. Upon receiving a glare, he cleared his throat and stepped back, waving a hoof forward. "After you, Captain."

"Ahem." Shining took two steps forward, holding his helmet beneath a foreleg. Tilting his nose up, he spoke loudly and broadly to every foalish head in attendance. "Per the request of Mayor Mare, my Lieutenant and I have agreed to speak here today. But, I'm fully aware that your young learning minds belong to young antsy bodies. So, rather than risk boring you, I figured I'd open the classroom to any and all questions. I'm sure you're just bursting at the seams to know more about the Equestrian Defense Ministry." His lips curved slightly. "I certainly was when I was your age! From a wee little blank flank, I wanted nothing more than to protect Equestrian interests, even if it meant putting my grown body on the line!"

Flash Sentry heard a happy gasp from the side. He glanced to his right.

Cheerilee was fanning herself, nodding with a smile.

Flash blinked, smiled awkwardly back, then returned his attention tothe classroom at large.

Shining continued. "So then..." He smirked with pride. "What would you future Ponyville citizens and leaders like to know about the Royal Guard and the troubles they face on a regular basis to ensure the freedom and security of this mighty, mighty nation?"

Silence.

At last, a snow-white filly with two-toned hair raised her marshmallowy hoof.

"Yes! You, the young unicorn in the third row?"

Sweetie Belle smiled. "I really like your mane!" her voice cracked.

The classroom filled with chuckles and giggles.

Shining Armor took a deep, deep breath. "I... will most certainly not argue with that," he said. "Though I fail to see what it has to do with battling back monsters of the Arctic Circle to protect the Crystal Empire—"

The filly continued. "Do you use strawberry-scented conditioner?"

"... I beg your pardon?"

"Because that's what my big sister uses all the time!" Sweetie Belle grinned wide. "And it gives her hair that extra flounce! Like yours! And it's shiny and blue like yours! Well, actually her mane is purple, but if it was blue, then I'm sure it would look just like—"

"Sweetie Belle, you dummy!" An orange pegasus next to her hissed. "That doesn't look anything like the work of strawberry-scented conditioner!"

"How would you know, Scootaloo?" The unicorn stuck her tongue out. "All you use on your hair is rainwater!"

"Y'know..." A yellow earth pony with a red bow leaned in, squinting her amber eyes at the two stallions. "It could be strawberry... but I reckon it's vanilla, like my brother uses."

"Pfft! Big Mac uses vanilla hair conditioner?! How would you even know that, Apple Bloom?"

"Heh." Apple Bloom smirked. "Big family. Tiny shower."

"I'm telling you, it's not strawberry!"

"Yes it is!"

"Uhhh..." Shining Armor cleared his throat. "If we could just get back on topic—"

"You think a full-grown stallion would use strawberry scented conditioner like Rarity?!"

"He would if he wanted to smell good, ya dodo!"

"And my brother lurves vanilla! What's wrong with that?!"

"Foals, please," Shining grumbled.

"For real, though! Only strawberry granules could get it looking that shiny and—"

"My wife is allergic to strawberries!" Shining barked.

The class stared at him, all thirty sets of eyes blinking.

"Besides..." With a sigh, Shining muttered, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza likes the smell of apricots."

The class gasped all as one.

"Whoahhhh!"

"You're married to a Princess!"

"I knew you looked familiar!"

"Duh! We were the flower fillies at their wedding?!"

"Really? I didn't notice!"

"Sweetie Belle, how could you not notice?"

"I was too busy admiring my own skirt, okay?!"

"Unnngh..."

While the children went on, Shining felt a breath wafting across his neck. He glanced aside to see Flash Sentry curiously sniffing his mane. With a grimace, the pegasus shrunk back, staring at the ground. Sighing, Shining glanced at Cheerilee.

The mare nodded, then knocked her hoof on her desk a few times. "Class... students..." She smiled as she silenced them enough to get their attention. "The Captain and Lieutenant here have come from a long way to grace us with their presence! So how about we let them tell us more about their duties?"

The foals and colts nodded in gradual approval.

"A capital idea," Shining said with a smile. Then, without looking. "Lieutenant?"

"Hmmm?" Flash Sentry blinked dumbly.

"The students would like to know about our duties at large."

"Oh... uhm..." Flash gulped. "M-me, sir?"

"Absolutely, Lieutenant. What's the matter? You address large crowds all the time when important dignitaries arrive from neighboring kingdoms."

"Yes... and I-I'm good at writing reports as well. But..." Flash Sentry gulped, glancing nervously at the room full of young faces. "These are foals, Captain."

"Yes. So?"

"I mean... y-you at least had a younger sister! But me? Sure, I think kids are adorable, but I'm afraid of talking to them or else I might accidentally frigh—"

"Lieutenant!"

Flash Sentry stood up straight at attention.

Shining Armor spoke firmly. "Deliver the foals an exciting and informative tale about your time as a Royal Guardspony!"

A few foals giggled at the regimental tone.

"Sir! Yes, sir!" Flash Sentry immediately swiveled to face the students. His ears drooped, but he nevertheless spoke. "My... m-my first time on patrol was a week after my transfer to the Crystal Empire! I was sent with a company of twelve other soldiers to flush out a diabolical party of goblin bandits from the frozen ravine just north of the city! While we traversed the western canyon, we were attacked by mortar fire. One of my close comrades—Stu Leaves was his name—got hit hard by shrapnel. He suffered multiple abominable lacerations as well as a compound fracture to his rear left leg. The medic and I tried to tend to his wounds, but the enemy was closing in too quickly for us to properly patch him up! We considered popping his bone back in so that we could drag him evenly across the blood-stained ice, but there was no time for delicacy. So, out of options, I procured an army-issued shovel and prepared to assist in my first ever field amputation—"

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