Pony World Problems

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Neigh Hard

"Hah hah hah hah hah hah!"

Mayor Mare reeled in her chair.

"Haaaaaaaah hah hah hah hah hah!"

She teetered forward, slapping the desktop. A long wheeze, and she still continued to giggle uncontrollably.

"Heeheeheehee!"

At last, panting, she looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes before putting her spectacles back on. The gray pony blinked a few times, and then suddenly her smile faded.

"Oh... w-wait..." She gulped. "You're serious."

Flash Sentry bit his lip and glanced at Shining.

"Mayor..." Shining's eyes narrowed across the office. "With the Princess gone, surely you must understand the gravity of what's at hoof."

"Uhhhh..." The pony blinked, adjusting her neckerchief. "We have to p-put a hold on library check-outs?"

"Excuse me?"

"But... then again..." The Mayor smiled. "Ever since the previous treehouse blew up, every household in town graciously donated their books to the new archive—which was no small feat, I'm telling you!" She chuckled, waving a hoof. "That crystal tree palace is almost larger than the appendix I had removed last year! Whew! Some ponies call it an eyesore! Personally? I call it a cash cow in tourism! I mean... every place deserves a landmark! It's like... y'know... that water tower in Hollywhinny Studios at Disneigh—"

"Are you telling me that you have absolutely no crime in this town?" Shining remarked.

The Mayor folded her forelimbs atop her desk, squirming. "Well..." She gulped. "I-I'm only prepared to tell you this because you represent the authority of the Crystal Empire and all..."

Shining Armor leaned forward. "Yes...?"

She bit her lip. "I... h-have a few unpaid wagon parking tickets."

Shining Armor's eyes glazed over.

"But... uhm... c-considering that they're parked out in front of that abandoned skating rink that I'm having razed down to be replaced with a community greenhouse next year—"

"And what of the dangers from outside the town?"

"The... dangers from... o-outside...?"

"Diamond dogs. Parasprites. Ursa Minors." Shining Armor gestured. "My sister's written about all kinds of things!"

"Oh! You must be Princess Twilight Sparkle's brother! Of course!" The Mayor giggle-snorted. "I knew I smelled 'worrywort' in your blood! Heheheh!"

"Heheheheh—" Flash Sentry began chuckling, until Shining shoved the pegasus' helmet down over his muzzle. "Mrmmfff!"

"Mayor, I'm serious!" Shining Armor exclaimed, his face bright with concern. "The things that Twily—er... Princess Twilight Sparkle wrote about were no small potatoes!"

"Pffft! Please..." The Mayor waved her hoof, smiling. "I've read her speeches for major events myself. Her Majesty certainly... does enjoy inflating things."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, for instance, she likes to use big words for unnecessarily dramatic effect. I suppose you could extend that quality to the way in which she recounts the most ordinary of events."

"Are..." Shining Armor gritted his teeth in anger. "Are you calling my little sister pretentious?!"

"Mrmmmf!" Pop! Flash slid the helmet back up with a gasp. "Captain, sir, c-calm down, please!" He stepped between him and the Mayor's desk. "There's nothing wrong with being pr-pretentious!" A beat. He glanced over his shoulder. "Is there?"

"Heehee... Celestia, no!" The Mayor smiled. "We all love Twilight Sparkle dearly. Especially after all that she's done for this town!"

"Which includes doing battle with all sorts of diabolical elements, right?" Shining growled.

The Mayor nodded with a bright-toothed grin. "Sure, why not?"

Shining simply glared.

The Mayor gulped. "Okay, let's be honest. I... d-don't see a whole lot of anything." She fidgeted. "There's just so much darn paperwork in the way."

"You're kidding me...?"

"Heh, I wish." She ran a hoof nervously through her frazzled mane. "I swear. Somepony could drop an Apple Bomb two blocks away and I'd feel no more than a tiny flutter through all of my notebook folders." She cleared her throat. "Erm... by the way..." The Mayor adjusted her spectacles with a sideways glance. "Tirek was defeated... r-right?"

"I simply do not believe this," Shining groaned.

"Captain, if you want something to do for the good ponies of Ponyville, then—by all means—I can provide you with something to do!" The Mayor stood up with a bright smile. "And—I promise you—it will be something both helpful and protective of the town's best interests!"

"Oh?" With renewed vigor, Shining looked up, grinning. "Name it!"

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

Bracing for impact...

[MLPfan438]

this is going to be so funny

[MustacheMerlin]

Impending doom in 3.. 2.. 1..

[fractalman]

Dear shining armor.
Ponyville disasters are bi-weekly, not daily. The next one will be in three days. How do we know?

We hooked Pinkie Pie up to a crystal ball.

The first one cracked. The second turned black. The third outright exploded, but the fourth...the fourth functioned.