Pony World Problems

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rush Horse

Cl-Clank!

"There ya go, dearies!" Cup Cake smiled over a plate of fresh doughnuts. "Would you like some coffee to go with them?"

Shining Armor and Flash Sentry stood behind the front counter at Sugarcube Corner. The Captain's eyes narrowed. "Really? This is it?"

Cup Cake squirmed slightly, then put on a plump smile. "I-I've got muffins too, if you prefer!"

"Uhm..." Flash Sentry pointed at the middle of the plate with a tiny smile. "I like the rainbow sprinkles! They're so... nice and colorful!"

"Why thank you, dear!" Cup Cake laughed merrily. "It's all the rage! Especially since we got the new Tree Palace in town!" She sing-songed. "Let the Rainbowwwwwwww remiiiiind youuuuuu—hmmm-hmmm-hmmm..." She blushed slightly. "Oh... uh... I-I guess I'm still struggling to learn the words. It was just last season, after all." Another giggle.

Flash Sentry smiled at her, then at Shining Armor. Upon seeing the Captain's frown, the Lieutenant cleared his throat and hung his head.

Shining spoke up. "I know that the following question may seem incredibly out of place, Ma'am—"

"Oh, 'Ms. Cake' will do just fine." The mare waved. "It's what my husband calls me, at least when he's not using 'Fun Buttons.'" She blinked, pupils shrinking. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Ms. Cake, do you know where the town's police officers commonly patrol?"

"Oh, well, c-can't say that I do!" The mare blinked with concern. "Perhaps you should consider asking either Larry or Carl!"

"Ma'am, we've met Larry and Carl." Shining Armor clenched his teeth. "I'm sorry to say that they... leave a little bit of something to be desired when it comes to the standards of law enforcement."

"Ohhhh... they're just a couple of swell stallions who mean well," Cup Cake said with a giggle. "We let them have the positions because it makes them feel important."

"Well, aren't they?"

"Aren't they what? Swell stallions?"

"Important positions!" Shining Armor exclaimed. "This is a fairly bustling town of three thousand, after all—"

"Three hundred."

The Captain's eyes twitched. "I beg your pardon?"

"The city's population is only three hundred, dearie." Cup Cake smiled, then tongued the inside of her mouth. "Well, more like three hundred and two... again, thanks to my husband." She held a hoof to her plump blue cheek and giggled.

"But..." Shining Armor narrowed his eyes. "On the sign at the train station, it says—"

"I'm afraid we've been meaning to take that extra zero off for years now." Cup Cake rolled her eyes. "It's just that nopony ever gets around to it."

"Nopony gets around to fixing the village's population sign?!"

"Uhm... Sir..." Flash Sentry glanced aside. "I-I saw the sign too. The... uh... the last zero was hanging off at an awkward angle."

"And you didn't mention this before, why, Lieutenant...?"

The pegasus gulped. "I-I did not wish to interrupt your lecture."

"Lecture?" Cup Cake blinked, then gasped. "Oh! You're Twilight Sparkle's brother!"

"Look, that's not important." Shining Armor slapped the counter with his hoof, making the plate of doughnuts rattle. "What matters is that this town is in terrible danger with the Princess away!"

"It is?" The mare cocked her head to the side. "Since when?"

"Ma'am, honestly, what further evidence do we need than the fact that two thousand and seven hundred earth ponies tragically died or migrated to other townships in the last few years alone?!"

"Oh... that?" Cup Cake giggled. "No, no, honey dear, the town's sign was put up by the town's mailmare." She smiled bashfully. "And mathematics has... mmm... never truly been Miss Hooves' forte, among other things." A slight giggle.

Shining Armor simply stared at her.

"Uhm, ma'am?" Flash Sentry leaned forward, smiling. "If you don't mind my asking... boys or girls?"

"Oh, both!" Cup Cake beamed. "A unicorn and a pegasus! We call them Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake, respectfully! Heehee! We're so proud!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Flash Sentry said. "Congratulations!"

"Couldn't be raising them in a safer village, don'tcha know!"

Flash Sentry grinned wide at her, then at Shining Armor. He took a bite out of the rainbow doughnut. "Mrmmmff... hrmmf... thfmmrff gfffd!"

Meanwhile, Shining Armor sighed and said, "Where's the best street corner to get a view of the action in this town?"

Cup Cake instantly blushed. "Oh, I'm afraid this place is just as clean at night as it is before sundown, sir. Perhaps if you were visiting Las Pegasus instead—"

"Of the citizens, I mean!"

"Hmm? Oh! My best bet would be Fifth and Mane Street!"

"And how far away is that, exactly?"

Comments

[Jake The Army Guy]

Oh... uh... I-I guess I'm still struggling to learn the words. It was just last season, after all." Another giggle.

Mrs. Cake has been taking Fourth-Wall breaking lessons from Pinkie, apparently.

[Georg]

...My best bet would be Fifth and Mane Street!"

Which if you look out the window is right there....

[keaton-furman-prower]

5152982 She's lived with Pinkie for Celestia knows how long. She's probably used to it.

[Discord_Lexia]

5152431 season
ˈsiːz(ə)n/Submit
noun
1.
each of the four divisions of the year (spring, summer, autumn, and winter) marked by particular weather patterns and daylight hours, resulting from the earth's changing position with regard to the sun.
a period of the year characterized by a particular climatic feature or marked by a particular activity, event, or festivity.
"the rainy season"
synonyms: period, active period, time, time of year, spell, term, phase, stage
"the rainy season"
a fixed time in the year when a particular sporting activity is pursued.
"the English cricket season is almost upon us"
the time of year when a particular fruit, vegetable, or other food is plentiful and in good condition.
"the pies are made with fruit that is in season"
synonyms: available, obtainable, readily available/obtainable, to be had, on offer, on the market, growing, common, plentiful, abundant
"strawberries are in season"
a time of year traditionally adopted by the English upper classes for a series of fashionable social events.
noun: the season
archaic
a proper or suitable time.
"to everything there is a season"
archaic
an indefinite or unspecified period of time; a while.
"this most beautiful soul; who walked with me for a season in this world"
2.
a period when a female mammal is ready to mate.
"this system of communication works very well, especially when a female is in season"
3.
NORTH AMERICAN
a set or sequence of related television programmes; a series.
"the first two seasons of the show"
verb
verb: season; 3rd person present: seasons; past tense: seasoned; past participle: seasoned; gerund or present participle: seasoning
1.
add salt, herbs, pepper, or other spices to (food).
"season the soup to taste with salt and pepper"
synonyms: flavour, add flavouring to, add salt/pepper to, spice, add spices/herbs to; More
add a quality or feature to (something), especially so as to make it more lively or exciting.
"his conversation is seasoned liberally with exclamation points and punch lines"
synonyms: enliven, leaven, add spice to, enrich, liven up, animate, augment; More
2.
make (wood) suitable for use as timber by adjusting its moisture content to that of the environment in which it will be used.
"I collect and season most of my wood"
synonyms: mature, age, mellow, condition, acclimatize, temper, prepare, prime, ripen
"oak should be well seasoned"

noun, 1.

[Majk]

Hah! Shiny will end up in a nuthouse at this rate.

[abronie]

"Lecture?" Cup Cake blinked, then gasped. "Oh! You're Twilight Sparkle's brother!"

Probably my favorite line in this story so far.

[KvAT]

Meanwhile, Shining Armor sighed and said, "Where's the best street corner to get a view of the action in this town?"

Cup Cake instantly blushed. "Oh, I'm afraid this place is just as clean at night as it is before sundown, sir. Perhaps if you were visiting Las Pegasus instead—"

"Of the citizens, I mean!"

OH MY GOD MY SIDES